oh yeah..finally i am able to laugh and joke and crap..hahahhaha...yippe..yippe....is not that exams are over..exams still have yet to come..but i am happy...cos i finally can heave a BIG BIG sign of relieve..my last assignment for GDIT is done...and done for all...yeah..JAZZIER...lets get JAZZIER...and i am happy is also bcos i love the ad that i drew out..i like it...couldnt imagine i could actually use adobe illustrator to draw that out..amazin and surprising to me...i wonder how i could do it..heehheeh....i love that only piece of artwork i did...cos for my packaing it sucks though...haiz...sorry..but i tried my best..u guys want it to be simple...okie..fine..thats the simplest i can give..maybe my ideas and u guys doesnt match...yar....wasnt very happy in the first place..but everythin is over ya..so now i can wholeheartedly study for my exams..yeah..exams here i come..cher say first time see ppl so happy to study for my exams..ya.to me i am happy...cos if haven finish...it seems like there is still somethin not yet done...then while studyin will ponder bout it...yar...so now is finished!!! hurray..hahahha..
and wahz..i think ahmad approach me at the right time yesterday..i was high in spirits..ahhha..cos i am happy that it is done soon...then he is funny yesterday....i bet ruzaini and sheena must have told him something....then he must have think back alot..hahha..."Oi...is all the past...don bother so much,we will always be frens...cos afterall u guys played a part in my sec sch life...i should say a big endin part huh...hehehhe..yar..."yar..so sort of happy that everythin is solved..yar..ehhehe...
but come to think of it..yar..i am so like him...he walked away from me...and me...i walked away from sheena..i have always said i hate the way he did things and the way he could jus walked away.... yet i did it myself...
gosh..sheena...tables really turned...now is my turn..i always say how i hate the fate that he gave advise yet he broke it himself yet i followed his footsteps...wahz..amazin...i am doin it to sheena like what he did to me...
so i could understand how sheena felt...but i might not be so that important ah..but losin a fren is hurtful enough...then again..i could also understand how ahmad felt...walkin away..reasons for walkin away..somehow i wonder if his reasons is the same as mine? if this is so...haiz..hahahhah.....
oh...gosh..i am talkin about the past again..no no..shouldnt..i should look forward..hehehhe....right?
hmm..yar...i should live a carefree and relax life...why i bother so much? but we are humans..if there is nothin to worry,think or bother about..then we are nothin compare to robots...ppl with heart of metal..right? hmm....maybe i should learn to heck care also...why i so kpo? hahhah...
yeah..so i am happy now..and i want to study hard for my exams...yeah...cher and jiayi..mon...GDTW!!!! "WO TING NI!" hhahhahha...hahhah....

oh ya..and i love this song..YOU AND ME by LIFEHOUSE!!!!hhehhehe...nice nice..super nice... *smilin* smilin*

hmm...today..damm sad..damm..cos wasnt in the mood...monday blues huh..maybe woke up from the wrong side of the bed...nvm...then went school..hmm.school was bored..guess everyone is gettin stress we havin less fun and laughters...i don like....then slack at club today...wanted to go home one..but meetin mj..hmm..then saw kenny...keep arguin with him...always believe what he say but always kanna cheated by him...am i really so gullible or plain stupid? haiz...nvm..oh yeah..thanks Sir(victor)....thanks for his present..my color shirt..hahhaha...nicec stuffs he got huh..hahhaha..okie...happy to see him back..hahha...then nvm...went home..on the way..jasmine..Once my best best fren in sec sch msg me...then she msg somethin like that" to be really honest,i dun feel close to any of u actually,has been like this right from the start" wahz....my i felt damm sad...she mention don feel close to any of us ACTUALLY...then what bout me? the shit and stuffs we went thru..oh so we arent close in the first place...all the time i spent listenin to all her shits..all her stuffs...wahz...i admit..we arent close anymroe now...but in the past we were close...we WERE...but guess she got memory loss...she forget about it...nvm..so i reply her"right from the start? not at all? then she mention after netball we arent close...NO!! is right after netball then we got closer...is after she left school then we got close...is after that so manyy many things happen..and she says"is okie..guess this is life" okie...maybe this is life for me and her..but i don want this kind of life..i don want to be jus close for the period of time then after no more schoolin we became strangers...but i got reasons when we arent close...think back those things she somehow did...she never know...cos i never tell...i was truly hurt by what she said.."don feel close to any of us" wahz..wahz...FINE!!! then what about all the past things...wahz..really damm...what has happen to me for this past 2 weeks..nothin is goin smoothly..ahiz...feel down..depressed...i used to laugh and laugh about...but this week...ppl kept askin me why i so sad? i don know..many things in my mind...haiz..
i think my feelings so damm accurate...everythin i feels or somehow guess...turns up always correct...really damm accurate...haiz..why sometime i cant be innocent and know nothin...
know nothin is better than knowin many things...but cant help it..i feel it...hahhah....i hope i will then..........haiz..
oh ya...bao seems like really wanna perm his hair...huh..don want lahz.z.then i know anyother matthew..hahahha....but now matthew's hair no more curly...hahhha....

