Friday, July 18, 2008

sometimes i think i changed alot.

i am not sure why it occurred to me to read my past post and i was amazed how much i changed within a year. the change was definitely drastic, the change was definitely a good thing for me, the change was indirectly caused....... in the past, i have been trying to please every single person that steps into my life. it was in me, to treat everybody nicely. my mentality was that, if i am nice to you, you will be nice to me too. but i gave up on this thoughts. i feel that i am obliged to be nice to you, so vice versa, you should be nice to me. but people out there don't carry the same thoughts that i do. So, why am i torturing myself, having high hopes on human beings and thus knowing i am extremely wrong! people always say " change is good, change is always for the better!" and i love changing now. though a year passed rapidly, i changed alot too! within a year, i learnt alot from this wise dictionary. i am grateful that the wise dictionary came across my path and show me the ropes up, exploring my own identity!

for the recent times, i've received comments like i am a person of character. true, i become a person with more of my own character compared to who i was in the past. just that, i become more character but less happy. i carry more sad faces in me, plus the fact that i know that i have yet to achieve what i want in life, therefore there is nothing for me to be happy about in life. i don't quite like rubbish talk nowadays. teach me something and i will be more willing to share so much with you. sharing thoughts, sharing knowledge is a good thing that i must have along my path in growing up. previous year, i was still so much surrounded by friendship, maintaining important friendship. but however, i have come to realise. there is this friendship that i couldn't maintain. it is always one hand clapping friendship. i gave up on friendship. i only maintain 1 friendship that i know we both tried very hard to keep it going! i gave up on my friends, naturally they will give me up. but i guess it upsets me that the effort wasn't appreciated. i think i fear to accept the fact that whatever i done was never being appreciated, that's why i ended it.

i know the reason of my recollection, because of that suspicious incident. i don't think i was reading too much into it huh....

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