woo..feelin red..feelin tired..my legs weigh like a 1000 pounds...hahhhahha..
hmm...wanted to post that day but somethin wrong with blogger..nvm..i shall post today and slowly recap what i wanna write..first is....i finally met up with bao and yeo and luo...Oi,peeps i not M.I.A....finished exams..then got alot of things..got camp and work..i never intend to M.I.A hor...wahz..from the moment i met them, they tease me until i say BYE! hahhaha....esp Bao...he never help me..cos he shold know the feelin of kanna teased..but he worse, he took his chancec to revenge...and say me more..hahhah...but nvm...nvm...next year your turn le...i shall say him back..hahha...is always enjoyable to meet them up...with yeo and bao can make me laugh..hahha...and i swear i never wanna tell jokes to YEO...he never laugh AT ALL..not AT ALL!!! :( hahhahhaha...but anyway,really nice meetin them...i think this week they are the one who are busy ....cant meet.wonderin whether on fri we will be meetin...hahha... yupz... met luo too...woahz...he ...haiz..alopt of things...and he ask me to work a one day job..midnight...from 8.30 to 8.30 in the mornin..hahha...wahz..it has been long since i work midnight job..haha..i went with mj..luo is very nice...hardworkin...the ppl then cannot make it ah..hahha...the job damm tough damm tirin...cannnot take it..wonder how luo can take it for more than 10 days..i 1 days already cannot..but luo....what can i say? but to PEI FU him..can bear until so long.. :) good one...jia you then...i really hope the 5 of us will stay in contact no matter what..they are the only friends i left in sec sch and i treasure them...:) eh eh..*yeo if u are readin this, no need to be touched ah...* hahhahahhahahahhhaha..... but i wont tell u jokes!!! :p..... alright...ohya man...13th of may super important day for the 5 of us....whether i got ppl to send me to sch everyday depends on that day..hahhahha..no lahz..kiddin...jokin...but have confident in him!!! :)yeah...

we were chattin again after our trainin yesterday..i realise somethin that i know how to talk ppl round..but i always doesnt use it on myself...but theres a phrase which goes, "said is easier than done" i experienced it i done it...i am someone that jus know how to speak and speak..nothin more...sometimes what i said amazed me..cos never know this stuffs will come out of my mouth..hahah.. i said," what most important and you are happy the way u are now, the tiems u spent, the person u are with, why care and think about future when things wont necessary happen the way u think it will, in stead of wastin time thinkin what future will turn out to be, why not usin it to think how to make everyday a happier one and treasure all your tiem..isnt it true?" no one can actually predicts what will happen in future no one will know what will happen to herself...so why bother thinkin so much and create unneccesary trouble?? when will i ever have the courage to confess, each time i failed to do so cos somehow they happen to be always around me...sometimes i admire girls who are darin but not stubborn...
and why is it always also hard for guys to face their feelings??

woo..realised i never blog as often as i used to last time..i remember i used to blog everyday...but now..i wonder why i didnt...
ppl changes as time goes by..now i understand..been feelin down..sometimes i really wonder how will things turn out to be if things never happen the way...i really didnt realise alot of things in the past...only until now then i realise...realise how important those things were..how much feelings it showed..how much time and effort paid...but to me, it was nothin in the past...sometimes TIME is a very crucial Key...time control everything..control what happen at this moment..control everythin..so i let time pass me by...i let time control me...isnt it suppose to be me the one controllin the time..and tellin it "Hey,i should be doin this now...and this later!!" but i arent that smart enough to do jus that...

read a post posted by kenny in friendster, it says about how certain things stands in ur heart...how important certain things should be..and which should be placeed first and secondary....i think is logical..the story goes like this..
"this professor brought an empty jar, put golf balls inside and ask his students whether the jar is full, the students all repiled YES! then the professor started puttin small pebbles inside...the pebbles all slide in between the spaces of the golf ball, then again the professor asked the students whether the jar is full, the student then again replied YES, then the professor pour sand into the jar..and the sand filled up the empty small spaces and air, then again the professor asked the students whether the jar is empty, then again the students replied YES.... this time the professor pour in two cuups of coffee, and coffee filled up the whole jar.. So the professor asked the students whether the jar is full.. tehn again the student repiled YES!!
the morale of this story is, the GOLF BALL refers to the most important things in our life...ur family friends,love ones, god and things that should be placed FIRST in your heart, the pebbles are secondary, like job,work,money,luxury, and other things,sand are those that stand little in your heart and have very little contribution to your life... so what is cofffee? coffee means that at least in our hectic and busy life we could sit down and enjoy a cup or two nice coffee...isnt that what life supposed to be... true enough..i should learn to placed my piorities correctly..and must treasure what i have now...
life is always filled with ups and downs...i never know what the next moment will happen next..never willknow what will happen to me..never know how long more i could live..never know what my future is..never will know alot alot alot of things...i always ahve to fall down before i could stand up bravely..but when is the time that i could juc stand up bravely without havin to fall down? this i will ahve to find the answer...
and i hate regret..but i always do things that i regret in the end... and now i am slowly thinkin that why should i care so much about how ppl think about me...the most important thing is how i see myself...if i see myself as someone who is good and nicec and kind..then i have nothin wrong...nothin to doubt about...and the secondary important thing is how my loved one see me as? if they think bad about me..then are they still my loved ones? nope i don think so...

