haiz..is my free time now...cos i never go to my PTN lunch..anti-social ah..but troublesome lahz..cos we have to travel to holland V although it isnt far from our sch..but the weather now is damm hot!! somemore my bag heavy and i carryin my shoe bag...cannot lahz..and if i go..i confirm very boring one...so i used my free time to sort of re-write some stuffs on the sports club notice board beautify it..hahhahhaha...what a joke..then after that i did my drafts for my GDIT assignment.i hope in the end it will turn out nice..and it will create another surprise again..hehehe... but sorry for nothin going..i don mix well with my class ppl though...hehe...and this few days i have been havin stupid and bad dreams...stupid becouse cannot say...but i feel so stupid lahz..really man..then for bad is scary....i dreamt of me sleepin..then in my sleep i woke up..see some shadows at my window then i got up in those sit up position but was been pushed down again..it repeated a frequents of time...and in the time in my dream,i woke up from my sleep..then i went back to sleep..then this few days i also have very weird dreams..is like i am not totally in sleep..i am dreamin..aiya..is hard for me to explain..but it seems kinda of scary lahz.haiz...then don dare to sleep ready..
then yesterday woke up to watch Manu match...haiz..actually i think they played quite well..that goal scored was a fault made by caroll....cos he never catch the ball firmly....he blocked the ball..then let go..in the end AC MILIan striker shot it in...wahz...sad ah..really sad..a goal not supposed to be scored!!! haiz...okie..later havin trainin..tired..sleepy...haiz..tml workin as well.... haiz....

Oh yeah..finally, i am here to blog about my sentosa trip with my best goodie frens...two retardeds...hahhaha...YESH!! finally,we managed to made our first sentosa trip successful!!! were so happy goin sentosa with two of them...Cher and Jiayi...hahhaha...but sorry to say..i was super late..cos i overslept...i forgot what i did the night before..guess was online..heheh...then after that,rush down to meet them...so happy seein them!! Hurray!!! then after that, saw sheena at harbour front MRT station..erm..was a little shocked though seein her then...very concidence..heeh...after that we proceed to PALAGWAN BEACH!! Yippe....we took monorail...Cher as usual...love actin..so she act like a tourist..takin pictures where the monorail is...oh ya..and one ANG MOH baby fall in love with dear Jiayi..he never took his eyes off her..hahahhaha....okie..then we reach the beach and cross over to another small island..found a place and settle down...put tanninn lotion...Cher put super alot..hahha..oh ya..and at first was so happy cher also brought towel..hehehe..indeed she bought a super small towel..enough for lyin my head..hehe..but nvm..we cramped together...warmed mahz..ahhah..then we play ball and freezbie...heheh...cool..then finally we went into the water...then wahz..so far in the water..me and cher swim to the big floatin wooden plane..and lie down to sun tan..then swim back to our dear jiayi..and we took a lot of retarded photos..really alot..hehe..and we really have fun..we sun tan awhile..when the sun gone into hidin,we played ball and freezbie...when the sun come out..we hurry lie down and tan..super funny sia...hahhahaha..i love them....hahhaha..we had a happpy time..really happy time!! yeah...we goin soon again!! :)

today saw SUPERNOVA perform..wooo..cool..so POWER!! and ncie..i think they have the potential to release an album..and memorise all the young girls..then today we keep teasin cher with bu xiang..ehhehe...and gems today was alittle borin though.. hehehe... :)

at every certain times, there are people passing by me....chinese,malay,india,female,male,kids,baby,children,teenages,adults,elderly....
who knows i might know someone at a later time...we merely jus missed each other at
that very second...but if fate allows...we will be friends...takin train everyday...see
many different kinds of people...different types...friendly,isolate,quiet,noisy,readin,hardworkin,sleeping..all kinds of people...
actually isnt it interesting that i get to see so many kinds of different people in this world? i know there are more that i have not yet seen...but at least i saw multi-racial people in my country...
saw loving couple...saw lonely soul..saw laughin friends..saw harmony family...what a beautiful world this can be...sometimes human really need to think on the other side of life...see life in another view..this will in turn allows myself,yourself to be happier....dwell on sad things will only brings u misery...but thats human..human jus love to make themselves look pityful...
i wish i could see more beautiful world outsidee...out of my country...more different kinds of human..different characters..understand every soul...every feeling they try to express...isnt that nice?

