the past

jus now i came upon an email about some past blogging..so it sort of arouse my curiousity to read my last time post....

God!! post that i wrote at the year 2004 is like shit..i am like a bitch last time...seriously like a bitch..i cannot stand myself..while readin i am like "eeeurk...who is this damm girl bloggin?" it is bad..is like "isnt it me writin all those stuffs?, really me?" god..cannot stand it..i am like so ahhh...bad attitude,stupid english,jus purely no life bloggin....

certainly it also revives alot of my memories that i forget..i forget those memories cos it meant nothin in my heart..but once i read some post, i started thinkin "what happen? why i reacted like that?" cos i never really stated what happen didnt want to spread the news..but now i don remember..alot of things comin back fresh in my mind..but is so yucky...


last time i was so so so so so so close with meijie.yenwei.victor.bran.kenny.ah hua.nette.small dan...we were so close..yet things changed...i love those times...we are always havin fun and always meetin up for crappin and chit chat times...i was so close to meijie when all the things happen to her...we were really close..yet i don really remember we were that close...things are hard to say..those honkong trip is still fresh in my mind..but it was a year ago thing..wahz..what can i say beside time pass really really fast..that i seriously cannot catch up...i miss hongkong with victor.bran.kenny.ah hua.ryan.small dan.nette.meijie.wei.kim...
miss all this..

next is my previous work place..i tolerate all the craps and all the irritating things happen there..but the ppl there are nice..i never keep in contact with my 2 good workin partners..so sad..but i spent alot of my sleepless night workin there...

hmm..i have such an excitin past i shall say..havin all the shits and craps..and havin nice and interesting frens...
but i still like the way i am now and the friends i have now...

cher and jiayi is enough..plus my poly frens..and most important my best F4..hahha..

my poly frens always tease me how last time i used to hate them and prefer the other...but please don ever remind me of that..cos i will super hate myself..is so yucccckkk...eeurkkk...how come...hahha..

alot of things,event,music,dramas trigger emotions that u have been keepin it in your heart..always looking at certain things,i think back...whenever i am listenin to some music, memories swim across...even when i am playin a game, i will related it with some things in life..
i haven been playin the yahoo bejeweled game.. though there are levels which are pretty easy, u could spot a row of similar gems..but there are also level that u will meet with difficulty..u have to be careful with every step u made, cos one wrong step and u will be GAME OVER...
is the same when it is applied to life...u have a period where u will ahve things ur way and luck with u..u will be happy and delighted with the things u have and gain...but u will also meet difficulty in ur path...those times, every step u move or anything u said have to be vary and careful, who knows one wrong move and u will be found deep in the pit..so, we have to plan our step carefully...

and jus i was sayin songs trigger memories..jus like i was listenin to Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You...the lyrics are damm meaningful and song very nice..sometimes, u jus have to let go when u cant continue perserve...and say Goodbye to the person...and move on..i know is always super easy for me to say that..when talkin about action done? i guess thats the difficult part..

memories always linger around me, no matter how much i don want certain of them to keep tangling around, they will stick with me like super glue, i jus hope some sweet memories will replace them....




i was surfin some blogs by laguna beach cast..and came upon my fav cast "L.C - lauren" i like her,cos she is much real and natural..kristin is such a bitch..though this reality show is so much of backstabbing among the girls..but thats their life,isnt it? but i don like it when i see L.C with jason..God..they are not matchin..and jason isnt good lookin..come on! stephen is so much better lookin..and L.C is pursing somethin i also like..fashion design..but she is together with jason..thats out of mind..what happen to stephen..they are like so nice together..stephen is so cool and handsome ... and L.C is jus the right girl..oh love this show..but season 3 cast is different.another drama life??? who knows...i will continue watch L.C's life - "the hills" ..oh yeah..hahah..
and i saw kristin's news..she is hooked up with nick? jessica's ex husband?? wahz..what a news...haha..

tired

what will i be in like 2 years time?

