freethem;


getridofthethisfashionbag;


feelinghungry;

isasecretbewteenyouandme;

defendersrockon;

swirl;spin;round;


weownesplanade;

donbeshocked;itsnormal;


yeah! hurray! reunion;

beenlongsinceweposedforapicture;

it has been long since i write a post. there are so many things that i wanna voice. somehow, i am quite unhappy with my life now. somehow, i think my life is pretty pathetic in this state, somehow i do ponder about my future, somehow there are so many unanswered questions that i have, somehow it just bothers me a lot.

firstly, why must i be like just anyone else. why can't they just spare a thought for me? i am fine with not sponsoring for what i want to, cos i know the field that i wanna be in is difficult. so, i don mind them not sponsoring. but at least spare a thought of what i would like to do. i am fine with my present status until everything take a change and turn half of my world upside down. i don't like asking for favors from people, yet i have to do so. i hate it when i owe people a favor. dislike! when in the first place, they didn't want to plan my future, only until i have a dream for my future, then they step in to ruin my dream. not totally ruin but doesn't even bother! that pissed me lots! not sparing of what i want to do is bad enough, having wanting me to do what i dislike is worse! this is so much of the life that i doesn't want. i know not everyone could have their dream life. but then at least they tried to work towards it , don't they? i hate it when i hear him say " other people don't like the job but still then stayed on and work" idiot!! why must i be one of them? i don't want to be one of them! i hate it when he keep saying " i also don like my job but i still have to work!" but that's you, not me! i don want to be like this! maybe anyone can say i am stubborn, but come on. i don want to live my 20 more years of life be just like anyone else.
i don't see my future like this. never did it occurs! enough of other people also like this, other people also like that! freaking just enough of it. is so what i don't like.
but i truly appreciate the people that have my concerns at heart. thank you. but sometime, it would be good just to stay quiet.


staying in a brand new environment, sometimes i do want to cry out. but who do i cry out to? nobody. that day, i sat down and think. i realize that i do not have many friends by my side. sec school girlfriends, i left, poly true friends only jiayi. luo and all stayed put as good friends. when did my life turn out to be so pathetic?

upon living in such a situation, it just drives me more to what i wanna do. i am not cruel, but sometimes i have this thinking in mind " to just leave and do what i want" but firstly, i must be financially independent. that's the important one.

when one really grown up, money does matters a lot, don't they?

have been living in a world of fantasy. i don't know how long this fantasy will last. cos, since it's early stage, it has never stayed for long.

some pictures again!
i saw them with my own eyes!
$1.2million each.
that day my eyes saw a total of $12million worth!





there are others by the side, just that they are in super black and super dark blue colors,my phone flash not that strong. it was a magnifying scene!

personal pictures:
iamproudthatiatebakedbeans;
getridofthefats;

was it my foolishness?
or my stupidity?
it was still left hanging there;
what am i to do?
draw it back or let it fly.
been wanting to just get rid of the bamboo;

i have changed my blogskin. i didnt go for design theme so much, i just input all my favourite outfits by Chloe as my blogskin. and by the side, i input all my close friends and close cousin. there are some friends which i didnt put cos I HAVEN GET OUR LATEST PICTURES!! haha...

anyway, i was too free, so i was friendster-ing again. and i came upon one old fren which i forgot to wish her 21st birthday. i did remind myself that on that day i am going to write her a testimonial as she was not in town. i keep on reminding myself. but on the day itself, it slipped upon my mind and i forgot about it. it was like on the 3rd march then i realise bout it. i was utterly ashamed by it. cos all long, they have been treating me as close friends, but i was the one who back out. i'm sorry. then i came upon her testi for another fren. i was amazed by myself that i am worse than that lady. i didnt even remember her birthday yet, the other lady remembered. i was disappointed with myself. but what can i do? what passed has passed.

suddenly, i realise i am left with no close girl friends by my side. am i too occupied with myself? hmm, i made some friends here, i made some friends there. but who is true and who is fake? this world is too deceiving. i always believe if i treat this person nice, i will get the same treatment back. however, i am too navie to have this thinkings, cos i once said that world is unfair. why would people treat u nicely even if u treat them the same. i think iam still living in a very protected world. a world protected by my parents, by my friends. i have yet to step into the real world where more fearful things will happen. why is it so difficult to study something i like? why is it hard to pursue a dream that i keep holding? why must i hold a high salary job? why must living be so difficult? if living is so difficult then why are we in this world? if it was set to be difficult, why is dreams created? how do i make everything easier and simpler? ha! contradicting. funny logic.

some try to act as close friends when actually parted for long,
some try to act cool when actually were close friends.
so, what's the definition of friends?
why do everybody says that, guys and girls can't be pure friends?
hmm, actually i do agree that guys and girls can't be pure friends.. but then i do have guys friends and really are just friends. fuunny huhh, i believe in guys and girls can't be just friends, but i do have just friends guy's friends.
hey, how come i keep repeating what i am saying.
i must have gone crazy.


