merry late christmas. anyway, no one really comes to my blog to read. then, why am i keeping a blog? trying to keep up with the trend? or hoping someone will read? or hoping i can be famous by bloggin? or hoping my opinion is voice out? whatever the reasons, at least i am still writing. prevent my brain from getting rusty.

sometimes , i envy people that are constantly busy. very busy with their work. busy with work that they love. enjoy in working though they are busy. i really envy them. cos, they are really working hard and doing things that they like. when will i have a chance to do things i like. is always restriction and limitations. restriction because of age, because of environment,because of surroundings, limited of money,limited of social circle, limited of beauty. lots and lots of thing. human relations are important, building a good human relations will help in many ways. sometimes, no matter how talented you are, you will still need a helping hand from surroundings strangers.

from the day when i know reality is cruel, i knew that i am a bad luck person. luck was never seen on me. i was never lucky before! NEVER! is either i get helped from people or just bad luck will struck on me. it follow me for years, and is still following me. i don't even remember i used "lucky" to describe my day or any event. so sad. why am i such a bad luck person?

there are so many things always on my mind. recently, i love staying at home. if there's is nothing for me to really go out. i think i can stay at home for 1 week. maybe is because of the weather or maybe i hate the world outside, or maybe i just don't like mixing in the crowd. or i just want to avoid people. aren't i a complicated lady?


suddenly, i have this thinking, i want to get out from Singapore. is not that i don't like this country, i am just tired of the environment here, or people surrounding. i am always seen putting up a fake self . suddenly, seems like i lost all my friends. i find no friends out there, except for one.

the 3 of us, i always thought we were very closed, i loved people sayin how close the 3 of us are. but how come year 3 seems wrong. it just not close and no longer close. bitching behind, that's really bad.

friends? have i anymore friends? hmm, maybe all invisible friends. i am a pathetic soul . i know who can be my friends. my TV set. i always stick with my TV set whereever i go. i love my TV . i love youtube. ha! what a big joke. freaking irritating.

last time i thought i was always the one relying on people, but how come now i think i am more independent. i found people relying on me. maybe i trained myself to be like that. cos for me, i feel i am a burden relying on people, so i will put up a brave front and try to solve everything myself. take everythin down. hmm, i got nothing to say.


i have got 3 beautiful little cousins, 3 handsome little cousins, 1 smart P5 cousins. my cousin is so beautiful and i like it when she stick with me. i wish my kid next time will be as beautiful. ha! i have this smart cousin who always speak and shock everyone . he is just so smart, and you can never imagine what is going through his mind. he speaks fluent cantonese which i want him to teach me. ha! yippe, a bunch of cuties.

from the day when i know santa clauas doesn't exist, i know fairytale is fake, i know there isn't any happily ever after.
when i know fairytale is fake, i know cinderalla never manage to find back her glass shoe, i know snow white didn't wake up from the posion apple,i know the beast abuse the beauty. all the fairytale is just fairytale to coax kids.




it stopped;
when i wish it had earlier;
but till now i couldn't 100% confirm;
but i know it have to;
is a matter of time;
so just let it fly away;
and come again;
then maybe a chance of 50/50;
i want to disappear for a moment;
catching a breath;
knowing i am still alive;
i wish it just past tense;

my new year wish -- to graduate successfully ! please!

feeling --> happy right now. just finish listening to a super high song. and i am feeling happy now. Ha! i am a very easy contented person . easy. if u are me, you will know how easily contented i am. ha!

anyway, how long can a relationship last? it can be just as good as asking how long a battery can last? that's my theory. if u bought a good battery, it will last longer of course. if u use lesser, it will last longer of course. if you treat the battery in good condition, it will last longer of course. so how come i compare a relationship with a battery? ha! just feel like it. ha! but i just feel the relationship is just so fragile. it can be broken just like that. doesn't that sounds scary. you won't know why it will end, who knows it is ending when you are still living in a world of your own.
can feelings just fade off like that? how could feelings fade off? i don understand. i am speaking all this from other people experience. i hear them say, then i have my own point of view. ha!

i sent out my christmas cards! yeah! finally, christmas is coming. will i have a happy christmas? i hope so.

how could it be possible that i dreamt of adam brody yesterday! god, i dreamt that i was talking to him. he is just so handsome and hot. ha! i just find it funny that i am dreaming of adam brody. ha!