haiz..talk to much bout life agtain..arent i naggin? and ya..havent been meetin up with the 4 guys sincee i start flyin..partly i have been up with my stuffs..wonder what they are up to as well?? heheh :)

wahz..damm pissed..wrote a damm long post last monday or sunday but in the end...CANNOT FIND SERVER...what the hell..now i also forget what i wrote ready...
but anyway wanna annouce somethin..
GOING KL for holiday..with my gang..YEAH!!!
yupz...have been thinkin alot...have been wonderin alot...was watchin this chinese drama..and started thinkin..why girls can give their hearts out willingly not hopin for any return...jus hope that the guy will take more notice of her...will pay more attention to her..is jus a small favor to ask from yet guys arent able to do so....isnt that saddening... how can girls give so much yet guys jus treated them invisible...yar...to u she might be ur best budds beset frens...but to her..is different..i feel sad for that girl... i understand how tired she can get...how sad everytime she gets when she keeps on helpin him yet he keeps on hurtin her...how sad when she pays 100% attention on him but he only gave 1% attention of his's to her....is sad how badly he orders her around and how sad she being ordered around... all this are jus what girls usually will do when they fall deeply with someone...

alot of ppl say my blog is always filled with saddness...ya..true..it is always filled with saddness...cos there isnt anythin happy to boost about..nothin happy that i can feel everyday...nothin..absolutely nothin..i mean i am always happy around my friends..but it different u know...different kind of happy...and is true when my friends told me that i always tend ot ppl and never allow ppl to tned to me....yar..i find is kinda of true..cos to me..it seems useless to go around tellin ppl my feelings and stuffs..yet they can do nothin about it...they can jus listen...no advices given...no wise advises...but sometimes one or two wise advises came to me...i appreciate...yupz.. mj always ask me...am i okie? everyday..i bet eveyday i seems not okie..,yupz..i don know..down with some stupid things i guess...hahhah...
but i will allow that person to tend to me if she/he is my very very close fren...then i will not be afraid that i am botherin her or him..hahhahha... am i weird?
hmm...anyway this few days have been in the enrolment thingy..and saw my course ppl..sorry to say..but mostly CANNOT MAKE IT one..aiyo..hahhahah..ahhaha...but this year batch all seems kinda of mature..esp the girls...hahha....wonder why....

applause for myself and cher and jiayi!!! yeah..we finished with our exams!! hurray..wahz..time passed definitely damm fast..really fast..1 year of poly life i went thru..with u guys..definitely somethin i wil regret if i miss out...u guys really turn my poly life upsidee down...hahhaa....yeah..and i seriously hope that we can all get thru to 2 year..i don wanna repeat..pls..pls...lets pray for each other okie...but sad..then no one to make me happy everyday...no sch means no fuun..no u guys means no craziness...how? i will miss u guys lehz..cher go shanghai...we stay in singapore...haiz...hahaha...but this sun we will meet wont we? hehee..huhrray....okie..i will stop bein so mushy..haha

hmm...what to say? i don know...but this few days..i have been ups and downs...funny huhh...i can be alone when i wanna be..and think bout damm hell lots of stuffs..but there are also times i need frens by my side to distract me...yar...things are always so sweet in television..is always present to us so sweet on tv...but in real life..does it really happen?? NO! it doesnt...i don believe so...and why can guys be so cool always acting...quiet..don talk..

okok..sorry...no mood to blog....... continue next time..

woo..is late at night...and i am not asleep yet...hmm..many things on my mind...although i have exams comin up..don mention about it..cos it seems to me like not exams..is so differnt from sec sch..sorry i have been non stop mentioning sec sch...cos i jus cant get it off my mind..to much memories...somehow my work reminds me of sec sch..cos that particular weekday i was workin..then i saw some sec sch girls..hmm..it reminds me of my past...my sec sch times..how i missed it..really missed it..the fun..the netball periods...the time when we maje teacher cry..the times when we talk back at teacher...the time when we really treasure that teacher..the time that we were all punished together..and those real hard netball trainin times..non of it is out of my mind..i miss my netball juniors...and i could jus forget bout huiqi bday..sorry..hahhha...i miss my only mei..hahaa..those navie times we have together..weer glad that all of them proceed on to a good yet tough path..which i believe all of them can make it..okie..enough of my past times..

many things on my mind..some are slowin fadin..some are buildin up strong...there are alot of things i wanna say..but can only be kept in my heart..only i and my diary knows..hahha...and that day i saw ruzaini..hmm...he is the same as usual..but botak..NOT NICE lahz..ruzaini...hahhah...he say my face still as rounnd*bleah* Hey..u guys better treasure this reunited relationship...cos i feels that u guys went thru alot..going around and around searchin for the right one..but in the end still ended up together ...so isnt it fate that u guys should be jus the right one for each other? why stil waste time searchin? jus treasure each other..and cherish what u have..and ruzaini..is time to grow up! always playin a fool..and jokin aroujnd...i mean this is somethin good..always..can make ppl laugh..but also must learn how to be serious...hahha..set ur heart right and don regret this another chance...heheheh...
and people have been askin me what i sound so sad and down?? hmm..do i? hahaa..alright i am..i donknow...jus feels that everythin is jus not right..sometime bad is gona happen...i don know..why i feel so sad and down? i really dont know..is started when ..........but i bet it is gona end soon....yar..alright..next time i try my best to write alot of happy stuffs inside okie?
heheh...i will really try my best...alrigth here comes the happy stuffs..
Television Programme makes me happy..i am distracted for the time beign..haha..
i watch smallville that friday..wooo..power..damm nice..clark super handsome...he seems to have sliim down..but this season lana not as pretty as last three season...don know..but she is still pretty and hot..and this season got this new girl lois...pretty not bad lahz...hehhehe..and chloe is still alive...true enough..she should be dead..cos i cant believe she is dead in the last season..cool..i think this season smallville is nice..waited for so long ..and here is comes..ehhe..but a weird timeslot..and i gona miss alot of shows...like monday...the jap show cant watch cos got exams..tue cant watch again..cos workin..wed the dolphin bay cannot watch go out..thur i don tink can watch..then fri worse...cant watch smallville as well..got camp..ARGH...wahz..immediately after holiday damm pack..damm busy..hahha..but cool..keep me occupy.hahha...then somemore i hope trainin resume as soon as possible..hehee... :)
haiz..okie..i shall stop here huh..but i am bored...damm bored...this few days ...super bored..haiz.. :(

no matter how beautiful a sunset can be,
it stills only signifies the end of a day..
no matter how hard u pray,
moon will never fail to appear..
darkness fall upon u and me...
no one seems to understand us...