till now i am still figuring out..what kind of person am i? sometimes i think i am being too nice...until i feel that i am so fake..but i know that there are two frens of mine that i truly shown them my true self...
but to others..i feel that i am acting..jus actin to show concern..acting to grab attention? am i this kind of person...how can i feel this way? gosh...i feel that the more i act, the more fake i am...but sometimes to some frens..i treat them cold for awhile..but i still be nice..maybe at that point i am pissed at somethin or even them but i kept everything to myself....i know that friendship are the most precious..cos i feel that is really fate that brought friends together..and stay together....not everybody can be close friends..jus like me,cher and jiayi...me,mj,nette.wei and green gang....me and F4...me and hui they all...me and my collegues...yupz..is fate that brought us together..cherishin each other is important...but i feel that love is so vunerable...is can jus destroy someone jus like that..and can make someone feel like flying...is so fragile...can break it jus like that...how could someone make it stronger? i think the answer lies in that person himself/herself..... but how do u know love struck u?

avoiding is somethin i chose,
reality is somethin i scared,
truth is always surfacing,
dare is always not in me,
people i thought could be trustworthy
always turns out wrong.
i am afraid to confide,
i am timid to face.
maybe the reason lies in me.
tryin too hard to please everyone including myself!

all the best to myself for my projects!!! haiz... Uncreatively Chunpei Signin off----

can someone be so kind and jus sit by helpin her loved one winnin the heart's of his loved one? what is love...sometime love is jus somethin that no one will understand at all! absolutely no one...is difficult to understand...no matter how hard u try..u can never fully understand it...is really so nice being loved by someone...he will try his ways and means to make u happy...bring u out of the dark road that u are in..and be there whenever u need him....isnt that nice...but will u chose someone that make u happy or u will chose a person that u love? in another words..will be rather be pamper ? wahz...sometimes a person inner self is beautiful..is a matter on how it is being figured out...how it is being shown out...things dont always have a answer to solve it...cos u will never find the answer when the question is never out yet....so don try to understand love..jus enhoy love...isnt it?
one word to describe it...complicated...every story have a female and male lead, female and male supporting actors....and some extras...but it the end..the story still only revolve around the female and male lead...it will based on them,the story will then continue...the supporting actors and actress are to jus add some sparks and excitement to the show.. everytime wonderin and pondering how will this show ends...what will happen?what is the twist behind it?everythin..

i wrote based on the show i jus watch..Mr Fighting...a new show acted by 5566...is super nicec.Renfu very chamrin and handsome inside..Sun Xie Zhi also not bad...love them both...i pity that girl who have been doin all those things for renfu to help him win his heart of the girl he like...she is dointhis to maintain the close relationship of theirs.."He Happy and I will be happy" she always tell herself this to comfort herself...but is it in the end be alright if she were to see him and her toether...wont she get jealous and eventually walked away from him...
i bet the day she walked away,renfu will feel lonely..and no one there to help him solve his problems..i love this show..ehhee....
and i had a fulfilin and packed weekend...happy too..on fri i met up with my levis Ex-staffs....OOOO....I missed them..finally we see each otehr..hehhehe....yeah...then before that me and cher went to watch constantine...damm nice and scary lahz..then after that went ot my work steamboat...haah...cool!!! yeah..then after that sat was in sch the whole day for some sch eveny..and today!!Hurray...good day spent!!! hehee..