driving alone at night, things run in and out. but, you just like the feeling of driving alone when cars are lesser, and where the atmosphere is lonely and dull, where no one pay much attention to you, where u can just step on the acceleration.

i am feeling neutral, no feelings. how could i have no feelings.? people taught me to that. what would i get if i treat ppl nicely? i don think they treat me the same. but have i ever think that there might be people would treat me nice, but then i didn't treat them nice back? maybe, this is what call retribution. isn't it?

sometimes, i doubt the word "friend", how do i define friend? i guess everyone has their own definition of friends. i admire those like one whole gang, and are really good friends, always having gathering together. feel very comfortable together. do things together. jot down every memory together. it just enough have one gang of friends like that. it was the "party boys" that inspire me this.
btw, "party boys" is a gang of boys formed by 小猪. you can see that they really treasure their friendship. it is hard to see guys like that. or is it easier to see guys like that? ha!

will everything end when fyp end? i really want fyp to end. i hate fyp. i hate year 3. i hate everything in year 3. year 3 is nothing but nothing. whatever man! just totally hate year 3. year 3 to me is no memory and is nothing. argh! 结束吧 ！


christmas ; jingle jingle bells
love; warmth warmth ring
joy; blah blah laughing


after so long still the same;
it never change;
it never moved;
after so long still there;
it never shattered;
it never healed;
after so long still yet;
never will be wonderful!

my life has been like a drama this week. alot of flashbacks suddenly.
lucky, i have a book that notes down events that i would want to remember. the book that contains everything from year 2002-2005. there are alot of things inside that i wouldn't want to see. as, it contains much countless regrets and wrongdoings. so, i will always try not to flip that particular book. but i don know why, yesterday something just make me flip open the book, and i start reading what i wrote starting of year 2003. there are so many importants things that actually slip off my memory. i took too much energy remembering things that i regret, things that i shouldn't do. but miss out things that was done for me. lucky for this book, that i get to recall things that i forget. i paid too much attention in things i regret, but shifted my attention to things that i should appreciate. actually, there are also alot of things that is sweet to remember. but i don know why my mind just choose to remember those unhappy things. why is my mind such a fool? ha! i am glad, i took some time to actually write things in the book. cos my memory also have limited space, but then my mind can't be control like what a mouse could do. my mind just automatically delete things off from the memory and save other things itself. my mind is not as clever as the computer. as it won't as me again whether i really want to delete it again like what computer always does. [Do you really want to delete this file?] my mind is so stupid that they just dump everything away,unlike the computer you might still be able to retrieve it from the recycle bin. so, my mind is so stupid.

there are actually alot of things i want to know. i want the answer. but some, i might never know.
好朋友 which is sang by 小猪 罗志祥 is very nice. the mv is quite suspending though. but the song is meaningful and nice. recently, i don konw what got into me to keep listening to emotional songs. but then 小猪 罗志祥 - 精舞门 also very nice! recently, i always look forward to 5:00pm daily. as, to watch 小猪和小鬼的百分百！ 他们真的太好笑了！ 非常的历害！ 太棒了! 他们能让我足足笑一整个小时！ 好开心哦！ 小猪跳舞真的很好看。 小鬼十分搞怪又搞笑。 哈！ 哈！ 哈！

am i being too crazy over this kinda of thing. but then whenever i watch 小猪's programme i will laugh like mad. really laugh like hell. he is too entertaining. ha! yeah!

too many things i want to comment and too many things i want write. but then it always went blank when i were to type it down. funny isn't it.
how can a normal guy or girl become a superstar ?
are they fated to be one?
how can a normal person become a famous designer?
did they chose to be one?
how can a normal person become a billionaire?
did they pray to be one?
then i hope i am fated to be one, and choose to be one, and pray to be one. ha! i am too hilarious already.

christmas is coming. i am going to shop for my christmas shopping.
as for mine christmas wish. simple;
i hope for a happy christmas! cos happy is not buyable! so let's be happy!

what should i get for the blur cher? and funny jiayi? ....
what is good for christmas gift?
yes, that's what i thinking about.
a holiday getaway.
how bout sentosa? a 3 bucks ticket for sentosa admission?
haha! worth a try.
or a ferry ticket to pulau ubin?
hmm,(*scratching my head) giving them what i like. so they will remember thats from me. haha.. good idea. don't steal it from me. ha!

