I don't know what is that makes me love you so
I only know I never wanna let you go
'Cause you started something, can't you see?
That ever since we met you've ahd a hold on me
It happens to be true I only want to be with you
It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
I wanna spend each moment of the day with you
Look what has happened with just one kiss
I never knew that I could be in love like this
It's crazy but it's true
I only want to be with you
You stopped and smiled at me, asked me if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance
Now listen honey, I just wanna be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together, honey, I don't care '
Cause you started something, can't you see
That ever since we met you've had a hold on me
No matter what you do I only want to be with you
No matter what you do I only want to be with you
''this song has been stuck in my head..i think is really nice....''
i don know whats wrong with me...what have i been thinking and doing...i thought i want to live my life doing what i love and doing what i want?
but how come i thought netball was one of what i love to play...how come now i am in between to stay or to leave...
i am being said that "is not you" i always tell people that "eh...is so not you"... now finaly someone told me that i am not myself? what set me thinking what i want in life? what makes me having so many questions marks in my mind...? what set my mind bursting...this is crazy..and killing .....i hate it...what i don want to go back? or why i want to stay...i jus cant simply find any answer...or maybe i know it deep in my heart..which one stands more? i am given one night to think bout it...but maybe i will never find the answer forever..
maybe they might think this time i go back, i am not serious about it..i thought it clearly...but i was given another one night, so it means that she feels that i am not serious about going back..maybe the setback i suffered is much more.. i put netball on one of the top piority i could give...but now...the rank has dropped...why is that so? F**King bothered by it...
i know where i will stand in the team..i know i am not good enough..but i jus love playin the game..but now..do i enjoyin playin the game..Shit..i don know..F**K is killing me..
how useless could i get...i cant even solve this small little matter...then what can i do?
idiot..i jus need someone to clearly tell me whether i should or i shouldnt..this time i thought of a fren.......
i am just a useless bum...maybe i paid too much attention in what i want to achieve, and whether will training be a waste of time again...cos i wasted too much time on somethin that i didnt really fancy..
if i were to say i want to go back trainin but i could play on the first game...then will people believed i am serious in going back?
if i were to say i want to go back trainin but can only come for trianin on monday...will people believed i am serious in going back?
F**K even i don think i am serious in going back ...
asssss lahz...so whats my conclusion after such a long whinning...
why i think so much? why i look so far...shouldnt i just take a step at a time..and not take ten steps when my feet is not that big enoguh...
i had enough of myself...what is it that i really want..DAMM...F**KING HELL!!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
my cousin recently told me something that i never want to admit. she mention that i am very easily influenced. be it surroundings,people,celebrities,dramas. she remembered that there was once like 3 years ago, i was very quiet and don feel like talking. did i? i thought i was always the sunshine... ha .. ha.. ha..
anyway,she did mention some good points that i never realise it at all. things we cant put down, or we keep thinking we cant put down... i told her, you never know until a new one comes by. but she say, no sometimes even if ta new one comes by, u still wont kknow whether u put down.. although the best solution isnt this but she suggest avoids for a long time.. don think bout things u cant put down, use that concentration you had on the thing and put it on other thin..studies?work? or evjust other stuffs... who doenst know this? is always easy to say,hard to do.. isnt it?
there must always be reasons for things you cant put down, cant give up...ur determination to find the answer? your will to perseve till the end might be all the reasons for all the stubborness for not leting go.. isnt it?
though attachment is taking me 4 months, but during this 4 months, i realise alot of things.. things that i shouldnt do or things i should do.. from sec 5 i already had a wrong mindset about education.. i wasted 3 years to realise my dream, and i waste 3 years school fees to realise my dream..w what a waste and rubbish i am doing...
if upon my graduation, i set into society and work, working some jobs that i dont like, then what am i living for? i guess i am self-fish. thinking of myself and what i want to do.. but isnt this the reason for people ? to do things you love? now i found something i like, but i cant pursue... who says money cant make wonders? money can make me wonder with studies...with money, i can get out of singapore and study overseas and study the course i like.. i know it is rude for me to say all this, but i cant deny that this is the fact...
thinking of my life after graduation, study? working? if i were to start working then i gues my life will be damm sad... drowning with a pile of admin works, bored to hell, and wearing formal wears.....what is this? i dont want this kind of life.. my other half part of life is already pathetic enough..how come my education life cant be better? can it be? will it be?i will be hopeful....
am i really such an easily influence person? am i?
anyway,she did mention some good points that i never realise it at all. things we cant put down, or we keep thinking we cant put down... i told her, you never know until a new one comes by. but she say, no sometimes even if ta new one comes by, u still wont kknow whether u put down.. although the best solution isnt this but she suggest avoids for a long time.. don think bout things u cant put down, use that concentration you had on the thing and put it on other thin..studies?work? or evjust other stuffs... who doenst know this? is always easy to say,hard to do.. isnt it?
there must always be reasons for things you cant put down, cant give up...ur determination to find the answer? your will to perseve till the end might be all the reasons for all the stubborness for not leting go.. isnt it?
though attachment is taking me 4 months, but during this 4 months, i realise alot of things.. things that i shouldnt do or things i should do.. from sec 5 i already had a wrong mindset about education.. i wasted 3 years to realise my dream, and i waste 3 years school fees to realise my dream..w what a waste and rubbish i am doing...
if upon my graduation, i set into society and work, working some jobs that i dont like, then what am i living for? i guess i am self-fish. thinking of myself and what i want to do.. but isnt this the reason for people ? to do things you love? now i found something i like, but i cant pursue... who says money cant make wonders? money can make me wonder with studies...with money, i can get out of singapore and study overseas and study the course i like.. i know it is rude for me to say all this, but i cant deny that this is the fact...
thinking of my life after graduation, study? working? if i were to start working then i gues my life will be damm sad... drowning with a pile of admin works, bored to hell, and wearing formal wears.....what is this? i dont want this kind of life.. my other half part of life is already pathetic enough..how come my education life cant be better? can it be? will it be?i will be hopeful....
am i really such an easily influence person? am i?
