sometimes i think i changed alot.

i am not sure why it occurred to me to read my past post and i was amazed how much i changed within a year. the change was definitely drastic, the change was definitely a good thing for me, the change was indirectly caused....... in the past, i have been trying to please every single person that steps into my life. it was in me, to treat everybody nicely. my mentality was that, if i am nice to you, you will be nice to me too. but i gave up on this thoughts. i feel that i am obliged to be nice to you, so vice versa, you should be nice to me. but people out there don't carry the same thoughts that i do. So, why am i torturing myself, having high hopes on human beings and thus knowing i am extremely wrong! people always say " change is good, change is always for the better!" and i love changing now. though a year passed rapidly, i changed alot too! within a year, i learnt alot from this wise dictionary. i am grateful that the wise dictionary came across my path and show me the ropes up, exploring my own identity!

for the recent times, i've received comments like i am a person of character. true, i become a person with more of my own character compared to who i was in the past. just that, i become more character but less happy. i carry more sad faces in me, plus the fact that i know that i have yet to achieve what i want in life, therefore there is nothing for me to be happy about in life. i don't quite like rubbish talk nowadays. teach me something and i will be more willing to share so much with you. sharing thoughts, sharing knowledge is a good thing that i must have along my path in growing up. previous year, i was still so much surrounded by friendship, maintaining important friendship. but however, i have come to realise. there is this friendship that i couldn't maintain. it is always one hand clapping friendship. i gave up on friendship. i only maintain 1 friendship that i know we both tried very hard to keep it going! i gave up on my friends, naturally they will give me up. but i guess it upsets me that the effort wasn't appreciated. i think i fear to accept the fact that whatever i done was never being appreciated, that's why i ended it.

i know the reason of my recollection, because of that suspicious incident. i don't think i was reading too much into it huh....

sometimes i should slow down and see the complete world.



it's really been sometime since i pen down something here. within a months, i went through alot of changes that made my mind set back on track to think of where i really want to be at. it's always in me that i failed to see human's true self. i have been trying real hard to see through a person's mind but i never will succeed. because i believe i am not capable to do that, thus i lost confidence on my own judgement. i always only believe what i see rather than what i hear. but maybe before i could see it, i've already been hurt badly. so, what should i believe in now? see or hear? never knew being a human is so tough. defending oneself' to survive in this cruelty world yet not knowing your existence in this "supposed-to-be" beautiful world. pardon me for all this, i have been reading alot of self-improvement books by "Mitch Album" and "Paulo Coelho" . they are amazing writers which i have so many things to learn from them and to understand their message . now, i don't fancy romance stories that much anymore.



death is embracing us anytime, any moment. you can hardly change fate that has been installed for you. but what you can do , is to live a better live before death and you will realize that you went on to heaven in such a way that you will not have any regrets leaving in your heart. Maybe at this point, people from the other end of the world lives' are endanger, yet here we are, safe and sound. that's why shouldn't we live with much happiness and faith each and every day. it was always easier said than done. but if you think likewise, i think you will feel likewise totally. at this point of time, i might be having leisure time where i could surf net and enjoy the relaxing air-condition installed for us. however we never know that at the end of the world, people are suffering from many things, yet i can do nothing to help them.

i always thought parting was nothing difficult but i was surprised by my own emotions building up.
i always thought saying good-bye will never be a difficult to say.
i always thought seeing his/her back view walking away is easy.
but everything was totally the opposite when i sent my brother off to be a "real man".
i have to suppress my tears, and hide my worries deep inside. everyone of us is trying to put up a strong front. but seriously hope things will be fine for him.
tekong is a very refreshing small island that faces the sea. losing contact with the cruetly world, makes the air more refreshing!

recently i reminisce alot about the past. not sure the reason behind this, but i hate it when i keep on thinking stuffs relating to the past. many time i told myself, i am living for the future and i want to keep up with the future. when would i want to slow down my steps running backward?
things will be tougher for me and maybe in the end, i lose both sides.