hey, we are climbing from level 1.
eh, no i think we are climbing down from level 10.
oi, so which level are we now?
i don't know which level we are heading to?
what now? how do i know where we are heading to?

three months of a new year has passed; some people have already settled down with a job, some just idle around waiting for time to pass.

this year i will be attending alot of 21st birthday party. or maybe not alot. but i do have quite a number of friends turning 21 this year. why do 21 mark an important year in most of our life? who created the 21 important birthday year? why i cant make it 23? i don know the reason behind it. but i believe it. i believe 21st birthday is suppose to be a grand and important birthday. cos, it only comes once in your lifetime. so, should celebrate it with alot of your close friends and family members. recently,i just helped luo with his 21st birthday chalet. there are too many things to do. but it was fun too. definitely fun. as usual, the group of us were in it together. we went to get the bbq food, and it was my first time to mustafa center late at night to shop for food. ha! fun!! the chalet was quite a success. it has been quite sometime since i've been to a chalet. so i did enjoyed it this time. however, it was luo's 21st birthday, but it ended like it was ours as well. cos all of us were too worn out. haha! but it was good that we gathered again. esp, some people which i last seen. like, joel. idiotic little boy. haha.. he is damm funny. we always joke around. and finally saw vinson, since he went army that august, we never met up till march. indeed, it was long. will it be the same for luo they all when they entered army? i hope not. so sad. haha...

let me post some pictures. my post is getting too bored right?

My cousin ...... we shared secrets and gossip. haha....



there are things which i can't be happy about;
once, i am too proud, i will lose everythin;
說了一個謊﹐就必須說另外一個謊來圓第一個謊!

Marked the end of poly life. there are so many i want to say, so many i want to remember, so many that i hope i can bring it with me, so many that i would love to do, so many that i want to express. but offically on 7th march, it marks the end of my poly! so pictures that brings back fond memories and unbearable memories too.


The usual of us. i love it, and i lost it.
my all time lamer
my all time favourite bullier.
i miss the times...
classic memories. classic hairstyle!
did i express how much i love them?
did i say thanks that they were in my 3 years of life?
did i say that i love her too much?
did i say that i hope things are the same?
i want to say ' i love you'
this was definitely the unbearable memories.
but happy ending .
i am arm-wrestling her!
cos, she tried to shoot me!
but still a happy threesome.

so, enjoyed what happen in my poly life. definitely they play a big part in it. the other part is, netball girls, and my green gang team. those were definitely the times i would love to remember and remember and be friends forever. i miss you guys.!!

i am here again. ha! i am just too bored. it was interesting. i spent 2 hours browsing through the friendster and came upon many of my Seconday school seniors, juniors and one of my neighbour. yea, my neighbour studied the same secondary school as me. he was a pretty cute boy at that time, while his brother is a handsome guy! since, i moved house 5 years ago, totally lost touched. just then, memories strike. still remember the times when i am still at my old house. my neighbour have to walk pass my house everytime, cos they lived beside me. so, whenever any of their family members walked pass, me and my brother will greet them. even, we are in the middle of a show, they walked passed, we will :" aunty, uncle, 大姐, 二姐,phillip kor, ah john kor" thinking better, it was pretty funny. i always drop by their house to play, that was when i was so young. really young. my neighbour anuty used to take care of me and my brother. she is a very nice lady, so does her husband. they are a very nice family, so are their children. they are very nice neighbour to be. one of the sad reason that i hate to move house, is hate to lose such nice neighbour. i wish i could just see them out along the road, or my family would get invited for any of their children's wedding. *thick-skinned* but they are my nice neighbours!

then, browsing browsing, i came upon a senior whom i have a crush on during school times. can't deny that he is still as handsome as before. ha! hmm, his looks never changed. is funny while looking through the profile, cos all the stupid acts that i did came back into my mind. God! those was extremely shameless. ha! don't even wanna think about it. but,it funny. can't stop laughin at my acts!
friendster is interesting isn't it? they can link you up to your long lost friend, long lost neighbour, long lost lover and your long lost enemy. interesting. hope to see all my long lost friendster soon!

soon, i am going back to my mummy's hometown. is the time when i guess i get to relax. i would be pamper there. cos,living there. it a super slow pace hometown. simple people with simple lifestyle. sometimes is nice to take a walk down the simple hometown. then u might realise that you are still alive. no pressure for the sake of living. time passes slowly while you are enjoying the life. it might be a good getaway, but serious speaking, it won't be a nice place for forever staying. time to getaway.
i hope i will come back brand new me. a brand new memories. like i said, i might already know it's simplicity. cos, it has always been me whom never open up my eyes to have a clearer picture. stuck deep down in the hole for long, it's time i learn to stand up and climb out of the hole. if, not i would just die down there. i must be strong, don't i? yes, i must be! let's be strong! go! go! go!

it was difficult; when i close my eyes'
i thought i could make it simpler; when i washed my eyes'
but, i might already see the simplicity of it; when i finally opened my eyes'
wishing i could get out from the difficulties to see the simplicity of it;'

I wish he was mine. he is simply too adorable!

