merry late christmas. anyway, no one really comes to my blog to read. then, why am i keeping a blog? trying to keep up with the trend? or hoping someone will read? or hoping i can be famous by bloggin? or hoping my opinion is voice out? whatever the reasons, at least i am still writing. prevent my brain from getting rusty.

sometimes , i envy people that are constantly busy. very busy with their work. busy with work that they love. enjoy in working though they are busy. i really envy them. cos, they are really working hard and doing things that they like. when will i have a chance to do things i like. is always restriction and limitations. restriction because of age, because of environment,because of surroundings, limited of money,limited of social circle, limited of beauty. lots and lots of thing. human relations are important, building a good human relations will help in many ways. sometimes, no matter how talented you are, you will still need a helping hand from surroundings strangers.

from the day when i know reality is cruel, i knew that i am a bad luck person. luck was never seen on me. i was never lucky before! NEVER! is either i get helped from people or just bad luck will struck on me. it follow me for years, and is still following me. i don't even remember i used "lucky" to describe my day or any event. so sad. why am i such a bad luck person?

there are so many things always on my mind. recently, i love staying at home. if there's is nothing for me to really go out. i think i can stay at home for 1 week. maybe is because of the weather or maybe i hate the world outside, or maybe i just don't like mixing in the crowd. or i just want to avoid people. aren't i a complicated lady?


suddenly, i have this thinking, i want to get out from Singapore. is not that i don't like this country, i am just tired of the environment here, or people surrounding. i am always seen putting up a fake self . suddenly, seems like i lost all my friends. i find no friends out there, except for one.

the 3 of us, i always thought we were very closed, i loved people sayin how close the 3 of us are. but how come year 3 seems wrong. it just not close and no longer close. bitching behind, that's really bad.

friends? have i anymore friends? hmm, maybe all invisible friends. i am a pathetic soul . i know who can be my friends. my TV set. i always stick with my TV set whereever i go. i love my TV . i love youtube. ha! what a big joke. freaking irritating.

last time i thought i was always the one relying on people, but how come now i think i am more independent. i found people relying on me. maybe i trained myself to be like that. cos for me, i feel i am a burden relying on people, so i will put up a brave front and try to solve everything myself. take everythin down. hmm, i got nothing to say.


i have got 3 beautiful little cousins, 3 handsome little cousins, 1 smart P5 cousins. my cousin is so beautiful and i like it when she stick with me. i wish my kid next time will be as beautiful. ha! i have this smart cousin who always speak and shock everyone . he is just so smart, and you can never imagine what is going through his mind. he speaks fluent cantonese which i want him to teach me. ha! yippe, a bunch of cuties.

from the day when i know santa clauas doesn't exist, i know fairytale is fake, i know there isn't any happily ever after.
when i know fairytale is fake, i know cinderalla never manage to find back her glass shoe, i know snow white didn't wake up from the posion apple,i know the beast abuse the beauty. all the fairytale is just fairytale to coax kids.




it stopped;
when i wish it had earlier;
but till now i couldn't 100% confirm;
but i know it have to;
is a matter of time;
so just let it fly away;
and come again;
then maybe a chance of 50/50;
i want to disappear for a moment;
catching a breath;
knowing i am still alive;
i wish it just past tense;

my new year wish -- to graduate successfully ! please!

feeling --> happy right now. just finish listening to a super high song. and i am feeling happy now. Ha! i am a very easy contented person . easy. if u are me, you will know how easily contented i am. ha!

anyway, how long can a relationship last? it can be just as good as asking how long a battery can last? that's my theory. if u bought a good battery, it will last longer of course. if u use lesser, it will last longer of course. if you treat the battery in good condition, it will last longer of course. so how come i compare a relationship with a battery? ha! just feel like it. ha! but i just feel the relationship is just so fragile. it can be broken just like that. doesn't that sounds scary. you won't know why it will end, who knows it is ending when you are still living in a world of your own.
can feelings just fade off like that? how could feelings fade off? i don understand. i am speaking all this from other people experience. i hear them say, then i have my own point of view. ha!

i sent out my christmas cards! yeah! finally, christmas is coming. will i have a happy christmas? i hope so.

how could it be possible that i dreamt of adam brody yesterday! god, i dreamt that i was talking to him. he is just so handsome and hot. ha! i just find it funny that i am dreaming of adam brody. ha!

driving alone at night, things run in and out. but, you just like the feeling of driving alone when cars are lesser, and where the atmosphere is lonely and dull, where no one pay much attention to you, where u can just step on the acceleration.

