actually i have alot of things to say, but due to my tiredness, i dump them aside and forgot about them. so i am gonna bring along my scheduler so that whatever i want to jolt down at that moment i am able to do so. 

i rented "Bride Wars" DVD and watched it last night. It wasn't about romance movie, but it emphasize about friendship; a friendship that lasted for over 20 years, bearing the same dream/ideal place of marriage and season to get married. how warming and nice, if there is really a friend like this. it is so sweet. sometimes, having only 1 best friend is the best in life that could happen isn't it? 

i am not sure what is ur take on this, but someone shared this with me and i reckon with it. in life, is all about chasing, chasing for your dream, chasing for the person you want to me, chasing to have that achievement, chasing all your life for yourself. So in life is a never ending chasing process. So, it caught me thinking, maybe i was running real slow for the first 200m, then i realize i need to buck up so i speed up for the next 500m, however because my stamina wasn't that strong to maintain the speed, so i felt very tired and slowed down for the next 2km, then i dawned upon me that i was really really behind, then this time i taught myself to speed up at a comfortable speed so that i will be able to maintain the same speed for the remaining of my journey. doesn't this apply to life as well, forever chasing, sometimes you are too into, too focus in chasing that you lost alot of things in life, the scenery everything and in the end you were too tired, then you slowed down in life again, after realizing that you have to speed up, your opponents is already way in front of you. Now, i feel so tired, probably because i was too into focusing on myself that i lost alot of nice things around me, and maybe i feel tired chasing things in life.

she mentioned too, people may skip some steps to reach to the top but you finish the whole process to reach the top. people that skipped, missed out on the overwhelming scenery that they could see, but yet i get to see it and still reach the top. so, i believe now i am gonna slow down on things. another enriching journey but to realize that i deteriorate. i should keep up the spirit of learning in life and not give up. :) 

i have let it go completely...

Sometimes, you just wants to be alone.

Thank you wei wei… that’s very sweet of you. But now, Australia got a couple of suspected swine flu, so I better stay away from Aussie. Hahahaha.. kidding la… I will go there by myself before you are all ready to come back. Then, I will be able to travel around myself, it will be so cool! JThank you!!

wei wei, I am not actually waiting for someone to appear, I am searching for my soul back… haha… that someone can appear or can just disappear, doesn’t matter much to me though.. I believe what’s most important to be now is grabbing my soul back and get on with what I want to do. Now, it occurs to me that I don’t have the courage to pursue my dream that I have been talking all about. Is not about able and not able, is all about whether I am daring or not daring. Perhaps, not at this stage, I still have to finish my degree to secure myself and earn my pride. That’s the purpose of it, isn’t it. I think this 2 years, I have been trying to be myself, and all about myself that I lost touch with getting to know people or being friends. I believe I was once a good friend to my friends, but now I don’t know how to be a friend anymore. The more I am your friend, the more I am not a friend. I am not a caring friend, not a nice friend, not a easy-going friend anymore. Why is it so? I was too occupied with myself that I threw that part of me away. Dumped it all…. I guess my balancing failed badly. Ah wei posted a superb old school picture on facebook and I got a shock! Who is that girl?!! God, don’t mention anybody else, I don even recognize myself, I lost that smile, lost the freedom of smile, lost the happy go lucky feel…. Whoa! Yea, can’t deny that I change a lot. Tremendously. I don’t hate my change, but I hate it when I am lost again.

I wanna get out get out get out and be alone!

sometimes i feel myself behaving like a wavy graph.....

i know that i have changed much since. i know that, there is a period of time where i love my change. i know that my change is definitely for the good. but now, i am starting to doubt myself. once i was just anybody out on the road, then i found myself, being myself, was happy about myself.  now i think i am stranding out in the world, losing myself, can't get hold of myself. now, i think i am lost. when a person gets lost, they have a choice. either left or right, front of back? but i don't see any directions in front of me now. i am lost in a desert where no directions seems to be the way out. i felt so helpless, depressed and tired. walking all the while in this never ending desert, when will i find my way out?

depressed? i believe i am. i feel like putting a halt to whatever is happening to my life. i don't enjoy working anymore, i don't enjoy hanging out with friends anymore, i don't enjoy anything in life. my brain is not working, not thinking, not operating, not functioning. where is it that out of 10 things i did, 10 things seems all wrong. 

give me my dreams, give me guidance that it is workable. lead me there, and i will show you how serious and focus i can be and will be. why am i walking away from being a true libran? probably i should really take a break, probably this will be the best for me....

