i guess i need to jus scream out here!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
there isnt any place for me to scream out..if only i go to the beach which i don even have the little of time... come on..this week suppose to be holiuday week..what is the sch tryin to give us..hell lots of assignments....assignments still not enough...when sch starts we have all the test comin up..ALL!! i mean alot...gosh..wanna rush assignments...wanna study for test..even one whole week i dont sleep i don think i have the time to do all the things together...what is this school system SUCKS!! argh...never really have a good rest...i need a good back massage!!! i need 15 hours of sleeps....i need leg massage!!! hahahah...
BUT BUT...one good thin...when i am busy, it kept my mind stop thinkin..woo....thats the only way to stop my mind from thinkin..but i tired..super tired...still have alot of things to do but don know where to start....haiz...alright...hope things are gettin better....i need air...
hahaha..okok..go do my stuff...

i think the color for my previous post is worst..hahha...shall try this out..hmm...suppose to be doin one of my assignment...a written treatment..but here i am..bloggin..from doin assignment jump to singin song..jump to friendsterin...then jump to bloggin...guess this few days i do alot of bloggin..cos need some place to let out all my feelings..although this is still not good enough..but at least it will make me feel better...i need to de-stress badly...alot of assignment climbin up..all due soon!! and i mean SOON!! help!! help!! i need to fine actress for my show..who can help me to act? sought alot of help but no one is able to ...how? how? need to film thru the holidays if not we are DOOM!! how? help me please..who is willin to have a try of acting, don mind helpin me for free but will treat..contact me... actress must have a grief expressions,isolate facial expressions also carryin on her face?? very hard ...hmm..but pls help...hahha...

hmmm...i guess when work is piling, i tends to tense up easily...last week i am also dreamin..when ppl is talkin i wasnt payin much attention..also thinkin of other things...this week i am jus tired to sometimes to even speak or think...

i watch this drama series at SCV.. A Dream Of Colors...somethin about fashion designer...then this Ella came from a bad family background without parents live only with brothers..but the sis-in-law treat her very bad..always feel that she is livin off her brother...therefore she wanted so much to be out of the placvee and move out on her own..so she keep wantin to climb up to the top position..even though she have to backstab and betray her very very best fren..she can even scarifice that for the fame and money...but in the end...she is still at loss...havin the fame and money..but she loss all her frens and became lonely..everyone avoideed her cos she is vicious adn scary...no one wants to talk to her..i feel that in the end she is the one sufferin ...

whereas michelle whom have never learn fashion design...have a gifted talent in it..always stand out suddenly..she is the kind-hearted girl whom have no much expectation but jus to meet the expectation that her master stand for her...her feelings towards her master is from respect to love...hmm...and the master also gave extra care towards her..but it seems that he still ant forget his ex...he will pickerd her up from sch when it is rainin, and cheer her up no matter what.his care for her, to her she take in the other way..but to him, i guess he jus showin concern and indeed she might be someone special??.i wonder whether this master and discipline will be together which i hope for...

thats why soemtime i wonder why can guys always be so nice towards girls if they dont have feelings towards her...liek the above..being too nice towards the girls u have no feelings mean u are sendin out the wrong signals..cos i think that girls have aa very simpe thinkin...whoever treats them good , they regard them as very good guy...
hahha..okok..shallnt not talk too much..need to do work..


FAN SHU GANG!!! hey..if this few days i did showed attitude...pardon me..cos i am tired..hehe...like FAN SHU PAO says..i will be up soon...
hahhaha...YEAH!!

cher say my color very difficult to see..is it?? haha...but for her..i shall change although orange is my fav color..
hmm..things are always unpredictable huh...will never konw what will happen next...really have to learn to not to regret things u haven do... i was always told by my mum to visit my grandparents...but it always seems that i don have time to spare..although i might have, i also wont..wonder why..why i dont study TP right..so near my grandparents place..then i confirm everyday go... now then i realise that i really really really very long never been to my grandparents placee...no use regrettin now..jus have to replacec all the days i never go?

my cousin told me somethin funny today, in the hospital she said got this old uncle, dressed nicely(in his own clothes,not hopsital clothes) wanna to go out ready...but he cant cos i guess he is sick..but very stubborn wants to go out...so he dress nicely, walked to the door want to go out ready, then this uncle told him he cant go out cos he is in hospital..then the nurse ask him to go back and rest..he don wanna..then he at the door there cannot go out..so he start scoldin bad words say "if u don let me out,careful i used things to break the door" hahhah....but then later he went back to bed...the funny part i feel is he dressed nicely,dressed in his home clothes..really very funnny..then before i went off, my cousin showed me the old uncle..it seems that he jus came back from outside..he is still with his home clothes then tool off his shoes and lie on the bed..hahha..i think he is quite cute..hahah....
then got another old aunty...when her neighbour besidee her can be discharge,she saw them change and take their bag goin off...she also bring her bag alone and follow behind them...like also thinks she is discharge..very cute...heheh...

my appetite have been goin up..gosh..i don wanna that to happen...wonder why...haiz...alot of assignment comin up..and test after holidays..then whats the use of havin holidays??

