haiz...SIAN..WHY AM I DOIN IN THAT BLOODY SIAN SCHOOL!!

ARGH~~~~AH~~~~~~haiz..really totally sian...second day of school...what is poly life?so this is it..poly life is jus goin to lectures,goin to tutorial,ppl tryin to get attention from each other,wearin fancy clothes to school,makin no frens...WHY DO I WANT THIS KIND OF LIFE??NO!!i don want it anymore...i seriously hate SP to the core...i hate my course to the core too...haiz..too bad..wasnt any other course that interest me either...but why am i torturin myself?i don even like the ppl in my poly of even my class...maybe i am too old for them..or should i say mature??some are still so Chi.....haiz..jus cant click...then somemore i thought at least i got this fren DAWN..i thot she was quite okie..haha...really cannot judge a person by its look eh..or should i say i should really get to know that person before knowin whether he/she could be trusted...ppl are cunnin..and u werent know whether who those ppl are...not fun in school..no more laughters for me..no more happiness for me..no more fun for me..who the hell say POLY LIFE IS FUN!! WHAT THE F**K...the life sucks there...ppl can live without fren but me?? u think i can?? haha..maybe i shall try then...then all the lectures make me want to sleep..alamak..i nearly dose off at times...not enuff of sleep i should say..and i really admire myself for endurin the lesson until 4 in the afternoon..amazin eh..POWER TO THE NATION!!!I know i should say it again..but i regret choosin this damm idiot poly...cos things are so not what i think it should be..is not fun at all!!!why is this so??haiz..tired of smilin even though i don even like to do so...why am i like this now? i thought cheerful was what i really can describe myself about?maybe slowly i am growin up and becomin more aware of what happenin around me..somethin that even though i find it kinda of hard to accept,i have to learn to accept somehow.why things jus cant get better for me since Os...is has been so bad that i don even know what am i livin for? for myself? then what do i wish for?do i know? i don even have any idea for that..terrible isnt it...somethings happen that i find it hard to accept,sometimes feelings developed that u cant control...things havent been goin alright...and i think i have been make a fool of myself today..don wanna think about it anyway...spend an hour of break alone today..hmm..sometimes i think do i deserve this? did i do alot of bad things in the past??did i??haiz..don know lahz..maybe i am to used to havin too much funs in school..always surrounded by funs and laughters and more fun...right?and many things have changed..i cant imagine how much more it will or will changed right? haiz..slowly hatin school..slowly hatin life and slowly hatin myself for cant do things right...started my maths lesson..i thought maths was somethin i can handle..but i was wrong..maybe i did not pay much attention in class...cos i nearly fell asleep...then i don know how to do some sums..haiz..stress sia..who say POLY WAS RELAX??idiot..it wasnt at all!!don know how am i goin to survive my 3 years there..hope 3 years passed very fast..Ya..everyone..come lets scold me for choosin SP as my choice..come scold me for havin to travel such a long distance to sch..scold me for havin to bear with all the ppl..everythin really have a changed...then when will it be my turn to changed? changed into a nasty girl...can i? haha..who knows..maybe i will......okie..wish me good luck tml..another bad day to go!!!