it is hard to find someone that really really really understand you or really really really know how you feel and what you are thinking. probably 1 in a billion. friends are good, they could be a good tool to enlighten me about something that i never thought about myself, but never 1 really know how i really feel. probably the problem lies in me? never truthful about my feelings ... never really allow anyone to understand my thoughts... never allow anyone to step in-depth..... probably is just me.............

things will be simpler if i am simple.....

sometimes i wish to get out from singapore badly....

perhaps i am born to be independent, born to be alone, born not to have feelings attached. if there is really a chance to get out from singapore, i will be the first definitely. i know everywhere got its pros and cons, i know no place might be better here. but i don seem to have strong feelings attached here.  or perhaps, you want me to rank anything, probably family will be my last. was this feeling some kind of side effect that is happening to be now? 

bottomline is i really want to get out and get away. away to someone perhaps to grow up myself...

is going to be a short one, because i need a place to vent.

i know i am wasting my time and getting away from my passion and dreams. but there is so much that i want to do but nothing that i can do. i cannot guarantee that i will do well in fashion but i know i will bring it on any challenges that comes with it because that's my passion, that's my interest. i know in working environment, everywhere gonna be the same, same type of people that can't wait to see you fall, same type of people that thinks that you are a bloody nerd, same type of people that think you know nuts... i know everywhere gonna be the same. same kind of working process and channels of marketing but different target audience and market. All this i know it. But i just can't seem to bring interest into what i am doing now. i thought i want to learn the rope of marketing. But once you step into marketing place, there is not much you will know, but is more of you finding it out. 1 year passed, i dare not say i know what marketing truly is about but at least the main basic is that marketing is to listen to what consumers want. this is my interpretation. 

my social circle is so small and tough to expand but i know i have to try to expand. only then i see some opportunities coming in. i touched my heart and asked myself where do i want to be? i replied :" i want to be in fashion!" going to be a tough road but perhaps a happier road? 

nobody understand how delighted i am when i see nice beautiful dresses, clothes, skirts, shorts, shoes, bags and be it the genders and of cos not forgetting babies' wear. i get all excited and hype to look at them, how beautiful they are. nicely designed, the details, the silhouette, the shape, the colors, the whole look of it. 

so what am i suppose to do now?

i have been wondering to ask everyone a question: " what do you want to be?" , "how far are you away from reaching to where you want to be?" and why do you want to be...?" . it could be interesting to find out. 

*how i wish there will be a Luke Brandon that appear before me: :yepps: :)

i believe i would want to post this today while listening to Kenji's hits, because is a now or never thing. ha....

i was flipping through fashion's magazine and dawned upon me that majority of the fashion designers are males. how come this scene? women are the one wearing the clothes, shouldn't we be the best and be the one to fully understand what is nice what is not? what is suitable what is not? what is comfortable what is not? but how come there is this scene of males fashion designers? i am puzzled and keep on thinking and thinking. wonder if anyone have thought of this question before. my only answer to myself will be, women will not be objective enough while designing. they will only design things that are suitable for them, therefore they are always stuck in this small like circle of their and yet to break through. women just want to design clothes that are wearable for them, look nice on them but this theory of theirs may not apply to every single one outside. probably that's why they are always hidden somewhere in the corner waiting to walk out of the circle. 

while i was reading through the magazine, they were featuring New York Fashion Week with all the various runways that was around. i was asking myself, when will i be able to step into on of the runways. there are a couple brand that i want to look at. Chole, Jil Sander, Celine and all dressed up. but it seems like a never reaching dream for me. but at least i have this dream.

probably, i should touch alittle on relationship? my point of view after hearing couple of things around me. it is interesting how fate brings two people together. i remember, once i said that "did it occur to you that you might have met your other half earlier, probably walked passed each other, or at the same place and time but dint know of each other presence." that's why is amazing how 2 people come together and have the patience and love to understand and love each other. then again, can anybody explain love? i know i can't until i met one. no one can clearly explain how things started and how it ended. it just seems like it always happen for a reason. relationship is all about giving and taking, loving and caring. knowing when to give and when to take. perhaps in every stage, mindset will be different. and in every relationship, the percentage of love given out will be different too.....