i am feeling neutral, no feelings. how could i have no feelings.? people taught me to that. what would i get if i treat ppl nicely? i don think they treat me the same. but have i ever think that there might be people would treat me nice, but then i didn't treat them nice back? maybe, this is what call retribution. isn't it?

sometimes, i doubt the word "friend", how do i define friend? i guess everyone has their own definition of friends. i admire those like one whole gang, and are really good friends, always having gathering together. feel very comfortable together. do things together. jot down every memory together. it just enough have one gang of friends like that. it was the "party boys" that inspire me this.
btw, "party boys" is a gang of boys formed by 小猪. you can see that they really treasure their friendship. it is hard to see guys like that. or is it easier to see guys like that? ha!

will everything end when fyp end? i really want fyp to end. i hate fyp. i hate year 3. i hate everything in year 3. year 3 is nothing but nothing. whatever man! just totally hate year 3. year 3 to me is no memory and is nothing. argh! 结束吧 ！


christmas ; jingle jingle bells
love; warmth warmth ring
joy; blah blah laughing


after so long still the same;
it never change;
it never moved;
after so long still there;
it never shattered;
it never healed;
after so long still yet;
never will be wonderful!

my life has been like a drama this week. alot of flashbacks suddenly.
lucky, i have a book that notes down events that i would want to remember. the book that contains everything from year 2002-2005. there are alot of things inside that i wouldn't want to see. as, it contains much countless regrets and wrongdoings. so, i will always try not to flip that particular book. but i don know why, yesterday something just make me flip open the book, and i start reading what i wrote starting of year 2003. there are so many importants things that actually slip off my memory. i took too much energy remembering things that i regret, things that i shouldn't do. but miss out things that was done for me. lucky for this book, that i get to recall things that i forget. i paid too much attention in things i regret, but shifted my attention to things that i should appreciate. actually, there are also alot of things that is sweet to remember. but i don know why my mind just choose to remember those unhappy things. why is my mind such a fool? ha! i am glad, i took some time to actually write things in the book. cos my memory also have limited space, but then my mind can't be control like what a mouse could do. my mind just automatically delete things off from the memory and save other things itself. my mind is not as clever as the computer. as it won't as me again whether i really want to delete it again like what computer always does. [Do you really want to delete this file?] my mind is so stupid that they just dump everything away,unlike the computer you might still be able to retrieve it from the recycle bin. so, my mind is so stupid.

there are actually alot of things i want to know. i want the answer. but some, i might never know.
好朋友 which is sang by 小猪 罗志祥 is very nice. the mv is quite suspending though. but the song is meaningful and nice. recently, i don konw what got into me to keep listening to emotional songs. but then 小猪 罗志祥 - 精舞门 also very nice! recently, i always look forward to 5:00pm daily. as, to watch 小猪和小鬼的百分百！ 他们真的太好笑了！ 非常的历害！ 太棒了! 他们能让我足足笑一整个小时！ 好开心哦！ 小猪跳舞真的很好看。 小鬼十分搞怪又搞笑。 哈！ 哈！ 哈！

am i being too crazy over this kinda of thing. but then whenever i watch 小猪's programme i will laugh like mad. really laugh like hell. he is too entertaining. ha! yeah!

too many things i want to comment and too many things i want write. but then it always went blank when i were to type it down. funny isn't it.
how can a normal guy or girl become a superstar ?
are they fated to be one?
how can a normal person become a famous designer?
did they chose to be one?
how can a normal person become a billionaire?
did they pray to be one?
then i hope i am fated to be one, and choose to be one, and pray to be one. ha! i am too hilarious already.

christmas is coming. i am going to shop for my christmas shopping.
as for mine christmas wish. simple;
i hope for a happy christmas! cos happy is not buyable! so let's be happy!

what should i get for the blur cher? and funny jiayi? ....
what is good for christmas gift?
yes, that's what i thinking about.
a holiday getaway.
how bout sentosa? a 3 bucks ticket for sentosa admission?
haha! worth a try.
or a ferry ticket to pulau ubin?
hmm,(*scratching my head) giving them what i like. so they will remember thats from me. haha.. good idea. don't steal it from me. ha!

am i rattling non-stop again? is my post very long again? aiya, just read my blog when u are just too free...

recently, feel like vomitting blood...just hope fyp will end soon! please please let me pass fyp! please. i pray please.

ever heard of ulcer in your throat? i never hear before yet i am getting one. it is damm painful ! argh! i wanna be sick, but i am sick for 1 day then recover already. that's not fun! ha. crazy.

okie.stop.

