wooo...haiz...feelin tired..although i am still up bloggin..suddenly doesnt have the mood to sleep..feelings emotional now..hahha...i remember when i was in sec sch if feelings emotional we always say feeling ah..so feelings.hahha..sometimes i do miss sec sch those innocent and unchallenging life and studies.. in poly so different..have to work so hard to become different...tiring isnt it..hhaha...always tryin so hard to prove that i can do it..to prove that i am interest ... to prove that i wanna do well...i am so tired...this week suppose to be my holiday week but i haven get any rest..not at all...one week isnt enough for me..i have to rush all my projects and study at the same time..i could only do that if i have 2 minds..but i only have 1..so i can only do 1 thing at 1 time..i cant do my project that study for test...haiz..and today is sort of wrap up for my filmin of short film..although it is the final wrap up but i dont have the feelings of it..not happy at all..maybe i am jus too tired to be happy...i don know..i am tired..i need a big rest..rest to relax...go somewhere where i wont be disturb and i could have freedom and i ndon know anyone there...i wanna go those place...haiz..

i am confused inside..i am weird insidee..i don know who i am inside..i know nuts insided....haiz....

i guess i need to jus scream out here!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
there isnt any place for me to scream out..if only i go to the beach which i don even have the little of time... come on..this week suppose to be holiuday week..what is the sch tryin to give us..hell lots of assignments....assignments still not enough...when sch starts we have all the test comin up..ALL!! i mean alot...gosh..wanna rush assignments...wanna study for test..even one whole week i dont sleep i don think i have the time to do all the things together...what is this school system SUCKS!! argh...never really have a good rest...i need a good back massage!!! i need 15 hours of sleeps....i need leg massage!!! hahahah...
BUT BUT...one good thin...when i am busy, it kept my mind stop thinkin..woo....thats the only way to stop my mind from thinkin..but i tired..super tired...still have alot of things to do but don know where to start....haiz...alright...hope things are gettin better....i need air...
hahaha..okok..go do my stuff...

i think the color for my previous post is worst..hahha...shall try this out..hmm...suppose to be doin one of my assignment...a written treatment..but here i am..bloggin..from doin assignment jump to singin song..jump to friendsterin...then jump to bloggin...guess this few days i do alot of bloggin..cos need some place to let out all my feelings..although this is still not good enough..but at least it will make me feel better...i need to de-stress badly...alot of assignment climbin up..all due soon!! and i mean SOON!! help!! help!! i need to fine actress for my show..who can help me to act? sought alot of help but no one is able to ...how? how? need to film thru the holidays if not we are DOOM!! how? help me please..who is willin to have a try of acting, don mind helpin me for free but will treat..contact me... actress must have a grief expressions,isolate facial expressions also carryin on her face?? very hard ...hmm..but pls help...hahha...

hmmm...i guess when work is piling, i tends to tense up easily...last week i am also dreamin..when ppl is talkin i wasnt payin much attention..also thinkin of other things...this week i am jus tired to sometimes to even speak or think...

i watch this drama series at SCV.. A Dream Of Colors...somethin about fashion designer...then this Ella came from a bad family background without parents live only with brothers..but the sis-in-law treat her very bad..always feel that she is livin off her brother...therefore she wanted so much to be out of the placvee and move out on her own..so she keep wantin to climb up to the top position..even though she have to backstab and betray her very very best fren..she can even scarifice that for the fame and money...but in the end...she is still at loss...havin the fame and money..but she loss all her frens and became lonely..everyone avoideed her cos she is vicious adn scary...no one wants to talk to her..i feel that in the end she is the one sufferin ...

whereas michelle whom have never learn fashion design...have a gifted talent in it..always stand out suddenly..she is the kind-hearted girl whom have no much expectation but jus to meet the expectation that her master stand for her...her feelings towards her master is from respect to love...hmm...and the master also gave extra care towards her..but it seems that he still ant forget his ex...he will pickerd her up from sch when it is rainin, and cheer her up no matter what.his care for her, to her she take in the other way..but to him, i guess he jus showin concern and indeed she might be someone special??.i wonder whether this master and discipline will be together which i hope for...

thats why soemtime i wonder why can guys always be so nice towards girls if they dont have feelings towards her...liek the above..being too nice towards the girls u have no feelings mean u are sendin out the wrong signals..cos i think that girls have aa very simpe thinkin...whoever treats them good , they regard them as very good guy...
hahha..okok..shallnt not talk too much..need to do work..