1.愛太痛 (新歌)詞/曲：吳克群

吃不能吃 睡不能睡
沒有了你 全都不對
我都學不會 把愛敷衍
用笑容來把眼淚催眠

笑不能笑 哭不敢哭
人不像人 鬼不像鬼
朋友都說這 不過失戀
但我卻連呼吸都膽怯

能不能不愛了 因為愛太痛了
我痛得快死了 卻無法把你忘了

能不能不愛了 愛情它太痛了
我痛得快死了 卻無法把愛割捨

我不能睡~


吃不能吃 睡不能睡
沒有了你 全都不對
我都學不會 把愛敷衍
用笑容來把眼淚催眠


能不能不愛了 因為愛太痛了
我痛得快死了 卻無法把你忘了

能不能不愛了 愛情它太痛了

我不能夠

不能夠 不愛了

能不能不愛了 因為愛太痛了
我痛得快死了 卻無法把你忘了

能不能不愛了 愛情它太痛了

我不能夠

不能夠 不愛了

吃不能吃 睡不能睡



2.傻瓜 (新歌)
作詞:吳克群 作曲:吳克群 編曲:周恆毅

其實他做的壞事我們都懂　沒有什麼不同
眼光閃爍　曖昧流動　閉上眼當作聽說

其實別人的招數我們都懂　沒有什麼不同
故作軟弱　撒嬌害羞　只是有一點彆扭

傻瓜也許單純的多
愛得沒那麼做作　愛上了我不保留

傻瓜　我們都一樣　被愛情傷了又傷
相信這個他不一樣　卻又再一次受傷

傻瓜　我們都一樣　受了傷卻不投降
相信付出會有代價　代價只是一句傻瓜




3.不屑紀念
作詞：吳克群 作曲：吳克群

十月十八我生日這一天 蠟燭熄滅後浮現你的臉
你說祝我生日快樂 但還有話掛在嘴邊

你說你身邊多了一個他 之後傷人的話你不想講
你說你會懷念或紀念 謝謝妳 我該說聲感謝

我不屑 紀念 這一天 我們分別
我不屑 懷念 你的嘴 喊著抱歉
我後來發現 你的側臉
只是我腦子裡面的一點殘缺 一點殘缺

十月十八我生日這一天 蠟燭熄滅後浮現你的臉
你說祝我生日快樂 但還有話你掛在嘴邊

你說你身邊多了一個他 之後傷人的話你不想講
你說你會懷念或紀念 謝謝妳 我該說聲感謝

我不屑 紀念 這一天 我們分別
我不屑 懷念 你的臉 欲止又言

我後來發現 你的側臉
只是我腦子裡面的一點殘缺

我不屑 紀念 這一天 我們分別
我不屑 懷念 你的嘴 喊著抱歉
我後來發現 你的側臉
只是我腦子裡面的一點殘缺 一點殘缺

我不屑 紀念 這一天 我們分別
我不屑 懷念 你的臉 欲止又言
我後來發現 你的側臉
只是我腦子裡面的一點殘缺

我不屑 紀念 這一天 我們分別
我不屑 懷念 你的嘴 喊著抱歉
我後來發現 你的側臉
只是我腦子裡面的一點殘缺

忘了說 抱歉的是我才對



4.越愛越難過
作詞：吳克群 作曲：吳克群

說 說你為什麼 為什麼要走 說你為何要分手
別拖 求你別軟弱 求你說出口 分手的理由

但你卻 拖 拖 拖 拖到什麼時候
如果要走卻又為何停留
請你別 拖 拖 拖 大聲的說出口
請你要痛就痛給我個快活

如果說你要走 我不會留 我不去管以後
然後我們說清楚 一句話就夠
如果說你要走 我不會留 我不去管以後
多麼痛 多麼的難過
別越愛越難過

Do Do Re Re Mi Mi Re Do Do Do Re Mi Do

說 說你為什麼 為什麼要走 說你為何要分手
別拖 求你別軟弱 求你說出口 分手的理由

但你還 拖 拖 拖 拖到什麼時候
如果要走卻又為何停留

請你別 拖 拖 拖 大聲的說出口
請你要痛就痛給我個快活

如果說你要走 我不會留 我不去管以後
然後我們說清楚 一句話就夠
如果說你要走 我不會留 我不去管以後
多麼痛 多麼的難過
別越愛越難過

然後連話都不說 繼續沉默
連朋友都沒的作 為了什麼
然後跟別人說你其實還是愛我
就算了吧 壞人我來作

如果說你要走 我不會留 我不去管以後
然後我們說清楚 一句話就夠
如果說你要走 我不會留 我不去管以後
多麼的痛 多麼的難過
別越愛越難過

Do Do Re Re Mi Mi Re Do Do Do Re Mi Do


isn't he just too talented!! same as me, a libra. like him!!