time passed, i start asking again;
years went, i didn't open my mouth;
it will be over, when a new shadow appear;
did i hope for it, or i want for it?;
nevermind whatever the reasons;
i hope it will end just right there;

plenty of things to blog.


hmm, have u ever wonder whether you can make someone's day? you never know you can do the magic. ha! maybe because you are too hot and girls are paying attention to you, and get happy upon seeing you. or maybe you are too gorgeous that guys can't take their eyes off you. hmm, don be surprise, if u are a hot guy, or a gorgeous lady, you can do just that. ha!

why must people have this arrogant expression or attitude? like as if the whole world own them something. how nice if everyone can be friendly towards each other. i mean there is no need to be so up up high up, looking down on people. you never know, maybe one day you will be treated this way as well. cos i always believe what comes around goes around. just a simple `thank you' is that so difficult? or just a gentle smile, that would make everything better. is it?

if people say that you will only show temper and show your true feelings infront of people who you are close with, then i guess i am bad mood every single day. it is sad that i realise that i hardly talk to my family, i don even ask much. when i think about it that day, it's so pathetic. i am the kind of person that tends to care only when something happen. but then, sometimes, some words hurt and they don't even know.

woo, i saw alot of nice expensive cars that particular day. so many rich kids hanging out . to them, poor seems just so far far away. my fren was tellin her fren, maybe he doesn't even know how a hawker center looks like. ha! maybe, you will never know. a thousand plus for one accessories, which takes me maybe half a year of workin part time to save that amount of money. can you people see the constrast between rich people and poor people. ha! sounds damm sad.

christmas is coming, another year is ending, this year has just flew by without me knowing it. what will comes after that? i don know. i don even know my future.
won't you want your future to turn out to be what u expect and dream about? or u would like to see a twist in your future? i wouldn't want to know my answer. ha!

my fren told me that, the answer is that you feel that you are important and be cared. i guess important weighs alot. it just showed your status when you stand. suddenly, i want a handsome big brother, so when i have problem i can go to him, and he will help me. why handsome? ha! so i can intro him to my frens. haha....i am crazy....

don ever mention projects in front of me. i am scared of this word. terribly scared. very scared. super scared. i don wanna mention how scared i am. i am freaking scared. i hate it . freaking hate it. i wanna get rid of it. badly wanna get rid of it.

我要用华文来写一写．好久都没用华文写文章了．　
以前，　我很喜欢用华文写一些有的没的．　

其实　，　也不知道要写舍么．　那就让我好好的介绍卓文宣的歌！

爱我好吗？
虽然收敛了许多的情感
还是泄露了我的不安
于是你开始冷淡
我也开始问自己该怎么办

如果你知道我的遗憾
千万不要再不以为然
我的生活已经混乱
到处漂流却始终靠不了岸
这是我最后 最美
最真 最心碎的留言

Oh 爱我 好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落


Oh 爱我 好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落

去听听这首歌，　还真的蛮好听得！

once a life of luxury, then it went down to poverty

have been wondering about alot of things. my determination for my passion has returned! ha!
i have been observing people around me, have i ever wonder whether i have been observed ? i pay attention to people's actions, have it ever occur that people pay attention to me? funny is it?

have it ever occur to you that, maybe you actually met your Mr.right somewhere before you both get to know each other? maybe he is on the escalator going down and you going up? or maybe you both just walked passed each other? or maybe you both cabbie side by side? or maybe you both cramped in a crowded lift? has it ever come into your mind that all this things might happen? this thoughts just went through my mind today when i was taking the escalator. interestin theory of mine.

it doesnt matter what i wrote, i just went with my mind and flow.

what would you do, if you saw a expensive pants that you love?
buy it? give it a miss? or invest on something better?

christmas is coming. [green` red` white` ;christmas]
what i want for christmas............
what do i want? i want a happy christmas.
[joy` happiness` laughter ;christmas+new year]
what i want for new year.........
what do i want? i want a brand new fresh year.
[excitment` anxious` future` ;new year]

i want alot of gifts for my christmas.
i want santa to give me joy,happiness and qualifications.
ha! that's sound funny.

or maybe i was never funny. a self illusion that i create for myself
-- to be funny.
ha!


time is late, and i am not falling asleep.
i sleep late yet i got up early.
is there anything wrong?
dreams don want me,
breakfast calling me.
ha! not funny

god, i am crazy.
blabbering rubbish?

"did i ever think that it will end"
"did i ever mention that i want it to end"
"did i ever think about ending it"
"did i ever really wants it to end"
"did everything come to an end"