pictures bring ...

pictures really bring back memories...loads and tons of them...all the time fade away with the pictures...

how we always say" the last time we were this, the last time we were that" year and year passed, reality has slowly began to surface, and everyone have to meet with their own fate and story...

i always wonder what my fate and story will be? i hope so much that i could write my own fate and story.,.how nice will that be..i get all the things i want, i achieve the things that i yearn for...wahz..perfect wonderful life...ya...in my dreams...day dreaming...
i hope to make a different...i hope to do something interesting...i think i still don know what i want...

today i went back to work in the GREEN LOGO..wahz..i was amazed by myself, i was extremely friendly to the customers..i missed the placee so much..haha..it was so fun working there..though today my frens not there....and it was great to see the crowd are coming back!! oh yeah!! hurray!!! yippe!!

nowadays i am not so emotional as before, but tends to cry easily...god,need to shed some water in my body..haha...

jiayi my dear fren..
cher my funny fren...
bring me chocolates..haha...

have the drive but demoralise

just now feel like bloggin so much, but after a ride, i forget what i was thinking about jus now... god... working again..ya..thats the word i am gona say for like 4 months...right..

today i prepared myself to go back training, who knows i am not fated with netball, i prepared myself ready, but it was cancelled..dishearted, but whatever...

reality? whats that? it is like not a word to me...reality is cruel..ya man...i find in some way i am a super stupid and stubborn person. somethings i find it hard to let go or see it in another way... like i am always unlucky...ya i was..of cos i was happy to know i will be working in raffles city, but i knew deep inside, something bad gona happen, and ya it did happen...who ya..whatever again..i already put a foot in it...no way am i gona take it out right...

working..working world..hard for me to interprete it...they dont communicate, each one strive to be better than the other..like enemies..they arent true to each other...wahz..i know badly i need to treasure my school life...working life is so different..maybe slowly i will get used to it but maybe not for now..

i am a jealous person,even to friends..from long time ago i don like seeing my fren going close with another...i know i should change..hmm..on the other hand why am i so afraid? no confident in myself? hmmm....guess is more of that....haiz..friends 78 days more to go..and i really miss having fun with u guys!!! :( i am not happy...hahha...no lahz..it was alrigh..everyday gmail with cher..see which day we will ahve the most mails..haha..thats funn...jiayi super stress also..but when we meet u wont be..hahaha..

working agin tml...seein my computer..byebye..

i am all alone

very sad...how to pass the 4 months man!! seriously... having going for attachment made me realise alot of things...

but i know i shouldnt complain so much, but i envy jiayi and cher,le and anthony...they are in the same companies. so when they talk, they know who and what each other are talking, and they have each other...right..i should be counted lucky as well, at least i got one friend that accompany me for lunch.. maybe if were to change either me and jiayi together or me and cher together, i will feel alittle bad, cos the other is alone..so, i should take it in my stride...

being interns in a company, i am being treated invisible, is not that i want ppl to pay attention to me, but they jus simply ignore me..weird man..and i am handling a big web creation project myself, by myself...no help at all...what am i gona do..going crazy and damm stress...super stress...i miss school., seriously missing school...now i am starting to wonder, when i graduate from poly am i really ready to come out to the society and work? am i? sitting in the office, my ass is pain,i am freezing day by day...god is like 14 more weeks to go...thats crazy...and wearing formal or nice is getting me going nuts...damm sian..

and i am seriously feeling sad and lonely..............

start of early morning

yes, it shall be tomorrow...

starting from tomorrow, i will be able to smell the fresh breeze of the early morning... lunching with my new-made friends? being awakard around in the company? god...thinking about it scared me out...good thing for cher and jiayi they have each other..i am alone..i am sad...i hope everything jus go the ways it should be? freaking out...

sometime when u slow down ur pace in life, you will be able to see something different..
that day, i saw how a cat poo...it was kinda cute..they stood on their hind and the pose was like a kangaroo, and there it goes poo poo came out..hahha...after that, it was trying to dig the mud, so i thought "wahz..the cat is so smart, digging a hole to bury his poo poo.." but in the end, he digged awhile and walked away... i know animals are cute, but dog jus scared me off? maybe is a habit? not too sure...