i believe i lost it.... 

i lost the drive to work, lost the motivation to improve myself. Now, it seems like i am nobody anymore. how come, this kind of feelings comes and goes? interesting. some months back, i was still driven to work hard but it seems like all has died. it could be the bad global gloomy news affecting or it may be otherwise. a news article, reported that many in their late 20s and early 40s seek consultation as they are suffering from depression from the global recession economy. imagine falling from the top to nothing, that is quite a tough hurdle to overcome. be it mentally or physically. you have to keep telling yourself that you are capable and have the ability to work, however, global economy is the killer, leaving many jobless. this are very sad cases that humans are suffering from depression and out of job. overcoming and wining the battle should be the mission statement all of us should look forward to. if everyone was to turn in despair, what will the world becomes? Nothing! Zero! 

recently, i have started writing my diary that  neglected for a good whole year. it isnt a daily entry kinda of stuffs, but to keep me reminded of things. suddenly, i felt as if i lost all my feelings. feelings to love ( friends & family ), feeling to be touched, feeling that ... just simple lost all my feelings. perhaps, i have got the "there are no friends in this world" syndrome. i think there is a high possibility.  i tend not to treasure friends that much and can do or do without them. Oh God! but perhaps, i am learning to depend on myself and not others? because in this world, there is no one else you could trust but only you yourself. 

And again, this time of the year, i am saying it again, i want to leave. i want to venture. i want to look out. i want to do things i like. i want to have my favorite things surrounding me. i want... i want... alright, whatever. 

Recently, i am so into listening to Kenji Wu's Song. i shall post an entry with all his songs lyrics. talented man! cool boy!

i question myself again.

coming to an end to another month, how times flies. starting from 2009, i started questioning myself. the question why am i doing this? why am i here? why am i not a happy person? why did it makes me feel so stupid? why why and endless why!! today i said :"why is my determination not strong to just do what i like, instead to end up yet in another shitty job?" probably this is fate. probably i have to go a harder way in doing many things in life. 

i never felt lucky before, because i didn't dare to.

i never felt happy before, because my sadness overcome my happiness.

i never felt fortunate before, because all misfortunate happens to me.

i never felt satisfied before, because i am doing all the craps.

i never felt life was meaningful, because i didn't meet anyone.

i only felt lucky, fortunate and meaningful after i had myself a wise dictionary. things will be different if i hadn't choose this path, things will not be so tough if i choose an easier way out. i am just challenging myself to see how far i can go but to realize i am still a libra. A libra that yearns for peaceful and harmony life, that hates betrayal, back-stabbing and arguments. maybe i am just not cut out to do something big which i always think i am capable of. maybe i set too high expectations on myself. maybe i am just suitable for farmer's life. sounds very disheartening isn't it? i am not that weak, but the people around me make me nauseous, disgusted and irritated. i just have a very simple wish, is to work harmonious, how come it seems so tough in every organization. ya, maybe being a teacher will be the easiest way out for me. 

there are just too many unpleasant incidents in my life that makes me sick! 

and i shall end with this statement after the horrid incident that my fren encountered : " Men are horrible & heartless creatures "  --- defensive barrier against them.... what is love?* not edible food??!!* hahaha... 

actually i do have alot of things running in my head, but i always forget them.

wow! happy 2009! every year the same old thing, what can be newer than this? my new year resolution is to " Be Myself ". Frankly speaking, i am not a good person, not kind, nothing at all. where's all the meaningful things in my life gone to? i have so many things i want to achieve but neither way could help me in fulfilling it. please do not think that i have sank down again, it's just that my surroundings is not pleasing me. i am not happy with whatever i have done. i felt that i have not accomplished anything in life, nothing that made me proud of myself. i am not a lovable child, not a good friend, not a hardworking employee and definitely not a nice person.

This few weeks, i am experiencing that i am losing myself. Where's my identity? Suddenly, i felt lost again. This is not a good head start in the new year. i am starting to treat people coldly, giving attitude and being mean and sarcastic. Is this the real me? i am not trying to brag about myself here, but i always have this impression of me as being a very nice person, trying every single ways to please people, being easy-going, just a good impression of myself. But recently, i felt that i don't portray myself like that anymore. i am not a nice person, never try to please people, not easy-going and please stay away from me and a bad girl. WHY? okay, i think i am yanking non stop. 

