recently there are so many nice chinese songs, all very meaningful... esp this 2 songs, i have got feelings for it...
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/130742ht.htm --
爱我好吗 (卓文萱)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/129888ht.htm -- 我可以 (蔡旻佑)

seriously, try listening to this 2 songs, greatly recommended.


hmm,i was watching back one drama serials, Devil Beside You. without fail that i will always be touched by the show. no matter how many times i watched, i will always be touched by the show, always cry. am i such a fragile person?
recently, alot of people mention to me that i should do things that i want to do, that i think i am right, that i should do things for myself. then one mag's horoscope said the same thing, i should think for myself and make myself happy. sometimes, you have to believe this kind of thing. ha!
so let's think back and stop making myself such a noble person that i always think of myself. do i? maybe one friends or people who are worth me doing then i will do it for them regardless of me feeling unhappy.

so, finally i did one thing for myself, that's to stop netball. hmm, will it really be a good thing? maybe yes, maybe no. i don't know. who knows in the end, i might be the one who regret everything. but again, there's no point me staying.

there are so many things i want to do, i wish to do, i want to say. but then, when will i be able to start everything that i want. now i am sure what i want to study. again and again, i am addicted to really study fashion, excited to really being able to study fashion. but there is still a long way for me to go. real long way. i might not be gifted in this field but at least i am doing something i like. hmm, guess for me doing something i like is prettyy much important.

had so many dreams, countless of dreams. circling around the same bunch of people always appearing in my dream. today might be you, the next day might be her. who knows, but how come people keep appearing in my dream. too funny.

when i am addicted to something, i will be real addicted to something. ha! am i talkin rubbish. yea. maybe. ha!

i love drivin alone at night. i really wanna try driving alone at night one day. drive to woodlands, or AYE(ECP) my favourite expressway. cos i will be listening to my songs, thinking about something nobody to disturb me. can set my mind thinking. of cos i cant wander far away. my mind can be thinking but my eyes on the road. actually i sort of like sending my friends home. maybe is pretty fresh for me. thats why i don mind. who knows if i do it frequently, i will be tired of it? ha! i am a fickle-minded person. i really am!

girl's talk? catching up with the past.... nothing much. what should i do if i really miss you guys? i will be far away from you guys. no longer close. no longer bonded. but i chose this path. i gave up all the 7 years i stayed in this sport. my passion run away because of problems and because of my priority changed. but trust me, you guys will be the true friends i once had in poly! :) good luck in ivp. i will be rooting for you guys! i wont be physically down, cos if i see u guys played i wanna be part of it. but i will definitely be mentally supporting you all! ha! another part of my fickle minded! ha!

how come so many sad things always happen in my life?

the only happy thing? hmm, that's my dear frennie. thank Q!

rattling rubbish--

"did i become a stupid woman again"
"i hope i didnt"
"did it occur that it did"
"no i didnt"
"see, am i not a stupid woman?"
"that can really make me stupid"
"can it?"
"yes, it just did"
"stupid woman"

woo, what a tiring week..may be alittle loss for words. there are so many things i haven do, yet i still have some many things i am worrying about. so many things are on my mind, i have yet to settle one, i have one more problem rise up.

i always yearn to go back to school cos i love school life. however, i am not loving it that much though. too many things for me to handle and do. i really want to break down but i know i cant cos if i do that, means i give up. so i keep tellin myself i must hang in there, cos in the end i wanna be proud of myself. i wanna be proud that i endure this ordeal, i wanna be proud that i done what i thought i can;t, i wanna be proud, jus be proud of myself. so i must hang in there now knowing what the ending will be. just hang in there! this is the period that i might learn alot, learn how to handle difficult clients and members, learn how to handle time, learn how to handle things by myself. be more independent...

i always know that, if i treat people good, the vice versa thing might not happen on me. though i know that people might not treat me good back, i still treat people good, cos i put myself in their shoes, as i won't want to suffer like they do. so, i am just doing myself a favor too. but some might be too overboard for me to even give myself the excuse to be nice.

world is turning every seconds, every minutes, i am getting tired gettin day by day, i am gettin old year by year. but how come i can't change my life?

i don't wanna be a stupid woman, why i say that? ha! don't wanna spell it out....... i will just put some serious thought about it when i am not so busy.


i can't believe that i didn't sleep for one day rushin for my assignment. i am amaze yet i enjoyed the moment. cos it was spent with jiayi and cher..... we had lots and lots of laughters. it was hell fun and tiring though..haha..


