memories that i now deemed as good memories

Again, memories could be deleted for a period of time, but places can activate the memories from the trash bin again.

I realized for 3 years, i have stopped going to Bras Basah graphic books store. I went there yesterday in hope to grab some lomo films at cheap price. Little did i know, it activated plenty of my memories. At that instance, there wasn't any anger but a wish that the friend really excel in his passion and be someone successful that will deemed his decision right.

Beside, sincerely hoping he will succeed and be famous, i realized i am filled with envious of him. Being able to go along with his passion, passing all the challenges to make the way there. Being able to read books you are in love with, be in a book store filled by your loves, how amazing and awesome is that.

I could only remembered the friend who is the only supportive one when i said i want to pursue FASHION, i remembered the friend who is the only encouraging one when we both had the same passion once too. And this friend make his words true to make it to study what the friend loves, but i wasn't even doing anything about it. I felt ashamed, but then again it was never too late to realise anything, isn't it?

Because of all the memories that i brought back, i dreamt of this friend. What a joke...

Rach said i was more optimistic comparing to years ago and months ago, however, i felt that i didn't change much still. And, all my guessings were all correct. Is funny when you reach a certain age, and friends and relatives start asking you, when are you getting hitched and related questions like that. But, if you are happy with what you have now, what you are doing now, and knowing how to make yourself happy and knowing what are your future plans, i figured there are nothing much to worry about. Although, there is a saying "Loneliness kills" but if you can turn the loneliness into some constructive, meaningful and happy, then everything is solved. Is just a traditional thinking to get married and settled down, isn't that so? Only settled down if that person is seriously, million times confirmed that he is the right one. As, it will defeated the purposes if you guys go your separate ways down the road.

Somehow, suddenly i feel that although we still shared the same values in life, but there are some thoughts in life, we were different. In her point of view, her stand makes sense however in my point of view, my stand is different.

I wanted to know what changes i had for rach to say i was more optimistic, because it will be a great compliment to me, as i figured my way out. I walked myself out of the dark path to see sunlight. i always thought she was the sunshine, the only one that is able to lead me out of the dark path, but i believe this time maybe i walked it out myself. And that will be satisfying to know and understand.

aha! when i read lesser, i have lesser thoughts, when i sort my thoughts out, i have lesser thoughts, when everything can be explained, the reason for my numerous posts during June. 

Recently, i am in love with tumblr.com. people who shared are simply awesome and i am exposed to more of the outside world. With this feeling, i really want to have a chance to roam around the world. As, you never know when is your last!

a tumblr i spotted. "The biggest regret ever", people from around the world are free to submit their biggest regret and they will help to post. A channel for sharing and learning. A place where it helps to wake people up, to tell the fortunate how fortunate they are and to tell the less fortunate that there are worse out there. So, i wanted to submit the biggest regret ever that happened in my mind, but my mind was blank. How do you define "biggest regret"? I have plenty of regrets in life, but i did not submit any because those are not the biggest regrets in my life yet. Because, somehow i feel that those mistakes or regrets made eventually make me learned something in life. 

regrets:

studying multimedia tech in poly

learned:

set of creative skills and brain

regrets:

accepting my uncle's offer to my first "unrelated" job

gained:

myself with the guidance of wise dictionary

regrets:

studying alternative - "marketing & advertising:

reasons:

no money left me with no choice

regrets:

letting the same person into my life 2 times

learned:

to protect myself 

gained:

i found myself

achievement:

letting the person into my life 2 times go

learned:

promises don't exists, lies are everywhere. friends are your biggest enemy!

Therefore, eventually i did not post regrets that has happened in my life. The only regret i have is " that i do not have the courage to ask her why she stopped teaching me and meeting up?" Because, she was the light in my path, but it blackout out of a sudden, with me trying to figure my way up without knowing what to expect in-front. 

Then i saw another post that i want to show it to someone else. "Pretend i am invisible"

Pretending your invisible.

Friend: “Hey, how are you?”

You: “Who are you talking to?”

Friend: “To you.”

You: “How do you know I am here?”

Friend: “What?”

You: “Please don’t pretend you don’t know I am invisible.”

Friend: “…”

You: “It’s always the same with you, always messing with me.”

Friend: “But…”

You: “No but, I am leaving. I hope you are happy now.”

 I find this rather amusing and is something that has been returning into my life. However, i have decided to put an end to things and hope for the better. Claiming to be the person that really understands me seems like a joke to me now. If that was so, there were so many comments about you which you shouldn't have said. Because, it seems like an act to bring me down.There are so many things that i want to do but feel that time is not enough and i do not have the ability to do so. I am scared that i won't live to see tomorrow as things happen unexpectedly. You can just be walking on the road when a faulty vehicle stormed at your direction, banged into you, and for you, that's the end of YOUR LIFE! A forgotten feeling for a person that i deemed to be 3/4 perfect!

I watched Nick's and Norah's Infinite Playlist movie and dawned upon me that, i have always been the one trying to find the similarities in other people as that of mine so that i can fit into their life, for 3 years i have said that "i have changed" but to realise i did not even change a single bit. I am still pleasing people in my life, because i want them to be my friends i tried to like what they like, because i like someone, i try to share the common interest to have a common topic, i am still who i am 3 years ago. It feels like a huge stone dropped down on my head, it feels like the answer of her departure and finally the answer why i have always been trying to find "her" in everyone. 

She is the one that i need not find any similarities in me to fit into hers because we shared alot of same habits, likings and fashion, she is the one who can be both my friend and a mentor. No wonder, i have been trying to find someone like her because there isn't anyone else like her in my circle of friends. For all my friends, i have to try to be interested in something else so that we won't be bored by silence. 

However, gradually i see a friend that we shared fairly common likings, fashions and insights........Having watching the movie, i gathered more of what i needed to do and stop trying to show interest in what other people like but instead show more interest in what i like and enjoy doing. As, i have discussed with myself before that, there are alot of category of friends around, however sadly to find out that none falls under the category that i wished to keep forever.......