while i was workin at CBD area yesterday, i did some people watching..it gets so interesting.. what they are doin? what are they discussing? u will meet alot of different people.. friendly but all business people...alot of banks company around that area, the woman look so career minded and very capable..i came out from raffles place mrt station, that station was a dream of mine when i was in sec 5.. i told myself next time i want to work around that area cos all the high rise building and companies are situated there..

after entering poly, then i realise that i am not suitable for all this 8-5 sittin,facin com and dealing with company politics job..though raffles place area is once my dream work area..but i guess it isnt anymore.. cos i know what kind of job scope i want but jus thinkin whether i am able to achieve it..

not only i did people watchin yesterday, i also did car watchin..god...the cars damm freakin nice..merz,convertible cars,branded cars..wow..damm nicee..really nice...hahah...though yesterday did people watchin and car watching..i was wondering whether i will meet any people i know..or even my frens..cos i have a few frens attachment around that area..but i didnt..haha..

i am so free now...mind free,heart free,time free, jus free....haha...maybe it is restin for more tedious problems...who knows?

fatter day by day

bloggin again?
argh..u people could have guessed, " this girl have nothin better to do but blog"

ya..no need to guess...u guys got the answer correct...i seriously have nothin better to do than bloggin,playin bejeweled and watchin shows..what a borin life i live...

day by day,
could feel my stomach comin out,
feel more fats on me,
i cant stand the feelin of the fats,
but i cant resist the snacks callin upon me,
i should work out,
i should resist,
i should perserve...

haha...god..i am so bored to create somethin like that..i thought i am over those bloggin day and day events..but guess i am so bored..what else could possibly blog?

love? none...i am way over that...stop thinkin bout that since drivin have taken my heart...lookin back, yupz..was oncee blind..and maybe continue to be blind? always say let nature takes it course..but i never meant what i say..

friends? i am happy with my friends..lulu and maggie...we are back on tracks meetin up often..jus went for tannin ...but the sun disappoint us..no shine no tan...
and for victor they all, we are keepin contact..chattin with him when he is online..he seems fine and well way at shanghai..kinda of miss him when we had our gatherings..
mj? hmmm...felt the distant..but she always tried to pull me back on track..thanks..i always runn away...

family? it is well and good....

since drivin took love away..shall talk bout drivin..
drivin and learnin drivin is DIFFERENT!!
drivin with a PDL and drivin with a certified license is DIFFERENT!!
afraid ppl wont let u pass bcos u have a P plate with u, scared bang into others,scared i indirectly caused danger, scared my dad's car scratch, i haven drive pass 90....guess i am just timid...
don know sincec when i have become so timid..don dare to watch ghost movie or horror movie..don dare to walk alone in the dark..don dare to go anywhere alone at night..i am crazy..and is only so early but i got nothin to do!!
haiz..blog again soon..

what language am i?

too much spare time to think alot? maybe... sometimes,i think i can be multi-nation speaking alias... i can...
when i watched laguna beach and the o.c, i hope to speak english like them, when i watch hongkong drama series, i hope to speak fluent cantonese like them, when i watch taiwanese idol drama,i hope to speak their style,when i watch japanese drama, i hope i can understand and speak japanese just like that..

so dont u all think i can be a translator of all this countries...it seems cool...but what do i really want to speak eventually? haha..tryin to slang my english? No way...
tryin to touch up my cantonese? way behind it....
tryin to catch up japanese? it is running too fast...
i am mastering none of it...

i listen to chinese,english,cantonese and japanese songs...not sure what kind of person i am? still like a girl when i should be a young lady...cant stand myself..
like i am still goin crazy over idols..like F4....they jus had a concert at hongkong..and they look more man and handsome now..wow..i was so excited seein their news...the charm is still there...

does it give ppl a impression of chasing chinese idols is like low class..but if u go after english idols/singers are high class?? anyone feel this way? or is it only me? funny huh...

not sure why...was listenin to deep and meaningless, came upon this sentence, " i was too blind to see" ...
ya...i was too blind once....what a mistake..i came upon this phrase..but forget when i saw..about a relationship...