"i still wanna know"
"yet it isn't there"
"when will i stop?"
"when this will end?"
"please end here"

right now i am online
"of cos i am online, if not how am i supposed to blog"
funny ass.... ha! but i am in my room.... my internet area supposed to be in the storeroom, ha, i manage to gain wireless network with my school laptop. cool ya!

i have alot of pictures i want to share. very nice pictures, but i am not sure whether i have the rights to post those pictures online. cos, legal issues very strict online. ha! there are so many things i always have thinkings for.
everytime i do something or see something, i would think alot.

let's talk about my dream last night. god, i had such a tiring dream. i dreamt i was being chased! chased by bad people. but have no idea who they are. i just now that i have to run for my life. then, on the road, me and my fren stole bicycles as a tool to run away, hmm, who is my fren? i don't remember. it was so scary. i just keep on running, alot of things happen in my dream. there are more. but, in the first place, why would i dreamt of being chased? is not the first time i dreamt of this kind of action-packed dreams. funny isn't it.
dreams? what does it reflect about? we think too much in reality thats why we bring our worries into our dreams? we are too stress in reality thats why we dream? dreams? can they be trusted? how come suddenly, i am so related to dreams. i am scared to sleep,partly because of dreams. cos out of 10 times, 7 times i dreamt of bad stuffs. thats why dream isn't a good thing to me.

pictures, tell alot. it means alot. some consist of beautiful memories, unspoken meaning, touching hearts. how you take a picture reflects how you felt. it is a skill people needs to learn, an interest that people would love. once, pictures to me is to help me remember my feelings at certain point of time. but now pictures is to help me track back my footprints, where i set my feet on. i like black and white pictures, cos it tells it all, i fisheye lens cos you are trying to tell something. what about you?

there are so many worries i have, yet i am still doing nothing...
christmas is coming, once it was my favourite festival. but i don know whether it stilll will be.
cos christmas is always full of joy and fun, yet i know all theses could't be found on me. so i am afraid of christmas.
how will this "merry christmas" be?


"i don't know me"
"i don't know you"
"who knows you and me"
"i don't know"

standing in the middle of the buzzing orchard road, saw alot of foreigners with their childern, then i stood there wondering, how it will feel like if i am a caucasian's child, with blonde hair, looks like a barbie doll havin all the eyes on me cos i am not local, with a special english accent different from the locals here. of cos, if i am a caucasian's kid, i will attract all the envious stares jus because i am not local. if back at america, i wont invite such envious stares.
people tend to envy of what others have and forget those good things that they have also.

imagine, singapore is so small, and you can never meet your Mr. right, but yet you met him in a foreign country. what i am trying to say here is, maybe there is really fate in them. cos havin living in such a small country singapore, you also didn't manage to bump into him, but being a stranger in the foreign country, realise that both of you are from the same country. maybe this is what fate call. but on the other hand, sometimes fate likes to play a prank on people.

i never know how to spell hell before i work on my fyp, know i can see i am meeting my doom. with all the shitty things given, already had not very good members, plus super shitty client, somemore plus a demanding supervisor... i think i bring bad luck everywhere. why can't just one thing work out for me? it is so depressing. meant to enjoy my last sems in school, but i think suffering might be a better word.

sometimes acting like a fool is good, there will be so many things you won't have to know and people wont force you to accept things you dont wish.

i am trying to be a better person, trying to be a more patient person, tryin to be a caring person, trying to jus be more tolerant. what defines a good person?
help the poor?
stand up for the good?
always the one being bully?

tell me what a good person is?

i always got this feelin that i bring bad luck to whoever that comes near me, cos never once a good thing happen to me, even it does, i won't believe. cos nothing comes free.

"no, you can't just keep waiting"
"No!, you should keep on waiting!"