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
long wait
great, i got myself stuck with korean fantasy...haha..from japan to taiwan to korea...i sway with the wind...i go with the crowd... i follow my feelings...
finally, 1 long awaiting month has passed for attachment..is pretty unbearable have to wake up freaking early when my brain isnt functioning.... knockin off work at 6 plus.. the worst part is the coldness is gona dry up my skin and lips...when i return to school, al my face are filled with dry skin...eeeekkkk.....
will i regret if i stop now? i have been thinking...why should i go back if everytime, i have to drag myself back to training... every mon and thur,i have to drag myself to training..i even hope that it rains as big as possible...draggin myself to training is consider bad when last time i am so enthu towards training...even raining also have to go..but now...do i really want to play netball? i seriously cant find the answer...
honestly, for such a simple problem i cant even solve, then how am i suppose to find my way out the place i want to go...
will there be any future? should i go on holding to it? or i have been thinking too much?
anyway, i realise the meaning of being happy when u see people u like happy...maybe this might be easier said than done..not in real life...but i am happy when i see both celebs i like being a couple...felt so happy for them...maybe i feel happy for them is because, i want them to be together...seeing them together is also what i wish for, thats why i am happy... is this saying correct?
anyway, i don want to think so much, but there are so many things kept inside my mind....
how can things change? was it i who change?
maybe.....
finally, 1 long awaiting month has passed for attachment..is pretty unbearable have to wake up freaking early when my brain isnt functioning.... knockin off work at 6 plus.. the worst part is the coldness is gona dry up my skin and lips...when i return to school, al my face are filled with dry skin...eeeekkkk.....
will i regret if i stop now? i have been thinking...why should i go back if everytime, i have to drag myself back to training... every mon and thur,i have to drag myself to training..i even hope that it rains as big as possible...draggin myself to training is consider bad when last time i am so enthu towards training...even raining also have to go..but now...do i really want to play netball? i seriously cant find the answer...
honestly, for such a simple problem i cant even solve, then how am i suppose to find my way out the place i want to go...
will there be any future? should i go on holding to it? or i have been thinking too much?
anyway, i realise the meaning of being happy when u see people u like happy...maybe this might be easier said than done..not in real life...but i am happy when i see both celebs i like being a couple...felt so happy for them...maybe i feel happy for them is because, i want them to be together...seeing them together is also what i wish for, thats why i am happy... is this saying correct?
anyway, i don want to think so much, but there are so many things kept inside my mind....
how can things change? was it i who change?
maybe.....
Saturday, May 20, 2006
can i be alittle childish this time? jus for this time?
hahha...fantasy..i am always wishing for fantasy...those dramas keep bringing me to their world of fantasy...haha...so,being in their world of fantasy, i felt the fantasy as well..haha...
so, lets start with a korean compatible and loving couple, upon seeing them being really together, of cos i feel happy...cos they match each other, the guy is smart,handsome and gentleman, the other hand the lady is tall,sweet,beautiful and cute... they jus match perfectly good together....
from them, i saw that they love each other as much, there isnt really a difference that u might see either one have stronger feelings for another..their love for each other feels equal... isnt it good? that they love each other, cos in reality i guess is pretty hard to find another whom u love and on the other hand love u as well...seeing alot of examples thats what i feel...so everytime i see them, they are like so sweet and lovingly together...they are jus so happy...i guess somehow first impression counts,followed by the character in that particular.... what if they never acted together in dramas, will they still be together? so should i also called this fate? or destiny? haha..
being bored at work, having nothing to do, i am back into worlds of fantasy,dramas,and whatever things that can come into my mind...
going back to training this question still hasnt left my mind......hahha..idiot me man!! crazy..haiz...
hahha...fantasy..i am always wishing for fantasy...those dramas keep bringing me to their world of fantasy...haha...so,being in their world of fantasy, i felt the fantasy as well..haha...
so, lets start with a korean compatible and loving couple, upon seeing them being really together, of cos i feel happy...cos they match each other, the guy is smart,handsome and gentleman, the other hand the lady is tall,sweet,beautiful and cute... they jus match perfectly good together....
from them, i saw that they love each other as much, there isnt really a difference that u might see either one have stronger feelings for another..their love for each other feels equal... isnt it good? that they love each other, cos in reality i guess is pretty hard to find another whom u love and on the other hand love u as well...seeing alot of examples thats what i feel...so everytime i see them, they are like so sweet and lovingly together...they are jus so happy...i guess somehow first impression counts,followed by the character in that particular.... what if they never acted together in dramas, will they still be together? so should i also called this fate? or destiny? haha..
being bored at work, having nothing to do, i am back into worlds of fantasy,dramas,and whatever things that can come into my mind...
going back to training this question still hasnt left my mind......hahha..idiot me man!! crazy..haiz...
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
dreams
dreams..i bet alot of people have their own dream..what they want to become? what they want..they dream the things they love..i dream..but i also day dream...people have practical dreams...their dreams are something they are working towards for...thats can also be describe as their goal in life.. but as for me..what is my dream? what is my goal in life?
i guess i haven found it..been pretty depressed about it...now i admire those who have their dream..at least they konw what they are working towards..but what about me? i know nuts...people say"dreams, we can always go and find our own dreams" of cos i understand we can always find our dreams...it isnt that i dont have dreams..but my dreams are
1) how i wish i am a singer
2) i wanna be a pilot
3) wahz ..i wanna act
4) i wanna be a famous person
5) i wanna be a carrer woman
i wanna puke when i wrote all these...what are they? freaking ridiculous...of cos i yearn for a wonderful life..i want to do things i love to do..but due to circumstances issues, not everything i want i can pursue...what i want to be..i must be the best to be outstanding for the dream of my job..but i konw i cant do it...many have things they wanna do, goals they working for,but when i think of myself, what a pathetic soul... i don know what i want..that is sad..i am depressed...what do i want to achieve in life?
what if one day, someone ask me " hey so what u want to do in life"
great...i have no answers to that...i cant answer what i want to do in life...i know alot of things i don have confidence in...
what if one day someone ask me" so what are u good at?"
god...i am not good at anything...how can i answer...or should i say " is watching tv something to be consider good at?" F**K i don think so....