hmm...was actually readin thru all my previous post...from before chinese new year...all the way till the last post i wrote...hmm...have been thru many kinds of different feeling..have been feelin down...hmm..guess i am very fake arent i.. i guess i wast really happy oncec.. i mean everytime i laugh..everytime i smile..everytime i try to be happy..all those are fake...are act by me...alright i mean i am happy whenver i am with cher and jiayi...cos we are real crazy..i am happy when i went for the cyclin...i am happy those times...i mean okie...i should phrase it thise way...i am happy when i really am...but the thing that i lack of is happiness...isnt it? i guess i lack of this happiness feeling... all my post are all so saddin and saddin and even worse... never i had a good happy happy good thingy...once i am very very down...but guess i were never very very high...hahha...but there are things that i feel happy about deep in my heart...guess there are already some answer in mym heart...jus that my mind wont want to listen to my heart....i couldnt help it then..hahha...i am stubborn at times...stubborn not to let go....yupz....but things changed isnt it...i shouold learn to let go..if not how am i suppose to continue livin my life?

hmm....had a talk with mariam after our closin which surprisin was damm early...we finished everythin by 11.15....and we sat down waitin for the cab uncle..and thanks to her...we finished damm fast..thanks...we had a talk ....talk about work,sch and of cos relationship....hmm...she asked me"chunpei whats ur ideal age for marriage?" then i repiled"for me i think is 25 which i don think is possible to realise it" that time i was thinkin ya..my ideal age for marriage is 25...cos by the time my child is ten years old i might only be 30 plus 40....still young isnt it...but right after today..i change my thinkin..sorry...i swear i change my point of view damm fast..after watchin the New Japanese Drama "GOOD LUCK" by Takuya Kimura my fav jap actor..he damm handsome charmin...perfect..just the perfect man..i love his hair..hehe...oh ya...after watchin this show..i change my point of view...cos in the show...he is a pilot...hmm...guess everyone have their own dreamin of becomin what they want to be when they grow up..till now i have yet to find mine..but in the show i saw how persistent he could get...and stubborn he is...i mean why he want to be a pilot...of cos he likes flyin...but most importantly, he wants to get all the passengers in the plane arrived to their destination safety...thats what he always have in mind..he has his dreams and is nearin to accomplished his dreams..then what about mine? and in the show...there is this plane technician..a lady...woo..cool...why she wants to become a plane technician? cos both her parents are killed in the plane..thats why she wants to make sure that the plane is safety for take off....yeah...they have their goals in life..they know the direction they are headin...then know what they are doin...they know the reason for their life...they saw how important to work hard and make their dream come true...ya..so now..i am in search for my dreams...

so i was like thinkin bout what i told mariam..." my ideal age of marriage is 25" if i really want to get marry at 25..why am i still studyin now? might as well i quit school and work and inserach for my husband instead right..stupid me...i should have a goal in my life...a goal for me to work towards...always wanted to do somethin meaninful and good...wanted to have a good goal in life...thats excatly what i shold be searchin for...like i bet my frens around me have their goals in life..what they wanna be...i know one of my fren is really workin towards his goal...can see...can feel..yar..why didnt i learn from him?
so sometimes watchin tv means no harm or like what the elders would say WASTE TIME..it isnt..sometimes it makes us realise some important things in life...isnt it?

i have been wastin time thinkin of stuffs that will never happen...why didnt i think bout what i should do and my goal in life?? hahahha...

hmm...did i grow up overnight? hahaha..nahz..jus kiddin...hahha...

lost of memory will change a person,
then allow me to lose memory,
cos i need a change,
a new start in life,
a new goal in life,
then will my life filled with meaninful reason to live on.....

what a weekend...what a day..what a freakin F**king day i had today...argh..argh..sometimes i wonder...why i have to work..it isnt really that poor until i have to work..and my money from work doesnt use to pay sch fees...okie..yar....i am payin for my own expenses...although i still get allowance..but come on..it isnt enough for me to survive..sometimes i jus don understand my parents...haiz..but nvm...suddenly find work alittle boring without mary,sarah and hetty..at least this three i always joke aorund with them...and talk more to them...is always difficult ot work with sally...cos she doesnt work durin the weekends..and i doesnt work durin the weekdays..but i will be seein her this thur..hurray...finally..hahha..haiz...work is super stress and super tired and sujper everythin jus now...super damm alot of ppl..don know why today s many ppl when tml still got sch and work...the moment i step into my outlet...i startin workin workin non stop..and i mean real non stop until i finished..there isnt any time for me to slacck around and day dream..ppl keep comin non stop..haiz..then it seems that i do this, he also say...i do that he also say...why cant u jus make the workin environemtn a more relaxed and happy..and i will be more relaxed and not so stress up in makin any wrong orders..is like to me..helpin must see whether it is the right thin the right position and the right timin....i don know...haiz...workin today makes me feel like quittin..okie..i know i arent strong enough...but tired lahz...come on..i still have to study for my exams!!haiz..i don know..sometime i wonder how come i always so unlucky..always have bad manager..always..levis one the management sucks..coffee bean outlet manager sucks as well....current one...haiz...he don really sucks..but very stern as everythin..always pick on me..i guess i am easily bullied...damm..have to be fiercee next time ah..hahha...haiz...tired..hungry...lazy..tml gona study....