My favourite cousin since he was a baby. yeah!

One

Two

Three

Four

happy chinese new year to all. chinese new year, it comes and go just like that. people are always excited for the preparations, but too tired to enjoy the process. we are all excited and looking forward for chinese new year, but when chinese new year arrived. it was just " eh, chinese new year . oh, 恭喜發財! 新年快樂! 不就只是這樣子而已嗎? i do love chinese new year, the getting together, having fun. but it seems like this year i had a dull chinese new year. everyone having their own fun, while i was left one side. or is my family's custom and tradition not as fun as others? but, anyway chinese new year will just come and go. when next year, it another routine. maybe now i understand why more and more people tends to not see the importance of chinese new year. cos, it might just be another routine? enough of chinese new year. ha!


erm, did i also wish u guys happy valentine day? ha! Happy Valentine day as well. don't ask me how i spend my valentine day, it will just make me appear as a pathetic soul. ha! just hope that everyone is happy on that day, and hope my dear fren like her present. :)


what am i gona do in the near future? now i am asking myself, whether i am brave enough to do what i want. i have enough of parents wanting me to work as what. am i really brave enough to pursue it? i am testing my abilities. what am i gona do? work my life off doing things that i don't like? i know not many people are able to enjoy doing things they love. many are forced to work due to pressure and for the sake of living. but, do i want this kind of life? funny ah, why can't i be a normal person pursuing a normal life. like many girls, a stable job, marry, look after kids and grow old just like that. is not that i dont want to marry, or i dislike kids, but vice versa, i would love to be able to do the both of them. but then i don want a normal life. i want a life that i love.


am i rattling about life, and more of life. just unable to figure out what i should do. i find excuses saying that after chinese new year then i will think about it, when chinese new year is over, i will find another excuses saying that, when i am back from the trip then i will think about it. aiya, life is miserable. and i am certain i am pretty confused about certain things..why am i always the one who is being controlled? ha! confusing right. yea, thats right. maybe i could make it simpler?
this chinese new year, i saw my relatives kids, gosh, how adorable can they be. simple adorable. simply wish he was mine. ha! he is too adorable and handsome!! argh!! cant wait to go back and see my cousin this coming march, waiting for her. ha! :)

when i am starting to get use to it's absence;
it came by;
when i am adapting to the sudden;
it went off;
it seems that i was thrown into a pool of icy water after a wonderful sun-tanning.

我曾 認真
深愛著一個人
他給我幸福 的可能
我等 我問 未來何時發生
他只是給我一個吻

快樂 我哭
是因為你的手
曾答應帶我向前走

難過 我哭
是因為我的手
找不到你說的 以後
好眼淚 壞眼淚
我都曾為你流
感動和悲傷都是理由
只不過 在你不再愛我了以後
剩壞的眼淚慢慢流


快樂 我哭 是因為我付出
得到你溫柔的答覆
難過 我哭 是因為我認輸
你的心永遠留不住
好眼淚 壞眼淚 我都曾為你流
感動和悲傷都是理由
只希望 在我不再想你了之後
有好的眼淚慢慢流

好眼淚 壞眼淚 我都曾為你流
感動和悲傷都是理由
只希望 在我不再想你了之後
有好的眼淚慢慢流
有好的笑容陪著我

there have been days that i didnt blog. so many many days. my feelings has been coasting up and down. so many things happen.i have so many things to say. but i don know where i should start. seriously, don know how to start.
i have been keeping up with this female taiwanese artise who recently passed away. whenever, i see reports on her, my tears just run down uncontrollably. i don know where my tears coming from. you can say that i am an emotional lady. maybe i am. but i can't complain that heaven is unfair, cos it was never fair. the day when reality strikes everyone, that's when they come to senses that, everything is unfair in this world.
just like what rainie said "时间可以冲淡我们的伤痛，但是我们不会因为时间而把你忘记。 我们会试着变坚强，但是很难，终觉得这是一场恶作剧。人啊，终是会自己别 骗自己。 what she said is very truth. people just fing it hard to face the reality. we always delude ourselves, consoling ourselves when we know the outcome. we just want to let ourselves feel better. but doesn't this make it worse. when it hurts so badly deep inside your heart. farewell 伟伦 。 you will always be the beautiful angel. i watched the musical show that the friends put up for her, and i cried my heart out. it hurts badly that everyone feel for it. no one wish for this to happen, but disaster just strike anytime. no one dare to face the truth, cos they will hurt so badly. but, reality is right before us, yet no one wants to go near. everything ended, they waved goodbye. in the near future, she will definitely always be remembered!