Some stuffs are just meant to be. i cannot keep on going like this, i have to buck up my life and find my ultimate goal in life. Buck Up gwenny!

wow, i am happy to actually know that i got 2 loyal fans.. thank you. 

everyone is the same but different in another way. everyone thinks the same just the way of executing it is different. how devastating to know that everyone is actually the same. so my new year resolution is TO BE MYSELF. being oneself, is easier to say but harder to be. one always tend to act in a way to please someone or hurt someone. though, they might know in their heart, that is a wrong move, but actions is always faster than thoughts. 

another year is coming to an end, again i realized that i did not gain much this year but i am delighted to know that Me! I have definitely put that past behind me, whatever happened in 2007, 2008 has been dumped into, maybe a folder call "unwanted memories". isn't is a wiser way for me to store more memories. ha! 

"feels that nobody is as true as you".... seriously, talking about being true, is definitely tough/difficult/maybe one in a million to find someone like that. everybody definitely still have some little secrets they keep to themselves. nobody can be that true. it cant be sure that people will understand someone in such a short time. it seems to be that i don know who is true or who isn't. is my intuition accurate? or is it failing me? 

half a year passed, i thought it might be a good well but to realize i never get out from the bad well. when is my turn gonna come? when is my turn to get into a good well? i always believe doing more things, though is hard work but in some ways will benefit me in another. but sometime, too much of it can bloody kill me. seriously, no one is trustable and never judge a person by its LOOK! depend on nobody but MYSELF.

i just lost what i wanted to write 5 seconds ago. 

Let's talk about more social and political stuffs. Global Market is not doing well and is affecting worldwide economic. what worse, it is affecting everyone. " If everyone goes into a power safe mode, recession will be worse" [quoted from Channelnewsasia] true enough, if everyone saves and nobody spend, the economic will not generate revenues and sales. Then wouldn't it be worse for the economic. it is good to save but do not totally just stop spending and i for-see, this Christmas will be the worse christmas that i am going to enjoy. I wrote before in my post, Christmas is a season that i love the most! the happiness and joyous atmosphere is so heartwarming and always touching my heart. I hate to see a gloomy and sad Christmas furthermore, i am not traveling that period. I thought i make a pact with myself to always spend christmas and new year away. but economic is doing so bad that i am not able to find any good soul. 

Traveling, is tough to find a good traveling partner that shares the same thoughts, tell u nothing but the truth and bring fun and happiness. i love traveling, 1 year ago i could say loudly that i can travel alone but ever since i think traveling should have a companion that you could share all the funny incidents that happen on the spot. 

a incident that was uncalled for, pisses me off............ telling to explain but you lost you.... but i believe people change to adapt to the environment, thats why i love changing!

Christmas is really nearing, i hope to have a merry merry joyous christmas.....

Please....Please....

It has been some time since I pen down my thoughts and emotions.

Since my last entry, time just flies so quickly that even a camera can’t capture all my memories. The decision that make me write is partly because of my dear friend , ah wei who said she enjoy reading my entries. So, for her, I decided maybe it’s time to start writing again.
She mentioned that it might be things happened. But, frankly speaking, nothing happened, even if it happened, it was past tense. It was my pure emotions and thoughts. I thought I was a well known pessimistic? HA!

There are always ups and down in life. Although, I have yet to be at my ups, I am always been found at the bottom of my life. October supposed to be a happy month for me, but why must my misfortune shot me right at this month. Is it that I do not deserve to be happy? I tried so hard to look at the bright side; perhaps the bright side was too glaring for me.

Suddenly, I am lost again. I thought I found my direction, I thought I had it all straightened out. I thought, bloody fuck off the thoughts. Maybe I think too highly of myself? Maybe I think I am able to be there? Maybe, bloody fuck off the maybes. Sat my ass straight and get my thoughts out.

People are always lost in their life, just like drivers lost their way. They have the Map or GPS to guide them, so for human, we have to find our “Map” or “GPS” in order to be right on track. But sometimes, they might lead you to the wrong way, they can’t always be right. Maybe you should depend a little on your intuition? Nothing will drop from heaven.

Having being another year older, I have come to terms with a lot of things. Human just have to be open-minded to lead a more carefree life. Sometime, although we know that accepting and facing the reality is tough, just have to overcome the barrier and you will come to realize that actually you can make everything right. Not many people will have a wise dictionary that comes across in their life. If you do, please cherish it and learn as much things. Wise dictionary will never be there forever. There will always be moments of departure.