"okie, i shall just keep on moving!"

once, i realise something from a show. there are 2 guys and 1 lady, guy A,guy B and lady C. lady C like guy A. guy B likes lady C. jus imagine them queueing in one straight line. it will be like guy A standing in the first of the row, lady C in the second then followed by guy B. lady C will be looking at guy A while guy B will be looking at lady C. this situation always happen. lady C will do anything for guy A while guy B will do anything for lady C. i guess love relationships are always very complicated and confusing.

there is a past of me which i hated the most, everytime when someone reminds me of the past, i cannot take it. i was disgusted by my own doings and irritated by myself. that's the only past which i wished i could erase.

again, i waked up immediately after i had 8 hours of sleep. Argh! why can't i sleep for 10 hours,12 hours or even 15 hours. why i am only allowed 8 hours? :(

i avoided the dinner session cos i don't wanna see the fake side of me. i am so fake. trust me, i can be like one.

there are so much things to say, but i just can't express....

guess i am not so important, yea i agree...........

jus got rid of an flyin insect.... so scary

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there are alot of blings blings and beautiful accessories just for you. do drop by when u are free or in need of accessories for any occassion.

i believe in 10 years time, singapore will change into a better country, i don know why i this feeling, but after i been to vivo city, i can sense the changing in Singapore shopping scene? or am i thinking too much...

vivo city, the modernalise shopping mall, the mall that suits just for everyone, children,teenagers,adults,elderly,female and male... just for everyone. good concept, good design, good ideas... haha... am i paid to help promote vivo city?

recently, i am watching korean drama again, thats "goong (princess hours)". once again, love story, romantic drama..
show how much the guy love the girl, how much the girl love the guy. is always this storyline, but what capture audience to watch it? i guess, is how the different actors express their feelings or their different way of acting.
arranged marriage? is it good or bad? sounds like your destiny has already been planned, you won't need to search for you "crown prince" but he will just appeared before you when the time is right. he might not be the one you like, but as time goes by, you will find that he is jus your "crown prince".
love can be nutured. feelings developed. everything will then slowly fall apart, and fall in the right place.
arranged marriage, why not? ha!

mood swings, what causes mood swings? there must be a cause of mood swings, i hate the cause. ha!
it was never true, it was fake,
i am putting up a fake front to realise that it was true.

happy? no no... sad............
pls pls, go away.....

i don't know what got into me, i cried myself to sleep last night... i really don't understand my own actions, or my reason for doin that, i am confused. is it because of the drama? but it was happy ending........ i think i cried too much that i even dreamt that i cried... i remembered the dream, i cried very terribly, but don know because of what again.... am i bring my real life into my own dream? i don't know....

sometimes, is weird when couple quarrel. old couples still quarrel. because of small things, they quarrel. maybe people will think that, since they are old couple, they will handle situation better, but i think they got it worse.. when people quarrel, they are childish. when people are angry, they dont think normally. these are little things people do wrong when they are not in the right mind. people make mistakes, but most importantly is that you realise your mistakes and don't ever make the same mistake again.

there are so many things i kept cos there is no one to share, once i avoided those fairytale dramas, cos i know i will be too into it...fairytale, which girl doesn't wish for fairytales. but again, is too fake to be true. many a times, you won't know when is the right one coming, you keep on searching, but on the road, you will find some meaning in life, thats the gain you will receive...

is it so diffcult to take up some time? i wonder......
is it too much of a habit? i ponder....
there it is.....i can't find.....

i couldnt get to sleep... why is it that to people, sleeping seems like an easy task, but it was never for me... seems like i have to hoax myself to sleep every night... sleeping is just a difficult task to me... i am sleepy, i want to sleep but i just cant seems to fall asleep, i don understand why... my mental?

has it been too much of a habit? thats why i find it hard to forget? it might be.... it might not be.... i am stuck in a confused state....

browsing through some magazine, i realise sometimes i can learn alot from magazines. things they said, their own point of view, people's point of view, is so different. women should know how to protect themselves, without letting themselves get hurt. i realise i already built a wall surrounding me, protecting me. maybe that is so... once or twice, the wall falls apart, but i built it up slowly again. i hide myself inside the wall.