have been in deep thoughts..i have been repeating my life, not improving myself at all...i am still the girl i was when i was like 4 years ago... i didnt grow up...i am still childish...not mature enough..maybe the exposure i am going for starting from tomorrow will change me?
maybe there are something i have been pursing for, but actually i didnt want it..fuunny isnt it? pursing for something that i dont want...no idea why...maybe just find it hard to give up or let go? a pretty stubborn person....

oh did i mention i received a mini cooper? haha..i like the mini cooper... relax guys, it isnt a real mini cooper..its jus a toy car...haha..but i still like it..cos is one of my dream car as well...i cant own the real car,why cant i be the owner of the mini cooper toy car? haha..thanks shanghai man-victor...

i wonder how tomorrow will turn out to be?

jiayi and cher oh yeah..anything just give me a ring man!! i will share you joy and scold the boss with you guys together if i have to...haha..

to everyone going for attachment tomorrow!! lets have fun and learn something...

great...i bet i couldnt sleep tonight..scared i wont be able to wake up early in the morning..haha..

i was about to go to bed...but i am really vexed and bothered by something..damm freaking bothered...is netball...

this time i don know what is really stopping me from going back to playing netball...it is really my favourite sports..i love it so much that i really want to keep playing it..but this time, i seriously have no idea why i am so determine about not going back? i seriously don know..i know she has been trying to get me back to training...have tried very hard to persuade me... i have no idea why this time i am so firm bout it... maybe is not a tiny winny thing that has been stopping me..cos if it were to be a tiny winny thing that stopped me...she need not even persuade me, i will go back for training..but this time no matter what she says, my mind never really has the firm YES I WANT TO GO BACK AGAIN!! why didnt i? i am so bothered by it until i couldnt sleep..

small things holding me back to go for training tml..
i am having attachment when training really resume with a coach...i ends at 6.00...trainin starts at 6.30...what if i have OT to do...and i cant go back for training..it will mean i will miss out one training..and one training is important..one training can do alot of thing...then what if i am too tired and lethargic to go back for training? i scared tireness will overcome netball...i have alot of what if in my mind..what if same thing happen again? then whats the point of me goin back...

but if i don go back for training, it will means no more netball for life..cos i will lost touch with it, and lost contact with it...i wont get to play netball anymore...everything..the training and everything..

what am i to do? i seriously need very good and wise advise..this time it seems like i cant make a decision myself...

should i or shouldnt i? DAMM!!

feelings come when night befall..

initally, wanted to blog at night...cos i got more things to say at night..no idea why? but wasnt that free at night...
i watch two television programmes..one made me realise something while the other make me yearn for something...

realise...yupz..i realise alot of people regret along the path where they grow up.. doing alot of things that make them regret while thinking back... i DO! i always do...one dramatic mistake..okie..maybe things might still be the same, maybe not..but still i regret...when i always think back..DAMM! how stupid i was...it was the most most damm most regretful thing i must admit i did...seriously hate myself for that...how navie and stupid i was...hell damm!! though i cant turn back time, i still cant accept the stupid me...because of that, it affected alot of my life..
i regret alot on my last year of seconday school, my studies, my family, my friends and all relationship that present... i would have score better if i did study..**** when i always think back all this thing, i still have anger inside me..because i seriously think how come i can be so stupid and seriously stupid..argh..damm...forget it.. when attachment starts i bet i don have the time to think of so many things..other things will occupy my mind rather than things that have passed..

oh..i did mention something that i yearn for...but i think it is decreasing as time passed...it is so hard to predict..i am easily touched by seeing romance story...okie..i know that all shows..it cant be real or it is hard to be real...always falling in love with the leading actor inside each show..u really can feel the happines and the love they had for each other..so sweet and happy..always yearning that someone like this leading actor or that leading actor will appear...often i will dumped myself with the story of the shows..am i still a girl? no! i want to grow up to be a lady..hahah...alright..yesterday was sort of my last time doing closing at store..though didnt really had a good time..but at least i work with hetty...fun working with her..sometimes customers can make my day or can even ruin my day..yesterday was alright..i will miss closing shift and working with many other partners...argh..i will miss out alot of fun which i hate to..but no choice i have attachment to go...

oh...there wont be seeing me in school...wondering whether to get back to playing netball?? miss bumpin into friends in school...hmm...of course miss the two idiots lahz..jiayi and cher..stupid them..i will make them visit me everyday! haha...

this whole week has been kinda of busy with having fun!! whoo!! great...i am enjoying the last week of my beloved holiday..and soon my hard times will arrived..i wonder what will happen and what will i be and alot of things...i hope everything turned out well for jiayi,cher and me!!