am i rattling non-stop again? is my post very long again? aiya, just read my blog when u are just too free...

recently, feel like vomitting blood...just hope fyp will end soon! please please let me pass fyp! please. i pray please.

ever heard of ulcer in your throat? i never hear before yet i am getting one. it is damm painful ! argh! i wanna be sick, but i am sick for 1 day then recover already. that's not fun! ha. crazy.

okie.stop.

time passed, i start asking again;
years went, i didn't open my mouth;
it will be over, when a new shadow appear;
did i hope for it, or i want for it?;
nevermind whatever the reasons;
i hope it will end just right there;

plenty of things to blog.


hmm, have u ever wonder whether you can make someone's day? you never know you can do the magic. ha! maybe because you are too hot and girls are paying attention to you, and get happy upon seeing you. or maybe you are too gorgeous that guys can't take their eyes off you. hmm, don be surprise, if u are a hot guy, or a gorgeous lady, you can do just that. ha!

why must people have this arrogant expression or attitude? like as if the whole world own them something. how nice if everyone can be friendly towards each other. i mean there is no need to be so up up high up, looking down on people. you never know, maybe one day you will be treated this way as well. cos i always believe what comes around goes around. just a simple `thank you' is that so difficult? or just a gentle smile, that would make everything better. is it?

if people say that you will only show temper and show your true feelings infront of people who you are close with, then i guess i am bad mood every single day. it is sad that i realise that i hardly talk to my family, i don even ask much. when i think about it that day, it's so pathetic. i am the kind of person that tends to care only when something happen. but then, sometimes, some words hurt and they don't even know.

woo, i saw alot of nice expensive cars that particular day. so many rich kids hanging out . to them, poor seems just so far far away. my fren was tellin her fren, maybe he doesn't even know how a hawker center looks like. ha! maybe, you will never know. a thousand plus for one accessories, which takes me maybe half a year of workin part time to save that amount of money. can you people see the constrast between rich people and poor people. ha! sounds damm sad.

christmas is coming, another year is ending, this year has just flew by without me knowing it. what will comes after that? i don know. i don even know my future.
won't you want your future to turn out to be what u expect and dream about? or u would like to see a twist in your future? i wouldn't want to know my answer. ha!

my fren told me that, the answer is that you feel that you are important and be cared. i guess important weighs alot. it just showed your status when you stand. suddenly, i want a handsome big brother, so when i have problem i can go to him, and he will help me. why handsome? ha! so i can intro him to my frens. haha....i am crazy....

don ever mention projects in front of me. i am scared of this word. terribly scared. very scared. super scared. i don wanna mention how scared i am. i am freaking scared. i hate it . freaking hate it. i wanna get rid of it. badly wanna get rid of it.

我要用华文来写一写．好久都没用华文写文章了．　
以前，　我很喜欢用华文写一些有的没的．　

其实　，　也不知道要写舍么．　那就让我好好的介绍卓文宣的歌！

爱我好吗？
虽然收敛了许多的情感
还是泄露了我的不安
于是你开始冷淡
我也开始问自己该怎么办

如果你知道我的遗憾
千万不要再不以为然
我的生活已经混乱
到处漂流却始终靠不了岸
这是我最后 最美
最真 最心碎的留言

Oh 爱我 好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落


Oh 爱我 好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落

去听听这首歌，　还真的蛮好听得！

once a life of luxury, then it went down to poverty

have been wondering about alot of things. my determination for my passion has returned! ha!
i have been observing people around me, have i ever wonder whether i have been observed ? i pay attention to people's actions, have it ever occur that people pay attention to me? funny is it?

have it ever occur to you that, maybe you actually met your Mr.right somewhere before you both get to know each other? maybe he is on the escalator going down and you going up? or maybe you both just walked passed each other? or maybe you both cabbie side by side? or maybe you both cramped in a crowded lift? has it ever come into your mind that all this things might happen? this thoughts just went through my mind today when i was taking the escalator. interestin theory of mine.

it doesnt matter what i wrote, i just went with my mind and flow.

what would you do, if you saw a expensive pants that you love?
buy it? give it a miss? or invest on something better?

christmas is coming. [green` red` white` ;christmas]
what i want for christmas............
what do i want? i want a happy christmas.
[joy` happiness` laughter ;christmas+new year]
what i want for new year.........
what do i want? i want a brand new fresh year.
[excitment` anxious` future` ;new year]

i want alot of gifts for my christmas.
i want santa to give me joy,happiness and qualifications.
ha! that's sound funny.

or maybe i was never funny. a self illusion that i create for myself
-- to be funny.
ha!


time is late, and i am not falling asleep.
i sleep late yet i got up early.
is there anything wrong?
dreams don want me,
breakfast calling me.
ha! not funny

god, i am crazy.
blabbering rubbish?