how come i always only stand a chance to envy people but things often wont happen on me? why do i always let people control my emotions? why do i accomodate people? but then, i did asked for the chance, is it trying to test me? but an old phrase say it, "it oftens take two hands to clap" .

i am amazed at how some people interpret relationships. what is the thing that attract you to that person? what is the feeling that you feel when you know that he/she is the one? how sure are you that you are in love? isn't it interesting to find out all this questions? or is just me that is interested in all this? ha!
LOVE! four heavenly words... this 4 words could make anyone happy! what a magic word! isn't it? just a simple 4 letters words, and anyone could be flyin up in the sky. it is so funny and amusing.
another 4 letters words that will make anyone upset! that is HATE! i HATE you! anyone hears it, he/she will definitely be upset over it. nobody will want to be hate by anyone. HATE is jus the opposite of LOVE! just how amazing words can affect one's emotions.

has it always been misreading too much over some actions?
if that is so,
great,
give a signal
and end it.

confident, with confident you will have the drive to do anything you think you are capable of. but without confident, not only others will look down on you, but you will also look down on yourself. i always know that i am not good, not good enough to be a friend, not good enough to be this, not good enough to be that. i am tired of this feeling. i don wanna be not good enough. so irritating......

my dear fren left town, and i am missing her...........
school is different without her.......................
and i wanna an answer..........

i don believe in birthday wishes, or whatever wishes. cos they always didnt come true. isn't it? my wish always didnt come true, then why in the first place, we have to wish?
every year, a birthday cake,3 wishes. why only 3? why can't i wish for 5? 10? 15? why 3? whats the point in making 3 wishes when they don't come true? makin wishes only make people waiting for the wish to come true... so, it will be like a fool waitin for a wish to come true, when it won't....

does anyone's birthday wish really came true? i want to know.
why do we have to celebrate birthday? to mark the day we were born? it is just tryin to remind us how old we are? isn't that true?

this week has totally been a screwed up week for me. i don believe friday the 13th. people say it is bad, i don believe but i believe it now. cos the entire week was totally screwed up. my fren say, i would be lucky on the friday the 13th, i thought i really will. but i knew from the start, luck is always not with me. thats so funny. so i don believe in lucky things. i am always unlucky.

or is it i complain too much to do anything? i can only complain and still complain non-stop?

but anyway, i still wanna thanks my dearly lovely fren, jiayi, she did make it better. really better. and those who turn up..thank you...
next, of cos to my team-mates. they fought hard in the game. thank you. at least i didnt have a sad birthday. so thank you. we won! but the week was too tired for me to enjoy it. but i appreciate the effort. really. i could feel the effort esp my fren, meijie! thank you. of cos to my loves, team mates. mary, diana,wei,foo and birdy...
but i hope when in the end i made any decision regarding netball, pls don't blame me :)
i really love u guys!
next of cos to those who wished me, greatly appreciated!

i could really sense disater coming, and i hate to deal with that....................

the haze is really bad, i get feel sore throat invading me! i hate that feeling, the feeling is nowhere there, seems like u are getting, but u are not those kinda of feeling. the first time i see singapore been so hazy, too hazy then i feel that all our health will be affected. i would rather stay at home. it terrible.

i made my decision, no matter what i hope my mental will be strong to overcome it. am i always the unlucky one? why people just enter the squad, and they are guarantee a position? but people like us working hard previously are not considered? we are not good enough? i don know. just that i hope i wont change my decision. guess i had enough of 7 years into this. is time for me to relax and enjoy my last semster in school.

i parted with my 2 years phone. i like that phone, but i have to part with it, cos is getting old and i cant keep it with me cos i wont have money to buy a new phone, so my 2 year old phone is gone, everything inside is gone too, i miss my 2 year old phone. though i have a new phone now, something is still missing.
alot of people question me why i want this new phone of mine. but i wanted it long ago, since it was produced, i saw it, i immediately like it. and somemore i wanted to try a flip up phone.
sometimes, you just want to try somethin new, to find that old one is still the best isnt it? haha...