ppl in a relationship vexed over it, ppl not in a relationship also vexed over it...why LOVE make people vexed and troubled?? irritatin...

dramas, i believed sometimes our life are jus like dramas...jus like show being right in front of you, u are the one experiencing and goin thru it,

some thing u cant avoid and cant get rid of, are memories...they stayed intact in your mind not unless u get memory loss...be it happy or uunhappy...they will be in your mind..it's so difficult to erase bits and pieces of it...so let future memories overlap the past memories when time pass...


am i crappin? maybe...
guess i am too free to blog rubbish here...

a life that dont belong

have u ever wished for a life that dont belong?
i bet alot does...likes me....
I do it alot....
i know that being born in singapore is somethin i should be glad and should claim myself lucky to be in...a good country..compare to some rather more rundown country...i should be contented instead i keep yearnin for a life that dont exist ever in my life...

i know watchin too much drama will instantly led me into their lives, but how can people lives be jus so perfect...
example for laguna beach series, is a reality show which i should believed it is...the babes and hunk there got their own car, their big fancy house,their jacuzzi,their sunbathin corner..this is jus so perfect for a life that i always wanted..always havin parties and chillin out at some where nice, surfin,cool stuffs....
they might have alot of dramas in their life, but they still live a luxurious life, thats nothin to doubt about..

i always tell myself, i should be counted lucky to have a good family and obviously a good life, but seein what they have is so so envious... i jus love the way they lived their lives....maybe lets do a vice versa thing...

if i were to born at california, i would yearn for myself to be born here? who knows ....people always arent satisfied with what they have...includin me...i seems to be always not satisfied with what i've got...but thats jus the way i am...

always wishin to be someone i am not? god...i had enough...i want to be myself...but am i myself?
good question
i don even have an answer for it...

they life is like the life i wanted....cool parents, fancy clothes, nice tan, cool stuffs...everythin...
but i guess afterall, i could only sit back and envy....u know..is only a show..
thats the way i could console myself...
hahah..right..maybe thats the way it should be...nothin better than this..

alright shall stop here..kinda tired of somethin...

what a unhappy day

sometimes, i start to think whether have a license is good..guess someone is jus very unhappy me drivin...not very happy today....

that day haven really finish bloggin bout my happiness, cos was jus plain too tired!!now still am...no idea why....holiday also tired...

that memorable day, i labelled it as

[ lucky, happy 17th March]

i was extremely happy till i want to jump up and down, couldnt suppress my happiness, cant wait to share my joy, that moment of joyous moment is undescrible...i know those who have passed their drivin must have felt this way!! i was super lucky, as i said, many ppl this time round gave me all their luck, sincerely givin me all their luck, and i used them up...thanks friends....
at least i am able to share my joy with my friends...
my dear lulu, she also must make it...she can and she will....prayin for her....
and mr geek, he wished me luck on that day, and he became seriously down on luck that day, he took the wrong LRT home!!! god...and stop at my stop which he was thinking "both stops sound similar" he must be in deep thoughts....

drivin with my dad beside me, is so pressurize..he jus cant let me drive in peace...i have already had enough of my instructor, now i am havin a stricter instructor..god.."give me a break"....

now come to think of it, that moment of happiness didnt last long, cos 2 days later, the joy,excitement and happiness is gone...and is just like "oh i can drive...no big deal" wonder why....
that faithful lucky test day. Seems like a Dream..a beautiful and wonderful dream i had....

and, i heard the lightin but hope the rain will come..
hope it wont be a false alarm again and again and again...
startin to get tired of it.....
readin too much??
no idea...

i Haven Been gOing "taNning!!"
and i wanna go this comin week...!!!
i want the warmth of the hot sun,
the darkest tan from the shine,
hope i get to go!!

holiday??
it so boring havin holiday, stoning at home, online with nothing to do,thinkin way too much..
school?
it so boring and tiring,tired,early awake,freakin projects,not enough time...
attachment??
ill-treatment? borin?? Useless??