i think my life is so miserable have not understanding what i want to do....what are my goals...in secondary school, teacher always asked " so tell me what is your goal in life" for the sake of being able to give teacher an answer... i will tell teacher " oh..i wanna be a career woman.." or i will say " i wanna be a teacher" gosh..everyone has that dream...whats so fantastic about mine? they are jus the sake of answering questions in a way that i wont embrassed myself.... now i know the importance of having goals in life...having knowing what you are doing or what you wanna do in life, will let u enjoy your live..because you are working towards something and doing things you love...
i hate myself for not able to know what i want and to do what i want..i want to achieve something...
i want to study fashion..but am i capable of doing that..i wasted 3 years in poly to realise i have no goals in life..i don wish to waste another 3 years down to road to realise that isnt my goal..3 years might seems short of a girl..but how long am i able to live...is unpredictable..time is precious i konw...sometimes i understand the good points of somethings...
my life is freaking in a mess and having nothing to work for..F**K......................................................
people might think " come on why get so fuss up because you don know what u want to do" but this simple thing means alot to me...i want to live for something i love to do..i want to do someting i love..but whats wrong with me? i have no idea...
is it a period of depression? i guess so... i have no goal in life....
training wasnt good...so i asked myself again, is this what i really want? or am i pleasing jus to have an happy ending? or is it that i don want to have regrets in my life anymore...
i was thinking it was the last year anyway, so why don i just go back training and have a happy ending...but i am not happy at all...i thought passion would overcome emotions but i was wrong...
i have no idea whats wrong with me? i jus feel like being alone .... entertaining is so tiring... i am tired of my life.........
i guess i haven found it..been pretty depressed about it...now i admire those who have their dream..at least they konw what they are working towards..but what about me? i know nuts...people say"dreams, we can always go and find our own dreams" of cos i understand we can always find our dreams...it isnt that i dont have dreams..but my dreams are
1) how i wish i am a singer
2) i wanna be a pilot
3) wahz ..i wanna act
4) i wanna be a famous person
5) i wanna be a carrer woman
i wanna puke when i wrote all these...what are they? freaking ridiculous...of cos i yearn for a wonderful life..i want to do things i love to do..but due to circumstances issues, not everything i want i can pursue...what i want to be..i must be the best to be outstanding for the dream of my job..but i konw i cant do it...many have things they wanna do, goals they working for,but when i think of myself, what a pathetic soul... i don know what i want..that is sad..i am depressed...what do i want to achieve in life?
what if one day, someone ask me " hey so what u want to do in life"
great...i have no answers to that...i cant answer what i want to do in life...i know alot of things i don have confidence in...
what if one day someone ask me" so what are u good at?"
god...i am not good at anything...how can i answer...or should i say " is watching tv something to be consider good at?" F**K i don think so....
i think my life is so miserable have not understanding what i want to do....what are my goals...in secondary school, teacher always asked " so tell me what is your goal in life" for the sake of being able to give teacher an answer... i will tell teacher " oh..i wanna be a career woman.." or i will say " i wanna be a teacher" gosh..everyone has that dream...whats so fantastic about mine? they are jus the sake of answering questions in a way that i wont embrassed myself.... now i know the importance of having goals in life...having knowing what you are doing or what you wanna do in life, will let u enjoy your live..because you are working towards something and doing things you love...
i hate myself for not able to know what i want and to do what i want..i want to achieve something...
i want to study fashion..but am i capable of doing that..i wasted 3 years in poly to realise i have no goals in life..i don wish to waste another 3 years down to road to realise that isnt my goal..3 years might seems short of a girl..but how long am i able to live...is unpredictable..time is precious i konw...sometimes i understand the good points of somethings...
my life is freaking in a mess and having nothing to work for..F**K......................................................
people might think " come on why get so fuss up because you don know what u want to do" but this simple thing means alot to me...i want to live for something i love to do..i want to do someting i love..but whats wrong with me? i have no idea...
is it a period of depression? i guess so... i have no goal in life....
training wasnt good...so i asked myself again, is this what i really want? or am i pleasing jus to have an happy ending? or is it that i don want to have regrets in my life anymore...
i was thinking it was the last year anyway, so why don i just go back training and have a happy ending...but i am not happy at all...i thought passion would overcome emotions but i was wrong...
i have no idea whats wrong with me? i jus feel like being alone .... entertaining is so tiring... i am tired of my life.........
Friday, May 12, 2006
i am felt with mixed feelings right now... so many things that affect my emotions today... sometimes i feel that i am a horrible person...i can change mood jus like a click..
i am glad that i was being appreciated during work which gave me some confidence....
anyway, i am starting to ponder again..the committment i used to have for netball...will it still stays on? seriously in a super dilemma now...though i have gone back for training, but it seems that i feel time is hard to pass....should it be like "wahz...is 9 already, so fast" but it doesnt seems this way, i think i don enjoy playing netball anymore? though my relations with them arent good, but i don feel left out.. i am fine being alone or whatsoever, but it like i am waiting for time to pass...why am i back again? i thought it was the passion for the game, i thought was the love for the sports...but now, i think likewise...what is wrong with me? is this what i want? or should i jus continue being the last year in poly? i want to have fun while training, but i just couldnt... what should i do? i need advise......
great, a change of drastic mood..i was being so bitchy and hyper when i went to my cousin house....super "3 8"...god...is this really me? but what a nice house and decoration..everyday after a hard work, return to a comfy house...thats sound so nice....isnt it? in the comfy house, u see things u love, u see the hard work u put inside and living in the cosy house with someone u wish to spend ur life with...isnt that great.... hmm..i guess i got the criteria to be a fairytale writer, cos everythin i wish for happy everafter...
i know drama love doesnt exist in real life, but they are too much for drama, so much so i always wish to be the main actress inside....drama love is full of fantasy and full of dreams and expectations... you put in effort the other got touched...everythin will then slowly fall in place... living happily ever after...
the drama love is so full of sparks and life...u can feel how much they love each other, u can feel the happines among them..so shold i praise them as good actors? ha ha ......
mono life....waking up,goin to work,starin in front of the laptop,waitin for break,goin back staring at the laptop and leave work... i will be in this kind of life for like 3 months more...god..who can stand it man....