recently, i feel like i am riding a roller coaster, cos sometime i feel down, sometime i feel high. recently, i am happy because school ended, i am happy becos of my retake,i am happy because chinese new year is coming, i am happy because my idol came to singapore. recently, i am sad because of the tragedy, i am sad because of the truth, i am sad because my fren is unhappy, i am sad because i am disappointed in myself, i am sad because i am angry with myself. isn't my mood like a roller coaster, go up fast,come down fast as well. every now and then, i would just cry easily, i don know why. i just feel like crying. you can say i am a cry-baby, which i have to admit i am. i cry alot. seriously alot. maybe can feel erm 2 cups of water. ha!

out from school. meeting with my fren is minimazing, cos we are both busy with our own things. there are so many times i wish i could just find some time to meet her, but i am really busy completing my working modules. i always wonder whether we will be friends forever? cos, poly brought us together, it might also bring us further away. nevermind what i am thinking. i just hope everything turns out well for her, everytime listen to her problems, i could do nothing but listen. that's so useless. but i still lend my ear. precious ear. :)

chinese new year is coming, the atmosphere seem to be decreasing this year. why is that so? i really love chinese new year, when is makes me feels like everything new is gonna start, the old will go away. just feel fresh and relazing. but this year. hmm, i don know... something seems to be missing.

there are alot of things in the worlds that are unpredictable. you never know when anything will happen. things just snap just like that. recently, tears rolled down easily, cos i feel sad. sad for a kind hearted lady who have left. everythin happen so fast that i can't digest, so i can't imagine how her friends or family members could do it. this shows that life is so fragile. anything can happen anytime.

you know what, there are so mamy things i want to say, but i am not in the mood for all that.

anyway, i am just disappointed with myself. i thought i already figure things out, i still console my friends and said i could do it, why can't she. but in actual fact, i think i didn't manage to do it. but believe me, i will do it soon. soon enough to realise.

that's for now.
i have been feeling freezing everyday. i can't take the cold. ha. gonna endure awhile more.

hey, frens, what u all doing on valentine day? ha, is just another day.... :)

friends, happy valentine! grab what's yours! and treasure and cherish it. that's it for now.


i say bye;
you kept quiet;
maybe yes, maybe no;
that's what i get.
that's now; and never will never;
say bye , and yes bye!

my mum just repainted my whole house which includes living room, kitchen and all the bedrooms. everything just seem new again. it seems like 5 years ago, i just moved into this new house of mine. everything reminds me of 5 years ago. i still remembered, that auscpious day, my mum and dad moved everything over. i was in school. i was sad that i did not participate in it. ha! 5 years ago, in secondary, it was just walking distance for me from home to school, eversince that particular day, everythin changed. i have to take 2 buses to reach school. it was funny, as that time i wished for that. i didn't like it when my school and my house was just walking distance away, i envy those kids that could take bus to school. then, when fulfil my wish in taking bus to school, i complained. See, i am so hard to please. but then 1 year later? don remember when, i had bus accompanion. ha! cool! accompany my whole morning bus ride, and took away the lonely times. ha!

after my house got repainted, the whole brand new smell surrounds the whole house. i sort of love the smell, it just seem that i moved into a new house. it was hard for me to describe that feelings. i took out everything that was put on my shelves. i want to take away certain memories as well. after everything ended, i will decorate my shelf with brand new memory again. soon, it will be.

there were many times, i wanted to cry badly. cos, everything was just too difficult for me to handle. but i told myself, "hey, you shouldnt cry, you shouldnt give in to all the problems, you should be brave to face it. " and from then, i keep surpressing my tears from falling down. then my fren told me, "no, actually crying can be a form of relieve" hmm, well, that's true. but maybe at the point of time, my opinion in crying wasn't that. i didn't want to lose, i didn't want to give in to all the problems. i want to face it. and face it with all my might! and once everything is over, they should just bloody go away. there are so much anger in me, so much that i could hardly breathe keepin this anger within me, so i tell myself, to let it all out when everything ends. and it is going to end soon. i want to just shout it all away.

when everything end, i have to face another reality again. there was non-stop for me in my life.

i should be glad that at least i am living for a dream. a dream that i want it to come true, the dream that i am working for it to come true. a dream i hope it will come true! yes! that's my whole point in living.! yea!

my dear friend asked me "do you believe that somewhere in the world, there is this right guy for you?" i paused awhile before replyin her, cos i have to really think whether i believe this saying. but i can 100% say that sometime ago, i do believe that somewhere in the world there is the right guy. but recently, i have doubts about this saying. is it because depression strikes me again to let me think this way? why would there somewhere in the world be a right guy just for you? do u people believe in this? then go back to my answer, in the end, i still ended up telling her, "yes, i do believe". why in the hell would i say yes when my heart is 50/50. could it be i hope this would happen? hoping this could happen so i choose to believe in this saying? let's make a guess whether i am right? but then how would i know if he is the right one? then again, i have a question to ask. how do you know that he is the right guy? i don know. maybe someone can tell me.