alright..forget what i wanna say ready.. ooooo..i remember raedy...gosh..today i saw the handsome young lions soccer player...gosh gosh..he damm freakin handsome...okie..he is a malay..forget his name reayd..but then he super handsome..tells u..really super handsome..hahahah..aiyo...he seems like the guy in my sch ivp team...hahha...but this national player more handsome ah...hahhahha...super duper handsome..hahahha...cool..okok...later i gona dream of him..haha..no lahz..kiddin...but he handsome lahz..hahah..okie...last time..
he is very very very handsome..next time i will look out when he play...heheh

alright...jus hope everythin is goin to have a happy endin..hehe.. let everyone be happy..
tml no study session with cher and jiayi...no GDTW also..sad..i wanna see YE YOU LI,DUAN YU JIAO and WEI YING QI..*warnin to cher..u better not watch it without us okie!!" hahhahhahaahhaha...miss them...not gonna see them till wed...hahha...study hard okie...!!! :)

and to all my frends havin exams tml good luck!!! :)

oh yeah..finally i am able to laugh and joke and crap..hahahhaha...yippe..yippe....is not that exams are over..exams still have yet to come..but i am happy...cos i finally can heave a BIG BIG sign of relieve..my last assignment for GDIT is done...and done for all...yeah..JAZZIER...lets get JAZZIER...and i am happy is also bcos i love the ad that i drew out..i like it...couldnt imagine i could actually use adobe illustrator to draw that out..amazin and surprising to me...i wonder how i could do it..heehheeh....i love that only piece of artwork i did...cos for my packaing it sucks though...haiz...sorry..but i tried my best..u guys want it to be simple...okie..fine..thats the simplest i can give..maybe my ideas and u guys doesnt match...yar....wasnt very happy in the first place..but everythin is over ya..so now i can wholeheartedly study for my exams..yeah..exams here i come..cher say first time see ppl so happy to study for my exams..ya.to me i am happy...cos if haven finish...it seems like there is still somethin not yet done...then while studyin will ponder bout it...yar...so now is finished!!! hurray..hahahha..
and wahz..i think ahmad approach me at the right time yesterday..i was high in spirits..ahhha..cos i am happy that it is done soon...then he is funny yesterday....i bet ruzaini and sheena must have told him something....then he must have think back alot..hahha..."Oi...is all the past...don bother so much,we will always be frens...cos afterall u guys played a part in my sec sch life...i should say a big endin part huh...hehehhe..yar..."yar..so sort of happy that everythin is solved..yar..ehhehe...
but come to think of it..yar..i am so like him...he walked away from me...and me...i walked away from sheena..i have always said i hate the way he did things and the way he could jus walked away.... yet i did it myself...
gosh..sheena...tables really turned...now is my turn..i always say how i hate the fate that he gave advise yet he broke it himself yet i followed his footsteps...wahz..amazin...i am doin it to sheena like what he did to me...
so i could understand how sheena felt...but i might not be so that important ah..but losin a fren is hurtful enough...then again..i could also understand how ahmad felt...walkin away..reasons for walkin away..somehow i wonder if his reasons is the same as mine? if this is so...haiz..hahahhah.....
oh...gosh..i am talkin about the past again..no no..shouldnt..i should look forward..hehehhe....right?
hmm..yar...i should live a carefree and relax life...why i bother so much? but we are humans..if there is nothin to worry,think or bother about..then we are nothin compare to robots...ppl with heart of metal..right? hmm....maybe i should learn to heck care also...why i so kpo? hahhah...
yeah..so i am happy now..and i want to study hard for my exams...yeah...cher and jiayi..mon...GDTW!!!! "WO TING NI!" hhahhahha...hahhah....

oh ya..and i love this song..YOU AND ME by LIFEHOUSE!!!!hhehhehe...nice nice..super nice... *smilin* smilin*

hmm...today..damm sad..damm..cos wasnt in the mood...monday blues huh..maybe woke up from the wrong side of the bed...nvm...then went school..hmm.school was bored..guess everyone is gettin stress we havin less fun and laughters...i don like....then slack at club today...wanted to go home one..but meetin mj..hmm..then saw kenny...keep arguin with him...always believe what he say but always kanna cheated by him...am i really so gullible or plain stupid? haiz...nvm..oh yeah..thanks Sir(victor)....thanks for his present..my color shirt..hahhaha...nicec stuffs he got huh..hahhaha..okie...happy to see him back..hahha...then nvm...went home..on the way..jasmine..Once my best best fren in sec sch msg me...then she msg somethin like that" to be really honest,i dun feel close to any of u actually,has been like this right from the start" wahz....my i felt damm sad...she mention don feel close to any of us ACTUALLY...then what bout me? the shit and stuffs we went thru..oh so we arent close in the first place...all the time i spent listenin to all her shits..all her stuffs...wahz...i admit..we arent close anymroe now...but in the past we were close...we WERE...but guess she got memory loss...she forget about it...nvm..so i reply her"right from the start? not at all? then she mention after netball we arent close...NO!! is right after netball then we got closer...is after she left school then we got close...is after that so manyy many things happen..and she says"is okie..guess this is life" okie...maybe this is life for me and her..but i don want this kind of life..i don want to be jus close for the period of time then after no more schoolin we became strangers...but i got reasons when we arent close...think back those things she somehow did...she never know...cos i never tell...i was truly hurt by what she said.."don feel close to any of us" wahz..wahz...FINE!!! then what about all the past things...wahz..really damm...what has happen to me for this past 2 weeks..nothin is goin smoothly..ahiz...feel down..depressed...i used to laugh and laugh about...but this week...ppl kept askin me why i so sad? i don know..many things in my mind...haiz..
i think my feelings so damm accurate...everythin i feels or somehow guess...turns up always correct...really damm accurate...haiz..why sometime i cant be innocent and know nothin...
know nothin is better than knowin many things...but cant help it..i feel it...hahhah....i hope i will then..........haiz..
oh ya...bao seems like really wanna perm his hair...huh..don want lahz.z.then i know anyother matthew..hahahha....but now matthew's hair no more curly...hahhha....