hmm...recently i have been feelin real down..back to a phrase of my life in the past where i don wanna be back...
the phrase of when i am feel down,sad but cant really figure out the reason but deep in my heart inside i know there is somethin that majke me this way but jus cant spell it out.. but this time is alittle different..i don feel like being alone..i don like being alone..last time is feelin down and wanna be alone..
but not his time..i fear of being alone cos i will think of alot of things ...don wannna think of so many things..gettin headache now and then..always thinkin of stupid things and stuffs...
where is my confidence, i saw it runnin away...

haiz...is it that all the sad things will happen at one go... then how am i able to take it..i might be strong...but not that strong to take so many things at one go...

why we were always told not to regret things that we might not have done or we might have done..we were always warned not to do things that we will regret in life..but it always doesnt dawned upon us until the things really happen on us...
yes...it happen on me..i was shocked..i cried..you might be happily livin well this minuute..but you might never know what the next minute will happen...it will never occured to you that the next moment of your life will be so different..

i don understand why does all the sad things all happen at the same time..or does it only happen to me? why cant they spread out all the unhappy things so to let me catch my breathe and slow down my sad pace in life.. maybe others things cant be compared to today's saddness..they are jus some minor things and stuffs that upset me...but is enough to add up to become one big sad things...life is so fragile..never know what will happen next...never knew the pain of losin someone...i certainly know the importance of family ties but i always do practices it...only when somethin happen then i will regret...or am i jus too emotional..how can i be so hypocrite...gosh..startin to hate myself..

hate the stuffs that i am doin..hate my mind for thinkin..hate my attitude..hate myself for not bein nicee...

hmm..startin to doubt myself... last time jiayi gave me a very unfriendly impression..guess u am the one now...in school i only really treat cher and jiayi as my very good friends..to the other poly mates is either i will try to ignore them or i will jus don talk unnless necessary...seriously...i don kow why...is it bcos i don like them? i bet they don like me as well...

i really hate myself for the change i allowed...i remember myself as someone friendly,someone nice to approach, someone who is nice to talk to,someone who have no temper when i were in sec sch..but now...totally the oppsite... i arent friendly, certainly not someone nice to approach cos i will always show this "dont try to talk to me,i wont reply" kinda of face,someone who definitely dont seem nice to talk to now,someone whom keep showin attitude...how come? why i changed?
or should i say why i allowed the change? is it considered a drastic change in me? to me...YUPZ!! even i don like myself...i lost everythin..i lost myh confidence,i lost my judgement,i lost my power to control myself..i lost eveythin of myself..lost my pride.......

i am prayin for the worst not to happen...

* jiayi and cher...yupz...they brought alot to my poly life...they thuoght me alot..cher showed me how generous how helpful she is...jiayi showed me her own style..always havin a mind of her own..wont copy ppl..wont follow ppl..she will always do the things she finds best and right.. isnt my life good havin to know the two of them?i hope we will really stay for friends as long as we could..cos i know friends wont styay long..i was told sec sch friends are the one that can stay the longest till ur poly life.. true enough i have 4 sec sch fren...but is different..cos they are all guys..somehow bcos of somethin i never really have time to contact my sec sch girlfriends-Lydia they all... somehow stop goin out with sheena...somehow me and janicec not that close anymore... yupz..who says frends will stay forever? i say NO! cos i always experiencee this kinda of thigns..i am tired of it... maybe i understand somehow is hard to stay...for some reasons..why the use of me braggin here...when i am always the one who walk away...first lydia they all..second sheena..whats the use? why? the reason i walked awaay..cos i alway sfeel uncomfortable around them..fearin i said the wrong stuffs..frearin i do the wrong things..fearin i am not good enough to be their frens... cos i know frens..good frens wont bother what u say cos they know u arel like that..they won tbother u did the wrong thing cos u are alwyas like that..they willmake u feel as comfortable as possible cos u guys are best of frens..isnt that?
oh ya..frens that i didnt thought to be cloest fren happen to be me, the one who walked away...those that i regard them as best of frens always walked away from me...needless to be mention who they are..
i believe one sayin " you will always show all your feelings out,regardless your worries, saddness,happiness or even show temper towards them is bcos you trust them and you are extremely close to them" cos i always do it...


am i bull shittin here? i don know..maybe i isnt in a right mind either..

