i swear i never

i swear i never did those that went wrong..ya i can swear...cannot take it down..i did everythin that i am suppose to do..keep checkin whatever shit i have to do..why must he malign me sayin i never? how can..damm it!! damm F**kin shity bloodly cannnot take it!! come on..tell me a way to let out my unhappiness and frustration..i seriously don understand what went wrong...irritatin hell...i cannot cool down bcos i seriously do all the things he said i never...i got nothin more ot say..i need to cool...someone pls tell me a good way...it is in my heart very terrible...

Luck Needed, Missin them..

jiayi and me needed luck badly..we need all the luck anyone can give..hahah

anyway, i thought i got over some things..but apparently not.. it came back again.. i expected it alittle.. thought i could treat what it comes like normal. but i think the feelin has never been gone.. so it stays on, and i couldnt forget anythin little winly thing about it.. it is still stayin strong in my mind..how comne? when i thought i am over it, it still intact in my mind. i jus need the person to trigger it, and thats it..i am shot with memories again.. memories that i tried so hard to forget and to throw away..the dreams that i always have, the expectations that i always wanted, the everythin i hope for.. i have throw them all away and far away.. but the moment the person shot it, thats it... i am filled with bloody memories again.. things juc cants stop goin in my mind.. so damm irritatin..
thought i got over it, but it has never went away..never a step did it move, it jus i try so hard to deceive myyself that i forgotten about it.. thats so sad...i hate myself for this..why cant ii jus opvercome this thing and myself? why i have to make myself miserable? why do i allow myself to feel sad? why cant i climb out of it? why cant jus someone come by?
rubbish thinking..hahah..thats funny..
anyhway whatever it is, i have to throw them aside to prepare for tml..the big day..hope me and jiayi can make it thru..lets make it thru together,..

and another thing..jus now i was browsing thru all my friendster testimonial..saw everyone's testi for me.. suddenly i miss alot of ppl..pppl like sheena of cos...and the most missed gang...the green gang..those times we had were tremendously playful,wildful,happiness..and super fuun..i love them to the max last time..but how come things take a change..we were so close and havin so much fun..it so sad to see hwat it is now..wanted so much to happen in the group..but it disappoint me most.. the navie innocent bunch....not anymore...seriously missin them much..meijie also..we were so close last time..we were.. jus like what ahppen to me and jas..its the same thing again..why is the same thing keep happeninn to me? am i such a bad fren that goes away when i feel a distant..or what am i? a bad fren that will feel tired of a friendship?? not sure though..but pretty saddening to see what it has become.. no much contact..but was happy to hearr from brandon and victor of cos.. and see mj once or twice...

although nothin big really happen but many disappointment i have.. friends and netball stands the most.. but maybe i should be happy as i am now with cher and jiayi..and we are pretty close to some of our classmates which is a good thing..how i hate myself last time for being so bad...i always say i hateed my class..hated t o make new2 frends..i am contradicitn myself...haiz..

anyway good luck to jiayi tmlk..all the best..and to me too!! hope luck is with us..

the valentine day upon...

woo..valentine day is reachin...2 more days..and who am i gona spend this special day with? hahah..with lulu and maggie..the two good friends..bought some things for them as well..what does valentine day means? it means to spend those special time with your loved ones.. And yes,both of them are my loved ones..hahah..gosh,so mushy..seriously,i know ppl must have been tired of listenin to me say this: but they are jus the best friends of my life..yeah..they rocks!! whoo...

i have stop goin after romance, cos it seems so faked and far...i have stop dreaming, cos is jus simply waste of time, i have stop hallucinating,cos nothin will come true..

times spend as days passed,
times run as water dripped,
ppl missed the chance
after which they never have the chance,

when it comes to love, everythin is amazing...amazin how ppl fall in love, amazin how the feelings comes about,amazin how much we could count love,love is jus amazin..

maybe i am far way too emotional cos i watch too much dramas.. but i love dramas cos they make me laugh,cry and touched..

hate and love, is it so difficult to differentia it? love means love,hate means hate,is it so complicated?
i guess i lost my shine, i think my courage run away,everythin is gone....
feelin too emo recently?? nope..guess there are some problems solved after i put some thoughts into it..hahaha..sounds funny..but no choice i am jus like that..
recently, i am back to bein afraid of lonely..i have no idea why, loneliness kills..i agree..there are times when i love being alone,there are time when i hate being alone..maybe when i hate being alone is i hate to think of things i don wanna thing..don feel like givin it a damm cell brain for it..
what is then real happiness? i really want to know..
but now i what i know is that i am very sleepy..feel like sleepin but scared later at night cannot sleep...hahahaha..