few days ago, we were talking about decisions-making and it will be tough when both decisions are too good to reject. Therefore, i mentioned before that this is not tough decision making but is tough to forgo which decisions. So, i think i wasn't in the right mind and told him :"talk to yourself, maybe you will find the answer". maybe he thinks i am crazy. haha. 

The mention of this incident keep recurring in my mind because i think maybe i said something wrong.. As, who in the right mind will talk to themselves?! Then, as i was in the middle of Paulo's book, it struck me that, i have been talking to myself unknowingly. There are times when i had to make decisions, so i will start asking myself a lot of questions. Which weighs the best then i will chose that, or why i shouldn't make the decision. So, all long i was talking to myself to assure myself that the decision i made is correct, to assure myself that i am right, to assure myself that i know myself. Maybe, i don't need her to assure me, but i need her to bring me to another level. Because i feel that i am stuck at this level and finds it difficult to climb up by myself. Or am i too dependent? 

rach mentioned that i was lazy because i failed to think in a lot of perspectives. I do not know how i gave her the impression that i did not think in many perspectives. But, in fact i did think in a lot of perspectives probably i just keep everything to myself. She aggressively said i was lazy, then at that point i thought i should feel angry at her for making such a harsh comment but then i just feel that to a certain extend, she doesn't truly know me well enough like she does. what rach knows might be only 50% of me. but then again, why do she has to know me 100% well enough. Everyone has their own secrets that they keep it to themselves, not even sharing with their closet friends or loves one. 

One more meeting, i think one more meeting with her, i will be able to find the answer..... awaiting the chance in august.....