i really really understand reality world is so different..i guess i am still a kid...
i am glad that i was being appreciated during work which gave me some confidence....
anyway, i am starting to ponder again..the committment i used to have for netball...will it still stays on? seriously in a super dilemma now...though i have gone back for training, but it seems that i feel time is hard to pass....should it be like "wahz...is 9 already, so fast" but it doesnt seems this way, i think i don enjoy playing netball anymore? though my relations with them arent good, but i don feel left out.. i am fine being alone or whatsoever, but it like i am waiting for time to pass...why am i back again? i thought it was the passion for the game, i thought was the love for the sports...but now, i think likewise...what is wrong with me? is this what i want? or should i jus continue being the last year in poly? i want to have fun while training, but i just couldnt... what should i do? i need advise......
great, a change of drastic mood..i was being so bitchy and hyper when i went to my cousin house....super "3 8"...god...is this really me? but what a nice house and decoration..everyday after a hard work, return to a comfy house...thats sound so nice....isnt it? in the comfy house, u see things u love, u see the hard work u put inside and living in the cosy house with someone u wish to spend ur life with...isnt that great.... hmm..i guess i got the criteria to be a fairytale writer, cos everythin i wish for happy everafter...
i know drama love doesnt exist in real life, but they are too much for drama, so much so i always wish to be the main actress inside....drama love is full of fantasy and full of dreams and expectations... you put in effort the other got touched...everythin will then slowly fall in place... living happily ever after...
the drama love is so full of sparks and life...u can feel how much they love each other, u can feel the happines among them..so shold i praise them as good actors? ha ha ......
mono life....waking up,goin to work,starin in front of the laptop,waitin for break,goin back staring at the laptop and leave work... i will be in this kind of life for like 3 months more...god..who can stand it man....
i really really understand reality world is so different..i guess i am still a kid...
Sunday, May 07, 2006
我可以寫華文了!好開心哦!!哈!哈! 可是如果要我用华文来写正篇文章的话，因该会不行!所以只会写一点点而以。我想啊，我的华文也好不到那里去，要我用华文来谈，我会结巴。很没用吧!
喔! 这样的话我可以写一些只能用华文来表达的感触。
在[左边][遇上爱]是[过敏]的季节，该不该[庆祝][找不到]的爱情，那些在[ ] 里面的字都是杨丞琳的新歌的歌名。哈!哈!
wahz..it is so tiring using chinese to write...jus not flexible with it, have to think so much, the pinyin and everything..but unlike english, you write what u think..hahaha...or should i say u spell what u think...
now then i realise i am concerned about Singapore political issues...hahha...so funny...
anyway i arent in a good mood today...not sure why..but feel like crying almost every moment...god, tears jus like flowing down my eyes...
喔! 这样的话我可以写一些只能用华文来表达的感触。
在[左边][遇上爱]是[过敏]的季节，该不该[庆祝][找不到]的爱情，那些在[ ] 里面的字都是杨丞琳的新歌的歌名。哈!哈!
wahz..it is so tiring using chinese to write...jus not flexible with it, have to think so much, the pinyin and everything..but unlike english, you write what u think..hahaha...or should i say u spell what u think...
now then i realise i am concerned about Singapore political issues...hahha...so funny...
anyway i arent in a good mood today...not sure why..but feel like crying almost every moment...god, tears jus like flowing down my eyes...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
in different stage,people tend to have different perspective and views in life..they change their thinking and change their behaviour on certain things..
in the end, i thought i had the determination not to carry on my passion,but i broke the determination. i went back training today, though i know there shouldnt be excuses like i am tired..but i really am...dozing off at every opporunity i have, like in the train...dozing off while doing my work...really beat..but i made my decision and went back training... i thought i would be fun if i bring laughters back or maybe to liven up the atmosphere, but not everyone thinks that way...right..i didnt want to feel the gap in between but in the end i brought this on myself...stupid arent i..
why cant i be fun during trainin as well as serious? why must we be real serious and make everyone so bored and sad during training...i am not sayin i am right..jus thinking that people have different way of doing and handling things..maybe i prefer to have fun while doing things i like..
i did alot of thinking just now...i guess it was my fault for pulling out...but i guess i just have to take what i deserve...right..
anyway,saw brandon jus now!! haha..so long never see him... :) hope bran and victor doing fine..
i chose to move away, thats what i deserve..having missin out on a trip is so much different....going back there arent about the team anymore, is about the passion i have for the sports..
is nice seeing everyone happy as they are now...i guess i am taking parting too easily now...
i keep telling myself, maggie and lulu is what i got!! yeah...miss them lots..
anyway, today's training i am happy with my performance...isnt prefect..but pretty okie...
i realise self-satisfaction feels great too....
the journey to school today was wahz..miss school badly...first was seconday, now poly..i seriously understand the meaning of "dont speak too fast, you will never know" ya..i always speak too fast..always sayin i hate poly life whatever and whatever....now i haven even graduate and i am already missing it...reality is not good...1 more year to decide my fate.....
i want the freedom to do what i want, to achieve what i want to...and most importantly to succeed in whatever i do!! oh yeah...
meeting dear lulu tml... hehe...gona talk heart to heart... :( haha...
in the end, i thought i had the determination not to carry on my passion,but i broke the determination. i went back training today, though i know there shouldnt be excuses like i am tired..but i really am...dozing off at every opporunity i have, like in the train...dozing off while doing my work...really beat..but i made my decision and went back training... i thought i would be fun if i bring laughters back or maybe to liven up the atmosphere, but not everyone thinks that way...right..i didnt want to feel the gap in between but in the end i brought this on myself...stupid arent i..
why cant i be fun during trainin as well as serious? why must we be real serious and make everyone so bored and sad during training...i am not sayin i am right..jus thinking that people have different way of doing and handling things..maybe i prefer to have fun while doing things i like..
i did alot of thinking just now...i guess it was my fault for pulling out...but i guess i just have to take what i deserve...right..
anyway,saw brandon jus now!! haha..so long never see him... :) hope bran and victor doing fine..
i chose to move away, thats what i deserve..having missin out on a trip is so much different....going back there arent about the team anymore, is about the passion i have for the sports..
is nice seeing everyone happy as they are now...i guess i am taking parting too easily now...
i keep telling myself, maggie and lulu is what i got!! yeah...miss them lots..
anyway, today's training i am happy with my performance...isnt prefect..but pretty okie...
i realise self-satisfaction feels great too....
the journey to school today was wahz..miss school badly...first was seconday, now poly..i seriously understand the meaning of "dont speak too fast, you will never know" ya..i always speak too fast..always sayin i hate poly life whatever and whatever....now i haven even graduate and i am already missing it...reality is not good...1 more year to decide my fate.....
i want the freedom to do what i want, to achieve what i want to...and most importantly to succeed in whatever i do!! oh yeah...
meeting dear lulu tml... hehe...gona talk heart to heart... :( haha...