i am really angry now..damm angry...don ask me why..i wont say..but i am really angry..shit...idiot..damm it..haiz...argh...why am i so gullible...i hate ppl who never keep to their promises..i hate ppl who failed to do what they said..i hate them..jus simply hate...argh..nothin more to say but damm not happy and angry...why am i so easily bullied??forget it..guess this is somethin i should have done and do and think and whatever earlier...fine..forget...don wanna think..the more i think the more angry i get...haiz..disappointed...one moment thot will be closer...the other moment the ideas were crashed...what is this man? fine...fine...

jus now watch a korean drama...named Lovers In Paris..wooo....why everytime, the actress in the show is so fortunate to have being loved by two handsome guys...really handsome charmin smart lookin..hahha...and whenever the girl is in danger or is sad, either one will pop out and help and lay a hand..and lend a shoulder....jus simply do anythin to make her happy...how nice it is? hhaha...
i guess i also should go find ppl to make me happy..i am so tired ready...guess heart is freezin back again...shall stay as ice until the time us right..tired ready....too tired to think bout anythin..hardly had time to really take a good good rest...nothin beats more than this...i hate it...i hate now..i hate everythin...haiz...i am tired..nothin more to say....haiz..want a good holiday alone...relaxin alone...doin everythin alone jus by the beach..should i jus give this a plan?? sounds like a good idea....yeap...i should...hehehe...okie..great...

liftin my heart up,
without failin to break it apart,
each time it hurts knowin the truth,
each time it pains more than previous,
knowin the truth again and again,
i should have seen the clearer and bigger picture,
let my heart be free again...

haiz..thought will have a great holiday...it wasnt that great either...didnt have a good sleep and long sleep...haiz..then met mj and ah hua to watch movie..to our surprise and horror super alot of ppl queuin for the movie tickets...in the end we ended with no shows to watch and went to eat instead..haiz..then after taht take a bus ride down to airport..then i went to meet kyeo and vin..haiz..luo ah..thought gonna visit jas today..but never...then bao went out with mum...hahha...oh gosh...i might see another matthew if bao gona perm his hair...i told him if he is gona perm his hair....i don wanna see him in sch or no birthday celebration for him...although is still some way to come..aiyo...i wonder whether he will really perm his hair...hope he wont...hahhah...don lahz...then ask yeo whats wrong with him...don wanna tell me..then everythin don wanna tell me...sadded...haiz...last sems i keep teasin bao MIA...now this sems is my turn..i MIA this time...hahahha..okie..sorry...catch up with u guys durin my holidays..YAYA..i know got two ppl FLY ready..FLY hor..happily FLYIN...ARGH!!! hahha....okie lahz..
i made a fool out of myself....by tossin coins in front of crowd..hahhaah...paisehz sia..today went to tampines..but the feelin is weird..suddenly it seems so strange and unnfriendly..haha...east..really very long never step into tampines .....hmm..feelin different...hahha...last time thats was my territory...now...strange place...haiz..

then today we went airport cos mj pick up his dad..accompany her there...then hmm memories of hongkong came back..we went to that check in point where we met early in the mornin on NOV 9th...wow...really...i want to go back to that period..i forever one alhz..haiz..

don know...today i arent happy...cos i am tired,felt shag..cheated and jus unhappy....haiz...stupid me...
and somehow today to everyone that i msg..thanks to them..ALL NEVER REPLY MY MSG!!!!!!! haiz..fine....shut my phone up....bye...

yeah..my color again...hmm..my new blogskin nice?? i felt that is pretty not bad huh..hehe.. okie...hmm...hmm...what to say? what to blog...happy things come and go jus like that..like a click...sad isnt it? why cant jus happy things stay as long as it could...stay as long as i want it to be? why? i don understand..we sacrifice so much jus for that bit of happiness..and it jus last for that moment...then is that sacrifice worth? have to think bout it..... sometimes when u thought those ppl who will help u on the way....but i was wrong to think that way....in the end, it doesnt seems to be...my wishful thinkin..... hmm...didnt know my poly life wil be full of ups and downs..downs and ups...thought i will jus lead a lpw profile,borin poly life...but soemtimes is good to be involve...thats what sch are also for...but being too involve isnt that good either...haiz...

there are so many things in my head,my mind...every seconds free, i will tend to think bout somethin...but never get an answer for it...haiz..yupz..

hmm...felt sorry for jasmine..somethin bad happen to her...she were once my very very very best fren..and i was sad that somethin big happen..but i guess she was strong enough to handle it...but i stil feel sad for her...she is always actin strong on the outside..but insidee..i can feel she is super fragile...haiz..jus hope everythin will goes smoothly for her down the road.....

tml holiday!! hurray!!! hahha...