i am really angry now..damm angry...don ask me why..i wont say..but i am really angry..shit...idiot..damm it..haiz...argh...why am i so gullible...i hate ppl who never keep to their promises..i hate ppl who failed to do what they said..i hate them..jus simply hate...argh..nothin more to say but damm not happy and angry...why am i so easily bullied??forget it..guess this is somethin i should have done and do and think and whatever earlier...fine..forget...don wanna think..the more i think the more angry i get...haiz..disappointed...one moment thot will be closer...the other moment the ideas were crashed...what is this man? fine...fine...

jus now watch a korean drama...named Lovers In Paris..wooo....why everytime, the actress in the show is so fortunate to have being loved by two handsome guys...really handsome charmin smart lookin..hahha...and whenever the girl is in danger or is sad, either one will pop out and help and lay a hand..and lend a shoulder....jus simply do anythin to make her happy...how nice it is? hhaha...
i guess i also should go find ppl to make me happy..i am so tired ready...guess heart is freezin back again...shall stay as ice until the time us right..tired ready....too tired to think bout anythin..hardly had time to really take a good good rest...nothin beats more than this...i hate it...i hate now..i hate everythin...haiz...i am tired..nothin more to say....haiz..want a good holiday alone...relaxin alone...doin everythin alone jus by the beach..should i jus give this a plan?? sounds like a good idea....yeap...i should...hehehe...okie..great...

liftin my heart up,
without failin to break it apart,
each time it hurts knowin the truth,
each time it pains more than previous,
knowin the truth again and again,
i should have seen the clearer and bigger picture,
let my heart be free again...

haiz..thought will have a great holiday...it wasnt that great either...didnt have a good sleep and long sleep...haiz..then met mj and ah hua to watch movie..to our surprise and horror super alot of ppl queuin for the movie tickets...in the end we ended with no shows to watch and went to eat instead..haiz..then after taht take a bus ride down to airport..then i went to meet kyeo and vin..haiz..luo ah..thought gonna visit jas today..but never...then bao went out with mum...hahha...oh gosh...i might see another matthew if bao gona perm his hair...i told him if he is gona perm his hair....i don wanna see him in sch or no birthday celebration for him...although is still some way to come..aiyo...i wonder whether he will really perm his hair...hope he wont...hahhah...don lahz...then ask yeo whats wrong with him...don wanna tell me..then everythin don wanna tell me...sadded...haiz...last sems i keep teasin bao MIA...now this sems is my turn..i MIA this time...hahahha..okie..sorry...catch up with u guys durin my holidays..YAYA..i know got two ppl FLY ready..FLY hor..happily FLYIN...ARGH!!! hahha....okie lahz..
i made a fool out of myself....by tossin coins in front of crowd..hahhaah...paisehz sia..today went to tampines..but the feelin is weird..suddenly it seems so strange and unnfriendly..haha...east..really very long never step into tampines .....hmm..feelin different...hahha...last time thats was my territory...now...strange place...haiz..

then today we went airport cos mj pick up his dad..accompany her there...then hmm memories of hongkong came back..we went to that check in point where we met early in the mornin on NOV 9th...wow...really...i want to go back to that period..i forever one alhz..haiz..

don know...today i arent happy...cos i am tired,felt shag..cheated and jus unhappy....haiz...stupid me...
and somehow today to everyone that i msg..thanks to them..ALL NEVER REPLY MY MSG!!!!!!! haiz..fine....shut my phone up....bye...

yeah..my color again...hmm..my new blogskin nice?? i felt that is pretty not bad huh..hehe.. okie...hmm...hmm...what to say? what to blog...happy things come and go jus like that..like a click...sad isnt it? why cant jus happy things stay as long as it could...stay as long as i want it to be? why? i don understand..we sacrifice so much jus for that bit of happiness..and it jus last for that moment...then is that sacrifice worth? have to think bout it..... sometimes when u thought those ppl who will help u on the way....but i was wrong to think that way....in the end, it doesnt seems to be...my wishful thinkin..... hmm...didnt know my poly life wil be full of ups and downs..downs and ups...thought i will jus lead a lpw profile,borin poly life...but soemtimes is good to be involve...thats what sch are also for...but being too involve isnt that good either...haiz...

