i am bored,tired both mentally and physically...things jus seem that it isnt going well.....though,i am left with exactly 13 more days to end my internship, but it seems never ending.....
so when is this going to end, though the people here are very nice, but then i am very tired already.. jus feel like i wanna get out of here...
the world is revolving around the sparkling hips of FASHION --> my new nick...now everywhere, people pay attention to fashion..right?
the sense of fashion, everyone has a different view in each fashion expects.. don ever think i am trying to talk big here, saying fashion blah blah blah...i didnt know i love fashion so much...i hope i can do something regarding fashion, i hope i can work something out of this..will anyone support me? i need support, cos i have been receiving negative comments about working in this industry. so i need lots of support, or jus drop me some positive comments about fashion industry. i know it is going to be difficult. but tell me, whos dream arent difficult to realise? i don mind the hardship but in the end will i be able to make it? will i be able to stand in the fashion industry. this is a big question. please don ever think i am influence by project runway, though i love that show, but i am not influence by the show in wanting to work in fashion industry..
fashion represent different terms in each individual. for me, i perfer comfty yet interesting attractively. color plays a big part in a shirt. not only color, the cloth and texture also plays a big role..there are so many to learn in fashion...

i always watch TV dramas, they quoted "not everything money can buy" but trust me, money can buy qualifications. if i've the money, i would have study overseas...i could have study overseas and learn more thing and expose more and know more people and not stuck here. it isnt that here is not good, but is always better to go outside the world to see..money can buy all that, without money, even travelling will be difficult... though money cant buy feelings, but it can help me get better qualifications!!

hmm, i am not feeling well and am feeling very sleepy...i don know what happening to me..i wanna shut myself up alone...i wanna be alone...when i am supposed to sleep at night, i have no idea why i jus couldnt fall asleep, when i am not allowed to sleep while i was workin, i keep dozing off....i also don know whats wrong with me...i am so confused over myself...seriously confused...
does anyone else feels the same as me? confused about themsevels?
confused about thigns they do, things they like, things that gets in their way, things that is never ending... many many things....
maybe a trip back, i will be more refreshin and start everything anew...
i put down what i am supposed to put down, no longer holding on,
maybe because i let go of my hand, then i felt that i am too tired all long. trying to be someone i am not.... so a break for me is the most suitable..

i have been thinking, will there be a day that i will go travelling myself? exploring the city mmyself? i don mind travelling myself in hongkong, actually i love hongkong, esp the language that was spoken there, i understand what they say, but i jus cant speak as fluently as they could. so sad... no one to practicse cantonese with me..
haven to pretend that i am a hongkie when i cant speak fluent cantonese..haha...
cool, you guys know why i keep blabbering non-stop? cos i have too much free time, i wanna write alot of philosophy....
let talk topic by topic....

i wanna talk bout project runway,
the final 3, 1) Daniel V 2) chloe Dao 3)Santino Rice....
i like chloe's collection as much as i like daniel's v collection...they are both great designers, and daniel v have achieved so much at such a young age, i admired him, and he is both talented and handsome. needless to say, i find him hot.... but then........
everytime i see them draw their design,shopping for clothes, executing their design, sewing on their own.. if i am as capable as them, i would feel a sense of satisfaction. being able to made your own design out from your own bare hands, isnt this achievements statisfying!!
i admire and envy their smart brains and their determination and jealous of their opporunity.. i wish i have the chance they have, but it will be hard for me even to step out of singapore to study...

i was listenin to radio one night, and i heard the Dj mention this phrase "the thing that is constant is changing" i couldnt get what it means immediately after hearing the sentence, i keep repeating the phase in my head and try to figure out what it means.
the thing that is constant is changing.
which mean changing is normal in life,it is the thing that keep on happening in our life.
am i right?pretty true, changing keeps on happening..i find the change in my friends, i find the change in myself,changing can be so scary that you wont expect it to be...

wow, i bet i have been ranting on and on for a long time already, but it jus like 3.45pm
but i still wanna keep writing, thats the only thing that i can do now,
the entire net, i have surfed like almost everythign i wanna surf, search almost everything i wanna search, see almost everythin that i wanna see...
i am so tired of website ready....

