a lesson with myself [01]

the very thing i still remembered the first time i know her. the very thing that puzzled me for a long time as i didn't agree to what she said.

the very thing that i totally agreed upon seeing more the years after....that very thing aid the deep impression of her on me. Maybe many will think of me as a pathetic and sad soul just as i thought she was. But, indeed i believe that very thing was true. Maybe, many a times, you choose to be surrounded by insincere talks, fake praises, evil laughter, cunning expression because you know you needed them. You needed their voice to make you feel that you are not alone, you needed their company to make you feel that you have friends, you just needed them. But, isn't this worse than being a pathetic sad soul? Whatever was told to you was a lie, whatever praises you heard was never true, whatever good things you know will become a broken promise. So i believe that, it was useless wasting time dealing with matters like this. 

I fought hard for it, but it didn't happen, it took me lightly allowing me to realize that it does not exist. So, now i am gona pretend that i am invisible. call on me when you like, but i will only respond as i like. 

I always give people a chance to show their true self but eventually all failed the test. I started to ask myself, if i was doing that too. But, my answer was i was always who i am. Things have changed, but i did not put up a fake front with people whom i call them friends. They knew who i was all along, but some decided to change their thoughts on me, leading me to change my judgment on them.

Things that happened, stories i read, shows i watched reminded me of my forgotten lessons in life. I should never be the "OK LADY" all long. I should play my game and call the shots. 

Okay, a lesson in life with myself ends today! :)