there are so many things in my head,my mind...every seconds free, i will tend to think bout somethin...but never get an answer for it...haiz..yupz..

hmm...felt sorry for jasmine..somethin bad happen to her...she were once my very very very best fren..and i was sad that somethin big happen..but i guess she was strong enough to handle it...but i stil feel sad for her...she is always actin strong on the outside..but insidee..i can feel she is super fragile...haiz..jus hope everythin will goes smoothly for her down the road.....

tml holiday!! hurray!!! hahha...

wahz...once again very long never blog..cos not in the mood as well..but why i blog today? Cos wanna say a big HI to kenny and ah hua.... hahah..okok..chat in my tagboard....make me laugh since ah hua say i look so depressed... heehehe...then i will be retarded today k..keep laughin while i blog k...hahahha....hahahha...okie..no lahz..anyway, haven been bloggin too..guess lose the interest and mood to do so? no idea...see...jus now i got alot of things in my mind but cant remember now...wait ah...okie..lets say bout today...i watch the Mr fighting...hmm, dont understand why when fall in love with each other but DONT want to be together....i don know and don understand whats stopping them from droppin of each of their ego,pride to just walk a step forward...weird...cos i realise and finds that it aint easy to find u like and at the same time like u too...i find taiwan drama also have a way of grabbin attention...good story,filmin and actors and actress..while singapore drama are more of homey and family-like..like the recent last episode --you are the one-- i think meili gets her mr charmin in the end..cos she has a heart of gold.. if i were to chose which i wanna be...i will wanna be meiman...cos got a successful carrer and a caring husband...thats just too perfect....okie...enough of television...
lets talk bout Meijie's birthday then....thought it will be a whole group's gathering...but someone never turn up...hahahha....the sushi was horrible as in the food was alright..is jus that i ate alot...take and eat ...take and eat..hahhaha...but was nice...then we make mj eat sushi with quite alot of wasabi..she nearly cried...poor her...hehe..so next victim watch out!!! then after that at night, i bought a cake back and we celebrated it at the esplande and talk alot of crappy things...my face was damm red ....i could feel the heat..hahahha....i think wei is also alittle high that day..hahhaha....then after that me and mj still hang out for awhile...walk down orchard...guess we talk alot..alot...wait for the NR6 superb long...long...then super tired...thats was Meijie's birthday....hope she enjoy...
anyway, i don know whats wrong with me this few days...really think alot..always thinking of the negative side...thinkin of somethin bad...thinkin of this and that...always worry myself for nothin...guess mj is right..i cant go around pleasing everyone..then who wil be the one who please me? not tryin to say i am very good or whatsoever..guess i shouldnt interfere so much......jus live my life....life that i am happy with...
and today monday's blues...me and cher was alittle moody...but jiayi wasnt..anyway,is good to see her not moody..i rather see her lame crap then moody..hehehehehhe....love them to bits man..cos our MORG assignment is quite cool..We are on TV..superstars arent we? hahahha....they always make me happy..we always crap damm alot...therefore i really wished i dont forward my module..pls pls pls...i don want to forward...even i want to work hard now also no use..cos this test i confirm flung...and don have theory test for this..pls ...i wanna be with them the whole three years..is always tiring to get to know new friends..over and over again..so pls let me be with them..pls pls...
okie i am down again...down down down again......

--kenny,hua....my entries long anot? hahhahhahahahaha.....oh ya..today's poker game was damm fun!! we played somethin out of nothin..hahaahaha....great... :) and saw nette today...................is it me or her? am i too sensitive or what? felt somethin missin.........................
okok...shall stop here....back to my OC indiviual presentation this wed....argh..argh..talkin about soccer..any tips...tell me...hahahha....