Surprisingly, being a year older, I didn’t make any wish. Will they come true? If they do, just give me a place with nobody, by the beach, stock up the cupboard with inspiration books and nice soothing music. Once in awhile, some hot hunk. Whahahaha…. I think, I just need a break, a getaway to somewhere to breathe some new air and everything should be fine. 

I realize people really tend not to treasure what’s in front of them, and start crying when everything is gone. Wake up people, take more notice of the surrounding, you might be surrounded by love. And i know i am surrounded by my loved fren. 

Oh god, why is my post so heartwarming today. *wide smile*

Okay, stop here.
P.S * New found buddy, please remember that I am pretty and cute but we could never figure out the reason why? *wink

sometimes i think i changed alot.

i am not sure why it occurred to me to read my past post and i was amazed how much i changed within a year. the change was definitely drastic, the change was definitely a good thing for me, the change was indirectly caused....... in the past, i have been trying to please every single person that steps into my life. it was in me, to treat everybody nicely. my mentality was that, if i am nice to you, you will be nice to me too. but i gave up on this thoughts. i feel that i am obliged to be nice to you, so vice versa, you should be nice to me. but people out there don't carry the same thoughts that i do. So, why am i torturing myself, having high hopes on human beings and thus knowing i am extremely wrong! people always say " change is good, change is always for the better!" and i love changing now. though a year passed rapidly, i changed alot too! within a year, i learnt alot from this wise dictionary. i am grateful that the wise dictionary came across my path and show me the ropes up, exploring my own identity!

for the recent times, i've received comments like i am a person of character. true, i become a person with more of my own character compared to who i was in the past. just that, i become more character but less happy. i carry more sad faces in me, plus the fact that i know that i have yet to achieve what i want in life, therefore there is nothing for me to be happy about in life. i don't quite like rubbish talk nowadays. teach me something and i will be more willing to share so much with you. sharing thoughts, sharing knowledge is a good thing that i must have along my path in growing up. previous year, i was still so much surrounded by friendship, maintaining important friendship. but however, i have come to realise. there is this friendship that i couldn't maintain. it is always one hand clapping friendship. i gave up on friendship. i only maintain 1 friendship that i know we both tried very hard to keep it going! i gave up on my friends, naturally they will give me up. but i guess it upsets me that the effort wasn't appreciated. i think i fear to accept the fact that whatever i done was never being appreciated, that's why i ended it.

i know the reason of my recollection, because of that suspicious incident. i don't think i was reading too much into it huh....

sometimes i should slow down and see the complete world.



it's really been sometime since i pen down something here. within a months, i went through alot of changes that made my mind set back on track to think of where i really want to be at. it's always in me that i failed to see human's true self. i have been trying real hard to see through a person's mind but i never will succeed. because i believe i am not capable to do that, thus i lost confidence on my own judgement. i always only believe what i see rather than what i hear. but maybe before i could see it, i've already been hurt badly. so, what should i believe in now? see or hear? never knew being a human is so tough. defending oneself' to survive in this cruelty world yet not knowing your existence in this "supposed-to-be" beautiful world. pardon me for all this, i have been reading alot of self-improvement books by "Mitch Album" and "Paulo Coelho" . they are amazing writers which i have so many things to learn from them and to understand their message . now, i don't fancy romance stories that much anymore.



death is embracing us anytime, any moment. you can hardly change fate that has been installed for you. but what you can do , is to live a better live before death and you will realize that you went on to heaven in such a way that you will not have any regrets leaving in your heart. Maybe at this point, people from the other end of the world lives' are endanger, yet here we are, safe and sound. that's why shouldn't we live with much happiness and faith each and every day. it was always easier said than done. but if you think likewise, i think you will feel likewise totally. at this point of time, i might be having leisure time where i could surf net and enjoy the relaxing air-condition installed for us. however we never know that at the end of the world, people are suffering from many things, yet i can do nothing to help them.

i always thought parting was nothing difficult but i was surprised by my own emotions building up.
i always thought saying good-bye will never be a difficult to say.
i always thought seeing his/her back view walking away is easy.
but everything was totally the opposite when i sent my brother off to be a "real man".
i have to suppress my tears, and hide my worries deep inside. everyone of us is trying to put up a strong front. but seriously hope things will be fine for him.
tekong is a very refreshing small island that faces the sea. losing contact with the cruetly world, makes the air more refreshing!

recently i reminisce alot about the past. not sure the reason behind this, but i hate it when i keep on thinking stuffs relating to the past. many time i told myself, i am living for the future and i want to keep up with the future. when would i want to slow down my steps running backward?
things will be tougher for me and maybe in the end, i lose both sides.

