Should be blog on previous different days but couldnt blog at home..so i sum up everythin i blog in school...hahha

wow....i am really pissed bcos i still cant blog usin my com...gona try it out in school..goin back to school tml...startin of a new semster...WOW....one semster passed...i think things haven been goin smoothly for me....alot of crappy things are in my mind..never had any nice things up in my mind...hmm.....don know whether is it the older u become the more problems u encountered....closeure of my one week holiday....startin of another idotic school days...this is the first time that i never missed sch when i had holiday...durin sec sch i missed my friends so much and missed my fun in school..but this school.....no hope ah...see...i am a girl that finds it hard to let go of things...so i cant and wont fall for guys easily..cos once i am into it...i guess it will be pretty hard for me to get out from....and is true...and holiday? wahz..doesnt seems so to me....holiday everybody is so free expect me!!! me!! and more me!!!ppl are plannin their outin to shop or have funn...i no need to plan...it has all been out for me....WORK,NETBALL,SCHOOL,....i wont blame netball cos is my sport...but for school and work....maybe i need a break..a long break from work....while i was workin in the mornin on sat...i seriously...really feel like quittin...really want to take a break for myself...but today i work at kiosk in the mornin...then after the mornin shift took over..the midnight shift ppl gather at kiosk...then we all chit chat and joke alittle....it was so fun...and so fun..and when everybody went off..i felt so sad...feel like cryin....is like...don know lehz..feelin weird.....same for netball...thinkin of quittin the SP netball....but some frens holds me back..we click fast and well..we sort of have the bond there....they make me think twice before quittin..same for work...seein the ppl who are fun make me wanna stay....kak elly holds me back...the midnight shift ppl(izan,farihan,brenda,fad,khairi,SK,farhannah,fairuz, n others),the mornin shift ppl(idah,wati,dibah,rodiyah,faisal n others) pathetically no afternoon shift ppl holds me back..i hate afternoon shift the most...SO SLAM!!! and the three phiplipino staffs..they are so friendly...haiz..see...i am someone who still holds the past and someone who is so emotional and undecisive!! haiz..and today so funny..workin at kiosk...then got one aunty asked me "u malay or chinese?" then i say i chinese, then \this uncle ordered a small coffee..then i jus gave to him without chargin him..then after he finished his food he came to me and talk to me in malay..say want to treat me anythin..he buy for me...then i also thought he malay don understand eng...so i have to anyhow say alittle of malay...i said "ooo..i eat ready(in malay)...no need.." then after that he then asked me " u malay ah?" then i say no lahz..i chinese...okie..then after that ...got this malay guy worked in the times bookshop...came and asked me "you chinese or malay?" then i am like er....me ah? chinese..then he went off..i think IZAN ah...spreadin ah..hahah..no lahz..jokin...cos izan keep calllin me malay girl..malay girl..then talk to me in malay...haha..but he funny...then i wrote in the COMM book in kiosk..then he replied to what i wrote....he say "DON BLUFF MALAY GIRL DONT TELL LIES" then i mention i sprained my ankle then he say "serves me right for lyin" then somemore he write in malay" tellin me don deny that i am a malay...don action..."haha...my mood isnt really nice in the mornin..but readin what he wrote...make me happy alittle..like so funny...hahaa.....but IZAN....i am not a malay! haha...okie..then work was alright jus now..haiz..my passion in servin the customers isnt so enthu as i used to be anymore..haiz..sian...then on fri was the last game for IVP...and we played terribly..that was the match that made me feel like quittin..i don know lahz...is like i cant communicate with my partners...ya..is really so different from sec sch those eastzone...is like now i go play...it will be like i can do better that what i used to do...i didnt treasure my sec sch tournament ah..haiz...see....how i regret things after that...i think i am slowly avoidin things...slowly takin things in a negative ways..i need a break..i so damm need a break....and wash my mind...from all those crappy stuffs..i need to be out of singapore...haha..feel like goin to malaysia..back top my grandma place..is so peaceful there.so quiet...u can spend everyday doin nothin but jus laze around..or cycle around....so free....is trees everywhere...isnt like singapore...see sop many ppl everywhere everyday....ppl givin u attitude problem...ppl givin u faces....all kind of different htings...i really feel i want a holiday.l...somehow today it strucks my mind that i would like to be a tour guide....those that brin tour groups overseas....then i will get the chance to travel around different country...and whenever i been to one country i will brin somethin back to remind me that i have been to that country...wahz..how nice it can be...yeah..maybe thats what i wanna be..some job that isnt 8-5...some job that not facin com everyday...some job that doesnt sit everyday..bot movin around..and around..and experienci new thigns...i jus cannot take it that ppl i know are changin to ppl i don know...ppl are true to ppl...ppl are betrayin each other...usin each other..i understand why some ppl say it is better to be ignorance...cos u know nothin...but only the true u...u are true to ppl and brings no harm....u see...ppl are changin...and i definitely can sense the changin in me...i used to love to be surrounded by frens..no matter how tired i will try to meet them and whatsoever...but now...i feels like i am to be a loner...a loner..but i know..if i be a loner now..i will be a loner forever..i cannot think this way..maybe jus have to spend time with myself....yeah...haiz....i never knew that so many things are in my mind....and i don want ot go sch tml..have to do dogin tml...avoidin lahz...haiz...sian sia....nothin better for me to do..but to avoid....ARGH!!!~~~okok..i ready plan how i will not see for the whole week....okie..hope it works....and my SP coach is so sweet write each of us a small note...and she say i got this very LISTENIN attitude and am a good WD...which i don think so..haiz...don know lahz....haiz...haiz..boirin...i jus hope to have a smooth week..nothin more..i don hope to have fun..but jus a smooth week..nothin happen..okie..thanks...
written on 12/9/04 but blog on 13/9/04 cos blog in school..hahah..