red light means "GO!", green light means "STOP!", what does orange light means?

i have a phobia for traffic light, i don like seeing red,green and orange together. i hate it, hate it terribly. when do i have to stop? when do i have to slow down? when do i need to speed up? next time i shall hire a driver! i wont agree that driving is cool! is horrible.


i feel a sense of saddness overwhelming me. i seriously cant figure out where the saddness is coming from. maybe is from alot of things. like work, life, and different kind of relations.

finally, my long awaited internship is finally ending, but i am not extremely happy. i guess is because i waitied for this moment for too long, and the happy feeling has died down. so, when it is ending, i just take it as nothing. or actually deep down, i already got used to this life?
ya, i know we have to get used to things around us, have to get used to a new environment, have to get used to things that we dont like, have to get used just to survive. life are just so sad.

or is my saddness coming from elsewhere? that i didnt know that i will be real sad over it? cos, i have 100% put everything down and give up. i have to put down to make my life a better life. i have to put down in order to accept new things in my life. i have to put down cos it just causing me so much saddness and restrictions. i have to put it down cos i have been deceiving myself. i have to put it down cos i read too much into it. i have to put it down cos everythings are just nothing, i have to put it down, cos i am awaiting for new challenges in life. i have to put it down to start a new life. i have to put it down cos it has been lingering for too long, i have to put it down cos there nothing more that i can do. so now, i can really say that i have put down! i am happy for this decision, but sad for the result. but i am hoping that my life will be happier and better.

i keep saying and telling everybody that i wanna be sick, let sick befalls me. i guess this sickness is coming at the wrong time and is coming very slowly.
i feel weaker day by day. illness coming 1 by 1. first was flu,consistent flu, second was cough, very dry cough, third is stomach upset, fourth will be giddy. i know myself, i know that when i am sick, i will be emotionally weak as well. i will be a very weak person when i am sick and i know it. thats why i can feel tears every now and then. but lucky it didnt rolled down, if not alot of people will start staring at me and asking me what happen. so, i still can controlled my tears.

this year's national day, i didnt go and catch the fireworks. i love fireworks alot alot. cos it is very beautiful and in singapore, it can only be seen on special occasions. so, i treasure fireworks alot. but, i didnt go..................... watching it on tv is not interesting at all, i cant feel the hot, i cant feel the beauty and i cant feel the loud bang! i jus cant feel the fireworks.

fireworks are beautiful
they light up the dark sky,
brighten the dull black,
give hopes to the livings,
though it doesnt last long,
but we capture the beauty of it!


i wanna test my patience!