一個是紅事， 一個是白事。。。。

what does marriage suppose to define? to prove that the love for each other? a companion that walk with you the rest of your life? spending the rest of your life with someone you really love? sometimes, i can't believe my beliefs have changed. 

Before, i was just like any normal girl that was just waiting to marry the right man and have a family and that's it. This was what i deemed life as for girls like us. Girls are constantly searching for the Mr. Right, searching for what they call "true love". Seriously, i think that it is a very vague term. Although, i still get tons of emotions rushing within me when i see couples happily married, but i don't yearn for that anymore. Because, i stop believing in happily ever-after, i stop believing in promises and i stop believing in faith. 

Rather, i found death meaningful. It marks the end of a life of someone who has been living for the number of the years as human. As, humans we are constantly making mistakes everyday, we are always seen making the wrong decision, we are always guessing what is going in other's lives. It seems that, living is a very tiring chore to begin with. However, all the years till death, are moments and times, that you laugh, that you teared, that you feel happiness, blissful that you are full of anger and hatred. All there memories are the one that accompanied you when you die, these are memories that nobody is able to steal away from you, these are memories that will be locked in you forever. Something very meaningful in the show, when people die, the most common things they have are that they left with regrets. So, in order to die calmly, humans must learn to let go of many things that can't be forced. If not, regrets will be the one to follow you when you die instead of those memories that you stored............

Always full of emotions after watch "New Beginnings"..........

i think i must learn to let go of things that i don't own and never will own........................

gwenny

SURPRISE!

nothing to be surprise about, just loving the word for a moment. sometimes i think i am too stubborn in a lot of stuffs. I used to think anything to me will do because at that time i have yet to find what i love. or the so-called "PASSION". However, after finding what i love, nothing else seems to interest me anymore. I don't know if my brain refused to twist and think or i don't allow my brain to twist and think. I find myself childish at times when i keep holding on to my passion. Although, i am working towards it at a very slow speed but i feared for the future. Cos, even the alternative that i chose, i was not happy with it. Once, i thought anything about creative,designing, planning can interest me, but all the alternatives failed me. All this was never what i liked, it was never my passion. 

NO PASSION, NO MOTIVATIONS

NO MOTIVATIONS, NO RESULTS

NO RESULTS, NO GAINS

I picked up Female Magazine and reading through while i was having my lunch alone. Every page interest me as much as i want to be interested. All the fanciful, colorful, beautiful clothing, accessories and just endless of them. It has been some time since i last picked up a magazine. How interesting are the stories of each individual, the new upcoming designer to look out for, the always being love by all designers or fashionista that were seen in the magazine. A HA! i found my alternative! keep it low less it flies away.....

i wrote it there, i wrote it here.. 

and i think he is right! 

i think it is time to change my mentality. i keep having thoughts that the whole world owe me things, but in actual fact, no one owes me anything. I must understand this point and accept it. I can't go round blaming the whole world that landed me somewhere i do not want to be, i can't go around telling tales about the whole world that made me a sad and pathetic soul, i just can't possibly continuing doing so. I have to answer to my own doings. I have the rights to decide for myself, i have the control in my life. So, i should be even more independent that i am. 

I am used to being alone, so anything doesn't really matters to me. If i am not good enough, then i am really not good enough. It is really very tough to find someone that understands you and will support your decision. Hardly anyone can understand where is your point of view, none will be able to stand in your shoes and think for you. Everyone is selfish, they only think for themselves. When you are one and i am one, we can't blame others for their misunderstanding. Because, we are all selfish human being that only think for ourselves. Making ourselves looking more outstanding than others, even you know that person is better, you will still deny the fact and instead bring yourself up. Humans are like that, it seems to be a shameless thing to admit that "I am lousy!" "you are really better than me" "I am so stupid(genuine feeling stupid)" None will agree to this, even though deep inside it is the truth! 

People that are low profile and quiet often have the biggest dream in their mind that they are quietly working towards it.........

i thought we will be different but i think otherwise now......people are constantly changing, and nobody will feel good when seeing others having a better live than you yourself. This is part of human nature as well. That's the reason for greed around the earth. When you cannot accept the truth that others just have the luck and so fortunate to be better, rich, prettier, smarter, you will try your very best to still stand out before them. When surroundings start singing praises for other people except you, you are angry why your limelight is stolen away. You just want to be in the bright bright good lively world and never want to be in the dull dull dark quiet world....

I give myself another 2 years to think how i can start fresh again.....