My current NEW Obession ---> Bosco Wong
he is my fav hottie now!! with Myolie Wu....they make a great pair...
i begining to love him more and more, he is so man, so gentleman,so funny,so cute and so playful. when you need a man, he is a man, when u need a clown to cheer u up, he can be one, when u need some fun, he can be very fun to be with... though i don know him, but he give me this kind of feeling...what an ideal boyfriend, with character, ambition, height and build. he is the perfect man yet again!
he can be both a man and a guy... i like him!!! isnt him jus the perfect guy....woo..hope i can meet him if i am in hongkong! praying hard.... hahaha!!
i never change my idols, jus that my idols keep increasing,start from male first
daniel chan --> takuya kimura --> Mike he jun xiang --> Raymond lam --> lee dong gun --> bosco wong !!! they are all handsome guys okie!!
female artise
mandy moore --> hilary duff --> rainie yang --> myolie wu
hahhahahahaha....a childish side of me...damm! hahah...
okie...i am trying to write until my clock here strike 4pm...when it strike 4pm, i am left with 2 hours...2 long hours,though i hope i can go home and rest, but i have to be out..i am tired! mentally and physically tired...
6 more mintues to 4pm5 more minutes to 4pmblah blah bla blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah4 more minutes to 4pm blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 3 more minutes to 4pm bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco bosco2 more mintues to 4pmmyolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie myolie1 more mintue to 4pmbosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie bosco myolie
YEAH...finaly 4pm le!!!
haiz..okok..i shall stop here..

newly voted best couple....

finished watching their show..." WO DE YE MAN NAI NAI"

like the actress, but like her more now....

love the actor too!!!

like them!!!

bosco and myolie !!!

yeah!!!

i gave up.....


ytd, funny thing happen, i was telling my fren bout the style of this guy,then was telling her "this type of guy not bad".... then the guy actually keep looking at our group...so i thought he must be looking at my frens cos all are very pretty ("argh") hahhaha....but then minutes later, he was like "eh..hi" God, i know him...he was my ex-collegues!! great...fuunny thing is that i don even know i knew him and somemore was telling my fren that he is not bad...after that me and my fren keep laughing....

though the fashion show ytd wasnt those very glam one. but i admire and envy the designers. cos the ideas are really special in a sense. some might not be nice, but some are very nice..but it still their efforts and ideas counts. they are smart, i envy them...
i like the nicholas collection alot.. he design very nice women and men's wear... too bad i didnt bring my camera along...at least i get to see some local designers works. who say local designer's work cant be compared with overseas people. i think they are capable of doing that...
i am more and mroe into this....i hope i can go this direction........will god be with me this time?

wasted 3 years though.....don wanna waste any more years......

ya, i wasted 4 years, don wanna continuing doing so...

actually i have alot to say but i kept everything waiting for a time for me to write it down, but eventually everything slipped off my mind. anyway, recently i realized i have short term memory.

i feel that i lose the sense of liking..liking..many way to explain liking.. liking towards a person, liking towards an animal or even liking towards certain things...
but somehow i feel that i lose the sense of liking towards people...i dont mean people in general. those crushed likes... somehow i forget those kind of feeling..what kind of feeling should i have if i met someone i like? what kind is the feeling that i should feel if i found out i like someone... suddenly, i forget all this feeling.. i forget how i should feel, or how i felt in the past.. i lost all this feelings... is it because i gave up? or is it because i am just being sensitive? haha..
who can tell me how is it to feel if u like someone? cos i totally lost the feeling....