i gave up a small dream of mine, i have always wanted to live and work in another country to learn about their living lifestyle and habits and everything, i was given an opportunity, but my parents disapproved. i was pissed! totally pissed! cos i know i will regret if i didnt go. but i cant go if they disapproved. this is so much of what i wanted! moreover is USA. so much so i would love to go there! i am not going there to play but is to work and travel and play at the same time. i know the worries they have, but i think i am big and sensible enough to know whats bad at least. i lost the chance and i am regretting it. i hate the regret feeling.......maybe i will only understand more when i am a parent myself. but now i just cant simply understand.

i wonder 10 years down the road what will singapore be like? a more modern and hip country? it is pretty interesting how a country can develop to be. is amazing how the changes can be so fast. many things will change. its getting so scary. i wont wanna think about it.

i was watching "the hills" by my beloved Lauren! haha...
she is living the live exactly what i yearn for. don talk about how rich she is. just talk about her current studies, current jobs and her current living town!
she is studyin fashion! -- thats what i want
she is an intern at teen vogue! -- which she can be present at alot of runways and see how the process runs and see know alot of designer and people relating to design!
she is living in san francisco! -- how i wish i could live there to study at the FDIM there!
and receently she was been picked to go Paris for a work assignment! god, isnt that a dream come true?
i envy her! she is living such a nice life doing what she loves, bein with the person who loved her and she is just 20 years old. the same as me, can yoiu believe it. but i am still a nobody here.
the though about it is so irritating.. haha..


i hope this coming 3 weeks will passed soon so that i could get out of there. definitely i will miss the girls. but then like foo said " we cant pleased everyone and we cant pleased ourselves" pretty true, so why not made a decision that i feel comfortable with and they are no lack of defenders! yea.....

i reach the peak of my bloggin, i am stuck in what to blog already. haha..
i should stop for a month to refresh myself.

have been wantin to blog, but then i couldn't find anything to talk about.
life has been the same all the while.
school has started but my timetable jus simply sucks. but it will get worse when my project offically starts. by then i could sense the disaster..


life is so ironical. i just can't seem to understand humans, what they are trying to do? what are they thinking? what is on their mind? i hate it when i don know where i will be heading to? i hate to stand at the crossroad not knowing which directions i should go. i hate to be in this kind of situation always.
things changes when we want it to stay that way, things stay the same when we hope for changes. isn't this funny?

i don know, it seems that i am good at keeping things to myself. is this a habit already? it has never been a habit for me to say things out. sometimes i feel so miserable keeping everything inside, but i got used to my own life. keepin things to myself. only if people strike on my miserable spot, then will i say all my kept feelings out. is this bad or good? i don know. i have this "theory" of my own. i keep this theory to myself.

i have been tryin very hard to be positive, tryin very hard to be as happy as i could, trying very hard to smile and laugh,trying very hard to keep my mind free, but to no means am i able to do all of the above.
sometimes i think i am crazy, cos i always acted like a fool in front of my friends, allow them to call me a fool.. hmm, is this the real me?
isnt all these funny?

why am i still in netball? whahaha...the funniest joke for me of this whole year!

i think i am not a good fren criteria! pls don ask for a fren like me........

some people are just purely lucky for the whole of their life.....
i've watch "the devil wears prada"... don't everyone agree that Andy is jus so lucky to have been chosen for the job? and i know she works real hard to secure her job, but she needs a chance for a breakthrough. and the makeover was extreme wonderful, she became so pretty and stylish. thats so amazing. people with authority can give u a chance or can screw u up. depends on your luck..