"did i ever think that it will end"
"did i ever mention that i want it to end"
"did i ever think about ending it"
"did i ever really wants it to end"
"did everything come to an end"

recently there are so many nice chinese songs, all very meaningful... esp this 2 songs, i have got feelings for it...
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/130742ht.htm --
爱我好吗 (卓文萱)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/129888ht.htm -- 我可以 (蔡旻佑)

seriously, try listening to this 2 songs, greatly recommended.


hmm,i was watching back one drama serials, Devil Beside You. without fail that i will always be touched by the show. no matter how many times i watched, i will always be touched by the show, always cry. am i such a fragile person?
recently, alot of people mention to me that i should do things that i want to do, that i think i am right, that i should do things for myself. then one mag's horoscope said the same thing, i should think for myself and make myself happy. sometimes, you have to believe this kind of thing. ha!
so let's think back and stop making myself such a noble person that i always think of myself. do i? maybe one friends or people who are worth me doing then i will do it for them regardless of me feeling unhappy.

so, finally i did one thing for myself, that's to stop netball. hmm, will it really be a good thing? maybe yes, maybe no. i don't know. who knows in the end, i might be the one who regret everything. but again, there's no point me staying.

there are so many things i want to do, i wish to do, i want to say. but then, when will i be able to start everything that i want. now i am sure what i want to study. again and again, i am addicted to really study fashion, excited to really being able to study fashion. but there is still a long way for me to go. real long way. i might not be gifted in this field but at least i am doing something i like. hmm, guess for me doing something i like is prettyy much important.

had so many dreams, countless of dreams. circling around the same bunch of people always appearing in my dream. today might be you, the next day might be her. who knows, but how come people keep appearing in my dream. too funny.

when i am addicted to something, i will be real addicted to something. ha! am i talkin rubbish. yea. maybe. ha!

i love drivin alone at night. i really wanna try driving alone at night one day. drive to woodlands, or AYE(ECP) my favourite expressway. cos i will be listening to my songs, thinking about something nobody to disturb me. can set my mind thinking. of cos i cant wander far away. my mind can be thinking but my eyes on the road. actually i sort of like sending my friends home. maybe is pretty fresh for me. thats why i don mind. who knows if i do it frequently, i will be tired of it? ha! i am a fickle-minded person. i really am!

girl's talk? catching up with the past.... nothing much. what should i do if i really miss you guys? i will be far away from you guys. no longer close. no longer bonded. but i chose this path. i gave up all the 7 years i stayed in this sport. my passion run away because of problems and because of my priority changed. but trust me, you guys will be the true friends i once had in poly! :) good luck in ivp. i will be rooting for you guys! i wont be physically down, cos if i see u guys played i wanna be part of it. but i will definitely be mentally supporting you all! ha! another part of my fickle minded! ha!

how come so many sad things always happen in my life?

the only happy thing? hmm, that's my dear frennie. thank Q!

rattling rubbish--

"did i become a stupid woman again"
"i hope i didnt"
"did it occur that it did"
"no i didnt"
"see, am i not a stupid woman?"
"that can really make me stupid"
"can it?"
"yes, it just did"
"stupid woman"

woo, what a tiring week..may be alittle loss for words. there are so many things i haven do, yet i still have some many things i am worrying about. so many things are on my mind, i have yet to settle one, i have one more problem rise up.

i always yearn to go back to school cos i love school life. however, i am not loving it that much though. too many things for me to handle and do. i really want to break down but i know i cant cos if i do that, means i give up. so i keep tellin myself i must hang in there, cos in the end i wanna be proud of myself. i wanna be proud that i endure this ordeal, i wanna be proud that i done what i thought i can;t, i wanna be proud, jus be proud of myself. so i must hang in there now knowing what the ending will be. just hang in there! this is the period that i might learn alot, learn how to handle difficult clients and members, learn how to handle time, learn how to handle things by myself. be more independent...