wahz...once again very long never blog..cos not in the mood as well..but why i blog today? Cos wanna say a big HI to kenny and ah hua.... hahah..okok..chat in my tagboard....make me laugh since ah hua say i look so depressed... heehehe...then i will be retarded today k..keep laughin while i blog k...hahahha....hahahha...okie..no lahz..anyway, haven been bloggin too..guess lose the interest and mood to do so? no idea...see...jus now i got alot of things in my mind but cant remember now...wait ah...okie..lets say bout today...i watch the Mr fighting...hmm, dont understand why when fall in love with each other but DONT want to be together....i don know and don understand whats stopping them from droppin of each of their ego,pride to just walk a step forward...weird...cos i realise and finds that it aint easy to find u like and at the same time like u too...i find taiwan drama also have a way of grabbin attention...good story,filmin and actors and actress..while singapore drama are more of homey and family-like..like the recent last episode --you are the one-- i think meili gets her mr charmin in the end..cos she has a heart of gold.. if i were to chose which i wanna be...i will wanna be meiman...cos got a successful carrer and a caring husband...thats just too perfect....okie...enough of television...
lets talk bout Meijie's birthday then....thought it will be a whole group's gathering...but someone never turn up...hahahha....the sushi was horrible as in the food was alright..is jus that i ate alot...take and eat ...take and eat..hahhaha...but was nice...then we make mj eat sushi with quite alot of wasabi..she nearly cried...poor her...hehe..so next victim watch out!!! then after that at night, i bought a cake back and we celebrated it at the esplande and talk alot of crappy things...my face was damm red ....i could feel the heat..hahahha....i think wei is also alittle high that day..hahhaha....then after that me and mj still hang out for awhile...walk down orchard...guess we talk alot..alot...wait for the NR6 superb long...long...then super tired...thats was Meijie's birthday....hope she enjoy...
anyway, i don know whats wrong with me this few days...really think alot..always thinking of the negative side...thinkin of somethin bad...thinkin of this and that...always worry myself for nothin...guess mj is right..i cant go around pleasing everyone..then who wil be the one who please me? not tryin to say i am very good or whatsoever..guess i shouldnt interfere so much......jus live my life....life that i am happy with...
and today monday's blues...me and cher was alittle moody...but jiayi wasnt..anyway,is good to see her not moody..i rather see her lame crap then moody..hehehehehhe....love them to bits man..cos our MORG assignment is quite cool..We are on TV..superstars arent we? hahahha....they always make me happy..we always crap damm alot...therefore i really wished i dont forward my module..pls pls pls...i don want to forward...even i want to work hard now also no use..cos this test i confirm flung...and don have theory test for this..pls ...i wanna be with them the whole three years..is always tiring to get to know new friends..over and over again..so pls let me be with them..pls pls...
okie i am down again...down down down again......

--kenny,hua....my entries long anot? hahhahhahahahaha.....oh ya..today's poker game was damm fun!! we played somethin out of nothin..hahaahaha....great... :) and saw nette today...................is it me or her? am i too sensitive or what? felt somethin missin.........................
okok...shall stop here....back to my OC indiviual presentation this wed....argh..argh..talkin about soccer..any tips...tell me...hahahha....

Memories is a bridge leading to the jail of loneliness,
i could even hear that loneliness is laughin at me,
nevermind the surrounding,
nevermind all the people,
cos after the rain,
i could see a rainbow above the sky.
no more sunsad...
no more hanging moon...
happy things will fall upon you and me...

hmm...it has been some time since i blog...actually wanted to blog long time ago..but jus don have the mood..even now..i don even have..but guess wanna write down some feelings..hmm..since last friday..alot of things happen...really alot...i can hardly breathe..but that saturday has been deeply captured in my mind..and remembered in my heart...never will i forget that day..how long since i am really happy...hmm....have a social event thingy at east coast...then me and mj cycle to the bedok jetty there...we talk and talk..then suddenly the green gang came to the bedok jetty...was really purely concidence...woahz...hahha...cool..then we cycle off together...not back to the chalet..but we cycle further down...we cycle all the way to changi aiport there..damm cool...i was cyclin behind mj,ah hua,kenny and victor...then they cycle in a row..wow...really that picture is captured in my mind...is very nicec...although is only the back view..with the sunsetting as the background...wahz..really beautiful...thats is when i really feel happy..cos somehow nothin bothers me..jus cycle and keep on smilin talkin joke and crappin...i bet our story can film into a nice touchin teen movie..hehe...i cant really describe that feeling...is like with the gang is always so fun adn carefree...i really love that times...is somehow like we are back in hongkong..wahz...damm cool...then we went to see the airport take down..then we were there to guess which plane will come next...i bet on quantas..hahahha..cool..kenny is the bookie...tell u..i can never find anyone as crap as him..can talk to himself on the phone...he is really one crapper..but funny..really funny..i were laughin till my stomachache..ahhha..cool...they really always have way to make me laugh..esp kenny...is really nicee cyclin with them...after this happy period came the sad one..really sad...mj first time see my shed tears..cos i am tired ready..really tired...haiz...but i hope things are fine and good..really ..for both sides..and i am bothered and sad by somethin said ......really..didnt meant to be one...haiz...then moreover manu match was a bored...not excitin and nevertheless was i in the mood to watch...nvm..then after that...we went night cyclin again...heheh...cool huh..this tiem wei finally join us..yeah...yupz..then we had kenny to led the way...wonder soemtiem why he ride so fast...hahha..then i feel the scary part is when we were at geylang..wow!! indeed a night out for me...saw many ah pehs..and uncles there..gosh..didnt know it was so crowded and many ppl there at that late hour...was alittle scared...really...luckily i was with the gang..then after that we went to eat YU TIAO,DUO JIANG...nice nice..really nice...then we ride off again..to esplande..heheh..cool..so quiet there...thought back alot of things..the first time i went esplande ....... the first time i spent into esplande library....the first time i shot my first movie at esplande..the first time i went there to watch fireworks on national day at esplande..the first time i drink there at esplande..the firstt time i wander aorund esplande...woo..alot of things..really ....the most deep impression was the first time i went esplande library..the library damm cool..haha..then we rested awhile...saw how shag my brother was...bet he hasnt been sleepin well for the week...saw how sad mj is...haiz...saw how emotional everyone is...includin me...then we went back...we went to ah hua house for a 2 hour nap but in the end landed ah hua gettin a scoldin..heheh...i slept on the sofa..hten when i woke up...ah hua's dog was beside me...i was shocked...then it came crawling up on me...i have no choice but to use the pillow to slide the dog down the sofa...he isnt scary like other dog..cos it doesnt bark...it cute..hahha..then early in the mornin me and mj went back first...wahz..the first timr i feel that it is freakin cold in the mornin..really cold until i cant cycle..was like freezin...first itmr..then after that we went to sentosa..me,mj and wei and of cos with two of my retarded...hehe..yeah..that saturday cyclin will be deeply remembered..for me .i will really treasure the memories..it is also the first night cyclin i had..haha...yupz..


