sometime i wish you could disappear......

i think i have make it a habit for me to post every sunday. actually the post allows me to distress. cos i need not make it out clearly what,who,where i was referring to. is good enough that i know it myself. i realize crying is a form of distressing. maybe is "my way to distress" after a good cry, i will feel better....i fell terribly sick on wednesday, which i never felt it before. nauseous, weak, giddy, just simply damn uncomfortable and i have no idea why my tears just kept falling down uncontrollably. i can't help it but i keep crying...maybe it when one happens to be very weak and will just cry easily. but i am okay now. but still feel like letting out a good cry!!

this whole 2 weeks, i wasn't a loser. i was able to tell myself not to do it. no mails, no msg. and i did it!! not to prove what, but have to let go. cos i know i should focus on something that i could see future in, that i believe if i put in effort i can make it. that i believe i can do it. but again, i dare not put such high hopes on it. cos the more i expected, the least i get. this always happens on me....

i was back on track on "the hills", the more i watched, the more i want the life of lauren conrad. she isn't some bitchy ladies that seriously is a bad girl. but she is cool, fun and love friends. and she really should deserve someone good. though, the hills somehow some parts looks alittle dramatic, but i love watching it. all the girls are so beautiful and pretty. and all her dresses and shirts she wore is so nice and suits her so well. i really love her life. and brody is damn "hot" maybe if i were to have a son next time, he shall be name brody. cos, name with brody are "hot hunk" eg. "adam brody" haha...he is another cute guy!!

there are so much regrets i have in life. so much i am going for. so much that i hope i can do alot of things in a day. so much that i think a day is not enough for me. so much that i hope i have 3 of me to do alot of things at the same time.

my blog has been classified as a "emotional and sad blog". ya, maybe that's me. it is definitely very hard for me to write some happy things here when my life is no where near happiness!! but seriously, there isn't many people reading it. i guess i read it more than anyone else. is a good thing, cos when i read back my past, at least i know how bad my english was. haha.....


all the things said were lies;
lies that never come true;
lies that make everything turned out to be so yucky;
lies that make me feel uneasy;
lies that keep repeating in my head;
lies that i wanna forget;
lies.........

thinking of having a short hair.

should i cut it?where can i find my shining star? shining shining;