Saturday, April 29, 2006
pictures bring ...
pictures really bring back memories...loads and tons of them...all the time fade away with the pictures...
how we always say" the last time we were this, the last time we were that" year and year passed, reality has slowly began to surface, and everyone have to meet with their own fate and story...
i always wonder what my fate and story will be? i hope so much that i could write my own fate and story.,.how nice will that be..i get all the things i want, i achieve the things that i yearn for...wahz..perfect wonderful life...ya...in my dreams...day dreaming...
i hope to make a different...i hope to do something interesting...i think i still don know what i want...
today i went back to work in the GREEN LOGO..wahz..i was amazed by myself, i was extremely friendly to the customers..i missed the placee so much..haha..it was so fun working there..though today my frens not there....and it was great to see the crowd are coming back!! oh yeah!! hurray!!! yippe!!
nowadays i am not so emotional as before, but tends to cry easily...god,need to shed some water in my body..haha...
jiayi my dear fren..
cher my funny fren...
bring me chocolates..haha...
how we always say" the last time we were this, the last time we were that" year and year passed, reality has slowly began to surface, and everyone have to meet with their own fate and story...
i always wonder what my fate and story will be? i hope so much that i could write my own fate and story.,.how nice will that be..i get all the things i want, i achieve the things that i yearn for...wahz..perfect wonderful life...ya...in my dreams...day dreaming...
i hope to make a different...i hope to do something interesting...i think i still don know what i want...
today i went back to work in the GREEN LOGO..wahz..i was amazed by myself, i was extremely friendly to the customers..i missed the placee so much..haha..it was so fun working there..though today my frens not there....and it was great to see the crowd are coming back!! oh yeah!! hurray!!! yippe!!
nowadays i am not so emotional as before, but tends to cry easily...god,need to shed some water in my body..haha...
jiayi my dear fren..
cher my funny fren...
bring me chocolates..haha...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
have the drive but demoralise
just now feel like bloggin so much, but after a ride, i forget what i was thinking about jus now... god... working again..ya..thats the word i am gona say for like 4 months...right..
today i prepared myself to go back training, who knows i am not fated with netball, i prepared myself ready, but it was cancelled..dishearted, but whatever...
reality? whats that? it is like not a word to me...reality is cruel..ya man...i find in some way i am a super stupid and stubborn person. somethings i find it hard to let go or see it in another way... like i am always unlucky...ya i was..of cos i was happy to know i will be working in raffles city, but i knew deep inside, something bad gona happen, and ya it did happen...who ya..whatever again..i already put a foot in it...no way am i gona take it out right...
working..working world..hard for me to interprete it...they dont communicate, each one strive to be better than the other..like enemies..they arent true to each other...wahz..i know badly i need to treasure my school life...working life is so different..maybe slowly i will get used to it but maybe not for now..
i am a jealous person,even to friends..from long time ago i don like seeing my fren going close with another...i know i should change..hmm..on the other hand why am i so afraid? no confident in myself? hmmm....guess is more of that....haiz..friends 78 days more to go..and i really miss having fun with u guys!!! :( i am not happy...hahha...no lahz..it was alrigh..everyday gmail with cher..see which day we will ahve the most mails..haha..thats funn...jiayi super stress also..but when we meet u wont be..hahaha..
working agin tml...seein my computer..byebye..
today i prepared myself to go back training, who knows i am not fated with netball, i prepared myself ready, but it was cancelled..dishearted, but whatever...
reality? whats that? it is like not a word to me...reality is cruel..ya man...i find in some way i am a super stupid and stubborn person. somethings i find it hard to let go or see it in another way... like i am always unlucky...ya i was..of cos i was happy to know i will be working in raffles city, but i knew deep inside, something bad gona happen, and ya it did happen...who ya..whatever again..i already put a foot in it...no way am i gona take it out right...
working..working world..hard for me to interprete it...they dont communicate, each one strive to be better than the other..like enemies..they arent true to each other...wahz..i know badly i need to treasure my school life...working life is so different..maybe slowly i will get used to it but maybe not for now..
i am a jealous person,even to friends..from long time ago i don like seeing my fren going close with another...i know i should change..hmm..on the other hand why am i so afraid? no confident in myself? hmmm....guess is more of that....haiz..friends 78 days more to go..and i really miss having fun with u guys!!! :( i am not happy...hahha...no lahz..it was alrigh..everyday gmail with cher..see which day we will ahve the most mails..haha..thats funn...jiayi super stress also..but when we meet u wont be..hahaha..
working agin tml...seein my computer..byebye..