what is it that is into me? i guess i gone berserk figuring out things...i am tired..really tired...hmm,i guess there are alot lof of different kinds of people...people who are trustable,friendly,unfriendly,see things lightly,see things heavily,easy-going,arrogant,fierce,talkative,quiet,introvert, there are jus too many kinds of people we are facing everyday. you cant jus judge a person by how he/she is by jus talkin a few minutes with them... different people see things in different view..u might be jokin but u never know the person might take it seriously.....theres where conflicts and fights take place...some can take jokes but not all can...there are just too many different kinds of people...hmm...for me..sometimes i think i am very biased at times and have motive behind..i think i am not a good person...always tryin hard to be one...but i think the more i try hard to be one good person...the more it reflects how fake i am...so i think i should jus face and present myself naturally....guess things hasnt gone my way...guess somethings are being exposed...guess somethings i cant avoid...guess somethings i am fadin...guess i am jus not me....
to me,is funny how can a person be so deeply in love with another...those that will go mad without seein that person for jus a day? it amazing...how strong he felt for that girl...its wonderful to be treated this way...but its tiring for both....
but now come to think of it..i think i hate this FOUR words --LOVE!! it always cant get any better.... it brings hurt,saddness and all kinds of problems...many many problems...too much to handle...although it does brings some good points..but i still feels love huurts....
HURRAY!! DONE WITH MY TESTS!! 2 test only..but i like cannot take it le..esp WEBP...wahz..i think i really cannot make it..i don want to fail...haiz..damm it!! then DBMS i also don think i can make it..shit..what if i fail? i don want to forward module..okok..CHUNPEI must study hard okie?
and i am really glad that jiayi and cher is always with me...and we always know how to distress and have funn..i jus love them lots..hahhaha...okie..i am not a les...but as friends..i love them..hehe...
i spent Valentine day eatin Ajisen...hehe..cool..i ate that at hongkong..and now back in singapore..hehhe...nice nicec..yummy nicec..heheh..yeah yeah..and i spent Vday with my 4 dearest fren...Meijie,Yen wei,victor and brandon..hahha..and i love the presents they got for me..thanks thanks..hehehehe....hope u guys like mine too.. :)
today had a little problem while trainin..but i hope wei will be alright.don think too much..i think u think too much le...jus cool..hahaha...
okie..thats all for now...
i was amazed how i could do it..
i was proud of myself..
to shut myself...
but in the end...
i hide in a corner cryin..
i failed again...
tired,sleepy,body aches--Chunpei signin off.....

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY!!!

sorry cant blog have to study..will blog when my test is over...if not my siao eh will scold..hahaha...okie..no lahz.jokin...

i lost the sense to write..i lost the mood to write..what have gone so wrong into me? caramel lost her sweetness...she hate herself to be like this...she jus isnt herself...she always find excuses to tell herself that"oh maybe i am jus tired, i will be okie after i have enough of rest" but it always doesnt work..it doesnt...no matter how hard she try to find soem excuses to cover her unhappiness and moodiness, she cant seems to convince herself...crackin up some lie to cover herself...she went crazy figurin out stuffs that was a past tense...she doesnt want to go crazy again figurin out the problem this time..last time,she got a crazy fren be there to help her figure it out..but this time,there a distant between her and this fren of hers...is always difficult for her to meet up with him..there goes another fren again...thats why she hated makin new frens..cos they wont last...sometimes it isnt that they hated each other, but inconvience or time drove frens apart..no matter how hard tryin to meet up, it jus doesnt allow...she is really tired this time...ppl came knockin at her door and broke that ice.....but once she opened the door,the person knock on the wrong door and went away...can u imagine how tirin it is for her to keep openin a wrong door for a wrong person? she wish she could jus stay away from the door and findin someone to guide that door for her....but she knows that the more she wish for, the more it will stay away..but she also cant stop herself from wishin,hopin and everythin...thats jus her..or should she say that jus human being..never fails to think,wish,fantasie..sometimes is hard to figure out what a person is thinkin,actin and the motive behind everythin he/she does..she is always bad is figurin out...already been 2 years and she still failed...what a failure can she be....jus a caramel for decor...and not a caramel for consume.....haiz...
was super sad, was watchin a korean show jus now..i am addicted to it partly because of the handsome guy inside the show...ooo..he is really very handsome and cool...he is a guy that doesnt show his feeling..when he cares, he shows that he doesnt care but deep inside his heart, he really really care but doesnt wanna show it...a person who look hard outside but is soft inside...i love him...seriously,although he never really did alot of things for the girl but i love him...and if i were the girl i will chose him instead of luxury...but i guesss the girl choice luxury instead of him although the endin haven been showed...
is fusrating to see two person are in loved yet no one wants to make a move or whyh they jus cant be together..is circumstances around them make them cant be together..is so heart pain to see them not together...is not easy to find someone u like and at the same time like u too...so whats the hesitation for? idiot...i hate this kind of story..i really really pity that guy...although he never show how much he care for her...but behind her back, he did alot of things too...it hurt him to see those things she did...it hurts him to see she crys...it hurts him to hear her being called name..it hurts him to see her throw her pride...it hurts him the way it hurts her...what a show..i love that guyh.....but don know his name..hehehe....cool guy..hehe..but i really hope the endin is the girl with that guy although i know the chances are slim...haiz...