"hard work pays off" but they seem that they haven complete the sentence...
"hard work pays off only when you are give a chance to prove your ability"
isnt that true? am i thinking too much?

i don know since when i have start bitching about people behind their back. i know this isnt a good thing. but certain things people do, i just cant stand. so is it right to bitch about people? i think my next greatest hobby is bitching about people...that's so sad.


me and jiayi started our accessories blog.. i am jus alittle impress with myself, cos i never imagine i can do those things.. maybe not many people will fancy those that i did, but to me, it still prove alittle achievements.....
people please help to spread around or pls visit the website itself.
its really nice cool and beautiful!!!

www.lego-noire.blogspot.com

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drop by then anytime!!

school starting, and many things will be coming into the picture. be it fyp, or school work or whatever. jus whatever...

i got something i want to blog but it slips off my mind. never mind, i don know what to blog...

is difficult to understand what people are thinking.....

i think i am feeling more lost than ever.....

why am i feeling so uncomfortable? something is suppressing inside of me, but i don know what is that. it is making me feeling very terrible.
i don know what i can do. i keep wanting to cry. really have a good cry. it feel so uncomfortable when u cant cry it out. something is blocking me from doing that. weird aren't i?

maybe i kept too many things inside, then i keep on thinking and thinking. thinking and thinking.then think too much until i want to burst out! i want to scream! i want to yell! i want to cry out loud!

anyway, yesterday i was watching tv, then i saw this new programme showed! is a variety show that helps guys to propose to their girlfriends. the methods they used, the words they said made my goosebumps popping out. is so mushy, but for them it isn't. isn't it quite cool, u have almost the whole of singapore witnessing the process of ur proposal and witness the moment of happiness. guys can be pretty attentive as well. but somehow to me, i don know why i find all guys are always so cool! weird.

i have no idea which way i am heading to.
i have no idea whether i sank inside the sea.
i have no idea whether i am alive.
will i be the survivor?

i change a new blogskin........
relating to fashion..
i will post some new fashion collection that i like from various designers...
haha...

it's wonka, it's chocolate, ....... it's wonka chocolate........

is this real?

ever feel that everything falls so perfectly that u are afraid?
people always tend to want things to be perfect, yet when things are perfect they are afraid. ya..true, why is it so?

i also had this mentality, that if things are going so well and so perfect for me, i would be afraid more than happy. cos i afraid everyting will be just a dream, jus a beautiful dream for me. i am afraid the next day when i wake up, i will also wake up from this beautiful dream. and if things just come so easily for me, i will be afraid as well. cos i already have this mindset, that "nothing is free in this world". so i wil also be afraid that if things come so easily for me, the worse thing has just yet to come. am i too negative-thinker? i don know. just feel that i don take things that come naturally, i will think alot. cos things always doesn't go well for me. cos unlucky things always fell on me. cos i never had things going smoothly. haha.. sad isn't it? but anyway i am used to it.

if it isn't true, please stay away..................

a life of a celebrity....
they provide us with entertainment which occupied our time when we are bored yet they are the one who suffered from various negative rumors. is this what they have to give to gain?

and from various news and reports which are true which are false? which can we believe? which are just for entertainment and forget?
and why are we in love with idols? because they are good-looking? because of their talents? or because of the character that they act in? for me i guess it half because of the character they act,1/4 because of their talent and the other 1/4 because of their looks. they have become a comparing tool for ideal boyfriend. but for me, that is just day-dreaming. how could it possible to find someone similar? or how could it possible to find person of same character? thats why they are just good enough for day-dreaming.. haha..

is it fate or destiny that i am going through this path? has it already been planned that my life has to be like this? or could i change the way my life is going to be? can i?

i really want to try living in a different country, be it study or working there. maybe then, i will realise how good singapore is. cos u will only know its good when u lose it. i also believe in this.

rececntly i have been doing people watching while i was working, the only thing i pay attention to its their clothes. what they are wearing, what kind of style are they going. i only pay attention to their outfits and how they carry off the clothes. they let the clothes shine on them or let the clothes run them down. that's why clothes are important aren't they? they could help u build ur confidence or they could be the limelight of that evening. that's why dressing and fashion sense is important.

going to face a showdown this coming friday. god, 3 years i haven been meeting my sec school mates, yet this coming friday i am going to do that. how is it possible? i love my sec school times partly because of certain people and the friends i have in school,but actually not the entire batch. there are still so many people that i wouldn't want to meet, there are so many people i would like to avoid. why do i like to avoid people that much? haha.. guess i am crazy.

soon, my life is changing, soon there is no more school life for me, soon i have a change of goal, i am afraid that my determination is not strong enough. please don like my determination run away......

