it has been long since i write a post. there are so many things that i wanna voice. somehow, i am quite unhappy with my life now. somehow, i think my life is pretty pathetic in this state, somehow i do ponder about my future, somehow there are so many unanswered questions that i have, somehow it just bothers me a lot.

firstly, why must i be like just anyone else. why can't they just spare a thought for me? i am fine with not sponsoring for what i want to, cos i know the field that i wanna be in is difficult. so, i don mind them not sponsoring. but at least spare a thought of what i would like to do. i am fine with my present status until everything take a change and turn half of my world upside down. i don't like asking for favors from people, yet i have to do so. i hate it when i owe people a favor. dislike! when in the first place, they didn't want to plan my future, only until i have a dream for my future, then they step in to ruin my dream. not totally ruin but doesn't even bother! that pissed me lots! not sparing of what i want to do is bad enough, having wanting me to do what i dislike is worse! this is so much of the life that i doesn't want. i know not everyone could have their dream life. but then at least they tried to work towards it , don't they? i hate it when i hear him say " other people don't like the job but still then stayed on and work" idiot!! why must i be one of them? i don't want to be one of them! i hate it when he keep saying " i also don like my job but i still have to work!" but that's you, not me! i don want to be like this! maybe anyone can say i am stubborn, but come on. i don want to live my 20 more years of life be just like anyone else.
i don't see my future like this. never did it occurs! enough of other people also like this, other people also like that! freaking just enough of it. is so what i don't like.
but i truly appreciate the people that have my concerns at heart. thank you. but sometime, it would be good just to stay quiet.


staying in a brand new environment, sometimes i do want to cry out. but who do i cry out to? nobody. that day, i sat down and think. i realize that i do not have many friends by my side. sec school girlfriends, i left, poly true friends only jiayi. luo and all stayed put as good friends. when did my life turn out to be so pathetic?

upon living in such a situation, it just drives me more to what i wanna do. i am not cruel, but sometimes i have this thinking in mind " to just leave and do what i want" but firstly, i must be financially independent. that's the important one.

when one really grown up, money does matters a lot, don't they?

have been living in a world of fantasy. i don't know how long this fantasy will last. cos, since it's early stage, it has never stayed for long.

some pictures again!
i saw them with my own eyes!
$1.2million each.
that day my eyes saw a total of $12million worth!





there are others by the side, just that they are in super black and super dark blue colors,my phone flash not that strong. it was a magnifying scene!

personal pictures:
iamproudthatiatebakedbeans;
getridofthefats;

was it my foolishness?
or my stupidity?
it was still left hanging there;
what am i to do?
draw it back or let it fly.
been wanting to just get rid of the bamboo;

i have changed my blogskin. i didnt go for design theme so much, i just input all my favourite outfits by Chloe as my blogskin. and by the side, i input all my close friends and close cousin. there are some friends which i didnt put cos I HAVEN GET OUR LATEST PICTURES!! haha...

anyway, i was too free, so i was friendster-ing again. and i came upon one old fren which i forgot to wish her 21st birthday. i did remind myself that on that day i am going to write her a testimonial as she was not in town. i keep on reminding myself. but on the day itself, it slipped upon my mind and i forgot about it. it was like on the 3rd march then i realise bout it. i was utterly ashamed by it. cos all long, they have been treating me as close friends, but i was the one who back out. i'm sorry. then i came upon her testi for another fren. i was amazed by myself that i am worse than that lady. i didnt even remember her birthday yet, the other lady remembered. i was disappointed with myself. but what can i do? what passed has passed.

suddenly, i realise i am left with no close girl friends by my side. am i too occupied with myself? hmm, i made some friends here, i made some friends there. but who is true and who is fake? this world is too deceiving. i always believe if i treat this person nice, i will get the same treatment back. however, i am too navie to have this thinkings, cos i once said that world is unfair. why would people treat u nicely even if u treat them the same. i think iam still living in a very protected world. a world protected by my parents, by my friends. i have yet to step into the real world where more fearful things will happen. why is it so difficult to study something i like? why is it hard to pursue a dream that i keep holding? why must i hold a high salary job? why must living be so difficult? if living is so difficult then why are we in this world? if it was set to be difficult, why is dreams created? how do i make everything easier and simpler? ha! contradicting. funny logic.

some try to act as close friends when actually parted for long,
some try to act cool when actually were close friends.
so, what's the definition of friends?
why do everybody says that, guys and girls can't be pure friends?
hmm, actually i do agree that guys and girls can't be pure friends.. but then i do have guys friends and really are just friends. fuunny huhh, i believe in guys and girls can't be just friends, but i do have just friends guy's friends.
hey, how come i keep repeating what i am saying.
i must have gone crazy.


hey, we are climbing from level 1.
eh, no i think we are climbing down from level 10.
oi, so which level are we now?
i don't know which level we are heading to?
what now? how do i know where we are heading to?

three months of a new year has passed; some people have already settled down with a job, some just idle around waiting for time to pass.

this year i will be attending alot of 21st birthday party. or maybe not alot. but i do have quite a number of friends turning 21 this year. why do 21 mark an important year in most of our life? who created the 21 important birthday year? why i cant make it 23? i don know the reason behind it. but i believe it. i believe 21st birthday is suppose to be a grand and important birthday. cos, it only comes once in your lifetime. so, should celebrate it with alot of your close friends and family members. recently,i just helped luo with his 21st birthday chalet. there are too many things to do. but it was fun too. definitely fun. as usual, the group of us were in it together. we went to get the bbq food, and it was my first time to mustafa center late at night to shop for food. ha! fun!! the chalet was quite a success. it has been quite sometime since i've been to a chalet. so i did enjoyed it this time. however, it was luo's 21st birthday, but it ended like it was ours as well. cos all of us were too worn out. haha! but it was good that we gathered again. esp, some people which i last seen. like, joel. idiotic little boy. haha.. he is damm funny. we always joke around. and finally saw vinson, since he went army that august, we never met up till march. indeed, it was long. will it be the same for luo they all when they entered army? i hope not. so sad. haha...

let me post some pictures. my post is getting too bored right?

My cousin ...... we shared secrets and gossip. haha....



there are things which i can't be happy about;
once, i am too proud, i will lose everythin;
說了一個謊﹐就必須說另外一個謊來圓第一個謊!

Marked the end of poly life. there are so many i want to say, so many i want to remember, so many that i hope i can bring it with me, so many that i would love to do, so many that i want to express. but offically on 7th march, it marks the end of my poly! so pictures that brings back fond memories and unbearable memories too.


The usual of us. i love it, and i lost it.
my all time lamer
my all time favourite bullier.
i miss the times...
classic memories. classic hairstyle!
did i express how much i love them?
did i say thanks that they were in my 3 years of life?
did i say that i love her too much?
did i say that i hope things are the same?
i want to say ' i love you'
this was definitely the unbearable memories.
but happy ending .
i am arm-wrestling her!
cos, she tried to shoot me!
but still a happy threesome.

so, enjoyed what happen in my poly life. definitely they play a big part in it. the other part is, netball girls, and my green gang team. those were definitely the times i would love to remember and remember and be friends forever. i miss you guys.!!