my mum just repainted my whole house which includes living room, kitchen and all the bedrooms. everything just seem new again. it seems like 5 years ago, i just moved into this new house of mine. everything reminds me of 5 years ago. i still remembered, that auscpious day, my mum and dad moved everything over. i was in school. i was sad that i did not participate in it. ha! 5 years ago, in secondary, it was just walking distance for me from home to school, eversince that particular day, everythin changed. i have to take 2 buses to reach school. it was funny, as that time i wished for that. i didn't like it when my school and my house was just walking distance away, i envy those kids that could take bus to school. then, when fulfil my wish in taking bus to school, i complained. See, i am so hard to please. but then 1 year later? don remember when, i had bus accompanion. ha! cool! accompany my whole morning bus ride, and took away the lonely times. ha!

after my house got repainted, the whole brand new smell surrounds the whole house. i sort of love the smell, it just seem that i moved into a new house. it was hard for me to describe that feelings. i took out everything that was put on my shelves. i want to take away certain memories as well. after everything ended, i will decorate my shelf with brand new memory again. soon, it will be.

there were many times, i wanted to cry badly. cos, everything was just too difficult for me to handle. but i told myself, "hey, you shouldnt cry, you shouldnt give in to all the problems, you should be brave to face it. " and from then, i keep surpressing my tears from falling down. then my fren told me, "no, actually crying can be a form of relieve" hmm, well, that's true. but maybe at the point of time, my opinion in crying wasn't that. i didn't want to lose, i didn't want to give in to all the problems. i want to face it. and face it with all my might! and once everything is over, they should just bloody go away. there are so much anger in me, so much that i could hardly breathe keepin this anger within me, so i tell myself, to let it all out when everything ends. and it is going to end soon. i want to just shout it all away.

when everything end, i have to face another reality again. there was non-stop for me in my life.

i should be glad that at least i am living for a dream. a dream that i want it to come true, the dream that i am working for it to come true. a dream i hope it will come true! yes! that's my whole point in living.! yea!