i only know that my feeling is towards dramas..god..who am i man? i should have married to drama...sometime being an artise, there is good and bad.. in my way of defining them is that, they lost their freedom, their every move is being watched, is difficult to find someone who really love them for who they are.. some might be lucky,but not all..but in return they gained something, besides the fame and wealth, i bet they are enjoyin what they are doing, and they got themseleves alot of friends. they might lost the freedom to love in reality, but they still can chose to love in a drama. they are constanly having different love stories in every drama, but best is the other half is always different. so in a way to them, maybe they did have alot of relationship.. different kind, some gave them best, some being loved... so they tasted all different kind of relationship. and who knows, they might have being great couples in real life..


california¬ it all started with me sayin california, and we had alot of fun in the car. ya, didnt know that AYE -> ECP that expressway is so beautiful, next time i shall drive there as well... i always believe that Jfren,Cfren and me together we will have fun...i cant wait for the trip my girlfrens....love u guys...

i am such a hypocrite.............hate myself.......

alright, 3 more weeks to end my misery and suffering..wish me the best......

i realise that this world is really very big, though singapore is a good country, but is also a small country. unlike other country. i watch "Destination Week" and it showed alot of different countries and their culture. definitely, it made me realise that this world is really big. there are so many places i haven or will never have a chance to go to. like spain,germany,england,new york,greece. this places are very interesting places. i wonder what if i were there, what would i feel? a sense of dis-belonging. but of cos i want to go around the world and see.

there are common places that we heard before. like japan,korea,new york, australia, canada, switzerland. but out there there are still alot of other countries we hardly even hear about them. i really would want a chance to travel around the world. looking at different countires and their culture. every part of the world is different. they have different living style and definitely differnet culture. i really love to being like that..able to go around the world and have a good look.

maybe i can be a friend only..training was bad for me as usual yesterday.. i can put in a lot of effort during training. but it seems like when it comes to game, i felt at loss. i don know what i should do or where i should run.. i lose my sense of game... thats bad....


i have been having alot of dreams recently.. similar dreama.. same people..different storyline.. is so scary.. same people keep appearing back in my dream...
so what is dream? people always say that because u think alot thats what u dream bout this, u dream bout that.. is this true? how can dream will appear? what makes dream? isnt it interesting to find out..
great, i think i am crazy....

i know i shouldnt..but was forced to.. and yet have to suffered myself...................
am i thinking too much?



5 more weeks - 23 more days to end my morning suffering!!!!! god!!

今天，我用华文， 因为时间太多了。 所以，可以慢慢拼和写我所想的事物。

突然要我用华文来表达我所想的事物，似乎有一点困难。
我对很多事情有很多感触。无论是看到老妇老妻甜蜜的在一起，或是妈妈很温柔的在照顾自几的宝宝。种种不一样的事都会让我有感而伐。
不错， 我是一个很感性的人。一点点小事我就会很伤心或我也会很开心。
为舍么，我用华文，我终觉的我在写文章。哈！哈！

不过，为舍么新闻终是围绕着负面的消息呢？为舍么他们就不能停值呢?
我很同情Zidane。 因为， 我相信他也不希望他的足球生涯就这样的结束。
对他来说， 这样的结果他应该很痛恨自己吧。 那新闻为舍么还是一而再，再而三的不停的报道呢？真是够了。 没错， 我也很想知道，到底发生了舍么。 但是，如果我的好奇心得建设在别人的痛苦伤，我想我宁原不要知道。

世界杯都已今结束了，就让它停制吧！

最近，我的心情很复杂。 有很多东西我不了解。 我一直把想过的事情翻覆的又再想。很想听到真实的说法。很想知道真正的感受。 很多真的东西很想知道。
每天，发白日梦。都是一些不切实际的梦。我把我自己搞到很茅盾了。很不喜欢现在的我。没有理想，没有主见，没有自我， 舍么都没有的我。

真没用！

是时候清醒了!






很多感受讲不出来，
很多感情表达不出，
失去自我的我，
不知该从那在出发。

We all thought world cup has ended, but never did we know that there are so many dramas leading to the world cup aftermath…

Why did things turn out like that for people that aren’t supposed to be in the big pictures or would rather say that they are in the limelight for the wrong reasons?