again, i said i have been watching alot of dramas. includes korean and taiwan. sometimes i hate watching korean dramas, cos the way they loved each other is like dying. they portray love seem so magnificant. without him/her, you will feel breatheless, you will feel that there is no meaning in life. is that how love suppose to be? then how is love suppose to be? i search but no one can tell me. everyone has their own point in love. there i should have my own point too. but it seems like i dont? it is not important to me now. you can never find the meaning of anything until you have been through it?


this drama - the snow is to be remembered for the she's birthday. so, she and he would love the snowy day every now and then. so much so, i also love snow, but be more realistic, there is no snow in singapore. so to me, i would use rain to replace snow. so whenever it rains, i love rainy day! i love the coldness it brings, cos then i would know that i have to keep myself warmth. i love the atmosphere it brings, cos then i will realise that i am alone in my room. i love the drizzling sound it brings, cos then i will also know i am not alone in my room. to me, rain is snow. a replacement for snow which can't be seen in singapore. come' on, don't see me as a fool. search urself, maybe u have some foolish thinking as well. ha!


i would want to cry out loud, cry everything out, cry every saddness out, so that everything would be gone. but then i have nothing to cry, so the tears are still stuck inside my eyes, which i feel very uncomfortable about it. is it that i am older, i starting thinking far ahead. i start thinking what are young kids between 12 to 18 doing nowadays. do they know what they are doing? what they want? but in another way, why would they want to know what they want. shouldn't they be enjoying life as it should. like i did. but then i regret enjoying life then, cos i would suffer later. it is so true. ha! but seriously, nowadays, if i were to do anything or to say anything, i would think far ahead, what it would become if i were to do this, what things will turn out if i were to say that. aren't i being a irritating and restricted person. can't say freely what's on my mind?


today, has been long since i laugh so much. ha! i realise it has been long i laugh until my stomach is painful. it has been long i laugh until i can't stop. it has been long. and long. that long. since long. ya, long. it feels like 2 years back, dear friends, i am happy today. today we are happily having fun till then..........


how irony, ppl from other stage counting down to ending their itp, us from this stage struggling to finish fyp and assignments. last year, i was slacking counting down to ending my itp to return to school. but now, i don know whether i should hope for it to end or not to end, cos when it ends, a new stage starts. am i prepared? ha!


was having some talk with sheena, hmm, talking about the past. past, why then are we still talking about the past? cos, i just can't forget the past. but then i should forget the past, i started hating myself for keep saying i wish i was in secondary school. i should just put it down and begin my new stage of life. no matter how happy i was before in secondary, how many tears i shed for netball which i remembered, how many mugging i did for exams, how many regrettful things which i could remembered. i should just dump all this hell of things away. it has been on and off on my mind, which isn't giving me a break. suddenly i remembered, the drama, when u want to take a break from everything, don go far away, go high up. hmm, is it useful? how high up can i go in singapore? cable car? ha! yeah. should give it a try. cable car. high enough? anyone know where u can go high up in singapore? hai, singapore is a small country, but still is a developed country.



are things okie?
no, i don't things are right
.really, things aren't right?
yeah, they shouldn't be right.
why can't they be right?c
os i know that it can't be right?
where i know that wrong is not right.

hey, happy 2007! wahz... another new year arrived. yet, i am feeling nothing. i don't have the strong feeling of an old year passed and a new year arrived. but still , happy new year.

last year i find myself pathetic stayin at home counting down to 2006, i still remember how depressed i was, how sad i was, when everyone is outside counting down together, no matter is with their loved ones, with their friends or family. i ask myself, how come i am at home counting down?

but this year, i am still at home counting down, but i don't feel pathetic.i don't feel sad, i don't feel depressed. moreover, i was home alone. but then i was fine with it. i am happy watching tv. watching taiwan's countdown concert. it was really fine with me. but then why i prefer staying at home this time? ha! what a big change in a year. 2006 passed, did everyone jus welcomed 2007? but how come it seems to me that i am still welcoming 2006?

new year, people will always talk about, what is the biggest achievement this year? hmm, mine? there isn't any biggest achievement. cos in this whole year i learnt nothing but keep repeating the same mistake again and again. i felt that this whole year i have just lived meaninglessly. i didn't achieved anything, i didn't do anything. it was just a plain year for me. i always hate myself for wasting so much of my time away yet i still don know how to treasure them.

new year, people will always ask, what is your new year wish? again, we have birthday wish, christmas wish, then come new year wish. why should i wish? when all my wishes don't come true. they are just trying to make me feel worse. wishes are full of shits! seriously full of shit! i wish this, i wish that? i wish to have a billion dollars. so while waiting for my wish to come true, i just stay at home, sit and watch tv and wait for my billion dollars? that's just impossible, so then why the wish? why are there wishes? i don believe in wishes.

