recently there are so many nice chinese songs, all very meaningful... esp this 2 songs, i have got feelings for it...
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/130742ht.htm --
爱我好吗 (卓文萱)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/129888ht.htm -- 我可以 (蔡旻佑)

seriously, try listening to this 2 songs, greatly recommended.


hmm,i was watching back one drama serials, Devil Beside You. without fail that i will always be touched by the show. no matter how many times i watched, i will always be touched by the show, always cry. am i such a fragile person?
recently, alot of people mention to me that i should do things that i want to do, that i think i am right, that i should do things for myself. then one mag's horoscope said the same thing, i should think for myself and make myself happy. sometimes, you have to believe this kind of thing. ha!
so let's think back and stop making myself such a noble person that i always think of myself. do i? maybe one friends or people who are worth me doing then i will do it for them regardless of me feeling unhappy.

so, finally i did one thing for myself, that's to stop netball. hmm, will it really be a good thing? maybe yes, maybe no. i don't know. who knows in the end, i might be the one who regret everything. but again, there's no point me staying.

there are so many things i want to do, i wish to do, i want to say. but then, when will i be able to start everything that i want. now i am sure what i want to study. again and again, i am addicted to really study fashion, excited to really being able to study fashion. but there is still a long way for me to go. real long way. i might not be gifted in this field but at least i am doing something i like. hmm, guess for me doing something i like is prettyy much important.

had so many dreams, countless of dreams. circling around the same bunch of people always appearing in my dream. today might be you, the next day might be her. who knows, but how come people keep appearing in my dream. too funny.

when i am addicted to something, i will be real addicted to something. ha! am i talkin rubbish. yea. maybe. ha!

i love drivin alone at night. i really wanna try driving alone at night one day. drive to woodlands, or AYE(ECP) my favourite expressway. cos i will be listening to my songs, thinking about something nobody to disturb me. can set my mind thinking. of cos i cant wander far away. my mind can be thinking but my eyes on the road. actually i sort of like sending my friends home. maybe is pretty fresh for me. thats why i don mind. who knows if i do it frequently, i will be tired of it? ha! i am a fickle-minded person. i really am!

girl's talk? catching up with the past.... nothing much. what should i do if i really miss you guys? i will be far away from you guys. no longer close. no longer bonded. but i chose this path. i gave up all the 7 years i stayed in this sport. my passion run away because of problems and because of my priority changed. but trust me, you guys will be the true friends i once had in poly! :) good luck in ivp. i will be rooting for you guys! i wont be physically down, cos if i see u guys played i wanna be part of it. but i will definitely be mentally supporting you all! ha! another part of my fickle minded! ha!

how come so many sad things always happen in my life?

the only happy thing? hmm, that's my dear frennie. thank Q!

rattling rubbish--

"did i become a stupid woman again"
"i hope i didnt"
"did it occur that it did"
"no i didnt"
"see, am i not a stupid woman?"
"that can really make me stupid"
"can it?"
"yes, it just did"
"stupid woman"

woo, what a tiring week..may be alittle loss for words. there are so many things i haven do, yet i still have some many things i am worrying about. so many things are on my mind, i have yet to settle one, i have one more problem rise up.

i always yearn to go back to school cos i love school life. however, i am not loving it that much though. too many things for me to handle and do. i really want to break down but i know i cant cos if i do that, means i give up. so i keep tellin myself i must hang in there, cos in the end i wanna be proud of myself. i wanna be proud that i endure this ordeal, i wanna be proud that i done what i thought i can;t, i wanna be proud, jus be proud of myself. so i must hang in there now knowing what the ending will be. just hang in there! this is the period that i might learn alot, learn how to handle difficult clients and members, learn how to handle time, learn how to handle things by myself. be more independent...

i always know that, if i treat people good, the vice versa thing might not happen on me. though i know that people might not treat me good back, i still treat people good, cos i put myself in their shoes, as i won't want to suffer like they do. so, i am just doing myself a favor too. but some might be too overboard for me to even give myself the excuse to be nice.

world is turning every seconds, every minutes, i am getting tired gettin day by day, i am gettin old year by year. but how come i can't change my life?

i don't wanna be a stupid woman, why i say that? ha! don't wanna spell it out....... i will just put some serious thought about it when i am not so busy.


i can't believe that i didn't sleep for one day rushin for my assignment. i am amaze yet i enjoyed the moment. cos it was spent with jiayi and cher..... we had lots and lots of laughters. it was hell fun and tiring though..haha..