I throw my heart out for zidane (zizou). I felt that he deserved to be named something positive rather than negative. Why would people always pictured the negative part so much that they failed to see the positive part? Papers wrote that “zidane getting a red card has washed away all his efforts that he got for himself for the past few years” however, I think likewise. This incident didn’t damper people image and views on zidane. People still respect and admire him as a good and respectable soccer player. Instead people pour their hearts out for him and felt sad for him.
Materazzi is the main culprit in the whole incident. Having bad records in his italy club, he climbed to a higher peak to create more trouble in the world cups final.

People can resort to underhand ways to get what they want. Be it materazzi or ronaldo. Both have evidence provided to prove their motive of both incidents.

Ronaldo, he wink at his team’s bench after ronney was sent off, so what does this indicate?
Simple for me, he did it on purpose. Of cos he didn’t asked the referee to produce the red card, but him stepping forward and be part of it, already have the motive of doing jus that. He knows ronney well being his team mate in man u, so he know how ronney will react. He was smart that he got what he wanted. Ronney got sent off, Portugal went on to win the penalties. But they don’t deserve the title.

Materazzi, it was proved by lip reader saying he called zidane “son of a terrorist whore” . someone please tell me, who could kept his cool after hearing such insulting remarks,who would still remain calm after those hurtful and sensitive remarks? No one could, zidane’ headbutt was jus little, he would have jus started a fight but he resist it. so what wrong did zidane did to receive his remarks? Nothing. Materazzi was jus too cunning to have spot zidane’e weak spot.

I am not sure whether there are a lot of people like me, feel that france are the winner in their heart. So what if italy is really being crowned the champs, people wont remember that. What people will remember how Materazzi tried to provoke zidane and got him sent off. That’s jus too pitiful for Italians to have win their champions in this way.

Like I said, france deserved the champions, althought I was supporting England, but in the end only italy and france make it to the finals. Of cos will go for france. Anyway, luck is jus not with them. Why cant papers stop mentioning about the incident that happen to zidane? I bet he is sad bout it, no one would wan to end their career in this way, or in this manner. I admire france, cos I could really feel that the whole team played together and really want to do this together. Be it for the country or for their captain Zidane. They want to win. And I think they deserve the title.

I think Zidane will still be remembered as a good, calm, clever, respectable player in soccer history.

What a drama in soccer world as well ya! Haiz…

Alright enough of soccer, next my friend’s bday on Monday!
But we celebrated it on Friday.
Had a great day!
We never had such a long chatting session until 6 in the morning..
Some were craps, some were serious talks, some were future talks!
We are really old ..haha…
Anyway, hope he is happy. I think he must be. Everyone is present on his birthday.

But still have to say sorry to another fren, unable to celebrate his. Will pay for it the next time..haha..

Hope things will turn of good for each and everyone of us.

Certain feelings……

World cup 2006

"Competition" it sounds like just any simple words, but this can be cruel. too much of a reality in life. because of competition, resulted in alot of different end results.
in a match, on the field, on the court, you can either be the happy one, or the sad one. there is only one winner in a game, and definitely one loser at the end of the game. don mention cruel, cos it definitely is. any mistake made during the game could cost the whole game.
needless to say, world cup is another cruel game. saw how un-sportmanship some players played, saw how some were really good and played their best giving their heart out. saw how some team shared the common goal and worked together. once again, i said penalty shootout was too much of a cruel way to decide whos the real champion, to decide whos good... it was never a good way to decide who wil win in a match.. because it is jus too unfair...
i am not disappointed with france, but i felt sad for them. they played very well, they put in a lot of effort in the 2nd half, and they deserved to win, thats my final say, and thought i wanted england to enter the final that much, but it was only down to france and italy in the final, so i regard france as the champions though they lost. cos they are the real winner in the match, italy have no possesions in the 2nd half and even the extra time..

sometimes, although win is a very important thing! but havin played a good game and win is a much more staisfying thing. although france lost, but they played a good game and never disappoint their fans. so they are considered a winner as well,
they should be happy.. they have come a tough way, as from group stages things are not well for them, but they managed to come through, and even beat brazil.
so, they should be proud of themselves coming this far..

anyway, zidane did retired in glory for what i felt. he brought the team all the way to final, he is still a great man..

so next 4 years, i wished there will be more hope for england though beckham isnt the captain! but i hope he will still be playing for england.