yesterday's memories became
today's burden....
tml's wish is still far for reach...
never knew the power of today...
cos every minutes can change a thing...
sometime,jus have to stop and think...
things wont turn out so bad ......

hey..what am i doin here at this hour? should be in school at this time..hahha..but i never go sch...oh gosh....guess how lazy i can get....haiz....but nvm..am here to blog about somethin....
haiz....i don know whats gotten into me this few days..seems like i arent myself...i guess tired isnt the reason anymore....guess my mind is back into thinkin and more thinkin....mj really trigger back some past memories...didnt realise it until she mention it...and didnt realise how bad am i...gosh..even i cant forgive myself....how else am i suppose to be forgiven....guess liking wont last...and tired of a No ending,ending....whats the use of likin anyway? when there wont be any ending...only waste time lookin out for that person....only wasting time to make him happy...only wasting efforts to impress him....hmm..i think in the end is jus purely a waste of time..but if in the end get to together..then congrates...but theres a chinese song that goes like this... "I am tired of the NO ENDING,ending...in the end we are back at the same point again" yupz..isnt it quite true...am i too persistent to keep on hangin onto a No ENDING thingy...yupz..i think feelin is slowly fadin....and i wish it fade away soon....but i know right now i still care....at the very least i still care....
i know i got alot of things to write last night..but it was jus too late to write last night cos i reach home at 1....we at kallang playin a friendly and had some physical trainin..then in the end i never take a train home...i took a bus home..my second time takin bus no. 80....i remember my first time takin bus no.80 was took startin from sengkang all the way to the endin point harbour front...then take back again...thats was my first time sittin on a bus ride from one end to the other....hahha...that was a funny experience though...took it with one of my fren...but yesterday, the ride home was quiet and could see the outside cos it was pitch dark....alot of things ring a bell in my head now...guess i still love the sec sch periods...i no need to put up a face infront of ppl i don know in sch...cos in sec sch,almost everyone know each other..so everywhere i go...i jus put up a smile and say HI..but in this sch...i gave a look, and walked away....Wahz..how unfriendly am i..... that shouldnt be..hahah..hmm..anyway,suddenly things came crashin back....have yet to take a breath..guess tml i will catch my breath while spendin some time alone....guess i am thinkin too much again...stupid me...

never knew the truth hurts,
never knew the reason is useless,
never know how stupid i can be,
ruinin somethin i couldnt,
but no use thinkin again,
cos i couldnt turn back time.
happy the way it is now,
happy that we are happy now.
smilin everytime,
hidin the sorrow in me....

hahha..arent i talented to write this stuffs..hahhahahahhahaha....no lahz..jujs jokin...ojkok...enjoy my short poems...things around me gave me inspirations for all the poems i wrote .....:)

wooo..never blog for so long..yupz..busy is once thing...but nothin to blog is also another thing...is sort of boring to blog what i did today...like i say..who the hell wants to know..if only the day,somethin special happen? or i have some strong feelings or somethin in my heart i really feel like screaming out!!! now i do....
been talkin to mj and wei yesterday about some stuffs....we talk bout our past...our hongkong trip...everything...talkin back again brings me back to some stuffs..suddenly i feel like goin back to sec 5 ...not for my friends this time...for somethin i regret doing...YAR...now i regret....regret for not being consistent...cos i might never know the outcome...and now i will never....now i deeply felt the phrase which goes like"u will only regret when u really lost it" yar...i am regretting now....but isnt it abit to late or very late for me to realise..hahhah..what a joker am i..never knew how much things we went thru and time spent...now i realise how much i missed...now i realise the interruption of some stupid asshole ruin everythin....but why it took me so long to realise what i have really lost? sincee yesterday talk...the memories keep flowing in my head..remindin me how much and what we went thru...i am not thinkin of what...but the memories flew back again...actually,never once did this memories came flowin back...after so long..this is the first time...funnny how...i think is bcos mj asked me that question...it caught me thinkin...today i am thinkin ...yesterady i was thinkin it to sleep....and saw how foolish am i...but it has gone...became a past which cant be changed..and maybe there is really always a reason behind somethin that had happen....i shall knwo it someday or i will never know...
see what i meant by gettin tired of always fallin in love which there wont be any outcome, cos the feelin inside started to fade.....cos time fades everythin....i believe so...only how long u take...long,short,fast,slow....up to u....for me..i guess it takes a long time...although feelings haven faded totally...but it is fadin slowly...maybe i realise soemthin that makes my feeling fades....always never had a good endin when i like someone...so it gettin tired again..once my heart was made of ice..but now is slowly icin up again...maybe is good icin up again...cos is always tirin to love someone...and always hurrt to know the truth...is always sad to know that i am not good enough....see..suddenly feelin so much...hmm...guess feelin this kinda of things are really unexplainable...searchin deep and never will find an answer....curious to find but always end up disappointed...whats got into me feelin so emotinoal once again....
mj read my blog and say she read alot of sad stuffs..yar..truthfully speakin, it hard to find me writin somethin happy really happy about myself...cos all things happen aornd me arent what i thought it could be at least mostly arent .....but was hapy seein how happy my retarted ones are(jiayi and cher) they area always the one that really make me happy....and jus hope that green gang and netabll gang be happier again...and i haven been meetin up with F4 for so so so long..guess is time to meet up soon..i hope i will stand up again....