everythin i also complain, then what will make me feel i have the best in the world..
often, i stop and think what i want and what i want to do?
but always i couldnt find an answer,
recently chattin with my fren, told bout my future plan after graduate, but all doesnt seems to be things i wanna do...

eventually, will i go for what i wished? or what i plan? or worse things happen??

lucky me...

once again, i have overcome the greatest fear and achieved somethin i suppose to have........

this time, thank god...luck is on my side!!

i wanna thank those ppl that wished me good luck and even pray for me...haha...they did a great part,they passed all their good luck to me...thanks man..thats the best thing i needed most...nothin more important than luck today...they are great..thanks alot man...they wished for me, pray for me..i can sense it..thanks..

and one of my fren msg me twice to assure that i wasnt nervous and be calm..this person's encouragements helps alot...and i could also talk to share my happiness!!

the moment i hear "passed"
the minute i saw "the TICK beside the PASSED"
the instance i feel like jumpin and screamed that "Finally i made it!!"

this time no more bukit gomback
no more manual car,
no more left,right,straight,
no more gear change...

i officailly am a certified DRIVER!!

i am very very very happy, i am glad i could call my friends to tell them about my joy..thanks...

left me to ponder..actions done left me to think alot...

but now i think i shall not write more..cos i am gettin sleepy, as i only had 3 hours of sleep last night,
bcos of today i couldnt fall asleep..but now super sleepy...cool!!

nervous me

heya..i could feel *bump *bump it in my heart... whenever i think bout it...i could feel it, when i am alone thinkin bout it..i am very very very nervous and scared..doubly scared than the previous time..and i don like it..is killin me...stabbin me contiunously in my heart..i feel the pain, i feel the unhappiness,i feel the nervousness and i DON like it..i hope for someone to calm me down, i hope for someone to assure me that i can do it...

actually this someone did appear..but this time i don find this someone's assurance and faith convincing..why?last time,jus one word from this someone, i have confident and faith in myself, but this time the feelin is so DaMm different..no time to search for an answer here...too many problems in my mind..wait till everythin has settled down, then i slowly find the answer...

settled down??

hmm..guess i am those kind of person that hopes for everythin to settle down nicely before i could comfortably settle down as well..if i know that there are still things left undone, i think i wont feel right settlin down and play, so i like things to be done when they are suppose to be..

recently, feel very worried for this dear fren of mine, don know whats wrong with her, we wanted so much for her to tell us her problems, but she kept mmmm bout it..why? we don understand...
ask her out?
she say she not free.....
talk to her?
don know what to say.....
feel so terrible....

17th march, a memorable day to be remembered!! cos so many things are gonna happen that day!! so MANY!!

words that are difficult to say

i have jus posted a lyrics Deep and Meaningless on my previous post...it is a very meaningful lyrics..and i think it tells alot of many people who are feelin troubled in some kind of relationship problems..i like this song..

i seems to be too occupied for myself and haven been spendin time with my friends..too occupied for myself...guess i worked non stop..cos holiday are jus plain borin..nothin much to do..but i think i will meet jiayi and cher up this weekend..guess we've got alot to catch up..seriously missin them...come to think bout it now, i think my life is damm pathetic..see, if i am havin holiday i do nothin but work..what a no life kid i am..damm..been thinkin alot recently though,
what have i achieved in poly?
what have i done?
but always no answers return..i feel that this 3 years in poly gona be a waste...why didnt i study harder to earn myself a place in any JC then to Uni...wahz...why i never had this kinda of dream before...where all my other dreams are unrealistic and i can say is ridiculous dreams..what the hell did i really did for the past 20 years? live my life off.. my friends are doin what they like and what they want..but what bout me?
i am jus doin a stupid course that will ends me up no where..what am i gona do for my future..i see BLANK!! god..what is my life man..
what cher say is correct, things start flowin when u are alone..
think like one hell lots recently..always have sleepless nights, i cant stand it..i don wanna have sleepless night..i have been havin hot temper recently..god..what am i really doin with my life..pathetic..doin all the unnecessary things..

