I am emotional, dramatically emotional. I lost sense of my direction, I lost who I am, I lost what I wanna be. I did say that dreams tend to be difficult to realize, that's why it was call Dreams. But, I have come to realize that not everyone can fulfill their dreams. I want to be the one that can fulfill my dreams, but situation given here doesn't allow me to go ahead. I always hear "go ahead and pursue your dreams", but then how many can really pursue their dreams? Many are driven to desk-bound jobs because they realize that their dreams are far out of reach. I am contradicting. I heard one say " you never know the results if you never try". Of course, I totally agree with this saying. But not everyone can afford the time and money to keep trying. If I am rich, I won't have any worries, and I will just follow my dreams. If I am young, I won't have so many doubts, and go with my heart. But the thing here is I am neither rich nor young. I cannot afford to waste another 3 years to realize that I have to starve with this field that I will be in. So what's now?

Go with my heart and purse my dreams?

Or

Given the circumstances, I should jus go with the demand?


I am terribly in a dilemma. Why I don't know what I want when I was choosing my course of studies?
Why didn't I explore what I like when I am entering poly. Hell of me. I regretted totally.
Everyone's opinion is that I must be the best to survive in my field. What if I can't be the best?
I am trying to give myself confident, but still I have to think of the negative side and the consequences.

Why am I stuck here? In the middle of a crossroad, not knowing which direction to go, not knowing where I will be heading, not knowing what my future lies for me, not knowing what I should do.
I am terribly feeling down everyday thinking about what I should do.
With graduation coming nearby, things have to fall apart and have to settle. I have to think a solution and my way to the future.

I once told myself, what is life. It seems everyone is living such a mono life. After their studies, they come out to work, after some years of working, they settle down start a family, after few years of newly-wed, they give birth, bring up the children, educate their child, and then become old.
I told myself, this isn't the kind of life I was looking for. I don want to live such a life. I feel that this kind of life seems that you are living for the sake of living, and not live for the sake of living for yourself.
I told myself, I want to do things I like, I want to do things I love. I should pursue things I love and go for things I love. But why am I here keep rattling about whether I should take up what I love?
What am I still worrying for?

I have always know that, actions speak louder than words. I can keep rattling non stop, but u will never see the actions. U may think that I always talk big, but no actions. Maybe this is me?

Have I found me? Do I love the me now?all this questions starting to pile up inside my head. Am I being too over, doubting myself? Maybe some might think so, some otherwise. I am trying hard just to leave all this aside and relax. I am totally vexed over this matter. I am tired thinking. I am tired vexing. I am totally tired and worn out. I am have a big headache. I am not smiling anymore. I am tired.


I have always been a happy girl. Since when did I become unhappy? Unhappy about the life I am leading now? Unhappy about the path I chose, unhappy about how I go about ruining my life. Even worse, unhappy about my whole character. Damm it! all this shouldn't have happen on me. My life is a mess. I don know what I want and what I want and what I want!!!


I wish for someone to tell me what I should do, or maybe can advise me.

Maybe living in the 20's or 50's is more carefree and good. You would have to be so ambitious and live the way everyone is living. Trying hard to earn a living. Having all the time to relax and everyone just be together. No worries at that time about what you like what you want and what are dreams.

This is totally a headache!!!