angry at myself? angry at other people? i guess nobody cares...
alright, i know people might kill me if i said this again, my purpose of living....

i am good at nothing!! plain nothing...
ask me what i am good at? and i will tell you "Nothing!"

my studies drop tremendously when i entered poly.... is it because of the course? or i am jus not interested....
i keep losing friends..... is it my problem or i am an idiot?
relationship remains zero...this one can jus put it aside..don even wish to think about it...
and netball...god...where am i standing after 7 years of practising netball...

mates on level with me have improved so much, juniors have flew passed me...and there i am still standing there...
did i ever improve? did i ever try to made myself a better defender? do i still have passion for this game? is this what i want? or did i ever love netball?
i was playing rubbish, totally rubbish!
no fitness, no need to say,
i let my player be free all the times, the worst mistake a defender can make...
i cant focus, i go where my player go, i didnt try to co-ordinate with my team mates..
i am angry at myself of cos, i cant even be on par with other defenders.. always thinking, why are there so many people fighting for a position..always try to shift the blame thinking, "shit, she stole my position?" but i never, never stop and think "whats wrong with me that i always cant get a position" i know i was never good...frankly speaking, passion for something... i lost the feeling like long ago... till now, everythin i did, i never had a passion for it...i sucks, totally sucks....

i bet mj and bird is getting so irritated by me now...mj, i thought i could be a fren she needs when she is in trouble, i thought i was a good fren, i thought we could be frens forever, but i was wrong... my fault? i pulled out? i screwed up my life totally, i cant even maintain a simple friendship..let alone handle other things else.....

who ever say that friendship are easy to maintain, god .. friendship is the hardest to maintain.. i lose alot of friends along the way..why? i have no answer... but i lost a lot of friends...

is it my problem? or i cant handle situations well? or i jus cant stay with a fren for too long?
god, if that is so, then there will never be friends forever in my dictionary...


depression is killing... i don wanna think alot then later i really got terrible depression illness...


my life is in a total mess, i don know what i want right now in my life...
did i lost the passion? shuold i go away before people start hating me? how could i be so cold towards them? i am evil... thats sad...

this is the time i realise that " I'VE CHANGED!!"


next topic : World Cup 2006

god, my England is out, my beck is stepping down,
i have more faith in them wanting to enter semi-finals after hearing each of the players quotes, but penalty shootout was too much of a cruel exit to them...nothing turns out right from england right from the start... with the critisim beck is receiving, are they jus being bias against him? if thats is so.. why? why him? he did nothing wrong to receive all the remarks...
I believe him saying "England is impoving better each game" pretty true.. i thought they play well against portugal... good job, but penalty was too cruel to decide who goes in...initally was frustrated when again and again lampard cant send the ball into the net, but i bet he must be dejected as well...anyway, the most important thing is that they know they put in the best effort and tried their best, shall see them 4 years later and by then i hope they will be a more fiercec and stronger team...

anyway, thumbs up for france!! they beat brazil!! they won the chance to final!!
they are coming up indeed...they fight, they want the qualifications, they want the ball, they play in a team, they all fight with same goals that is to win the world cup and definitely want their captain Zidane to end his career with glory and happy moments!!
happy for them!! they shall fight all th way and win champions!!

world cup is coming to an end, and late nights are coming to a stop...







what am i gona do with my life..i hate it this moment...i hate my life...i simply jus hate everything....

where is my passion?
my meaning for life?
am i too hard on myself?