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
i am all alone
very sad...how to pass the 4 months man!! seriously... having going for attachment made me realise alot of things...
but i know i shouldnt complain so much, but i envy jiayi and cher,le and anthony...they are in the same companies. so when they talk, they know who and what each other are talking, and they have each other...right..i should be counted lucky as well, at least i got one friend that accompany me for lunch.. maybe if were to change either me and jiayi together or me and cher together, i will feel alittle bad, cos the other is alone..so, i should take it in my stride...
being interns in a company, i am being treated invisible, is not that i want ppl to pay attention to me, but they jus simply ignore me..weird man..and i am handling a big web creation project myself, by myself...no help at all...what am i gona do..going crazy and damm stress...super stress...i miss school., seriously missing school...now i am starting to wonder, when i graduate from poly am i really ready to come out to the society and work? am i? sitting in the office, my ass is pain,i am freezing day by day...god is like 14 more weeks to go...thats crazy...and wearing formal or nice is getting me going nuts...damm sian..
and i am seriously feeling sad and lonely..............
but i know i shouldnt complain so much, but i envy jiayi and cher,le and anthony...they are in the same companies. so when they talk, they know who and what each other are talking, and they have each other...right..i should be counted lucky as well, at least i got one friend that accompany me for lunch.. maybe if were to change either me and jiayi together or me and cher together, i will feel alittle bad, cos the other is alone..so, i should take it in my stride...
being interns in a company, i am being treated invisible, is not that i want ppl to pay attention to me, but they jus simply ignore me..weird man..and i am handling a big web creation project myself, by myself...no help at all...what am i gona do..going crazy and damm stress...super stress...i miss school., seriously missing school...now i am starting to wonder, when i graduate from poly am i really ready to come out to the society and work? am i? sitting in the office, my ass is pain,i am freezing day by day...god is like 14 more weeks to go...thats crazy...and wearing formal or nice is getting me going nuts...damm sian..
and i am seriously feeling sad and lonely..............
Sunday, April 23, 2006
start of early morning
yes, it shall be tomorrow...
starting from tomorrow, i will be able to smell the fresh breeze of the early morning... lunching with my new-made friends? being awakard around in the company? god...thinking about it scared me out...good thing for cher and jiayi they have each other..i am alone..i am sad...i hope everything jus go the ways it should be? freaking out...
sometime when u slow down ur pace in life, you will be able to see something different..
that day, i saw how a cat poo...it was kinda cute..they stood on their hind and the pose was like a kangaroo, and there it goes poo poo came out..hahha...after that, it was trying to dig the mud, so i thought "wahz..the cat is so smart, digging a hole to bury his poo poo.." but in the end, he digged awhile and walked away... i know animals are cute, but dog jus scared me off? maybe is a habit? not too sure...
have been in deep thoughts..i have been repeating my life, not improving myself at all...i am still the girl i was when i was like 4 years ago... i didnt grow up...i am still childish...not mature enough..maybe the exposure i am going for starting from tomorrow will change me?
maybe there are something i have been pursing for, but actually i didnt want it..fuunny isnt it? pursing for something that i dont want...no idea why...maybe just find it hard to give up or let go? a pretty stubborn person....
oh did i mention i received a mini cooper? haha..i like the mini cooper... relax guys, it isnt a real mini cooper..its jus a toy car...haha..but i still like it..cos is one of my dream car as well...i cant own the real car,why cant i be the owner of the mini cooper toy car? haha..thanks shanghai man-victor...
i wonder how tomorrow will turn out to be?
jiayi and cher oh yeah..anything just give me a ring man!! i will share you joy and scold the boss with you guys together if i have to...haha..
to everyone going for attachment tomorrow!! lets have fun and learn something...
great...i bet i couldnt sleep tonight..scared i wont be able to wake up early in the morning..haha..
starting from tomorrow, i will be able to smell the fresh breeze of the early morning... lunching with my new-made friends? being awakard around in the company? god...thinking about it scared me out...good thing for cher and jiayi they have each other..i am alone..i am sad...i hope everything jus go the ways it should be? freaking out...
sometime when u slow down ur pace in life, you will be able to see something different..
that day, i saw how a cat poo...it was kinda cute..they stood on their hind and the pose was like a kangaroo, and there it goes poo poo came out..hahha...after that, it was trying to dig the mud, so i thought "wahz..the cat is so smart, digging a hole to bury his poo poo.." but in the end, he digged awhile and walked away... i know animals are cute, but dog jus scared me off? maybe is a habit? not too sure...
have been in deep thoughts..i have been repeating my life, not improving myself at all...i am still the girl i was when i was like 4 years ago... i didnt grow up...i am still childish...not mature enough..maybe the exposure i am going for starting from tomorrow will change me?
maybe there are something i have been pursing for, but actually i didnt want it..fuunny isnt it? pursing for something that i dont want...no idea why...maybe just find it hard to give up or let go? a pretty stubborn person....
oh did i mention i received a mini cooper? haha..i like the mini cooper... relax guys, it isnt a real mini cooper..its jus a toy car...haha..but i still like it..cos is one of my dream car as well...i cant own the real car,why cant i be the owner of the mini cooper toy car? haha..thanks shanghai man-victor...
i wonder how tomorrow will turn out to be?
jiayi and cher oh yeah..anything just give me a ring man!! i will share you joy and scold the boss with you guys together if i have to...haha..
to everyone going for attachment tomorrow!! lets have fun and learn something...
great...i bet i couldnt sleep tonight..scared i wont be able to wake up early in the morning..haha..
Thursday, April 20, 2006
i was about to go to bed...but i am really vexed and bothered by something..damm freaking bothered...is netball...
this time i don know what is really stopping me from going back to playing netball...it is really my favourite sports..i love it so much that i really want to keep playing it..but this time, i seriously have no idea why i am so determine about not going back? i seriously don know..i know she has been trying to get me back to training...have tried very hard to persuade me... i have no idea why this time i am so firm bout it... maybe is not a tiny winny thing that has been stopping me..cos if it were to be a tiny winny thing that stopped me...she need not even persuade me, i will go back for training..but this time no matter what she says, my mind never really has the firm YES I WANT TO GO BACK AGAIN!! why didnt i? i am so bothered by it until i couldnt sleep..
small things holding me back to go for training tml..
i am having attachment when training really resume with a coach...i ends at 6.00...trainin starts at 6.30...what if i have OT to do...and i cant go back for training..it will mean i will miss out one training..and one training is important..one training can do alot of thing...then what if i am too tired and lethargic to go back for training? i scared tireness will overcome netball...i have alot of what if in my mind..what if same thing happen again? then whats the point of me goin back...
but if i don go back for training, it will means no more netball for life..cos i will lost touch with it, and lost contact with it...i wont get to play netball anymore...everything..the training and everything..
what am i to do? i seriously need very good and wise advise..this time it seems like i cant make a decision myself...
