4th blogskin

hey..this is my 4th blogskin!!

welcome to comment..

but i am lovin it...

hahah

don act as if u know everything

i am terribly bursting in fire today, basically i have nothing to do the whole day, rotting in front of my com as usual.

cut it short then, she doesnt know anythin bout html and tryin to act as if she knows, what i tell her she jus doesnt understand and keep standing on her stand and insist she is correct, come on... though i am not good in html, at least i am better than u...
you tryin to tell me that you are correct and want it your way? fine, i will not argue anymore... i shall jus abide your say, my lord....

broken english everywhere, sometimes i wonder whether she really stayed there for like 6 years? god..

when is this going to be done?
havin nothin to do, people should be please to have nothing to do, but i am not at all... nothing to do... people givin u this "kinda" stares..like u are lazy not doing anything..Come on... i jus have nothing to do...
i said i want to tolerate all the shits given, but sometimes i jus need to vent out...

i seriously wished for all this to end..please...please...i am jus wasting my time sitting in front of the com trying to find things to do...what is this?

my eyes are swollen today, not bcos of not having enough of sleep, but i cried real hard yesterday... it was jus a show, a person died in the show, but from starting of the show i cried til the end...god...amazing..and i cried real hard..very very hard...did the show really made me cry so hard? wahz... i don know and don want to know...but i love cryin so hard..made me feel better..

things jus arent that good...it has been bad..but everytime frens asked me "hey how are u doing", i would jus plainly reply " oh, i am doing fine..thanks" but in fact i am not fine at all or should i say bad...real bad....depression hittin on me again? god..who knows what depression wants...

i am here whinning again........

if u cant face it and you don wanna face it,
the best thing that u can do,
is to avoid it...

drama and dramas..........

i just watched back some of the clips of laguna beach, kinda of miss it...

all the dramas, the bitches, the backstabbing, anything that can happen there.. it was a nice show..reality? once i was so into laguna beach, the california, the orange country, their lifestyle, their lifes, their everything...

am i thinking too much into a drama? L.C i like this girl in the drama, more true and more.... she jus seems more pleasing to me..of cos, i want her to be with stephen, but reality.... u cant control their feelings right... just feel that she deserved someone better than jason.... jerk, like kristin has described him to be...how true can reality be? this question is getting interesting...

i feel, different country has their way of filming their dramas, their shows, their way of expressing different emotions.... is just their style....

i jus miss laguna beach with L.C and Stephen.... they jus make a good pair...and i totally admire L.C, cos she is in fashion design...i admire i envy...she is jus living the life i always wanted and wished for... but not the man...hahah..







fine, is another 2 months to go, wahz.. 4 months in total when i am done with itp, is gettting way too long, is getting far too dragging and is getting boring day by day.... having putting a fake smile, give me a break, i am tired....
once again, i cant see my future with me, i cant see my goals in life...

am i standing there again, starting to wonder, what have i done to my life, and what will my life eventually turn out to be? like i say, it seels like i have achieve nothing in life, but stick with dramas everyday....

dramas is new everyday, how u live everyday depends on how the scriptwrite writes ur story? how he wants the story to have a twist today? or let it lie low for jus a day? or u've got urself a bad scriptwriter, writing a dull and boring story for ur life....

i guess it just suits me perfectly, i've got myself a bad scriptwriter....

could i change scriptwriter?

wahz... i am here once again!
do i have anything to say? yes i do!
beside having 2 more months to endure which i hope times pass like flying rocket! there are so much more things i have to vexed about.