"i still wanna know"
"yet it isn't there"
"when will i stop?"
"when this will end?"
"please end here"

right now i am online
"of cos i am online, if not how am i supposed to blog"
funny ass.... ha! but i am in my room.... my internet area supposed to be in the storeroom, ha, i manage to gain wireless network with my school laptop. cool ya!

i have alot of pictures i want to share. very nice pictures, but i am not sure whether i have the rights to post those pictures online. cos, legal issues very strict online. ha! there are so many things i always have thinkings for.
everytime i do something or see something, i would think alot.

let's talk about my dream last night. god, i had such a tiring dream. i dreamt i was being chased! chased by bad people. but have no idea who they are. i just now that i have to run for my life. then, on the road, me and my fren stole bicycles as a tool to run away, hmm, who is my fren? i don't remember. it was so scary. i just keep on running, alot of things happen in my dream. there are more. but, in the first place, why would i dreamt of being chased? is not the first time i dreamt of this kind of action-packed dreams. funny isn't it.
dreams? what does it reflect about? we think too much in reality thats why we bring our worries into our dreams? we are too stress in reality thats why we dream? dreams? can they be trusted? how come suddenly, i am so related to dreams. i am scared to sleep,partly because of dreams. cos out of 10 times, 7 times i dreamt of bad stuffs. thats why dream isn't a good thing to me.

pictures, tell alot. it means alot. some consist of beautiful memories, unspoken meaning, touching hearts. how you take a picture reflects how you felt. it is a skill people needs to learn, an interest that people would love. once, pictures to me is to help me remember my feelings at certain point of time. but now pictures is to help me track back my footprints, where i set my feet on. i like black and white pictures, cos it tells it all, i fisheye lens cos you are trying to tell something. what about you?

there are so many worries i have, yet i am still doing nothing...
christmas is coming, once it was my favourite festival. but i don know whether it stilll will be.
cos christmas is always full of joy and fun, yet i know all theses could't be found on me. so i am afraid of christmas.
how will this "merry christmas" be?


"i don't know me"
"i don't know you"
"who knows you and me"
"i don't know"

standing in the middle of the buzzing orchard road, saw alot of foreigners with their childern, then i stood there wondering, how it will feel like if i am a caucasian's child, with blonde hair, looks like a barbie doll havin all the eyes on me cos i am not local, with a special english accent different from the locals here. of cos, if i am a caucasian's kid, i will attract all the envious stares jus because i am not local. if back at america, i wont invite such envious stares.
people tend to envy of what others have and forget those good things that they have also.

imagine, singapore is so small, and you can never meet your Mr. right, but yet you met him in a foreign country. what i am trying to say here is, maybe there is really fate in them. cos havin living in such a small country singapore, you also didn't manage to bump into him, but being a stranger in the foreign country, realise that both of you are from the same country. maybe this is what fate call. but on the other hand, sometimes fate likes to play a prank on people.

i never know how to spell hell before i work on my fyp, know i can see i am meeting my doom. with all the shitty things given, already had not very good members, plus super shitty client, somemore plus a demanding supervisor... i think i bring bad luck everywhere. why can't just one thing work out for me? it is so depressing. meant to enjoy my last sems in school, but i think suffering might be a better word.

sometimes acting like a fool is good, there will be so many things you won't have to know and people wont force you to accept things you dont wish.

i am trying to be a better person, trying to be a more patient person, tryin to be a caring person, trying to jus be more tolerant. what defines a good person?
help the poor?
stand up for the good?
always the one being bully?

tell me what a good person is?

i always got this feelin that i bring bad luck to whoever that comes near me, cos never once a good thing happen to me, even it does, i won't believe. cos nothing comes free.

"no, you can't just keep waiting"
"No!, you should keep on waiting!"

"okie, i shall just keep on moving!"

once, i realise something from a show. there are 2 guys and 1 lady, guy A,guy B and lady C. lady C like guy A. guy B likes lady C. jus imagine them queueing in one straight line. it will be like guy A standing in the first of the row, lady C in the second then followed by guy B. lady C will be looking at guy A while guy B will be looking at lady C. this situation always happen. lady C will do anything for guy A while guy B will do anything for lady C. i guess love relationships are always very complicated and confusing.

there is a past of me which i hated the most, everytime when someone reminds me of the past, i cannot take it. i was disgusted by my own doings and irritated by myself. that's the only past which i wished i could erase.

again, i waked up immediately after i had 8 hours of sleep. Argh! why can't i sleep for 10 hours,12 hours or even 15 hours. why i am only allowed 8 hours? :(

i avoided the dinner session cos i don't wanna see the fake side of me. i am so fake. trust me, i can be like one.

there are so much things to say, but i just can't express....

guess i am not so important, yea i agree...........