i always know that, if i treat people good, the vice versa thing might not happen on me. though i know that people might not treat me good back, i still treat people good, cos i put myself in their shoes, as i won't want to suffer like they do. so, i am just doing myself a favor too. but some might be too overboard for me to even give myself the excuse to be nice.

world is turning every seconds, every minutes, i am getting tired gettin day by day, i am gettin old year by year. but how come i can't change my life?

i don't wanna be a stupid woman, why i say that? ha! don't wanna spell it out....... i will just put some serious thought about it when i am not so busy.


i can't believe that i didn't sleep for one day rushin for my assignment. i am amaze yet i enjoyed the moment. cos it was spent with jiayi and cher..... we had lots and lots of laughters. it was hell fun and tiring though..haha..


"i still wanna know"
"yet it isn't there"
"when will i stop?"
"when this will end?"
"please end here"

right now i am online
"of cos i am online, if not how am i supposed to blog"
funny ass.... ha! but i am in my room.... my internet area supposed to be in the storeroom, ha, i manage to gain wireless network with my school laptop. cool ya!

i have alot of pictures i want to share. very nice pictures, but i am not sure whether i have the rights to post those pictures online. cos, legal issues very strict online. ha! there are so many things i always have thinkings for.
everytime i do something or see something, i would think alot.

let's talk about my dream last night. god, i had such a tiring dream. i dreamt i was being chased! chased by bad people. but have no idea who they are. i just now that i have to run for my life. then, on the road, me and my fren stole bicycles as a tool to run away, hmm, who is my fren? i don't remember. it was so scary. i just keep on running, alot of things happen in my dream. there are more. but, in the first place, why would i dreamt of being chased? is not the first time i dreamt of this kind of action-packed dreams. funny isn't it.
dreams? what does it reflect about? we think too much in reality thats why we bring our worries into our dreams? we are too stress in reality thats why we dream? dreams? can they be trusted? how come suddenly, i am so related to dreams. i am scared to sleep,partly because of dreams. cos out of 10 times, 7 times i dreamt of bad stuffs. thats why dream isn't a good thing to me.

pictures, tell alot. it means alot. some consist of beautiful memories, unspoken meaning, touching hearts. how you take a picture reflects how you felt. it is a skill people needs to learn, an interest that people would love. once, pictures to me is to help me remember my feelings at certain point of time. but now pictures is to help me track back my footprints, where i set my feet on. i like black and white pictures, cos it tells it all, i fisheye lens cos you are trying to tell something. what about you?

there are so many worries i have, yet i am still doing nothing...
christmas is coming, once it was my favourite festival. but i don know whether it stilll will be.
cos christmas is always full of joy and fun, yet i know all theses could't be found on me. so i am afraid of christmas.
how will this "merry christmas" be?


"i don't know me"
"i don't know you"
"who knows you and me"
"i don't know"

standing in the middle of the buzzing orchard road, saw alot of foreigners with their childern, then i stood there wondering, how it will feel like if i am a caucasian's child, with blonde hair, looks like a barbie doll havin all the eyes on me cos i am not local, with a special english accent different from the locals here. of cos, if i am a caucasian's kid, i will attract all the envious stares jus because i am not local. if back at america, i wont invite such envious stares.
people tend to envy of what others have and forget those good things that they have also.

imagine, singapore is so small, and you can never meet your Mr. right, but yet you met him in a foreign country. what i am trying to say here is, maybe there is really fate in them. cos havin living in such a small country singapore, you also didn't manage to bump into him, but being a stranger in the foreign country, realise that both of you are from the same country. maybe this is what fate call. but on the other hand, sometimes fate likes to play a prank on people.

i never know how to spell hell before i work on my fyp, know i can see i am meeting my doom. with all the shitty things given, already had not very good members, plus super shitty client, somemore plus a demanding supervisor... i think i bring bad luck everywhere. why can't just one thing work out for me? it is so depressing. meant to enjoy my last sems in school, but i think suffering might be a better word.

sometimes acting like a fool is good, there will be so many things you won't have to know and people wont force you to accept things you dont wish.

i am trying to be a better person, trying to be a more patient person, tryin to be a caring person, trying to jus be more tolerant. what defines a good person?
help the poor?
stand up for the good?
always the one being bully?

tell me what a good person is?

i always got this feelin that i bring bad luck to whoever that comes near me, cos never once a good thing happen to me, even it does, i won't believe. cos nothing comes free.