if i could turn back time, i would have study hard to earn myself a place in JC, and study my ass off for As, then study my head off in Uni...maybe all this might be bullshit for me... what if i gain a Uni cert but in the end still earn myself no where in the society, then wont i be back at where i am now? bullshit ....why am i thinkin so much when i shold move on,
why i think so much?
did i overthink ?
did u guys think as much too?
or am i abnormal?
i don like myself for thinkin so much..


always wanted to be that brave,darin girl with attitude, but this expressions could never be used on me...
brave? bullshit....actin brave only...
daring? ass... don even dare to ask somethin i want to know
attitude? ya right..bad attitude u mean...
god...what am i man?
20 years of my life...it might be half of my whole life...why can i live it more meaningfully..
Damm! i always only know how to say...but never do it...
shit damm...

my friend is troubled yet she kept it to herself,
felt so terrible when i could do nothin,
wonder whether she will be fine..
we will stand by her...

i am sleepy but afraid the moment i lie on my bed i will have sleepless night again............................................

Deep and Meaningless

I, I don't know why I miss you so much
Yeah I, I don't know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why
Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

Chorus:If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lieYou knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless
You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had(Damn that's sad)
There are many things left to remind meOf a love that
I just can't leave behind me

more of me

livin in the world of my own,
things start pilin up,
thinkin and thinkin,

music runs through my mind,
emotions stirred up,
whats wrong with me?
whats wrong with my head?


memories keep flashin in my mind,
i wonder who is the camera man,
takin pictures non-stop,
like there is no tomorrow,
though feelings covered,
my heart still hurt,

i wonder who you are,
i wonder what u are thinkin,
i wonder whats my future,
with no control i have in hand,

never mind the looks,
never mind the feelin,
thought this was the right thing,
jus walked on non-stop,


wrote this myself, started one line and carried on with the others...bein emotional again? Come on, early in the afternoon, i being emotion? must be jokin..haha...wanted to express somethin but don know who and where to confide to...cos even i don know the answer and the correct solution..slackin again..wonderin what cher is doin? haven seen her online...poor jiayi have to do somethin...haiz..no one to accompany...starin at the com,playin the game,listenin to the songs,bein on msn, but no one bother abut me....so bored...wonderin what i can still do in this time? lost interest in tv..maybe i am tired maybe i am sleepy maybe i have too many thin on my mind..thought i could shuy it off, buyt it keep runnin and runnin like the lock is spoilt, i think i only can rest when i found the locksmith for the spoilt lock..meanwhile i have to bear with my my mind keeps thinking..alright..so unusual for me to blog in the afternoon..guess i am too bored..someone pls entertain me..i need some entertainment.. hahahahahahaha

reunion day

too busy for bloggin? yea man.. this week has been an interestin and happenin week for me..i love the way it is..though it is kinda of tirin..but time pass jus like that...i wont have time to think so much... whoo...

thur's
still in bed when alarm rang ~Hao xiang zhi dao,ni de 100fen hui gei ze yang de ren
mum's consisent callin,
familiar yellow toothbrush,
minty refreshin breathe,
black shirt and pants,
mac's susage muffin for my empty stomach,
no customer,
gossipin non stop,
say bye bye to starb...
watch the Survivor Law's last espiode,
bath and off i get out of my house,
suntec city,
rainie's pre-order album!!!!,
nydc,olio,fish&co,kenny rogers,machie,surf&turf,
mango's great deal!!,
got my fav sweater!!,
kyeo's finally arrival!!,
rice-table!!,
twistin of mini car,
takin train back to tamp :( ,
went to get jiayi's bag!!!!,
yeah..so happy..we got our fav items for 5bucks cheaper!!,
Fish&co at tampines,
cushion seat,
2seafood platter for one -- 2 stingray-black pepper -- 1 fish&chips(best in town) -- grilled sambal fish -- 4 passion fruit -- 1 lemon tea -- 1 ice water,
playin of lame games,
it was fuun!!,
playin of 1 round pool!!,
it was short!!
refillin of petrol!!,
drivin down to hougang,
blk 410 coffee shop,
chattin away,
Singapore poly's gems,
poly attachment,
vin's sleepiness,
it was very funn!!,
drivin home!!,
home sweet home..

