i was trying to think hard to recall, as i had something that i want to talk about a couple of days ago....

people tend to say:"oh yeah, i have thought clearly about it, this is what i want, this is where i want to be" but in actual check, that was clearly a wrong statement made. If they really know what they want and where they want to be, there won't be guilt or remorse found in their emotion's dictionary. Many a times, it was just the assurance of a correct decision made, an answer to the question, a self-consoling statement to keep remaining themselves that, they wanted it so badly, they wanted to be where they are now so badly. In extended context, it just means that, humans are greedy, they want more than they get, demanding more and more in life. On the other hand, how could someone settle for present when they know they can get more, it just seems like a motivation in life. But, still a reminder that do not be greedy in life, some dreams may be too far-fetched for yourself. 

Finally, i have watched inception, a movie that truly captivated me, a movie that left me dumbfounded after the end, a movie that brought me sadness and overwhelmed me with numerous of questions in my mind. I know there were more things that i can catch from the movie than just dreams within dreams, i know that there were some hidden things i could have learned from the movie, i know it was just not enough. There were too much details and events to keep up with the show, that i was engrossed in the storyline but forgot about what's left beyond just the storytelling. Honestly, if i am able to create dreams within a dream, who will i put in my dreams? how will i build my dreams to be? and how i want my dreams to be? I already have the people in my list, the way i want my world to be, the buildings and surroundings that i yearn for. 

Was the inception effect too overpowering that i have been having many dreams that i felt so real this couple of weeks, that turned my tiring body even more tiring. There are many things in life we have to learn, we have to take in stride, i am looking for the day when i found passion in whatever i am doing......

a lesson with myself [01]

the very thing i still remembered the first time i know her. the very thing that puzzled me for a long time as i didn't agree to what she said.

the very thing that i totally agreed upon seeing more the years after....that very thing aid the deep impression of her on me. Maybe many will think of me as a pathetic and sad soul just as i thought she was. But, indeed i believe that very thing was true. Maybe, many a times, you choose to be surrounded by insincere talks, fake praises, evil laughter, cunning expression because you know you needed them. You needed their voice to make you feel that you are not alone, you needed their company to make you feel that you have friends, you just needed them. But, isn't this worse than being a pathetic sad soul? Whatever was told to you was a lie, whatever praises you heard was never true, whatever good things you know will become a broken promise. So i believe that, it was useless wasting time dealing with matters like this. 

I fought hard for it, but it didn't happen, it took me lightly allowing me to realize that it does not exist. So, now i am gona pretend that i am invisible. call on me when you like, but i will only respond as i like. 

I always give people a chance to show their true self but eventually all failed the test. I started to ask myself, if i was doing that too. But, my answer was i was always who i am. Things have changed, but i did not put up a fake front with people whom i call them friends. They knew who i was all along, but some decided to change their thoughts on me, leading me to change my judgment on them.

Things that happened, stories i read, shows i watched reminded me of my forgotten lessons in life. I should never be the "OK LADY" all long. I should play my game and call the shots. 

Okay, a lesson in life with myself ends today! :)