haiz...is it that all the sad things will happen at one go... then how am i able to take it..i might be strong...but not that strong to take so many things at one go...

why we were always told not to regret things that we might not have done or we might have done..we were always warned not to do things that we will regret in life..but it always doesnt dawned upon us until the things really happen on us...
yes...it happen on me..i was shocked..i cried..you might be happily livin well this minuute..but you might never know what the next minute will happen...it will never occured to you that the next moment of your life will be so different..

i don understand why does all the sad things all happen at the same time..or does it only happen to me? why cant they spread out all the unhappy things so to let me catch my breathe and slow down my sad pace in life.. maybe others things cant be compared to today's saddness..they are jus some minor things and stuffs that upset me...but is enough to add up to become one big sad things...life is so fragile..never know what will happen next...never knew the pain of losin someone...i certainly know the importance of family ties but i always do practices it...only when somethin happen then i will regret...or am i jus too emotional..how can i be so hypocrite...gosh..startin to hate myself..

hate the stuffs that i am doin..hate my mind for thinkin..hate my attitude..hate myself for not bein nicee...

hmm..startin to doubt myself... last time jiayi gave me a very unfriendly impression..guess u am the one now...in school i only really treat cher and jiayi as my very good friends..to the other poly mates is either i will try to ignore them or i will jus don talk unnless necessary...seriously...i don kow why...is it bcos i don like them? i bet they don like me as well...

i really hate myself for the change i allowed...i remember myself as someone friendly,someone nice to approach, someone who is nice to talk to,someone who have no temper when i were in sec sch..but now...totally the oppsite... i arent friendly, certainly not someone nice to approach cos i will always show this "dont try to talk to me,i wont reply" kinda of face,someone who definitely dont seem nice to talk to now,someone whom keep showin attitude...how come? why i changed?
or should i say why i allowed the change? is it considered a drastic change in me? to me...YUPZ!! even i don like myself...i lost everythin..i lost myh confidence,i lost my judgement,i lost my power to control myself..i lost eveythin of myself..lost my pride.......

i am prayin for the worst not to happen...

* jiayi and cher...yupz...they brought alot to my poly life...they thuoght me alot..cher showed me how generous how helpful she is...jiayi showed me her own style..always havin a mind of her own..wont copy ppl..wont follow ppl..she will always do the things she finds best and right.. isnt my life good havin to know the two of them?i hope we will really stay for friends as long as we could..cos i know friends wont styay long..i was told sec sch friends are the one that can stay the longest till ur poly life.. true enough i have 4 sec sch fren...but is different..cos they are all guys..somehow bcos of somethin i never really have time to contact my sec sch girlfriends-Lydia they all... somehow stop goin out with sheena...somehow me and janicec not that close anymore... yupz..who says frends will stay forever? i say NO! cos i always experiencee this kinda of thigns..i am tired of it... maybe i understand somehow is hard to stay...for some reasons..why the use of me braggin here...when i am always the one who walk away...first lydia they all..second sheena..whats the use? why? the reason i walked awaay..cos i alway sfeel uncomfortable around them..fearin i said the wrong stuffs..frearin i do the wrong things..fearin i am not good enough to be their frens... cos i know frens..good frens wont bother what u say cos they know u arel like that..they won tbother u did the wrong thing cos u are alwyas like that..they willmake u feel as comfortable as possible cos u guys are best of frens..isnt that?
oh ya..frens that i didnt thought to be cloest fren happen to be me, the one who walked away...those that i regard them as best of frens always walked away from me...needless to be mention who they are..
i believe one sayin " you will always show all your feelings out,regardless your worries, saddness,happiness or even show temper towards them is bcos you trust them and you are extremely close to them" cos i always do it...


am i bull shittin here? i don know..maybe i isnt in a right mind either..