had fun today though i was actually pretty tired...never had enough sleep..i bet the others too..it was very nice and fun to have our group reunion...so long haven had this whole group reunnion..always 1 or 2 missin persons..but this time no excuses allowed? cos today is the day dear luo turned 20!! wahz..how old man...hope he spent a great day tml..!! and he like the shirt!! yeah!! hahaha..seriously felt so phew!!
great day spent,great offer i get!! haha..

wanted to write more feelings stuff..but not in the mood..guess i will do it the next time..got lots of time cos it HOLIDAY!!

hurray!! exams over..no more readin..no more memorise..no more holdin of pen..no more sitting on the chair..no more writin on the paper..no more sengkang to dover..no more mornin squeeze..no more late night sleeps..no more rushin for times..but most sadly no more Jiayi and Cher..i don like this... i want more of them!! nevertheless, guess we will meet up as often..i hope so..meet me k? my lulu and maggie...hahah..

on friday night, jiajia liang cha at food republic,
walkin down to centerpoint to get vic's boxer and "......",
met gavin,le they all,
chattin away at nydc,
vic's happy when decidin to go zouk,
standin outside of hereen,
vic's disappoinment when zouk is cancelled,
mj,ah hua,kenny,bryan,maxim and me to alley's bar, hoegarden-lychee martini-blue mountain-,
007-Seven-Up,
NR7,
walkin to sengkang's park,
3 drunken lads,
chattin all the night...
thats was how my event went on after my last paper!! woo...hahha...

vic went shanghai...for attachment..anyway i like his hair..nicee..and suit him..though it was an ususual group of ppl on friday night, i guess i still have some fun on that night..but wasnt told any jokes..didnt feel entertained..haha..though i always feel that our group is dispersing, but they always manage to salvage that thoughts and patch it back..it might not be as close as before but we are still friends..always have fun around them..hope he take care over at shanghai..see him back in singapore one month and 2 weeks later..

saturday night,
usual hangout place,
my Unexpected Nice Shot,
Hollaback Girl,
vinson's new phone,
kyeo keep borrowin chalk,
vinson keep on teasin,
luo up and down mood,
kwoo slowness and lameness,
baolong's absent AGAIN,
Mazda-tpe,
jalan kayu,
parkin of car,
egg prata,
ice -teh,
fish and mutton curry,
chattin away,
super high,
home sweet home....

meet up my sec sch friends..hahah..one bunch of funny guys..idiotic..always BULLY me...esp vin and kyeo..they shall watchout..they are the only sec sch friends i keep in contact..sometimes,when i think,is kinda of pathetic,cos i am left with so little sec sch friends but i am definitely lucky to have them as my friends..with them..all our sec sch memories revive again..didnt know i was a fuss and irritatin girl when i was in sec 1..haha..sec sch is fun!! from 1f --> 2f --> 3f --> 4e --> 5b so cool...had lots of fun..hhah...but our group always have one missin person..he is too busy for us.. :( hahha...anyway, his news are welly spread by kyeo..hahha..sometimes,he and kyeo are very good that i didnt expect that..haha.. anyway,happy to have them as my friends..

sunday,
home stoning!!
missin jiayi and cher...
has been long since i see them..
wonder what they are doing...
too much free time for bloggin...
not a good sign...

hahha..i am too free to write so many things!! be back soon..

a new skin for a new me

i created a new skin for myself...nice? actually is one of my work for my design module..actually is okie only..anyway,is better than the previous one.. the previous one, i see ready i also wanna vomit..have been on this for like 5 hours..once i starting doin my blog i cant stop..haha..
anyway one more paper to go and thats it..HOLIDAY...woo..\but nothin worth talkin bout holiday..wil be so bored..if not i will be workin my ass out..hahah...playin? maybe alittle...hahha..too tired of computer ready..facing it everyday...haha..anyway, jus wanna post cos i got a new skin... :)