new year, fireworks is something that will always be present to welcome a new year. it brings excitment to people and bring happiness to enhance the atmosphere. how nice a fireworks. but then, it only last for a few minutes and it died. a few minutes of beauty, but then they are important, in the few minutes of life, they could make millions of people happy, high and excitment, not alot of things or everyone can accomplished this big task! so fireworks is very noble! you go fireworks!

hmm, am i still writing very sad blogs? it the first blog in a new year, yet i am still trying to be a good blogger. hmm, i will try to lighten up the atmosphere in my blog. but then, i go with the flow and with my feelings. i just write whatever is on my mind.

a new year has come, time to tidy up my bedroom. i want a new environment.

i always trying too hard to be kind. ha!

let u guys have a look at my cuties!

here some pictures of myself!

here some pictures of my idols!!

小猪 和 丞琳 ！ 我最爱的偶像！

小猪让我天天开心！ 真棒！耶！

merry late christmas. anyway, no one really comes to my blog to read. then, why am i keeping a blog? trying to keep up with the trend? or hoping someone will read? or hoping i can be famous by bloggin? or hoping my opinion is voice out? whatever the reasons, at least i am still writing. prevent my brain from getting rusty.

sometimes , i envy people that are constantly busy. very busy with their work. busy with work that they love. enjoy in working though they are busy. i really envy them. cos, they are really working hard and doing things that they like. when will i have a chance to do things i like. is always restriction and limitations. restriction because of age, because of environment,because of surroundings, limited of money,limited of social circle, limited of beauty. lots and lots of thing. human relations are important, building a good human relations will help in many ways. sometimes, no matter how talented you are, you will still need a helping hand from surroundings strangers.

from the day when i know reality is cruel, i knew that i am a bad luck person. luck was never seen on me. i was never lucky before! NEVER! is either i get helped from people or just bad luck will struck on me. it follow me for years, and is still following me. i don't even remember i used "lucky" to describe my day or any event. so sad. why am i such a bad luck person?

there are so many things always on my mind. recently, i love staying at home. if there's is nothing for me to really go out. i think i can stay at home for 1 week. maybe is because of the weather or maybe i hate the world outside, or maybe i just don't like mixing in the crowd. or i just want to avoid people. aren't i a complicated lady?


suddenly, i have this thinking, i want to get out from Singapore. is not that i don't like this country, i am just tired of the environment here, or people surrounding. i am always seen putting up a fake self . suddenly, seems like i lost all my friends. i find no friends out there, except for one.

the 3 of us, i always thought we were very closed, i loved people sayin how close the 3 of us are. but how come year 3 seems wrong. it just not close and no longer close. bitching behind, that's really bad.

friends? have i anymore friends? hmm, maybe all invisible friends. i am a pathetic soul . i know who can be my friends. my TV set. i always stick with my TV set whereever i go. i love my TV . i love youtube. ha! what a big joke. freaking irritating.

last time i thought i was always the one relying on people, but how come now i think i am more independent. i found people relying on me. maybe i trained myself to be like that. cos for me, i feel i am a burden relying on people, so i will put up a brave front and try to solve everything myself. take everythin down. hmm, i got nothing to say.


i have got 3 beautiful little cousins, 3 handsome little cousins, 1 smart P5 cousins. my cousin is so beautiful and i like it when she stick with me. i wish my kid next time will be as beautiful. ha! i have this smart cousin who always speak and shock everyone . he is just so smart, and you can never imagine what is going through his mind. he speaks fluent cantonese which i want him to teach me. ha! yippe, a bunch of cuties.

from the day when i know santa clauas doesn't exist, i know fairytale is fake, i know there isn't any happily ever after.
when i know fairytale is fake, i know cinderalla never manage to find back her glass shoe, i know snow white didn't wake up from the posion apple,i know the beast abuse the beauty. all the fairytale is just fairytale to coax kids.




it stopped;
when i wish it had earlier;
but till now i couldn't 100% confirm;
but i know it have to;
is a matter of time;
so just let it fly away;
and come again;
then maybe a chance of 50/50;
i want to disappear for a moment;
catching a breath;
knowing i am still alive;
i wish it just past tense;

my new year wish -- to graduate successfully ! please!

feeling --> happy right now. just finish listening to a super high song. and i am feeling happy now. Ha! i am a very easy contented person . easy. if u are me, you will know how easily contented i am. ha!

anyway, how long can a relationship last? it can be just as good as asking how long a battery can last? that's my theory. if u bought a good battery, it will last longer of course. if u use lesser, it will last longer of course. if you treat the battery in good condition, it will last longer of course. so how come i compare a relationship with a battery? ha! just feel like it. ha! but i just feel the relationship is just so fragile. it can be broken just like that. doesn't that sounds scary. you won't know why it will end, who knows it is ending when you are still living in a world of your own.
can feelings just fade off like that? how could feelings fade off? i don understand. i am speaking all this from other people experience. i hear them say, then i have my own point of view. ha!