things never occur to me,
never did i knew ur existence,
it took me 2 years to see the truth,
took me 2 seconds to realise the past,
took me 2 days to refresh the memories,
took me 2 minutes to remember u....
that hold on to me....
but things are happy as the way it is...
cos this is the best endin it could ever get....

haiz..is my free time now...cos i never go to my PTN lunch..anti-social ah..but troublesome lahz..cos we have to travel to holland V although it isnt far from our sch..but the weather now is damm hot!! somemore my bag heavy and i carryin my shoe bag...cannot lahz..and if i go..i confirm very boring one...so i used my free time to sort of re-write some stuffs on the sports club notice board beautify it..hahhahhaha...what a joke..then after that i did my drafts for my GDIT assignment.i hope in the end it will turn out nice..and it will create another surprise again..hehehe... but sorry for nothin going..i don mix well with my class ppl though...hehe...and this few days i have been havin stupid and bad dreams...stupid becouse cannot say...but i feel so stupid lahz..really man..then for bad is scary....i dreamt of me sleepin..then in my sleep i woke up..see some shadows at my window then i got up in those sit up position but was been pushed down again..it repeated a frequents of time...and in the time in my dream,i woke up from my sleep..then i went back to sleep..then this few days i also have very weird dreams..is like i am not totally in sleep..i am dreamin..aiya..is hard for me to explain..but it seems kinda of scary lahz.haiz...then don dare to sleep ready..
then yesterday woke up to watch Manu match...haiz..actually i think they played quite well..that goal scored was a fault made by caroll....cos he never catch the ball firmly....he blocked the ball..then let go..in the end AC MILIan striker shot it in...wahz...sad ah..really sad..a goal not supposed to be scored!!! haiz...okie..later havin trainin..tired..sleepy...haiz..tml workin as well.... haiz....

Oh yeah..finally, i am here to blog about my sentosa trip with my best goodie frens...two retardeds...hahhaha...YESH!! finally,we managed to made our first sentosa trip successful!!! were so happy goin sentosa with two of them...Cher and Jiayi...hahhaha...but sorry to say..i was super late..cos i overslept...i forgot what i did the night before..guess was online..heheh...then after that,rush down to meet them...so happy seein them!! Hurray!!! then after that, saw sheena at harbour front MRT station..erm..was a little shocked though seein her then...very concidence..heeh...after that we proceed to PALAGWAN BEACH!! Yippe....we took monorail...Cher as usual...love actin..so she act like a tourist..takin pictures where the monorail is...oh ya..and one ANG MOH baby fall in love with dear Jiayi..he never took his eyes off her..hahahhaha....okie..then we reach the beach and cross over to another small island..found a place and settle down...put tanninn lotion...Cher put super alot..hahha..oh ya..and at first was so happy cher also brought towel..hehehe..indeed she bought a super small towel..enough for lyin my head..hehe..but nvm..we cramped together...warmed mahz..ahhah..then we play ball and freezbie...heheh...cool..then finally we went into the water...then wahz..so far in the water..me and cher swim to the big floatin wooden plane..and lie down to sun tan..then swim back to our dear jiayi..and we took a lot of retarded photos..really alot..hehe..and we really have fun..we sun tan awhile..when the sun gone into hidin,we played ball and freezbie...when the sun come out..we hurry lie down and tan..super funny sia...hahhahaha..i love them....hahhaha..we had a happpy time..really happy time!! yeah...we goin soon again!! :)

today saw SUPERNOVA perform..wooo..cool..so POWER!! and ncie..i think they have the potential to release an album..and memorise all the young girls..then today we keep teasin cher with bu xiang..ehhehe...and gems today was alittle borin though.. hehehe... :)

at every certain times, there are people passing by me....chinese,malay,india,female,male,kids,baby,children,teenages,adults,elderly....
who knows i might know someone at a later time...we merely jus missed each other at
that very second...but if fate allows...we will be friends...takin train everyday...see
many different kinds of people...different types...friendly,isolate,quiet,noisy,readin,hardworkin,sleeping..all kinds of people...
actually isnt it interesting that i get to see so many kinds of different people in this world? i know there are more that i have not yet seen...but at least i saw multi-racial people in my country...
saw loving couple...saw lonely soul..saw laughin friends..saw harmony family...what a beautiful world this can be...sometimes human really need to think on the other side of life...see life in another view..this will in turn allows myself,yourself to be happier....dwell on sad things will only brings u misery...but thats human..human jus love to make themselves look pityful...
i wish i could see more beautiful world outsidee...out of my country...more different kinds of human..different characters..understand every soul...every feeling they try to express...isnt that nice?

till now i am still figuring out..what kind of person am i? sometimes i think i am being too nice...until i feel that i am so fake..but i know that there are two frens of mine that i truly shown them my true self...
but to others..i feel that i am acting..jus actin to show concern..acting to grab attention? am i this kind of person...how can i feel this way? gosh...i feel that the more i act, the more fake i am...but sometimes to some frens..i treat them cold for awhile..but i still be nice..maybe at that point i am pissed at somethin or even them but i kept everything to myself....i know that friendship are the most precious..cos i feel that is really fate that brought friends together..and stay together....not everybody can be close friends..jus like me,cher and jiayi...me,mj,nette.wei and green gang....me and F4...me and hui they all...me and my collegues...yupz..is fate that brought us together..cherishin each other is important...but i feel that love is so vunerable...is can jus destroy someone jus like that..and can make someone feel like flying...is so fragile...can break it jus like that...how could someone make it stronger? i think the answer lies in that person himself/herself..... but how do u know love struck u?

avoiding is somethin i chose,
reality is somethin i scared,
truth is always surfacing,
dare is always not in me,
people i thought could be trustworthy
always turns out wrong.
i am afraid to confide,
i am timid to face.
maybe the reason lies in me.
tryin too hard to please everyone including myself!

all the best to myself for my projects!!! haiz... Uncreatively Chunpei Signin off----