Victor is back!!! Great...hope to meet up with him soon... ~shanghai man...haha..

that day, again 1 down....i was hoping everyone will turned up,cos i don think we will have time to meet up when school and attachment and training starts...luo keep disturbing me that day..think he too happy? haha...i am still a passenger...next time i promise i drive...haha.. and surprisingly, i didnt know bout the dismissal of the 15th meeting...everyone knows except me..haha...i was kinda shock when luo say.. maybe the dismissal of 15th is bcos we never always really meet on that day and always a few people meet up...no time...i guess i will see them only in june!! haha..right...

i wore my poka dots skirt that day!! nice..i like it..but it was alittle too short..but i like.. :)

sent me thinking again...they tryin to hint and tell me something? something i will know sooner or later? confused....

why must it always be like, when u see other people have a worst life than u, then u will realise how lucky u were.... why must we highlight the bad situation of poor people to show how lucky we are?
but whenever we see how rich other can get, we will realise how poor we are...
why is it always comparing? nothing beats comparing...
things are always unfair...


being in the last week of my holiday,i want to play to the fullest of all!! i wanna watch movie, go kbox and play!! hahah..not forgetting working as much in the green logo as i could cos i will miss my working environment and partners of course!!


hopin to enjoy!!

busy this whole week.... i jus went shopping with my dearie frennie..we both bought something that we like...i bought a poka dots skirts..thuogh i know i arent that slim..but i seriously love the skirt...is very nice..is a good thing that i am catching up with the fashion..but i don thing is a good thing that i keep following the fashion...anyway, that day shopping was great..and went to work so hyper...but tired ....

my fren flew to back to taiwan....went to sent her off...that stupid cher also going taiwan...don like her...*hmph* airport...
i love airport...it contains alot of feeling inside..it can be a placee full of happiness when u see ur beloved return from a holiday or studies..a place of saddness cos it the place where u are separated with ur beloved..airport is fun..but i prefer other countries airport though..each airport contains different feeling and environment to me..

i found a shopping paradise!! Marina Square!! is really shopping and more shopping...hurray..i wanna shop more!!

met with my sec sch frens...with them are happy..cos they always bullied me...they are funn..but hope one of them will cheer up soon..problems are meant to solve..

uncertain bout stuffs...


starting attachment soon...the moment that i thuoght of lunching alone, i am sad...
the moment i thought of doing things alone, i am unhappy,
the moment this attachment is gona take 4-5 months, i am bored,the moment i remembered jiayi and cher is in the same company, i am sad.......

hope good things happen to me in the attachment..pls....

uncertain till i know the truth.........

what is my life to be...

what is my life to be if i were 'this'?, what is my life to be if i were 'that'?

what will turn out if i have a different life?

i am always thinking alot..thinking too much..i read too much into something..it may jus be a very simple thing but i can read deep into it...and make myself difficult and miserable...i shouldnt care so much and do what i jus want to do..is a fate that we can be friends..and we must treasure this friendship we have...

like one of my friend says, "just don seem to understand what human are thinking"...
true...is hard to read into people's mind..cos people nowadays arent as navie and as innocent like people in older times...people in modern times tend to have alot of their own thinkings and motive of doing something.. i believe this...

yesterday i was watchin a taiwan news.. it reports about a woman have "16" different characters inside herself... she have "16" kids living inside her as well... i may believe people have 2 faces...but this woman have "16"!! thats 8 times more than a normal person..it because when she is young she suffer from some problems..is kinda of poor thing..she is brave to live with all 16 different faces...is can seems scary but is special..i guess the bravest is the husband..cos he is constantly livin with 16 different people..no one knows when she will turn into another character...


i am stronger now....

roll roll roll the boat...

i have been laughin non stop for the past 1 hour...i was watchin the Yu Le Bai Fen Bai...Luo Zhi Xiang(Xiao Zhu) damm funny..superb fuunny!! he make me roll on the floor and laugh like nobody business..his joking skills damm pro!! i jus cant control myself and keep laughin and laughin..super laughin till my mum ask me to lower down my volume...i love to watch him on the show..the thing to keep me tunin to Yu Le Bai Fen Bai is HIM!! and Xiao Gui also...so funny...he kept me laughin for the whole one hour...he is good!! damm good!!