i sent out my christmas cards! yeah! finally, christmas is coming. will i have a happy christmas? i hope so.

how could it be possible that i dreamt of adam brody yesterday! god, i dreamt that i was talking to him. he is just so handsome and hot. ha! i just find it funny that i am dreaming of adam brody. ha!

driving alone at night, things run in and out. but, you just like the feeling of driving alone when cars are lesser, and where the atmosphere is lonely and dull, where no one pay much attention to you, where u can just step on the acceleration.

i am feeling neutral, no feelings. how could i have no feelings.? people taught me to that. what would i get if i treat ppl nicely? i don think they treat me the same. but have i ever think that there might be people would treat me nice, but then i didn't treat them nice back? maybe, this is what call retribution. isn't it?

sometimes, i doubt the word "friend", how do i define friend? i guess everyone has their own definition of friends. i admire those like one whole gang, and are really good friends, always having gathering together. feel very comfortable together. do things together. jot down every memory together. it just enough have one gang of friends like that. it was the "party boys" that inspire me this.
btw, "party boys" is a gang of boys formed by 小猪. you can see that they really treasure their friendship. it is hard to see guys like that. or is it easier to see guys like that? ha!

will everything end when fyp end? i really want fyp to end. i hate fyp. i hate year 3. i hate everything in year 3. year 3 is nothing but nothing. whatever man! just totally hate year 3. year 3 to me is no memory and is nothing. argh! 结束吧 ！


christmas ; jingle jingle bells
love; warmth warmth ring
joy; blah blah laughing


after so long still the same;
it never change;
it never moved;
after so long still there;
it never shattered;
it never healed;
after so long still yet;
never will be wonderful!

my life has been like a drama this week. alot of flashbacks suddenly.
lucky, i have a book that notes down events that i would want to remember. the book that contains everything from year 2002-2005. there are alot of things inside that i wouldn't want to see. as, it contains much countless regrets and wrongdoings. so, i will always try not to flip that particular book. but i don know why, yesterday something just make me flip open the book, and i start reading what i wrote starting of year 2003. there are so many importants things that actually slip off my memory. i took too much energy remembering things that i regret, things that i shouldn't do. but miss out things that was done for me. lucky for this book, that i get to recall things that i forget. i paid too much attention in things i regret, but shifted my attention to things that i should appreciate. actually, there are also alot of things that is sweet to remember. but i don know why my mind just choose to remember those unhappy things. why is my mind such a fool? ha! i am glad, i took some time to actually write things in the book. cos my memory also have limited space, but then my mind can't be control like what a mouse could do. my mind just automatically delete things off from the memory and save other things itself. my mind is not as clever as the computer. as it won't as me again whether i really want to delete it again like what computer always does. [Do you really want to delete this file?] my mind is so stupid that they just dump everything away,unlike the computer you might still be able to retrieve it from the recycle bin. so, my mind is so stupid.

there are actually alot of things i want to know. i want the answer. but some, i might never know.
好朋友 which is sang by 小猪 罗志祥 is very nice. the mv is quite suspending though. but the song is meaningful and nice. recently, i don konw what got into me to keep listening to emotional songs. but then 小猪 罗志祥 - 精舞门 also very nice! recently, i always look forward to 5:00pm daily. as, to watch 小猪和小鬼的百分百！ 他们真的太好笑了！ 非常的历害！ 太棒了! 他们能让我足足笑一整个小时！ 好开心哦！ 小猪跳舞真的很好看。 小鬼十分搞怪又搞笑。 哈！ 哈！ 哈！

am i being too crazy over this kinda of thing. but then whenever i watch 小猪's programme i will laugh like mad. really laugh like hell. he is too entertaining. ha! yeah!

too many things i want to comment and too many things i want write. but then it always went blank when i were to type it down. funny isn't it.
how can a normal guy or girl become a superstar ?
are they fated to be one?
how can a normal person become a famous designer?
did they chose to be one?
how can a normal person become a billionaire?
did they pray to be one?
then i hope i am fated to be one, and choose to be one, and pray to be one. ha! i am too hilarious already.

christmas is coming. i am going to shop for my christmas shopping.
as for mine christmas wish. simple;
i hope for a happy christmas! cos happy is not buyable! so let's be happy!

what should i get for the blur cher? and funny jiayi? ....
what is good for christmas gift?
yes, that's what i thinking about.
a holiday getaway.
how bout sentosa? a 3 bucks ticket for sentosa admission?
haha! worth a try.
or a ferry ticket to pulau ubin?
hmm,(*scratching my head) giving them what i like. so they will remember thats from me. haha.. good idea. don't steal it from me. ha!

am i rattling non-stop again? is my post very long again? aiya, just read my blog when u are just too free...

