I have just finished reading the book by Mitch Album - "For One More Day" and plenty of thoughts came running in. 

For one more day, i am able to live,

For one more day, i am able to talk,

For one more day, i am able to see,

For one more day, i am able to smell,

For one more day, i ask for forgiveness,

For one more day........

Plenty of "For one more day" i thought i was granted with. In life, everyone has been so busy with daily lifestyle that they forgot that, they too were granted "For one more day". Everyone just take everyday for granted. Students supposed to be studying wasting time playing, Adults suppose to be working, but keep on complaning about life. How come, nobody will think that " today i will treasure it, as i was given another day". 

Sometimes things happen so fast that we cannot expect it and neither can we escape it. You never know when is your turn to go. I must say that "eventually, everyone will die, but the time has yet to reach you" People keep on saying that " this is fate, let fate decide where i should go, this is destiny and i believe in destiny." But, they don't know that they are just unable to make decision in life for themselves, so then, they pushed the blame to fate, destiny. I have mentioned this before, that everyone has only 1 life to live, and we shall just live life as if everyday is the last. And being having only 1 life, shouldn't we just do what we want to do, and what we desire in life. Not complying to living a life of others' or be like others'. I believe this thoughts has been in me since 2 years ago when i was forced to step into something i never thought. 

But my beliefs is that, even though we are forced to step into something we don't like, it is in our choice whether we want to make it right or make it worse. And my beliefs is that, you will bound to gain something everywhere. And through this i gained alot, gain a wise dictionary and i gain myself! 

let me be the one......

let me be the one to shine....

let me be the one to dream...

let me be the one......

who do i want to be? i was catching Project Runway Season 6 just now, and jealousy caught me again. both jealousy and envy. How come they are doing what they have been wanting to do, yet i can't do anything to reach there. i am angry with myself for not having the courage to be where i want to be. if i have 110% of passion running in me, nothing could have stop me. but sometimes, it is difficult not to let the surroundings affect you. sometimes, it is difficult just to ignore it. sometimes, it is difficult just to be selfish. however, by taking all this factors into considerations, i became a miserable person. how i envy those who are pursuing their dream, how i envy those who are already doing what they have been wanting. how i envy. Watching Project Runway really makes me sad. There's this girl who is just exactly my age, and she is starting out a path for herself in the fashion world. but here i am drifting further and further away from my fashion world. One of the judges is Lindsay, and she has her own label. How come it seems so easy for celebs to create their own label, setting up their own label. How come? because of their ability to influence, because they really like fashion, or otherwise. i would have thought otherwise. 

My cousin told me that she was afraid of her future, where she will stand when 5 years passed, where will she be in the future. every step she makes now is for her future, thinking for her future. but it never chanced upon me that the step i make now is planning for my future. i just simply took every step that appeared before me. because that's the easiest way out? Nope, because sometimes i do not have much choices. somehow, back in my mind, i do have plans for my future, what i really want to do. but whether it is workable, i doubt myself, i doubt my ability and capabilities. i hate it when people tell me that "you sure are capable of completing that, you are capable, you are good," because to me that are lies. when i am not even impressed by myself, how can i impress others?!

i have always said this, you will never know what this step will bring you, if i know what this step may bring me, i would have been successful by now. by then again, i am nobody. am i too eager to do something out on my own? am i eager to prove something to myself? am i too rush in trying to do things. and probably, my interest lies in somewhere else. okay, that's the saddest part of all. if that is so, i would have to start everything all over again. and i don't think i have time to repeat things in my life again. i think i should make my decision right, and not waiting to let time prove it right. i choose this decision, then i should think of ways to convince myself, something is going to work out somehow.  

truly, i really lost all my feelings, think back, maybe i cried that day is because of the influence of the people that are crying and not that i am really sad about the departure. maybe i lost it all, it all meant nothing since very long ago. i am just a emo drama. 

i think i care about myself more than anyone does.

我是一箇多麼喜歡朋友的人， 卻變成周圍都沒朋友的人。

我曾是一箇多麼樂觀的人， 但這沒維持多久， 悲傷就對我招手。

說這要成為我的好朋友。 

從那箇時後， 悲傷確實成為了我最好的朋友。

它是箇非常忠實的朋友， 從沒讓我失望。

因為， 它終是把悲傷帶給我。

但成為了， 它的朋友後， 我非常難受。

每天， 過著非常難過的日子。

盼望， 那一天， 快樂或幸福做我的朋友。

給我快樂， 給我歡笑。

但， 會有那麼一天嗎？

今天， 想用華文來發表我的心情， 但有一點忘詞了！ 哈！ 哈！沒靈感啊！ 救命啊！

原來， 寂寞是一件非常感傷的事實！

天天，千千萬萬的陌生人經過你的身邊

偏偏， 你卻是甚麼的沈默

腦里想的都是過去的回憶

那是， 多麼可悲的背影

也是， 一段不真實的夢

一段自己的想法跟想要加強我的中文。

明天， 會是一箇新的開始。 划下了一箇終點， 就會在臨一箇地方開始新的起跑點。 人生一定要有分分離離才會是完美的。因為， 有了分分離離， 人才會珍惜人余人之間的相處。人余人不會有百分百的喜歡， 因為人不是完美的。 但相處後， 就可以把不喜歡變成喜歡。 

我的心情故事到這里。