it has always been the same old thing..same old thing...
netball, had a match..but i don know what i am playing... i don know how i fare, i cant communicate... i am givin myself excuses like, it has been so long since i played a match.. first time, so should be excuse... shut up..there is no excuses like that, i have been playin netball for like 7 years..god..i have been playin netball for freaking long 7 years... but i am still there..i don see myself going up...thats why i want to give up..now i cant perform, i cant play well...again i give myself excuses . ..cos i cant play GK....i just cant play that position ..but almost all the coaches like to put me as that..i don understand.. though this cant be a good excuses, there is also no such excuse.. whichever position i am given i should play it well and perform...so in the end what am i doing? i am not being a helpful player on court.... never defend till the end, and now injure myself... miss the next match? who knows...
hahha..talking as if like some big match...which is just small match...stupid me.....

people changes at different stages, their perspectives, their likes and dislikes, their character....

don know where to put my face!

alright..got alot alot alot of things to say, but some cant be published! haha...

but anyway, working life.. i all long thought, wahz..working life, something i have always wished for. like being a career woman? have my own career, car, my status, sounds great.
but this attachment make me realise alot alot of reality in working world, no one will pity you like we sympathy with our own classmates, no one will help you if u ever need any, no one will care your death or survival. what they think is themselves, whether they excel in the company, whether they earned what they should, whether they gain the trust from their superior, whatever they will be recognised. they have only themselves, they jus think of themselves, no one will pity you, you have to earn what you get. thats simple but cruel. isnt it?

attachment, before i stepped into ATTACHMENT, i was thinking, wahz..working life, at least i get to experience what it really is. but now, i don want that. is getting tiring..have to handle alot alot of things. beside working from 8.30 to 6...mon and thurs i have to go back training. though i really once wanted to give up, maybe thats the place i get divert my stress and unhappiness in that sports and jus give all out.. by the time i reach home is 7..i am so tired...wakin up is the killing part...

before everythin, i was still thinking, oh..maybe after i graduate, i could work firsrt before studying again...but now i never have that thought..i don wanna work! i think i wont be mentally prepared.!!

and i am so so so so so ashamed now!! right now!! argh....hahaha..

alot of things i want to say, but is either it slipped off my mind or .............................

once i love camera, cos i want to keep every happiness down, taking pictures of them, so i will remembered all the happy things or things that i went thru, but now i have a different thinking,i felt that camera cant capture the moment of emoions that stirred up. what really capture that moment of happiness,emotions and picture is my eyes and heart..my eyes capture that moment, my heart felt the emotions.. ya...then no longer storing the pictures in the computer, i shall store it in my brain, playing back sometimes when i feel like it, doesnt this sound logical? i thought it does...

what has gotten into me? everyone is saying i am down and sad? am i ? makes me sound so pathetic,feel like crying already..is not that i am down and sad, i guess is just that, i am not happy and not having funn like i always use to.. i miss myself, i miss myself having lots and lots and lots of fun,i miss myself when i am myself...is it that every year, people have to go through depression? F*** i hate that...depression sucks!! here i am stuck in attachment worse, no cher no jiayi equals to no fun..

Victor aked me " why am i working so hard for?" work from monday to sunday...ya..why am i working so hard for? i am not in need of cash... then why the hell am i working so hard for? i told him, " Good question but i don have the answer" i don even know why the hell i am working so hard for...tolerate customer's ignorance, impatient and everything...so why am i working so hard for? can someone help me find the answer...??

i failed to meet my frens everytime.. esp luo,vin and yeo...haha..they say i never mention them here...YES I DID..pls go refer to my very long ago post......i did! haha...of cos i have to mention them, they are the only secondary school frens i left with..pathetic again? how come pathetic is always used on me? Idiot...thry are really the seconday frens i am left with, the 3 of their problems i am always last to know,but nevertheless, they would update me with their things and problems...thats good! i thank them for being my frens until now... nearly 4 years has passed since we left school, it jus like yesterday...this 4 years passed so fast...i am feeling breathless trying to catch up with time..

i am tired and worn-out!! i need a long quiet alone rest!! mentally drained out...........

jfren, are u doing fine? missing schooling...
cfren, pls stop being lame....missing your silly jokes...

recommend me nice watch
......time to change watch.......