sometimes i wish for too many things.......

is it all over? really over? why am i so stubborn on certain things? seriously, i have no idea how i should face it...or how i should just pretend " i am okay" which in fact the truth is i am not. how could it never ever bother or maybe is just the characteristic of itself...i always tell frennie that i am brave, ya, brave my ass....i am brave when my face is in my ass...damn! when the hell will i have the courage to face it! i just want to be alone!

who ever created music to be full of feelings and emotions....who ever created music to be part of a person's life...who ever created music and allow it to dominate a person's feelings...who ever created music that make people cry...who ever created music as if it doesn't exist the world doesn't exist as well...who the hell ever created music!!!

a simple theory here..... i hurt my hand and it bled... which i decided to leave it as it is....i have no intentions to apply any medicine to it....i decided to let it heal itself...so i just put on a plaster for 2 weeks which i won't get to see the injuries and just leave it as it is....but everytime, i have an urge to take off the plaster but i can't bear seeing the injuries so even when the wound is healed, i still put plaster on it to avoid seeing it. so, this week i decided to take off the plaster and that's was when i washed the wound. and it was also then, i realised my wound was deeply cut. deeply injured. i feel the pain however when the wound is healed, there is no longer any pain ... but i there was scar... the scar was left to remain me on what had happen. a scar that will be planted forever. that will be with me forever. doesn't this show how stubborn i am .... how stubborn i just allowed myself to get hurt...how stubborn i just leave the wound like that....and in the end, i have this ugly scar...this pathetic ugly scar...i hope there won't be a second time....

i am utterly disappointed;

life is starting to be bad for me...
i forsee it will be worse....
so who will be on my side to tell me that everything will be okay, everything will be fine, everything will turn on a better side...trust me, i am very gullible....just tell me this and i will definitely believe in you.....

anyway, i met up with victor and bran that day after such a long separation.. it wasn't the whole group..just a couple of us....though i don't feel awkward facing them..but the close friendship we had this there anymore..we are merely just friends now....but how the hell brandon keeps getting thinner and thinner !!!




very disappointed;
very ashamed;
very angry;
very upset;
very unhappy;
full of resentment;