Memories is a bridge leading to the jail of loneliness,
i could even hear that loneliness is laughin at me,
nevermind the surrounding,
nevermind all the people,
cos after the rain,
i could see a rainbow above the sky.
no more sunsad...
no more hanging moon...
happy things will fall upon you and me...

hmm...it has been some time since i blog...actually wanted to blog long time ago..but jus don have the mood..even now..i don even have..but guess wanna write down some feelings..hmm..since last friday..alot of things happen...really alot...i can hardly breathe..but that saturday has been deeply captured in my mind..and remembered in my heart...never will i forget that day..how long since i am really happy...hmm....have a social event thingy at east coast...then me and mj cycle to the bedok jetty there...we talk and talk..then suddenly the green gang came to the bedok jetty...was really purely concidence...woahz...hahha...cool..then we cycle off together...not back to the chalet..but we cycle further down...we cycle all the way to changi aiport there..damm cool...i was cyclin behind mj,ah hua,kenny and victor...then they cycle in a row..wow...really that picture is captured in my mind...is very nicec...although is only the back view..with the sunsetting as the background...wahz..really beautiful...thats is when i really feel happy..cos somehow nothin bothers me..jus cycle and keep on smilin talkin joke and crappin...i bet our story can film into a nice touchin teen movie..hehe...i cant really describe that feeling...is like with the gang is always so fun adn carefree...i really love that times...is somehow like we are back in hongkong..wahz...damm cool...then we went to see the airport take down..then we were there to guess which plane will come next...i bet on quantas..hahahha..cool..kenny is the bookie...tell u..i can never find anyone as crap as him..can talk to himself on the phone...he is really one crapper..but funny..really funny..i were laughin till my stomachache..ahhha..cool...they really always have way to make me laugh..esp kenny...is really nicee cyclin with them...after this happy period came the sad one..really sad...mj first time see my shed tears..cos i am tired ready..really tired...haiz...but i hope things are fine and good..really ..for both sides..and i am bothered and sad by somethin said ......really..didnt meant to be one...haiz...then moreover manu match was a bored...not excitin and nevertheless was i in the mood to watch...nvm..then after that...we went night cyclin again...heheh...cool huh..this tiem wei finally join us..yeah...yupz..then we had kenny to led the way...wonder soemtiem why he ride so fast...hahha..then i feel the scary part is when we were at geylang..wow!! indeed a night out for me...saw many ah pehs..and uncles there..gosh..didnt know it was so crowded and many ppl there at that late hour...was alittle scared...really...luckily i was with the gang..then after that we went to eat YU TIAO,DUO JIANG...nice nice..really nice...then we ride off again..to esplande..heheh..cool..so quiet there...thought back alot of things..the first time i went esplande ....... the first time i spent into esplande library....the first time i shot my first movie at esplande..the first time i went there to watch fireworks on national day at esplande..the first time i drink there at esplande..the firstt time i wander aorund esplande...woo..alot of things..really ....the most deep impression was the first time i went esplande library..the library damm cool..haha..then we rested awhile...saw how shag my brother was...bet he hasnt been sleepin well for the week...saw how sad mj is...haiz...saw how emotional everyone is...includin me...then we went back...we went to ah hua house for a 2 hour nap but in the end landed ah hua gettin a scoldin..heheh...i slept on the sofa..hten when i woke up...ah hua's dog was beside me...i was shocked...then it came crawling up on me...i have no choice but to use the pillow to slide the dog down the sofa...he isnt scary like other dog..cos it doesnt bark...it cute..hahha..then early in the mornin me and mj went back first...wahz..the first timr i feel that it is freakin cold in the mornin..really cold until i cant cycle..was like freezin...first itmr..then after that we went to sentosa..me,mj and wei and of cos with two of my retarded...hehe..yeah..that saturday cyclin will be deeply remembered..for me .i will really treasure the memories..it is also the first night cyclin i had..haha...yupz..


yesterday's memories became
today's burden....
tml's wish is still far for reach...
never knew the power of today...
cos every minutes can change a thing...
sometime,jus have to stop and think...
things wont turn out so bad ......