should i or shouldnt i? DAMM!!
this time i don know what is really stopping me from going back to playing netball...it is really my favourite sports..i love it so much that i really want to keep playing it..but this time, i seriously have no idea why i am so determine about not going back? i seriously don know..i know she has been trying to get me back to training...have tried very hard to persuade me... i have no idea why this time i am so firm bout it... maybe is not a tiny winny thing that has been stopping me..cos if it were to be a tiny winny thing that stopped me...she need not even persuade me, i will go back for training..but this time no matter what she says, my mind never really has the firm YES I WANT TO GO BACK AGAIN!! why didnt i? i am so bothered by it until i couldnt sleep..
small things holding me back to go for training tml..
i am having attachment when training really resume with a coach...i ends at 6.00...trainin starts at 6.30...what if i have OT to do...and i cant go back for training..it will mean i will miss out one training..and one training is important..one training can do alot of thing...then what if i am too tired and lethargic to go back for training? i scared tireness will overcome netball...i have alot of what if in my mind..what if same thing happen again? then whats the point of me goin back...
but if i don go back for training, it will means no more netball for life..cos i will lost touch with it, and lost contact with it...i wont get to play netball anymore...everything..the training and everything..
what am i to do? i seriously need very good and wise advise..this time it seems like i cant make a decision myself...
should i or shouldnt i? DAMM!!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
feelings come when night befall..
initally, wanted to blog at night...cos i got more things to say at night..no idea why? but wasnt that free at night...
i watch two television programmes..one made me realise something while the other make me yearn for something...
realise...yupz..i realise alot of people regret along the path where they grow up.. doing alot of things that make them regret while thinking back... i DO! i always do...one dramatic mistake..okie..maybe things might still be the same, maybe not..but still i regret...when i always think back..DAMM! how stupid i was...it was the most most damm most regretful thing i must admit i did...seriously hate myself for that...how navie and stupid i was...hell damm!! though i cant turn back time, i still cant accept the stupid me...because of that, it affected alot of my life..
i regret alot on my last year of seconday school, my studies, my family, my friends and all relationship that present... i would have score better if i did study..**** when i always think back all this thing, i still have anger inside me..because i seriously think how come i can be so stupid and seriously stupid..argh..damm...forget it.. when attachment starts i bet i don have the time to think of so many things..other things will occupy my mind rather than things that have passed..
oh..i did mention something that i yearn for...but i think it is decreasing as time passed...it is so hard to predict..i am easily touched by seeing romance story...okie..i know that all shows..it cant be real or it is hard to be real...always falling in love with the leading actor inside each show..u really can feel the happines and the love they had for each other..so sweet and happy..always yearning that someone like this leading actor or that leading actor will appear...often i will dumped myself with the story of the shows..am i still a girl? no! i want to grow up to be a lady..hahah...alright..yesterday was sort of my last time doing closing at store..though didnt really had a good time..but at least i work with hetty...fun working with her..sometimes customers can make my day or can even ruin my day..yesterday was alright..i will miss closing shift and working with many other partners...argh..i will miss out alot of fun which i hate to..but no choice i have attachment to go...
oh...there wont be seeing me in school...wondering whether to get back to playing netball?? miss bumpin into friends in school...hmm...of course miss the two idiots lahz..jiayi and cher..stupid them..i will make them visit me everyday! haha...
i watch two television programmes..one made me realise something while the other make me yearn for something...
realise...yupz..i realise alot of people regret along the path where they grow up.. doing alot of things that make them regret while thinking back... i DO! i always do...one dramatic mistake..okie..maybe things might still be the same, maybe not..but still i regret...when i always think back..DAMM! how stupid i was...it was the most most damm most regretful thing i must admit i did...seriously hate myself for that...how navie and stupid i was...hell damm!! though i cant turn back time, i still cant accept the stupid me...because of that, it affected alot of my life..
i regret alot on my last year of seconday school, my studies, my family, my friends and all relationship that present... i would have score better if i did study..**** when i always think back all this thing, i still have anger inside me..because i seriously think how come i can be so stupid and seriously stupid..argh..damm...forget it.. when attachment starts i bet i don have the time to think of so many things..other things will occupy my mind rather than things that have passed..
oh..i did mention something that i yearn for...but i think it is decreasing as time passed...it is so hard to predict..i am easily touched by seeing romance story...okie..i know that all shows..it cant be real or it is hard to be real...always falling in love with the leading actor inside each show..u really can feel the happines and the love they had for each other..so sweet and happy..always yearning that someone like this leading actor or that leading actor will appear...often i will dumped myself with the story of the shows..am i still a girl? no! i want to grow up to be a lady..hahah...alright..yesterday was sort of my last time doing closing at store..though didnt really had a good time..but at least i work with hetty...fun working with her..sometimes customers can make my day or can even ruin my day..yesterday was alright..i will miss closing shift and working with many other partners...argh..i will miss out alot of fun which i hate to..but no choice i have attachment to go...
oh...there wont be seeing me in school...wondering whether to get back to playing netball?? miss bumpin into friends in school...hmm...of course miss the two idiots lahz..jiayi and cher..stupid them..i will make them visit me everyday! haha...
Monday, April 17, 2006
this whole week has been kinda of busy with having fun!! whoo!! great...i am enjoying the last week of my beloved holiday..and soon my hard times will arrived..i wonder what will happen and what will i be and alot of things...i hope everything turned out well for jiayi,cher and me!!
Victor is back!!! Great...hope to meet up with him soon... ~shanghai man...haha..
that day, again 1 down....i was hoping everyone will turned up,cos i don think we will have time to meet up when school and attachment and training starts...luo keep disturbing me that day..think he too happy? haha...i am still a passenger...next time i promise i drive...haha.. and surprisingly, i didnt know bout the dismissal of the 15th meeting...everyone knows except me..haha...i was kinda shock when luo say.. maybe the dismissal of 15th is bcos we never always really meet on that day and always a few people meet up...no time...i guess i will see them only in june!! haha..right...
i wore my poka dots skirt that day!! nice..i like it..but it was alittle too short..but i like.. :)
sent me thinking again...they tryin to hint and tell me something? something i will know sooner or later? confused....
why must it always be like, when u see other people have a worst life than u, then u will realise how lucky u were.... why must we highlight the bad situation of poor people to show how lucky we are?
but whenever we see how rich other can get, we will realise how poor we are...
why is it always comparing? nothing beats comparing...
things are always unfair...
being in the last week of my holiday,i want to play to the fullest of all!! i wanna watch movie, go kbox and play!! hahah..not forgetting working as much in the green logo as i could cos i will miss my working environment and partners of course!!
hopin to enjoy!!