"no, you can't just keep waiting"
"No!, you should keep on waiting!"

"okie, i shall just keep on moving!"

once, i realise something from a show. there are 2 guys and 1 lady, guy A,guy B and lady C. lady C like guy A. guy B likes lady C. jus imagine them queueing in one straight line. it will be like guy A standing in the first of the row, lady C in the second then followed by guy B. lady C will be looking at guy A while guy B will be looking at lady C. this situation always happen. lady C will do anything for guy A while guy B will do anything for lady C. i guess love relationships are always very complicated and confusing.

there is a past of me which i hated the most, everytime when someone reminds me of the past, i cannot take it. i was disgusted by my own doings and irritated by myself. that's the only past which i wished i could erase.

again, i waked up immediately after i had 8 hours of sleep. Argh! why can't i sleep for 10 hours,12 hours or even 15 hours. why i am only allowed 8 hours? :(

i avoided the dinner session cos i don't wanna see the fake side of me. i am so fake. trust me, i can be like one.

there are so much things to say, but i just can't express....

guess i am not so important, yea i agree...........

jus got rid of an flyin insect.... so scary

people please visit http://www.diamontewings.blogspot.com
there are alot of blings blings and beautiful accessories just for you. do drop by when u are free or in need of accessories for any occassion.

i believe in 10 years time, singapore will change into a better country, i don know why i this feeling, but after i been to vivo city, i can sense the changing in Singapore shopping scene? or am i thinking too much...

vivo city, the modernalise shopping mall, the mall that suits just for everyone, children,teenagers,adults,elderly,female and male... just for everyone. good concept, good design, good ideas... haha... am i paid to help promote vivo city?

recently, i am watching korean drama again, thats "goong (princess hours)". once again, love story, romantic drama..
show how much the guy love the girl, how much the girl love the guy. is always this storyline, but what capture audience to watch it? i guess, is how the different actors express their feelings or their different way of acting.
arranged marriage? is it good or bad? sounds like your destiny has already been planned, you won't need to search for you "crown prince" but he will just appeared before you when the time is right. he might not be the one you like, but as time goes by, you will find that he is jus your "crown prince".
love can be nutured. feelings developed. everything will then slowly fall apart, and fall in the right place.
arranged marriage, why not? ha!

mood swings, what causes mood swings? there must be a cause of mood swings, i hate the cause. ha!
it was never true, it was fake,
i am putting up a fake front to realise that it was true.

happy? no no... sad............
pls pls, go away.....

i don't know what got into me, i cried myself to sleep last night... i really don't understand my own actions, or my reason for doin that, i am confused. is it because of the drama? but it was happy ending........ i think i cried too much that i even dreamt that i cried... i remembered the dream, i cried very terribly, but don know because of what again.... am i bring my real life into my own dream? i don't know....

sometimes, is weird when couple quarrel. old couples still quarrel. because of small things, they quarrel. maybe people will think that, since they are old couple, they will handle situation better, but i think they got it worse.. when people quarrel, they are childish. when people are angry, they dont think normally. these are little things people do wrong when they are not in the right mind. people make mistakes, but most importantly is that you realise your mistakes and don't ever make the same mistake again.

there are so many things i kept cos there is no one to share, once i avoided those fairytale dramas, cos i know i will be too into it...fairytale, which girl doesn't wish for fairytales. but again, is too fake to be true. many a times, you won't know when is the right one coming, you keep on searching, but on the road, you will find some meaning in life, thats the gain you will receive...

is it so diffcult to take up some time? i wonder......
is it too much of a habit? i ponder....
there it is.....i can't find.....

i couldnt get to sleep... why is it that to people, sleeping seems like an easy task, but it was never for me... seems like i have to hoax myself to sleep every night... sleeping is just a difficult task to me... i am sleepy, i want to sleep but i just cant seems to fall asleep, i don understand why... my mental?

has it been too much of a habit? thats why i find it hard to forget? it might be.... it might not be.... i am stuck in a confused state....

browsing through some magazine, i realise sometimes i can learn alot from magazines. things they said, their own point of view, people's point of view, is so different. women should know how to protect themselves, without letting themselves get hurt. i realise i already built a wall surrounding me, protecting me. maybe that is so... once or twice, the wall falls apart, but i built it up slowly again. i hide myself inside the wall.