--knew barcelona gonna win.........

"the worst pain is when u can't say it out"

ya...something happen..and u see him suffering yet u don know why he is in pain...thats the worst pain for both the patient and the ones watching..see him cryin in pain, but cant say where he is in pain..isnt that the worst thing..suffering for so many years..till now still have to suffer...not only he is suffering...alot of others see him suffering, they feel the heartache..i hope for the better...

being a nurse? what must u have to be a nurse? for me, i feel that have a very very gentle and kind heart and a passion of loving and caring for the patient..thats is the most important..beside havin the skills..if a nurse is without the heart to care and concern and find the family members a nuisance..then i don think she/he is suitable... why will family members be a nuisance,cos they care alot..more alot..thats why they need to know the reason of the ill as soon as possible..if nurse find family members a nuisance..then what if one day it happens to them..they will have the same feeling..is jus my personal feeling for this occupation..thats why nurse and doctor are so noble...

i was being bored so i started browsing my friend's blog..so i came upon wei's blog.. i read about the stuffs that she blog about the games tour..this time i choose to give it a miss..i am more of a stubborn person..there are many reason behind it..one year ago, the same thing happens..GAMES TOUR..HONGKONG!! the starting of a friendship, all the memories and fun...this time i wasn't part of it, i missed alof of their catchin up and times together.. so in turn i asked myself "do i regret?" i actually have no answer to it... cos, of cos i want to be a part of the bond they are building...but .................


once again, i pulled myself away again from them..once in my heart, their friendship is kinda of on the surface. and i realise i am good and happy enough to have jiayi and cher...i am not sure is it my one-sided thinking that we are very close, but i seriously hope that we are and will be..

havin semster starting soon, they will start havin trainin, it will be hard for me to go back trainin isnt it? and i am not sure whether the trainin will be a waste of time or will actually brush up my skills..

i realise i like to pull away from friends..i have this habit..i got no idea why..first was my sec sch girlfriends, followed by sheena and guys,slowly i sense it will be meijie and gang and netball..i don know why i like pullin myself away...damm sickening...why am i such a bad friend...damm sian..

anyway,meetin jiayi soon next week!! cos we gona go shop shop shop and shop!!

i spent my day off just like that..doing 'NOTHING'.. i have done nothin the whole of this holiday except complaining and working my ass off..workin has start to become a thing that i wish to avoid..i lost the sense of courtesy and i lost my smile...i lost my patience and lost my friendliness... it is gettin tired.. maybe a long attachment for me will be good to pick up myself before returnin to the store again.. i know there will be alot of changes when i am back in store..the people will change drastically, the environment will change..everythin will change..but i hope i will jus hold on for awhile more uuntil i finish my poly studies..yupz... i am gettin tired to get out of my house, gettin lazy to walk around..but "SHOPPING! SHOPPING! SHOPPING!" has been in my head non stop..i guess i will be out on streets next week!! have to pull myself back.. rotting and stoning at home is not good, change my mood, change my emotions and make me a unpleasant person.. speak of shoppin, i wan get " clothes; shoes; skirts; bags; shades;!!" i wan all of them..new to store in new clothes for my wardrobe...thats a typical LADY...hahha. always takin a look at other people's blog, they seem to have fantastic english and sentence phrasing..i admired their writing and their english and their formation of sentence... though boring still haven killed me, i think my mind kill me first...........

i always never been that i was lucky,cos i believed that whatever followed behind lucky will be diaster.
last time i had this feeling that
" wahz..this kind of things are what i wanted and wish for..havin both ppl who are good and nice to me, i thought i was lucky. but in the end, i am left alone..."

therefore from the incident i learn that, is like you havin somethin too good that u feel and sense that somethin bad will happen..things are too good to be true..thats the word. when i am lucky,i will be happy and think that" wahz..am i so lucky? this can't be true, i am better than him/her! so good..."
but it always turn out other way ...it jus like lettin me have the small moments of happines before takin them away...
i don like the feeling of being lucky neither do i like the feelin of bein unlucky...jus being normal..earn what i should get..

cos, i always feel that i am an unlucky person..all the mishap always happen to me..i am so tired of it..cants something nice jus happen to me because i deserve it??
so i am tryin to say till now i don deserve to be treated nice..how pathetic that is..