recently, feel like vomitting blood...just hope fyp will end soon! please please let me pass fyp! please. i pray please.

ever heard of ulcer in your throat? i never hear before yet i am getting one. it is damm painful ! argh! i wanna be sick, but i am sick for 1 day then recover already. that's not fun! ha. crazy.

okie.stop.

time passed, i start asking again;
years went, i didn't open my mouth;
it will be over, when a new shadow appear;
did i hope for it, or i want for it?;
nevermind whatever the reasons;
i hope it will end just right there;

plenty of things to blog.


hmm, have u ever wonder whether you can make someone's day? you never know you can do the magic. ha! maybe because you are too hot and girls are paying attention to you, and get happy upon seeing you. or maybe you are too gorgeous that guys can't take their eyes off you. hmm, don be surprise, if u are a hot guy, or a gorgeous lady, you can do just that. ha!

why must people have this arrogant expression or attitude? like as if the whole world own them something. how nice if everyone can be friendly towards each other. i mean there is no need to be so up up high up, looking down on people. you never know, maybe one day you will be treated this way as well. cos i always believe what comes around goes around. just a simple `thank you' is that so difficult? or just a gentle smile, that would make everything better. is it?

if people say that you will only show temper and show your true feelings infront of people who you are close with, then i guess i am bad mood every single day. it is sad that i realise that i hardly talk to my family, i don even ask much. when i think about it that day, it's so pathetic. i am the kind of person that tends to care only when something happen. but then, sometimes, some words hurt and they don't even know.

woo, i saw alot of nice expensive cars that particular day. so many rich kids hanging out . to them, poor seems just so far far away. my fren was tellin her fren, maybe he doesn't even know how a hawker center looks like. ha! maybe, you will never know. a thousand plus for one accessories, which takes me maybe half a year of workin part time to save that amount of money. can you people see the constrast between rich people and poor people. ha! sounds damm sad.

christmas is coming, another year is ending, this year has just flew by without me knowing it. what will comes after that? i don know. i don even know my future.
won't you want your future to turn out to be what u expect and dream about? or u would like to see a twist in your future? i wouldn't want to know my answer. ha!

my fren told me that, the answer is that you feel that you are important and be cared. i guess important weighs alot. it just showed your status when you stand. suddenly, i want a handsome big brother, so when i have problem i can go to him, and he will help me. why handsome? ha! so i can intro him to my frens. haha....i am crazy....

don ever mention projects in front of me. i am scared of this word. terribly scared. very scared. super scared. i don wanna mention how scared i am. i am freaking scared. i hate it . freaking hate it. i wanna get rid of it. badly wanna get rid of it.

我要用华文来写一写．好久都没用华文写文章了．　
以前，　我很喜欢用华文写一些有的没的．　

其实　，　也不知道要写舍么．　那就让我好好的介绍卓文宣的歌！

爱我好吗？
虽然收敛了许多的情感
还是泄露了我的不安
于是你开始冷淡
我也开始问自己该怎么办

如果你知道我的遗憾
千万不要再不以为然
我的生活已经混乱
到处漂流却始终靠不了岸
这是我最后 最美
最真 最心碎的留言

Oh 爱我 好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落


Oh 爱我 好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落

去听听这首歌，　还真的蛮好听得！

once a life of luxury, then it went down to poverty

have been wondering about alot of things. my determination for my passion has returned! ha!
i have been observing people around me, have i ever wonder whether i have been observed ? i pay attention to people's actions, have it ever occur that people pay attention to me? funny is it?

have it ever occur to you that, maybe you actually met your Mr.right somewhere before you both get to know each other? maybe he is on the escalator going down and you going up? or maybe you both just walked passed each other? or maybe you both cabbie side by side? or maybe you both cramped in a crowded lift? has it ever come into your mind that all this things might happen? this thoughts just went through my mind today when i was taking the escalator. interestin theory of mine.

it doesnt matter what i wrote, i just went with my mind and flow.

what would you do, if you saw a expensive pants that you love?
buy it? give it a miss? or invest on something better?

christmas is coming. [green` red` white` ;christmas]
what i want for christmas............
what do i want? i want a happy christmas.
[joy` happiness` laughter ;christmas+new year]
what i want for new year.........
what do i want? i want a brand new fresh year.
[excitment` anxious` future` ;new year]

i want alot of gifts for my christmas.
i want santa to give me joy,happiness and qualifications.
ha! that's sound funny.

or maybe i was never funny. a self illusion that i create for myself
-- to be funny.
ha!


time is late, and i am not falling asleep.
i sleep late yet i got up early.
is there anything wrong?
dreams don want me,
breakfast calling me.
ha! not funny

god, i am crazy.
blabbering rubbish?

"did i ever think that it will end"
"did i ever mention that i want it to end"
"did i ever think about ending it"
"did i ever really wants it to end"
"did everything come to an end"