FAN SHU GANG!!! hey..if this few days i did showed attitude...pardon me..cos i am tired..hehe...like FAN SHU PAO says..i will be up soon...
hahhaha...YEAH!!

cher say my color very difficult to see..is it?? haha...but for her..i shall change although orange is my fav color..
hmm..things are always unpredictable huh...will never konw what will happen next...really have to learn to not to regret things u haven do... i was always told by my mum to visit my grandparents...but it always seems that i don have time to spare..although i might have, i also wont..wonder why..why i dont study TP right..so near my grandparents place..then i confirm everyday go... now then i realise that i really really really very long never been to my grandparents placee...no use regrettin now..jus have to replacec all the days i never go?

my cousin told me somethin funny today, in the hospital she said got this old uncle, dressed nicely(in his own clothes,not hopsital clothes) wanna to go out ready...but he cant cos i guess he is sick..but very stubborn wants to go out...so he dress nicely, walked to the door want to go out ready, then this uncle told him he cant go out cos he is in hospital..then the nurse ask him to go back and rest..he don wanna..then he at the door there cannot go out..so he start scoldin bad words say "if u don let me out,careful i used things to break the door" hahhah....but then later he went back to bed...the funny part i feel is he dressed nicely,dressed in his home clothes..really very funnny..then before i went off, my cousin showed me the old uncle..it seems that he jus came back from outside..he is still with his home clothes then tool off his shoes and lie on the bed..hahha..i think he is quite cute..hahah....
then got another old aunty...when her neighbour besidee her can be discharge,she saw them change and take their bag goin off...she also bring her bag alone and follow behind them...like also thinks she is discharge..very cute...heheh...

my appetite have been goin up..gosh..i don wanna that to happen...wonder why...haiz...alot of assignment comin up..and test after holidays..then whats the use of havin holidays??

hmm...recently i have been feelin real down..back to a phrase of my life in the past where i don wanna be back...
the phrase of when i am feel down,sad but cant really figure out the reason but deep in my heart inside i know there is somethin that majke me this way but jus cant spell it out.. but this time is alittle different..i don feel like being alone..i don like being alone..last time is feelin down and wanna be alone..
but not his time..i fear of being alone cos i will think of alot of things ...don wannna think of so many things..gettin headache now and then..always thinkin of stupid things and stuffs...
where is my confidence, i saw it runnin away...

haiz...is it that all the sad things will happen at one go... then how am i able to take it..i might be strong...but not that strong to take so many things at one go...

why we were always told not to regret things that we might not have done or we might have done..we were always warned not to do things that we will regret in life..but it always doesnt dawned upon us until the things really happen on us...
yes...it happen on me..i was shocked..i cried..you might be happily livin well this minuute..but you might never know what the next minute will happen...it will never occured to you that the next moment of your life will be so different..

i don understand why does all the sad things all happen at the same time..or does it only happen to me? why cant they spread out all the unhappy things so to let me catch my breathe and slow down my sad pace in life.. maybe others things cant be compared to today's saddness..they are jus some minor things and stuffs that upset me...but is enough to add up to become one big sad things...life is so fragile..never know what will happen next...never knew the pain of losin someone...i certainly know the importance of family ties but i always do practices it...only when somethin happen then i will regret...or am i jus too emotional..how can i be so hypocrite...gosh..startin to hate myself..

hate the stuffs that i am doin..hate my mind for thinkin..hate my attitude..hate myself for not bein nicee...

hmm..startin to doubt myself... last time jiayi gave me a very unfriendly impression..guess u am the one now...in school i only really treat cher and jiayi as my very good friends..to the other poly mates is either i will try to ignore them or i will jus don talk unnless necessary...seriously...i don kow why...is it bcos i don like them? i bet they don like me as well...

i really hate myself for the change i allowed...i remember myself as someone friendly,someone nice to approach, someone who is nice to talk to,someone who have no temper when i were in sec sch..but now...totally the oppsite... i arent friendly, certainly not someone nice to approach cos i will always show this "dont try to talk to me,i wont reply" kinda of face,someone who definitely dont seem nice to talk to now,someone whom keep showin attitude...how come? why i changed?
or should i say why i allowed the change? is it considered a drastic change in me? to me...YUPZ!! even i don like myself...i lost everythin..i lost myh confidence,i lost my judgement,i lost my power to control myself..i lost eveythin of myself..lost my pride.......

i am prayin for the worst not to happen...