Victor is back!!! Great...hope to meet up with him soon... ~shanghai man...haha..
that day, again 1 down....i was hoping everyone will turned up,cos i don think we will have time to meet up when school and attachment and training starts...luo keep disturbing me that day..think he too happy? haha...i am still a passenger...next time i promise i drive...haha.. and surprisingly, i didnt know bout the dismissal of the 15th meeting...everyone knows except me..haha...i was kinda shock when luo say.. maybe the dismissal of 15th is bcos we never always really meet on that day and always a few people meet up...no time...i guess i will see them only in june!! haha..right...
i wore my poka dots skirt that day!! nice..i like it..but it was alittle too short..but i like.. :)
sent me thinking again...they tryin to hint and tell me something? something i will know sooner or later? confused....
why must it always be like, when u see other people have a worst life than u, then u will realise how lucky u were.... why must we highlight the bad situation of poor people to show how lucky we are?
but whenever we see how rich other can get, we will realise how poor we are...
why is it always comparing? nothing beats comparing...
things are always unfair...
being in the last week of my holiday,i want to play to the fullest of all!! i wanna watch movie, go kbox and play!! hahah..not forgetting working as much in the green logo as i could cos i will miss my working environment and partners of course!!
hopin to enjoy!!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
busy this whole week.... i jus went shopping with my dearie frennie..we both bought something that we like...i bought a poka dots skirts..thuogh i know i arent that slim..but i seriously love the skirt...is very nice..is a good thing that i am catching up with the fashion..but i don thing is a good thing that i keep following the fashion...anyway, that day shopping was great..and went to work so hyper...but tired ....
my fren flew to back to taiwan....went to sent her off...that stupid cher also going taiwan...don like her...*hmph* airport...
i love airport...it contains alot of feeling inside..it can be a placee full of happiness when u see ur beloved return from a holiday or studies..a place of saddness cos it the place where u are separated with ur beloved..airport is fun..but i prefer other countries airport though..each airport contains different feeling and environment to me..
i found a shopping paradise!! Marina Square!! is really shopping and more shopping...hurray..i wanna shop more!!
met with my sec sch frens...with them are happy..cos they always bullied me...they are funn..but hope one of them will cheer up soon..problems are meant to solve..
uncertain bout stuffs...
starting attachment soon...the moment that i thuoght of lunching alone, i am sad...
the moment i thought of doing things alone, i am unhappy,
the moment this attachment is gona take 4-5 months, i am bored,the moment i remembered jiayi and cher is in the same company, i am sad.......
hope good things happen to me in the attachment..pls....
uncertain till i know the truth.........
my fren flew to back to taiwan....went to sent her off...that stupid cher also going taiwan...don like her...*hmph* airport...
i love airport...it contains alot of feeling inside..it can be a placee full of happiness when u see ur beloved return from a holiday or studies..a place of saddness cos it the place where u are separated with ur beloved..airport is fun..but i prefer other countries airport though..each airport contains different feeling and environment to me..
i found a shopping paradise!! Marina Square!! is really shopping and more shopping...hurray..i wanna shop more!!
met with my sec sch frens...with them are happy..cos they always bullied me...they are funn..but hope one of them will cheer up soon..problems are meant to solve..
uncertain bout stuffs...
starting attachment soon...the moment that i thuoght of lunching alone, i am sad...
the moment i thought of doing things alone, i am unhappy,
the moment this attachment is gona take 4-5 months, i am bored,the moment i remembered jiayi and cher is in the same company, i am sad.......
hope good things happen to me in the attachment..pls....
uncertain till i know the truth.........
Saturday, April 08, 2006
what is my life to be...
what is my life to be if i were 'this'?, what is my life to be if i were 'that'?
what will turn out if i have a different life?
i am always thinking alot..thinking too much..i read too much into something..it may jus be a very simple thing but i can read deep into it...and make myself difficult and miserable...i shouldnt care so much and do what i jus want to do..is a fate that we can be friends..and we must treasure this friendship we have...
like one of my friend says, "just don seem to understand what human are thinking"...
true...is hard to read into people's mind..cos people nowadays arent as navie and as innocent like people in older times...people in modern times tend to have alot of their own thinkings and motive of doing something.. i believe this...
yesterday i was watchin a taiwan news.. it reports about a woman have "16" different characters inside herself... she have "16" kids living inside her as well... i may believe people have 2 faces...but this woman have "16"!! thats 8 times more than a normal person..it because when she is young she suffer from some problems..is kinda of poor thing..she is brave to live with all 16 different faces...is can seems scary but is special..i guess the bravest is the husband..cos he is constantly livin with 16 different people..no one knows when she will turn into another character...
i am stronger now....
what will turn out if i have a different life?
i am always thinking alot..thinking too much..i read too much into something..it may jus be a very simple thing but i can read deep into it...and make myself difficult and miserable...i shouldnt care so much and do what i jus want to do..is a fate that we can be friends..and we must treasure this friendship we have...
like one of my friend says, "just don seem to understand what human are thinking"...
true...is hard to read into people's mind..cos people nowadays arent as navie and as innocent like people in older times...people in modern times tend to have alot of their own thinkings and motive of doing something.. i believe this...
yesterday i was watchin a taiwan news.. it reports about a woman have "16" different characters inside herself... she have "16" kids living inside her as well... i may believe people have 2 faces...but this woman have "16"!! thats 8 times more than a normal person..it because when she is young she suffer from some problems..is kinda of poor thing..she is brave to live with all 16 different faces...is can seems scary but is special..i guess the bravest is the husband..cos he is constantly livin with 16 different people..no one knows when she will turn into another character...
i am stronger now....
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