oh..hmm..it seems plain...actually i was readin my previous blog jus now..and guess i am really down this month or rather say the start of a new year...how can someone be so sad even in Chinese new year....was glad to see my cousin so happy and hyper cos she is so sad last year....she regain herself and stand up again...it took her one year..and the first few months was tough....how can someone be so sweet and in the end trash that wonderful dream of urs ...jus like...pullin u to a very high place and drop u down..landed with a big "Thud".... how pain it is..how hurt u can...how much time u need to stand back on ur feet again..no one is helpin u...u are there to do it by urself.... it was definitely sweet to see what he did for my cousin...its hard to find guys that are so sweet...certainy i was touched..but it shows me again..love cant be everlastin...but seein another of my cousin...wahz...i envy her...she and her bf have been together from like 5,6 years? thats definitely damm long....things always have two side..it up to be how i weigh and see it...
and somehow i tend to see things wider now....my cousin tells me some negative things about me....is true..i cant deny that..but i am tryin not to be so as well...i thought i was good..but i was wrong..i was never good....but worse..never know that...haiz..
and on the first night of CNY, i went to changi airport with my cousins...
haiz...i miss the times....it brings me back to 9th nov when i was goin to airport when the sun haven even rise...and was takin a flight to hongkong at 7 with netballers and sports club ppl...it really brings me back..and reachin the airport..i reall miss it....haiz...shit..cos is like since touchdown from hongkong i haven been to the airport for like 3 months..and now...i went back..haiz..somemore i went ot the view and saw my ex-collgues...oh my...i was lucky i saw FAD workin..IZAN as well..oh yesh,IZAN...'serious go hospital' he always said that to me...hahha...oh gosh..my work placee..when i used to work...was sad to see them cos miss them..but was happy that i left that placee...haiz...how coem this new year brought back so many memories..and today i went to play pool with my cousin near his house..then in front of us was 4 ppl....3 malays one chinese...it reminds me of myself..really reminds me of myself...gosh..what happen to me? what is so wrong with me? i don know...i am definitely happy with my frnes now..but i don understadn the drastic change in me..imagine i hate chinese before..what is in me man..i don understand myself..i cant find myself...things are definitely not gettin better...what is the rubbish i keep givin myself...shit...
wishin for a never come true fairytale,
hope a magic ward will help,
even with magic ward,
i don have the magic words,
who will tell me what the magic words is.
i believe that someone is the key to my heart,to my fairytale...