Sometimes a new life marks the end of life.

It just seems to me that I am different from my friends. I think I changed a lot. Years back, my dream was just to meet the right guy and start a happy family. But gradually, I start to lose confidence in this part. There are just too many cases of divorces and betrayal. But of course there are still examples of happy family. Somehow, it doesn’t appeal to me anymore.

I am beginning to stop giving. Giving my love and concern to the dearest people around me. Instead I give all my attention of love and care to myself.

I am beginning to stop being nice, nice to the dearest people around me. Instead I am starting to be mean to people.

I am beginning to stop being easy-going. Instead, I demand what I want.

Given anyone, they bound to go through this changing period. Because you already seen the cruelty of the world. I still have plenty of the cruelty to see.

I am a selfish person that love myself too much.

It really amazing how people click and be friends. I am a libra and I believe in my characteristic. That’s why I came upon the question, why are all my friends so beautiful? Because I am a libra that loves nothing but pretty things. That explains why I only befriend beautiful and handsome people. I am so materialistic man. I just don’t share the same thinking as any of my family members not even my brother. The feeling is so funny like as if I am the weird person in the whole family. They all share the same values in life but not for me. Am I that different?

I really see the dramatic change since 18 years old and I always tell myself to never do things I will regret down the road or things that remind me of how embarrassing I was. But life never ends here and it will still go on until I find the right meaning in life. It will go on until I find a direction in life.

Life is like a car, is all about direction. If you don’t know where you want to go, the car will just halt there and don’t move, even if the car is moving, it is also wandering about without direction. But once, you have a direction in life, you will know your way to it. There may be a shorter route or if you do not fear hardship then you can take the longer route. When you reach the destination, you will be doing things that you are there for. Once, you are done, then you will have another destination in life and keep on moving towards it till you find a place you love and a place called home. No point wasting all the efforts and energy wandering about if you have no direction in life. Its time now to stop and ponder about what’s is your direction in life that will keep you moving non stop.

sometime a new beginning marks a new life.

3 minutes silence for the victims in China, Szechuan.

i teared everytime i see images of the victims and deaths that the earthquake caused. children are happily studying the moment the school collapsed. the place that they thought was the safest for them yet it caused them death. it was certainly heart-breaking to see parents crying their lungs out for their beloved children. i could never understand the feelings that was in them when they saw piles and piles of kids lying on the fall,in search for their loves. it was certainly devastating for them to endure and go through this whole incident.

A 7.8 earthquake that killed thousands and thousands of life. An earthquake that tear happy family apart. An earthquake that millions over the world detest it. An earthquake brought Chinese standing firm together helping each other to stand back on their feet again. An earthquake that breaks million's heart. An earthquake that kills so many many innocent life. An earthquake which might in the first place caused by human's harming the global warming. A life for a life.

this was certainly heartbreaking, sad and sympathy. so here i am, praying hard for the victims to stand back on their feet and live on their lives plus the lives of the death.

"friends are like reading material" a phrase that was taught to me. and for me, i lost a wise dictionary .

i had this weird dream, but i hope he is okay. that dream was too scary. just be safe, sound and happy.

sometime, hell STOP "sometimes"

she mentioned : " those were the memories that she doesn't want to touch".
someone like her have memories that she doesn't want to recall. i believe deep in everyone's heart, there lived some memories that you wouldn't want to look back at it.

i believed my heart lived too many memories that i don't even want to remember less mention keeping it. but it's funny how human brain stores memories. there are so many happy memories, but they chose to reject storing it, however they just stupidly accept bad memories like inviting virus into your data. stupid brain isn't it?

going through all the memories could be the last thing that i will wanna do. people should look forward and working hard to reach the goal in front. the trekking taught me a lot of things. the destination seems so far away, but if you stay focus and put in effort, the next thing you'll know is that you've already reach your destination. it's really serious when i mention this. do no fear how much hardwork or sweat you have to put in to finish the walk, just enjoy the process of it. you will pick up some small little interesting tips along the way. life should be like that. you will meet different things each time and starting to understand yourself. having understand yourself will allow you to have a better vision in what you want to achieve in your life. you can only be you in this lifetime, you will be someone else next life.

do young kids know what love really is? when i don't even think i could ever figure that out.

so much of seriousness, let me share some joke. actually, sometimes i hate it why cab uncles start to chit chat when i feel like having some peace, but you see, sometime you will still gain somethings. like this time.

uncle told me stories how some passenger couldn't pronounce their destination.

a passenger board a cab at redhill

passenger : uncle, i want to go rivervalley.

uncle: okay.

