sometimes i wish everything could be perfect!

perfect, everybody has their own views on how their perfect life going to be, or how they should live their life. so, how do you picture your perfect life? once, i wanted a simple perfect life. that's a happy family, with my loved ones and with lovely children. maybe that's the dream when i was still young. okie, i am still young, but mindset is different. my perfect life, success in what i want to do, love what i am doing, love my life and love children and having my friends to chat about the beautiful old times. that's a pretty good life.

somehow, i am numb towards it. i don't see any point anymore if that's the case. maybe it has decrease. i don't understand the right now situation and figuring whether i should find out. but the more i figured out, i more i think it is negative. so the more it stops me from knowing. so maybe ... and i guess i should love myself more...

everybody is talking about going to uni. i am still out of this league. i hate the damn feeling. can i reverse my life? can i stop living? can i just go into hiding? can i just go anywhere? can i just go to another country.

i really have in mind to study overseas, and just stay there and never return. i hate life here. too much unhappiness and nothing that i can't bear to leave except for family and friends. but i hope for a new life, a brand new breath. a whole new surroundings. totally new encounters. just everything new. i just wish i can leave.

things just aren't that easy as it is.

why is that so?

i don like it that way!

why do you chose to do this?
without any answer?

why do you step into it?
without any lights?

why do you be this way?
without any questions?

many many whys!