how come i always only stand a chance to envy people but things often wont happen on me? why do i always let people control my emotions? why do i accomodate people? but then, i did asked for the chance, is it trying to test me? but an old phrase say it, "it oftens take two hands to clap" .

i am amazed at how some people interpret relationships. what is the thing that attract you to that person? what is the feeling that you feel when you know that he/she is the one? how sure are you that you are in love? isn't it interesting to find out all this questions? or is just me that is interested in all this? ha!
LOVE! four heavenly words... this 4 words could make anyone happy! what a magic word! isn't it? just a simple 4 letters words, and anyone could be flyin up in the sky. it is so funny and amusing.
another 4 letters words that will make anyone upset! that is HATE! i HATE you! anyone hears it, he/she will definitely be upset over it. nobody will want to be hate by anyone. HATE is jus the opposite of LOVE! just how amazing words can affect one's emotions.

has it always been misreading too much over some actions?
if that is so,
great,
give a signal
and end it.

confident, with confident you will have the drive to do anything you think you are capable of. but without confident, not only others will look down on you, but you will also look down on yourself. i always know that i am not good, not good enough to be a friend, not good enough to be this, not good enough to be that. i am tired of this feeling. i don wanna be not good enough. so irritating......

my dear fren left town, and i am missing her...........
school is different without her.......................
and i wanna an answer..........

i don believe in birthday wishes, or whatever wishes. cos they always didnt come true. isn't it? my wish always didnt come true, then why in the first place, we have to wish?
every year, a birthday cake,3 wishes. why only 3? why can't i wish for 5? 10? 15? why 3? whats the point in making 3 wishes when they don't come true? makin wishes only make people waiting for the wish to come true... so, it will be like a fool waitin for a wish to come true, when it won't....

does anyone's birthday wish really came true? i want to know.
why do we have to celebrate birthday? to mark the day we were born? it is just tryin to remind us how old we are? isn't that true?

this week has totally been a screwed up week for me. i don believe friday the 13th. people say it is bad, i don believe but i believe it now. cos the entire week was totally screwed up. my fren say, i would be lucky on the friday the 13th, i thought i really will. but i knew from the start, luck is always not with me. thats so funny. so i don believe in lucky things. i am always unlucky.

or is it i complain too much to do anything? i can only complain and still complain non-stop?

but anyway, i still wanna thanks my dearly lovely fren, jiayi, she did make it better. really better. and those who turn up..thank you...
next, of cos to my team-mates. they fought hard in the game. thank you. at least i didnt have a sad birthday. so thank you. we won! but the week was too tired for me to enjoy it. but i appreciate the effort. really. i could feel the effort esp my fren, meijie! thank you. of cos to my loves, team mates. mary, diana,wei,foo and birdy...
but i hope when in the end i made any decision regarding netball, pls don't blame me :)
i really love u guys!
next of cos to those who wished me, greatly appreciated!

i could really sense disater coming, and i hate to deal with that....................

the haze is really bad, i get feel sore throat invading me! i hate that feeling, the feeling is nowhere there, seems like u are getting, but u are not those kinda of feeling. the first time i see singapore been so hazy, too hazy then i feel that all our health will be affected. i would rather stay at home. it terrible.

i made my decision, no matter what i hope my mental will be strong to overcome it. am i always the unlucky one? why people just enter the squad, and they are guarantee a position? but people like us working hard previously are not considered? we are not good enough? i don know. just that i hope i wont change my decision. guess i had enough of 7 years into this. is time for me to relax and enjoy my last semster in school.

i parted with my 2 years phone. i like that phone, but i have to part with it, cos is getting old and i cant keep it with me cos i wont have money to buy a new phone, so my 2 year old phone is gone, everything inside is gone too, i miss my 2 year old phone. though i have a new phone now, something is still missing.
alot of people question me why i want this new phone of mine. but i wanted it long ago, since it was produced, i saw it, i immediately like it. and somemore i wanted to try a flip up phone.
sometimes, you just want to try somethin new, to find that old one is still the best isnt it? haha...

i gave up a small dream of mine, i have always wanted to live and work in another country to learn about their living lifestyle and habits and everything, i was given an opportunity, but my parents disapproved. i was pissed! totally pissed! cos i know i will regret if i didnt go. but i cant go if they disapproved. this is so much of what i wanted! moreover is USA. so much so i would love to go there! i am not going there to play but is to work and travel and play at the same time. i know the worries they have, but i think i am big and sensible enough to know whats bad at least. i lost the chance and i am regretting it. i hate the regret feeling.......maybe i will only understand more when i am a parent myself. but now i just cant simply understand.