you came knockin at the door of my heart,
break the ice,
and melt the coldness.
the moment the ice is broken,
you opened ur mouth,
and told me,
you knock on the wrong door.
jus walkin away without closin the door,
leavin it to close itself.
leavin the ice to see the back of urs!

Shag-Tired-Confuse-Sad----Chunpei signin off.....

oh..hmm..it seems plain...actually i was readin my previous blog jus now..and guess i am really down this month or rather say the start of a new year...how can someone be so sad even in Chinese new year....was glad to see my cousin so happy and hyper cos she is so sad last year....she regain herself and stand up again...it took her one year..and the first few months was tough....how can someone be so sweet and in the end trash that wonderful dream of urs ...jus like...pullin u to a very high place and drop u down..landed with a big "Thud".... how pain it is..how hurt u can...how much time u need to stand back on ur feet again..no one is helpin u...u are there to do it by urself.... it was definitely sweet to see what he did for my cousin...its hard to find guys that are so sweet...certainy i was touched..but it shows me again..love cant be everlastin...but seein another of my cousin...wahz...i envy her...she and her bf have been together from like 5,6 years? thats definitely damm long....things always have two side..it up to be how i weigh and see it...
and somehow i tend to see things wider now....my cousin tells me some negative things about me....is true..i cant deny that..but i am tryin not to be so as well...i thought i was good..but i was wrong..i was never good....but worse..never know that...haiz..
and on the first night of CNY, i went to changi airport with my cousins...
haiz...i miss the times....it brings me back to 9th nov when i was goin to airport when the sun haven even rise...and was takin a flight to hongkong at 7 with netballers and sports club ppl...it really brings me back..and reachin the airport..i reall miss it....haiz...shit..cos is like since touchdown from hongkong i haven been to the airport for like 3 months..and now...i went back..haiz..somemore i went ot the view and saw my ex-collgues...oh my...i was lucky i saw FAD workin..IZAN as well..oh yesh,IZAN...'serious go hospital' he always said that to me...hahha...oh gosh..my work placee..when i used to work...was sad to see them cos miss them..but was happy that i left that placee...haiz...how coem this new year brought back so many memories..and today i went to play pool with my cousin near his house..then in front of us was 4 ppl....3 malays one chinese...it reminds me of myself..really reminds me of myself...gosh..what happen to me? what is so wrong with me? i don know...i am definitely happy with my frnes now..but i don understadn the drastic change in me..imagine i hate chinese before..what is in me man..i don understand myself..i cant find myself...things are definitely not gettin better...what is the rubbish i keep givin myself...shit...
wishin for a never come true fairytale,
hope a magic ward will help,
even with magic ward,
i don have the magic words,
who will tell me what the magic words is.
i believe that someone is the key to my heart,to my fairytale...