* jiayi and cher...yupz...they brought alot to my poly life...they thuoght me alot..cher showed me how generous how helpful she is...jiayi showed me her own style..always havin a mind of her own..wont copy ppl..wont follow ppl..she will always do the things she finds best and right.. isnt my life good havin to know the two of them?i hope we will really stay for friends as long as we could..cos i know friends wont styay long..i was told sec sch friends are the one that can stay the longest till ur poly life.. true enough i have 4 sec sch fren...but is different..cos they are all guys..somehow bcos of somethin i never really have time to contact my sec sch girlfriends-Lydia they all... somehow stop goin out with sheena...somehow me and janicec not that close anymore... yupz..who says frends will stay forever? i say NO! cos i always experiencee this kinda of thigns..i am tired of it... maybe i understand somehow is hard to stay...for some reasons..why the use of me braggin here...when i am always the one who walk away...first lydia they all..second sheena..whats the use? why? the reason i walked awaay..cos i alway sfeel uncomfortable around them..fearin i said the wrong stuffs..frearin i do the wrong things..fearin i am not good enough to be their frens... cos i know frens..good frens wont bother what u say cos they know u arel like that..they won tbother u did the wrong thing cos u are alwyas like that..they willmake u feel as comfortable as possible cos u guys are best of frens..isnt that?
oh ya..frens that i didnt thought to be cloest fren happen to be me, the one who walked away...those that i regard them as best of frens always walked away from me...needless to be mention who they are..
i believe one sayin " you will always show all your feelings out,regardless your worries, saddness,happiness or even show temper towards them is bcos you trust them and you are extremely close to them" cos i always do it...


am i bull shittin here? i don know..maybe i isnt in a right mind either..

伊能静 -你对我的好

你对我的好
我竟然都不知道
全都是我的朋友告诉我
我才知道你付出了多少
关于爱我实在懂得太少
如果你不说
我真的不知道
你对我的好
我想我还太小和你比起来过于浪漫无聊
你像空气给我拥抱
但我看不到所以
以为不重要
你对我的好
我怎么会失去才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会听朋友说才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会感觉不到
你对我的好
你对我的好

Kyeo..happy birthday..hahah..althuogh is overr....still can wish right? hahha...yupz yupz...really have to admit that the things isnt well-planned..sorry...but i guess everyone enjoyed the OREO CHEESECAKE!! gosh thats totally yummy..hahaha...whoever marry vin ah..everyday will get to eat good food..hahahha...okie...hope u will be happy...hahha...

hmm....recently guess is the project periods which are coming...guess gonna be busy soon...oh ya..i know what i am gonna say...erm..yupz..sorry victor..never go that day..but is kinda of weird that i am the only girl goin although maybe val might also be goin..but only a few of us...guess this is the start where the group is breakin up huh...is it always true that happy things wont stay long...i guess year 2 everyone is jus very busy ..... not much time to even meet up....maybe there are but guess sometimes we jsu need some time for ourselves to rest? i suppose so... me and meijie is an example...we arent that close anymore...or did we chose not to? i don know...guess when school starts everyone is busy with own works, and own stuffs...there hardly any time for us to meet up...and i always end sch late to even go down club and slack...she dont go down club...so there is no time for us to meet...moreover she is attached .....


i don know ...hmm...became very vulnerable this month..breakdown damm easy...guess i am jus tired of alot of things...i think thru and think back alot of things...found how stupid and foolish i am...hahhah...but i seriously can say and shout out..only with cher and jiayi will my worries and problems go awawy...they always crap and play around and joke aorund..we always ahve fun..bcos of them i feel that i don have problems...only when i am with thenm....i must always be occupied with work and things to do before my mind wonders away....guess i jus cant stop my right brain from thinkin and thinkin non-stop...hahhahah...anyway that ahve always been me...and FRANKLY I AM SUPER TIMID!!! hahaha....

heyo...hmm...have been abnormal recently..hahhaha...oh ya...hold on a moment..say something important... I SAW DAVID BECKHAM TODAY!!! gosh..he is damm superb handsome...cos he is a guest of an award presentation..then the woman who got the award is from our poly...maybe thats the reason why we were asked to go and watch...hmm...lucky in sports club..i got to go..then i saw him..he was wearin whole white track suit...his hair very nice...he very handsome..seriously handsome...very handsome...hahha...then i saw lionel lewis..the singapore mvp goalkeeper...then took photo with him..heheheh...okok..enough of soccer players...yeah...

was sayin that i have been abnormal this whole month?? yupz..i feel so....feel damm sad suddenly...but i know when i wont feel sad...is when i am with jiayi and cherene...we always in our own world..crappin..jokin...laughin..havin fun...talkin stupid stuffs...i really really cant imagine poly life with this two retardeds...then also have fun with victor they all..although things hasnt been the same since sch starts? or should i say sincec F.O camp ended?? yupz..btut there are times when we are happy and havin funn...hmmm...but i feel that i shed tears easily this few days...when watchin some sad shows...it isnt that sad until can let ppl cry..but i will jus cry..gosh...i am back to being gloomy and down...and feel that being alone is better..i don want...hahhaha...i don know..but there are jus too much feelin inside me ....but i don know how i should spell it out...someone pls tell me how to...

yeah...haiz...i don know...oh ya..celebrated OURS(me,cher and jiayi) ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY on monday!! we went to have big feast...hahha...marche... gosh...is damm nice..i was damm full..we had alot of fun..hahahha..thanks gers...love u guys...