10 minutes later....

uncle: okay, rivervalley

passenger looks puzzled.

passenger: uncle, where is this? you should take CTE .

uncle : but, you said you want to go rivervalley.

so, passenger called this friend.

passenger : eh, your fault la, i told uncle to go CTE but i don't know when am i .

passenger's friend : where did you tell uncle you want to do?

passenger : rivervalley lor!

passenger's friend : SA LA la!! is RIVERVALE!!! IS YOUR FAULT!!!

Blurhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

it is kinda of funny. sometime being a cab uncle sees and hears alot. i think they are the people that learnt alot of things. haha.

sometime i wish to admit the fact...

it seems that nowadays, it's been hard for me to write some stuffs here. i thought i should give it a try today.

in the past, whenever i've been to some places i will love to keep many many pictures as memories. but, in this past few trips, i didn't manage to do so. maybe that place is no longer new to me. that's the country that i have been there almost every year and still turn out to be my favorite country. everytime when i go away i will come back with a heavy heart. but it seldom happen already. i think i am starting to see a clearer picture of myself. starting to understand myself more. i know i won't want to do stupid things to hurt myself and deprive myself to be happy. everything is predestined like she said which i totally agree. you can't fight fate but you'll have to welcome fate with big arms. there are things we can control, but certainly there are things we can't control. we always think heaven is unfair, but in some point of view heaven is equally fair. it's really up to individual to judge on a particular event.

sometimes things can be that easy, however is just that we are not open up to many channels that narrowed our mind up. when the mind is shut to only one channels that's when a person fails to see opportunities in other channels. which might turn out to be a faster and better way in solving the problem or thinking things through. i am enlightened.

Do believe "what comes around goes around". just remembered clearly that today you hurt that him/her, remembered that. some time down, you will have a taste of what you did.

trekking is really a good form of workout and a process where you are surrounded by natural environment. everything around you will be so calm and quiet. it will be a good time to think through what bothers you alot or to just relax yourself. things are never tough if you've tried you best. enriching journey.


Victor 21st bash.

been sometime since i saw them. had fun!

sometimes i just wished 'godness'

godness, cause it has been really a long long time since i post any entries here. it has been a long long time since i have the mood to write long-winded stories. but today, i thought i should come by and just say hello to people. but is there anyone? ha.

its been a year, yet i still hasn't settled down. its been half a year since everything went back to the same. i saw alot down the miserable life. yet, i still didn't learn any lesson. i really thought things will be just better and better for me. but just once you think you are on the top of the world, the next moment u are upside down. it's really like riding a roller coaster ride. no one will love being hanging up there for so long, though u will feel safer when u are down, but u feel no excitement.
i just finished a book "the five people you will meet in heaven"
then i thought bout mine. who will be the 5 people i will meet up there? i wonder. they might be people that just brushed through me along the roads, but then i might make an impact in their life? do people i dearly love the most? or some well-known fashion designers. okay, this book doesn't teach people to imagine who they will meet. but every person teach every little different things. which i think all very just very close to us and happened everyday just that we don't take notice of them. so, i guess cherish the family,people,friends and everything u have.

people are just so funny. when they don't need you they will be out of your life. when they need some concern, they will come looking for you and pretend to be so concern about you, give you one hell of unnecessary talks that they think they know you so well. the time when people lose contact, so much can change. a person is able to change instantly. like me, everyone notice my change. everyone said i changed. well, i agree to it. i changed. no longer like before. where nothing seems to worry me, where i think friends are just my everything, where i think fun is what have to be around . now, this are no longer the same. everything is just vice versa. i just seems to be anxious and worry for everything little thing. i think 1 best friend is really enough, but acquaintances must have many. now i think a goal in life is the pushing perk to keep me moving on.

anyway, i was thinking since i like to read magazines and love fashion so much, i think i should do a fashion blog . maybe i can start thinking about it. will post the webbie once i have the time to do it. -- under construction --