FIRSTLY, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
hahha...okoko..somehow i got alot of things that i feel and kept inside...but is like i cant say it out...i don know how to .....don nkow how to explain how i feel and everythin....so fast another year passed...last year...i had a sad new year...only i know the reason why....this year...it didnt get any better.....so many things changed...my friends changed, my environment change..my piority changed..everythin changed..my heart changed as well....surprisin? no..it isnt..hahha..i don understand somethings..don understand why i changed, why my friends changed? was chattin with one old fren...i remember myself, that there was a period of time when i hate makin new frens..hate keep on makin new frens..cos i know that one day is either i walked away or they walked away....friendship isnt everlasting..sorry but i am greedy..i want everlasting friendship and i treasure everlasting friendship..i never walked out on my fren..but last year i did..and the funny thing is i walked away without a reason...i guess it isnt that ppl changed..is bcos u arent by their side for a period of time and didnt see the things and difficulties and stuffs taht went thru....
i guess if i hadnt walked out on sheena and ruzaini..i guess i don think they have changed now..cos i am watchin and accompanyin them and knowin what they are doin and their reasons..is bcos i walked away that allows me to have this distant from them , don understand them therefore i realise that they have changed!
last time when i were still close with them i am thinkin.."wahz..cool i get to experience a traditional malay weddin...and they are my best friends...we went thru so much togehter" but i guess this idea no longer in my mind....fuunny huh..how i can jus walk away...yar....is new year...and i am not really lookin forward for anythin...not at all...i am down..but i guess i will stand up real soon..cos i trust myself!!! right chunpei?

OOOOO!!! i met my dearest fren..my best fren JIAYI in town today..hahhaha..oooo..awww!! miss her man!! but only like three days never see her...ahahhahaha..then we keep jokn and laughin...hahha....too bad cher not there..oh..miss them..haha..but was really happy bumpin into her in town..hahaha...see her and jasper..cool!! hahhaha.....FRENS!! miss u guys lahz..\wonderin how i cope with one month holiday without seein u guys...hahhaa...haah...

wish everyone a good year ahead........

caramel is lost of words what to write..but she know how much she felt but it cant be explained clearly jus like that...sometimes she wonder why two person love each other but bcos of some cirumstances they cant be together..what is the reason for torturin each other?don understand...

anyway,i guess i know the reason behind the tears i shed that particular day...wazh..my emotions act faster than my mind....cant stop it though..first time experiencin it that i jus cant stop the tears from fallin down..i don know why..but is jus like that..and i know the reason behind it..and i guess my feelings started to fade...and when feelin fade i hope is for the best....this few days i lost the touch of bloggin..sorry for being so anythin writein....

droppin by to write somethin...

Life is like swimming,
when the water is clear
u swim smoothly.
But when the pool is crowded,
u have to change course to aviod bumpin into one another.
Life is jus the same,
it may be clear sometimes,
but there are times when u reach a difficult or hard time,
and need to change ur path and u find ur road to reach the end.

oh no...caramel is in a lump of super shit...somethin is goin wrong...what is it? she really doesnt understand huumans...even herself..what is her meanin livin in this world? she feel like a useless shit...nothin she can do properly...nothin...haiz...

oooo....i am tired..cos have been goin to the netball booth for the open house...was hopin to see someone familiar..but saw no familiar faces....then today is the deadline for MORG..was rushin last niht..but i couldnt make it....so intend to do it in sch...then after that went to tend the booth cos no one was there...stayed there awhile with nette then went back..cos need to rush my project..then i was in the lab for freakin 4 cold long hours..jus for the MORG..but to my surprise..i manage to finish..in the first place was quite satisfied with my own work..but then upon seein jiayi and cher...mine like no hope...hahhaha..then nvm..after that i went to meet my sir..victor ...he came to my foodcourt to eat..then accompany him eat..then after that went down to the booth and find the rest...was alitte tired and shag...then saw MJ....Wei werent happy...then after that stayed there till 5...long hours..then after that..
YEAH...the gang of us went out again..this time got mary following us...hehe....so long sincec we go town togethere again..hahhaha...but somehow i am happy cos we are goin out together..but somehow i am moody..couldnt make my hilarious laughters...so i was quiet....but was happy to see MJ happy..but hope is really comin out from her heart.....she worry about me bein so unhappy...maybe i am jus tired..but the funny thing is ..if i were to see cher and jiayi at town that time..i will be hyper back again..they always have ways and means to make me hyper..hehe..then today also...awww...gonna miss them for one weekk...hehehe..then after that we walked town area...we are really like in hongkong...took stupid pictures at hereen..aiyo..so malu...hahha...but it was fun..hehe..then after that i remain silent and quiet...don know..hahhah...sorry to say,for no reason i am shedin tears, for nohtin my tears couldnt control itself......when i am alone, it came down jus like that....but hope tml is a better day..tired...will blog tml...haven finished...got more things to write..
hehhe..