i wonder 10 years down the road what will singapore be like? a more modern and hip country? it is pretty interesting how a country can develop to be. is amazing how the changes can be so fast. many things will change. its getting so scary. i wont wanna think about it.

i was watching "the hills" by my beloved Lauren! haha...
she is living the live exactly what i yearn for. don talk about how rich she is. just talk about her current studies, current jobs and her current living town!
she is studyin fashion! -- thats what i want
she is an intern at teen vogue! -- which she can be present at alot of runways and see how the process runs and see know alot of designer and people relating to design!
she is living in san francisco! -- how i wish i could live there to study at the FDIM there!
and receently she was been picked to go Paris for a work assignment! god, isnt that a dream come true?
i envy her! she is living such a nice life doing what she loves, bein with the person who loved her and she is just 20 years old. the same as me, can yoiu believe it. but i am still a nobody here.
the though about it is so irritating.. haha..


i hope this coming 3 weeks will passed soon so that i could get out of there. definitely i will miss the girls. but then like foo said " we cant pleased everyone and we cant pleased ourselves" pretty true, so why not made a decision that i feel comfortable with and they are no lack of defenders! yea.....

i reach the peak of my bloggin, i am stuck in what to blog already. haha..
i should stop for a month to refresh myself.

have been wantin to blog, but then i couldn't find anything to talk about.
life has been the same all the while.
school has started but my timetable jus simply sucks. but it will get worse when my project offically starts. by then i could sense the disaster..


life is so ironical. i just can't seem to understand humans, what they are trying to do? what are they thinking? what is on their mind? i hate it when i don know where i will be heading to? i hate to stand at the crossroad not knowing which directions i should go. i hate to be in this kind of situation always.
things changes when we want it to stay that way, things stay the same when we hope for changes. isn't this funny?

i don know, it seems that i am good at keeping things to myself. is this a habit already? it has never been a habit for me to say things out. sometimes i feel so miserable keeping everything inside, but i got used to my own life. keepin things to myself. only if people strike on my miserable spot, then will i say all my kept feelings out. is this bad or good? i don know. i have this "theory" of my own. i keep this theory to myself.

i have been tryin very hard to be positive, tryin very hard to be as happy as i could, trying very hard to smile and laugh,trying very hard to keep my mind free, but to no means am i able to do all of the above.
sometimes i think i am crazy, cos i always acted like a fool in front of my friends, allow them to call me a fool.. hmm, is this the real me?
isnt all these funny?

why am i still in netball? whahaha...the funniest joke for me of this whole year!

i think i am not a good fren criteria! pls don ask for a fren like me........

some people are just purely lucky for the whole of their life.....
i've watch "the devil wears prada"... don't everyone agree that Andy is jus so lucky to have been chosen for the job? and i know she works real hard to secure her job, but she needs a chance for a breakthrough. and the makeover was extreme wonderful, she became so pretty and stylish. thats so amazing. people with authority can give u a chance or can screw u up. depends on your luck..

"hard work pays off" but they seem that they haven complete the sentence...
"hard work pays off only when you are give a chance to prove your ability"
isnt that true? am i thinking too much?

i don know since when i have start bitching about people behind their back. i know this isnt a good thing. but certain things people do, i just cant stand. so is it right to bitch about people? i think my next greatest hobby is bitching about people...that's so sad.


me and jiayi started our accessories blog.. i am jus alittle impress with myself, cos i never imagine i can do those things.. maybe not many people will fancy those that i did, but to me, it still prove alittle achievements.....
people please help to spread around or pls visit the website itself.
its really nice cool and beautiful!!!

www.lego-noire.blogspot.com

hey my dear friends! my lovely friends!

pls support www.lego-noire.blogspot.com

u will be amazed by the attractive and nice necklaces!!

unique is what u needed!! thanks!!

drop by then anytime!!

school starting, and many things will be coming into the picture. be it fyp, or school work or whatever. jus whatever...

i got something i want to blog but it slips off my mind. never mind, i don know what to blog...

is difficult to understand what people are thinking.....

i think i am feeling more lost than ever.....