actually i have alot of things to say, but due to my tiredness, i dump them aside and forgot about them. so i am gonna bring along my scheduler so that whatever i want to jolt down at that moment i am able to do so. 

i rented "Bride Wars" DVD and watched it last night. It wasn't about romance movie, but it emphasize about friendship; a friendship that lasted for over 20 years, bearing the same dream/ideal place of marriage and season to get married. how warming and nice, if there is really a friend like this. it is so sweet. sometimes, having only 1 best friend is the best in life that could happen isn't it? 

i am not sure what is ur take on this, but someone shared this with me and i reckon with it. in life, is all about chasing, chasing for your dream, chasing for the person you want to me, chasing to have that achievement, chasing all your life for yourself. So in life is a never ending chasing process. So, it caught me thinking, maybe i was running real slow for the first 200m, then i realize i need to buck up so i speed up for the next 500m, however because my stamina wasn't that strong to maintain the speed, so i felt very tired and slowed down for the next 2km, then i dawned upon me that i was really really behind, then this time i taught myself to speed up at a comfortable speed so that i will be able to maintain the same speed for the remaining of my journey. doesn't this apply to life as well, forever chasing, sometimes you are too into, too focus in chasing that you lost alot of things in life, the scenery everything and in the end you were too tired, then you slowed down in life again, after realizing that you have to speed up, your opponents is already way in front of you. Now, i feel so tired, probably because i was too into focusing on myself that i lost alot of nice things around me, and maybe i feel tired chasing things in life.

she mentioned too, people may skip some steps to reach to the top but you finish the whole process to reach the top. people that skipped, missed out on the overwhelming scenery that they could see, but yet i get to see it and still reach the top. so, i believe now i am gonna slow down on things. another enriching journey but to realize that i deteriorate. i should keep up the spirit of learning in life and not give up. :) 

i have let it go completely...

Sometimes, you just wants to be alone.

Thank you wei wei… that’s very sweet of you. But now, Australia got a couple of suspected swine flu, so I better stay away from Aussie. Hahahaha.. kidding la… I will go there by myself before you are all ready to come back. Then, I will be able to travel around myself, it will be so cool! JThank you!!

wei wei, I am not actually waiting for someone to appear, I am searching for my soul back… haha… that someone can appear or can just disappear, doesn’t matter much to me though.. I believe what’s most important to be now is grabbing my soul back and get on with what I want to do. Now, it occurs to me that I don’t have the courage to pursue my dream that I have been talking all about. Is not about able and not able, is all about whether I am daring or not daring. Perhaps, not at this stage, I still have to finish my degree to secure myself and earn my pride. That’s the purpose of it, isn’t it. I think this 2 years, I have been trying to be myself, and all about myself that I lost touch with getting to know people or being friends. I believe I was once a good friend to my friends, but now I don’t know how to be a friend anymore. The more I am your friend, the more I am not a friend. I am not a caring friend, not a nice friend, not a easy-going friend anymore. Why is it so? I was too occupied with myself that I threw that part of me away. Dumped it all…. I guess my balancing failed badly. Ah wei posted a superb old school picture on facebook and I got a shock! Who is that girl?!! God, don’t mention anybody else, I don even recognize myself, I lost that smile, lost the freedom of smile, lost the happy go lucky feel…. Whoa! Yea, can’t deny that I change a lot. Tremendously. I don’t hate my change, but I hate it when I am lost again.

I wanna get out get out get out and be alone!