what a humid day! what a hot everyday! how i wish there is winter!
things have been on my mind just that i don know how to deal with it. i left the problems unsettled and went on for holiday. but here i am back to reality, i can't leave things unsettled and untouched. i have plenty of worries that has been able to get out of my mind. but then, it has all long been the same things that i am worrying about.

sometimes, i wish i could know what i am in my previous life, whether i am a singaporean? cos i often thinks, what if i live in hongkong? what if i live in india? what if i live in thailand? what if i live in paris? what if i live in greece? what if i live in china? what if i live in london? what will i be thinking then? will i envy people living in singapore? i know of this phrase, people tends to see things that they don have but will never pay attention to things they have! it is kinda of true. i always pay attention to things i don have, i always envy people who is capable of doing this or people who could own that. but i never tend to realise that i have something that they might not have. true enough, people always just arent satisfied with what they have. why can't people be satisfied with what they have? why people always tend to see things that they don have?

different country led different lifestyle. i really hope one day,i could live in another country to know that country's lifestyle. whats so different with singapore? to say the truth, i am sick of my life. or should i say sick of my NO life's life. it felt so meaningless to led a life that is equal to an useless life. i know i have goals in my life, things i want to achieve. but right now, i am not capable of achieving the goals. will i be just a person that talk but no action? i have been like talking big, but who knows in the end no action is done.

life, is hard to really meet a person u really love, is hard to understand what u really want to do, is difficult to know what u really want in life, is never easy to led a life of loves. so, i believe though might sound absurd, but just do things that u love and go with your heart. why led a life like others? should go for what we really love isn't it? Right! i only talk. talk is forever so easy, i need not be responsible for my words. i can just blabber non-stop, but in the end no actions. maybe i love talking big?

feeling meaningless in life?
feeling useless in life?
ya, thats what i am feeling!

hongkong, a buzz city.
ironic streets, having a high-class building standing beside a 40 year old building.
busy city, millions of people just swarmed to the streets
traffic killer, no matter is pedestrain crossing, or cars traffic, is never-ending.
happy malls, shopping heaven is just what i need.
lighting night life, the night life never dulls.
yummy yummy, the food is heavenly yummy.
i just love hongkong cos i just love it!

back to reality, i have to facee alot of issues and problems that i left behind for hongkong..
too much problems and futures i have to settle and decide, where i want to go, what i love, what i like, what i really want. in fact i have been avoiding all this issues and matters, i seriously don want to think about it. in the end, i will not reach an answer, cos i know myself too well. even if i made a decision, who knows down the road, my determination isn't strong enough to withstand it? what will happen? how nice if everything could be settle for me, how nice if all the good things can happen to me, how nice if i could just do what i want with no worries, i would be a free person, living a free live, but then again, do i want this kind of life? ha! i know i have been blabbering and rattling on this topic for like months, but then this is something important isn't it?

i love hongkong alot, their lives, their language, but then will i be comfortable living there. again, adapt is the word to use here, we have to adapt to everything. To get use to something, we have to adapt. i am lost once again. freaking hell. don like. i am depressed. i always wonder, people always don tend to realise they got depression until something serious happen. so i always think, what if i actually got depression but i don know, isn't it scary? don even dare to think about it.

anyway, this trip brought my friends closer together, and i am happy about it. we shared alot of things, maybe my mood during the trip wasn't that pleasant, but i really had fun. regarding my mood, i also don know whats gotten into me. i apologise for that. but maybe i am too familiarise with hongkong, i don feel that i am having holiday at all. cos i know hongkong, i been there twice, and i like hongkong, maybe thats the reason why i don't feel that i am actually having holiday, it doesn't seem like a holiday. it just seems like a shopping spere! we walked and walked non-stop, we had some misinterpretation of the people.
during the trip, i get to walk alone myself while they are doing their hair, i should have adventure out more. i regret i didn't. but anyway, it was really a good and fun trip. i really love my friends..dears!! please lets do another trip together!! yeah!!

holiday is the time where we just slack and think about our future, i hate it!
and i even hate doing FYP when we are back in school! Sucks!!