End of World Cup 2006

certain emotions!

angry at myself? angry at other people? i guess nobody cares...
alright, i know people might kill me if i said this again, my purpose of living....

i am good at nothing!! plain nothing...
ask me what i am good at? and i will tell you "Nothing!"

my studies drop tremendously when i entered poly.... is it because of the course? or i am jus not interested....
i keep losing friends..... is it my problem or i am an idiot?
relationship remains zero...this one can jus put it aside..don even wish to think about it...
and netball...god...where am i standing after 7 years of practising netball...

mates on level with me have improved so much, juniors have flew passed me...and there i am still standing there...
did i ever improve? did i ever try to made myself a better defender? do i still have passion for this game? is this what i want? or did i ever love netball?
i was playing rubbish, totally rubbish!
no fitness, no need to say,
i let my player be free all the times, the worst mistake a defender can make...
i cant focus, i go where my player go, i didnt try to co-ordinate with my team mates..
i am angry at myself of cos, i cant even be on par with other defenders.. always thinking, why are there so many people fighting for a position..always try to shift the blame thinking, "shit, she stole my position?" but i never, never stop and think "whats wrong with me that i always cant get a position" i know i was never good...frankly speaking, passion for something... i lost the feeling like long ago... till now, everythin i did, i never had a passion for it...i sucks, totally sucks....

i bet mj and bird is getting so irritated by me now...mj, i thought i could be a fren she needs when she is in trouble, i thought i was a good fren, i thought we could be frens forever, but i was wrong... my fault? i pulled out? i screwed up my life totally, i cant even maintain a simple friendship..let alone handle other things else.....

who ever say that friendship are easy to maintain, god .. friendship is the hardest to maintain.. i lose alot of friends along the way..why? i have no answer... but i lost a lot of friends...

is it my problem? or i cant handle situations well? or i jus cant stay with a fren for too long?
god, if that is so, then there will never be friends forever in my dictionary...


depression is killing... i don wanna think alot then later i really got terrible depression illness...


my life is in a total mess, i don know what i want right now in my life...
did i lost the passion? shuold i go away before people start hating me? how could i be so cold towards them? i am evil... thats sad...

this is the time i realise that " I'VE CHANGED!!"


next topic : World Cup 2006

god, my England is out, my beck is stepping down,
i have more faith in them wanting to enter semi-finals after hearing each of the players quotes, but penalty shootout was too much of a cruel exit to them...nothing turns out right from england right from the start... with the critisim beck is receiving, are they jus being bias against him? if thats is so.. why? why him? he did nothing wrong to receive all the remarks...
I believe him saying "England is impoving better each game" pretty true.. i thought they play well against portugal... good job, but penalty was too cruel to decide who goes in...initally was frustrated when again and again lampard cant send the ball into the net, but i bet he must be dejected as well...anyway, the most important thing is that they know they put in the best effort and tried their best, shall see them 4 years later and by then i hope they will be a more fiercec and stronger team...

anyway, thumbs up for france!! they beat brazil!! they won the chance to final!!
they are coming up indeed...they fight, they want the qualifications, they want the ball, they play in a team, they all fight with same goals that is to win the world cup and definitely want their captain Zidane to end his career with glory and happy moments!!
happy for them!! they shall fight all th way and win champions!!

world cup is coming to an end, and late nights are coming to a stop...







what am i gona do with my life..i hate it this moment...i hate my life...i simply jus hate everything....

where is my passion?
my meaning for life?
am i too hard on myself?