everybody used to say "you think for others, why didn't you think of yourself", "don't be too hard on yourself", "be nicer to yourself"

only people that are not selfish always commit to these mistakes. putting others before themselves, i do not know how hard it might be, but it might be a habit set inside your character.

why am i still that naive to think that only good things will happen to good people! stupid TV drama serials, always damn bloody portraying eventually in the end, good things will end up with good people, but in reality that doesn't seems to be the case. no matter how good you are, how kind you are, how selfishness you are, how generous you are, good things might not be with you. that's a fact that i must accept, but that does not mean that i am going to turn into a bad guy. but just to remind myself that how hard, tough and hurtful reality is. heaven already have a path for you to walk. i am glad that i was exposed to many things this age, seeing the true color of humans knowing that i was fucking too naive and innocent to believe everyone have good heart in them. Now, i believe it is very tough and hard to find a good heart in human, not even in me. probably i am not suitable to be in the mind playing game. still i am truly envy those who can play mind game, corporate games very well, because i can't. but then, i don't wish too as well. i just want a happy working environment, i help you in some ways, you help me in some ways. but fuck that thinking! this will really never never happen!!

glad that alot of things happen recently that brought me closer to where i really want to be and what i want to do. i know that what i want is something real simple, definitely not getting involved with people that can't be true. perhaps, my plan might changed down the road, perhaps not. but at least i know what i do not what to be involved with.

suddenly again, i feel that i lost my character! never mind, i will not be too into this and should be getting on my feet to find it back, so i'll be back!

Thank You, Dark Knight, Pony! I hope you will be one of the five people i will meet in heaven! :)

passion passion, that runs in everybody! i am going to grab my passion back! wait for me passion! coming to get you!