hey..what am i doin here at this hour? should be in school at this time..hahha..but i never go sch...oh gosh....guess how lazy i can get....haiz....but nvm..am here to blog about somethin....
haiz....i don know whats gotten into me this few days..seems like i arent myself...i guess tired isnt the reason anymore....guess my mind is back into thinkin and more thinkin....mj really trigger back some past memories...didnt realise it until she mention it...and didnt realise how bad am i...gosh..even i cant forgive myself....how else am i suppose to be forgiven....guess liking wont last...and tired of a No ending,ending....whats the use of likin anyway? when there wont be any ending...only waste time lookin out for that person....only wasting time to make him happy...only wasting efforts to impress him....hmm..i think in the end is jus purely a waste of time..but if in the end get to together..then congrates...but theres a chinese song that goes like this... "I am tired of the NO ENDING,ending...in the end we are back at the same point again" yupz..isnt it quite true...am i too persistent to keep on hangin onto a No ENDING thingy...yupz..i think feelin is slowly fadin....and i wish it fade away soon....but i know right now i still care....at the very least i still care....
i know i got alot of things to write last night..but it was jus too late to write last night cos i reach home at 1....we at kallang playin a friendly and had some physical trainin..then in the end i never take a train home...i took a bus home..my second time takin bus no. 80....i remember my first time takin bus no.80 was took startin from sengkang all the way to the endin point harbour front...then take back again...thats was my first time sittin on a bus ride from one end to the other....hahha...that was a funny experience though...took it with one of my fren...but yesterday, the ride home was quiet and could see the outside cos it was pitch dark....alot of things ring a bell in my head now...guess i still love the sec sch periods...i no need to put up a face infront of ppl i don know in sch...cos in sec sch,almost everyone know each other..so everywhere i go...i jus put up a smile and say HI..but in this sch...i gave a look, and walked away....Wahz..how unfriendly am i..... that shouldnt be..hahah..hmm..anyway,suddenly things came crashin back....have yet to take a breath..guess tml i will catch my breath while spendin some time alone....guess i am thinkin too much again...stupid me...

never knew the truth hurts,
never knew the reason is useless,
never know how stupid i can be,
ruinin somethin i couldnt,
but no use thinkin again,
cos i couldnt turn back time.
happy the way it is now,
happy that we are happy now.
smilin everytime,
hidin the sorrow in me....

hahha..arent i talented to write this stuffs..hahhahahahhahaha....no lahz..jujs jokin...ojkok...enjoy my short poems...things around me gave me inspirations for all the poems i wrote .....:)

wooo..never blog for so long..yupz..busy is once thing...but nothin to blog is also another thing...is sort of boring to blog what i did today...like i say..who the hell wants to know..if only the day,somethin special happen? or i have some strong feelings or somethin in my heart i really feel like screaming out!!! now i do....
been talkin to mj and wei yesterday about some stuffs....we talk bout our past...our hongkong trip...everything...talkin back again brings me back to some stuffs..suddenly i feel like goin back to sec 5 ...not for my friends this time...for somethin i regret doing...YAR...now i regret....regret for not being consistent...cos i might never know the outcome...and now i will never....now i deeply felt the phrase which goes like"u will only regret when u really lost it" yar...i am regretting now....but isnt it abit to late or very late for me to realise..hahhah..what a joker am i..never knew how much things we went thru and time spent...now i realise how much i missed...now i realise the interruption of some stupid asshole ruin everythin....but why it took me so long to realise what i have really lost? sincee yesterday talk...the memories keep flowing in my head..remindin me how much and what we went thru...i am not thinkin of what...but the memories flew back again...actually,never once did this memories came flowin back...after so long..this is the first time...funnny how...i think is bcos mj asked me that question...it caught me thinkin...today i am thinkin ...yesterady i was thinkin it to sleep....and saw how foolish am i...but it has gone...became a past which cant be changed..and maybe there is really always a reason behind somethin that had happen....i shall knwo it someday or i will never know...
see what i meant by gettin tired of always fallin in love which there wont be any outcome, cos the feelin inside started to fade.....cos time fades everythin....i believe so...only how long u take...long,short,fast,slow....up to u....for me..i guess it takes a long time...although feelings haven faded totally...but it is fadin slowly...maybe i realise soemthin that makes my feeling fades....always never had a good endin when i like someone...so it gettin tired again..once my heart was made of ice..but now is slowly icin up again...maybe is good icin up again...cos is always tirin to love someone...and always hurrt to know the truth...is always sad to know that i am not good enough....see..suddenly feelin so much...hmm...guess feelin this kinda of things are really unexplainable...searchin deep and never will find an answer....curious to find but always end up disappointed...whats got into me feelin so emotinoal once again....
mj read my blog and say she read alot of sad stuffs..yar..truthfully speakin, it hard to find me writin somethin happy really happy about myself...cos all things happen aornd me arent what i thought it could be at least mostly arent .....but was hapy seein how happy my retarted ones are(jiayi and cher) they area always the one that really make me happy....and jus hope that green gang and netabll gang be happier again...and i haven been meetin up with F4 for so so so long..guess is time to meet up soon..i hope i will stand up again....

things never occur to me,
never did i knew ur existence,
it took me 2 years to see the truth,
took me 2 seconds to realise the past,
took me 2 days to refresh the memories,
took me 2 minutes to remember u....
that hold on to me....
but things are happy as the way it is...
cos this is the best endin it could ever get....