oooo....wweeee......caramel is unusual...somethin is goin wrong again..argh..she hate it..but she is happy for herslef..she finish readin my storybook in 6 days...unbelieveable...somethin she never thot she oculd do it..serious man..guess that book is super addictive that she cant get it off her any moment...she feel satisfied!! serious...cos she finish readin the book..and it did say is unexpected..but somehow whiule readin to the end...i can sense the real truth behind it..hehehe....she is clever..smart...okie..no lahz..she is stupid..haiz..she isnt sure of herself...always make promise for herslef to break it..once and once again promise herself somethin..but in the end never keep up to her promise and broke it again...haiz...yupz...and she want to know stuffs and make her forget about it....everytime when she thought she did it..the more it will tend to prove to her that she didnt..she got no ideas what wrong with her...keep wantin to pull away but couldnt do so...keep wanted to avoid but somehow it cannot be done..no idea whats wrong..actually she saw a clear picture of everythin..but she cant let go...still stubbornly fall in...she is stupid lahz..cannot blame....haiz..

ohyeah...recently..since tue and wed..me jiayi and cher have been one crazy lot...seriously one crazy lot...tue as usual got GEMS mahz...then we always so hyper and happy..even before that we were havin lectures...we also damm hyper...crappin again..then today also..wahz..cannot tan han ah..keep saunin each other...hahha...power...seriously man..they make my poly life better...really so much better..theyh are my dearly partners and friends..we really share everythin together....thot couldnt find any good friends in poly..but i am lucky to find this two crappy retarted friends...Cher and Jiayi .... i love u guys...The most lahz..hahhahhahahahhaha.....cant wait for tml's funn...hahhahha...of cos beside them...in sch still got MJ,Wei,Nette,Diana,Rhoda,Mary,Brandon,Victor,Yonghua,Small Dan,Kenny to make my days better...our netball times..our chillin times..our crappin sessions..hahhahahhahah....hurray....but i ahve been very slack this sems...seriously slack...argh..chunpei buck up k..hehehhe....yupz.

Hurray hurray hurray!! POWER!!! MAN U won their rivals ARSENAL!!! YEAH MAN!!! MAN U THE BEST READY...i woke up yesterday to watch the match..then when i on..i immediately saw arsenal's goal..disappointed ready...then first half not in the mood to watch..only till second half..from eyes closin until my eyes wide open..damm excitin sia...man u keep attackin....then arsenal defend...arsenal keep attackin then man u defend..not a minute or even second they arent relaxed...so excitin and thrill..hahhaa....then power..2nd half MAN U scored 3 goals...two by ronaldo and one by o'shea..power!! yeah yeah...i hate arsenal's fans..so bad and noisy and sore loser..hahhaha..but i like ashely cole lehz...he played pretty well for england..hehehe...okie..nice eone man u... all the way...thats the way..never regret wakin up yesterday to watch..but it make me havin poor performance for my netball trainin today..cant even defend well..not tryin to make any excuses for myself maybe too tired not enuff sleep then concentration level drop..me and yenwei damm disappointed in ourselves for defendin i felt so useless as a defender today..DAMM IT!!! haiz...how? hahhah..must buck up too...netball is sort of my life too..hahahha...

okok..super tired and sleepy ready....

wonderin how long it will take me to read my new book....

ponderin-sleepy-Chunpei signin offf......