伊能静 -你对我的好

你对我的好
我竟然都不知道
全都是我的朋友告诉我
我才知道你付出了多少
关于爱我实在懂得太少
如果你不说
我真的不知道
你对我的好
我想我还太小和你比起来过于浪漫无聊
你像空气给我拥抱
但我看不到所以
以为不重要
你对我的好
我怎么会失去才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会听朋友说才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会感觉不到
你对我的好
你对我的好

Kyeo..happy birthday..hahah..althuogh is overr....still can wish right? hahha...yupz yupz...really have to admit that the things isnt well-planned..sorry...but i guess everyone enjoyed the OREO CHEESECAKE!! gosh thats totally yummy..hahaha...whoever marry vin ah..everyday will get to eat good food..hahahha...okie...hope u will be happy...hahha...

hmm....recently guess is the project periods which are coming...guess gonna be busy soon...oh ya..i know what i am gonna say...erm..yupz..sorry victor..never go that day..but is kinda of weird that i am the only girl goin although maybe val might also be goin..but only a few of us...guess this is the start where the group is breakin up huh...is it always true that happy things wont stay long...i guess year 2 everyone is jus very busy ..... not much time to even meet up....maybe there are but guess sometimes we jsu need some time for ourselves to rest? i suppose so... me and meijie is an example...we arent that close anymore...or did we chose not to? i don know...guess when school starts everyone is busy with own works, and own stuffs...there hardly any time for us to meet up...and i always end sch late to even go down club and slack...she dont go down club...so there is no time for us to meet...moreover she is attached .....


i don know ...hmm...became very vulnerable this month..breakdown damm easy...guess i am jus tired of alot of things...i think thru and think back alot of things...found how stupid and foolish i am...hahhah...but i seriously can say and shout out..only with cher and jiayi will my worries and problems go awawy...they always crap and play around and joke aorund..we always ahve fun..bcos of them i feel that i don have problems...only when i am with thenm....i must always be occupied with work and things to do before my mind wonders away....guess i jus cant stop my right brain from thinkin and thinkin non-stop...hahhahah...anyway that ahve always been me...and FRANKLY I AM SUPER TIMID!!! hahaha....

heyo...hmm...have been abnormal recently..hahhaha...oh ya...hold on a moment..say something important... I SAW DAVID BECKHAM TODAY!!! gosh..he is damm superb handsome...cos he is a guest of an award presentation..then the woman who got the award is from our poly...maybe thats the reason why we were asked to go and watch...hmm...lucky in sports club..i got to go..then i saw him..he was wearin whole white track suit...his hair very nice...he very handsome..seriously handsome...very handsome...hahha...then i saw lionel lewis..the singapore mvp goalkeeper...then took photo with him..heheheh...okok..enough of soccer players...yeah...

was sayin that i have been abnormal this whole month?? yupz..i feel so....feel damm sad suddenly...but i know when i wont feel sad...is when i am with jiayi and cherene...we always in our own world..crappin..jokin...laughin..havin fun...talkin stupid stuffs...i really really cant imagine poly life with this two retardeds...then also have fun with victor they all..although things hasnt been the same since sch starts? or should i say sincec F.O camp ended?? yupz..btut there are times when we are happy and havin funn...hmmm...but i feel that i shed tears easily this few days...when watchin some sad shows...it isnt that sad until can let ppl cry..but i will jus cry..gosh...i am back to being gloomy and down...and feel that being alone is better..i don want...hahhaha...i don know..but there are jus too much feelin inside me ....but i don know how i should spell it out...someone pls tell me how to...

yeah...haiz...i don know...oh ya..celebrated OURS(me,cher and jiayi) ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY on monday!! we went to have big feast...hahha...marche... gosh...is damm nice..i was damm full..we had alot of fun..hahahha..thanks gers...love u guys...

poly is different..i only went thru all the pains and laughter and happiness with my 2 best buddies..Cher and Jiayi..we go thru all the shits together..
mention about goin thru all the shits..make me boil...

that monday we suppose to have our PTN lunch..at first we discuss eatin pizza....then suddenly on that day itself teacher told us it was MAC!! can u imagine havin MAC as OTN lunch..jiayi they all went Thai Express...gosh..is so much different...
okie then nvm,....all my classmates..ALL!!! was also like me grumblin about it...and moreover our PTN is not there...so what kind of PTN lunch is that...
everyone is unhappy with the decision..alright..maybe i was the one who over-reacted..but what i said..everyone agree..EVERYONE AGREED!!
then went for class.,happen to be my PTN lesson..then i went in with a black face ready to confront the teacher whey she isnt there with us...but the moment i went in, teacher said" chunpei,i heard u are unhappy with the decision" then i repiled" huh, i thought the whole class?" then she said"no lahz...is u only.." then u come to me and say" i know u only like HIGH-CLASS stuffs or food"

WHAT THE F**K!!! HIGH CLASS!! is not about high class not high class...eatin MAc is fine ready...but we are eatin it so pathetic...havin it at those benches for studyhin..18 ppl cramp at 1 1/2 table...like we are beggin for some food...and i am damm angry bout why is it me only...in the first place is the WHOLE CALSS not happy..but no one wants to stand up and agree... makin me like the ONLY ONE not happy..WHAT THE HELL!! teacher not there everyone showed those uunhappy pathetic poor thing face..in front of teacher all like jus joke with teacher..what hyprocrite..and i really wanna know who is the damm culprit who told teacher i was so damm uunhappy!!! damm it...nearly want to cry out ready...idiot..WHY IS IT ONLY ME?? i know it sounds kinda of rebillious..but come on..it suppose to be PTN lunch and she isnt present but she explain why...but why no one in the calss said that they are unhappy as well...why is it me only ? and when i was grumblin then everyone agree...idiot...
slowly startin to be okie and like my class abit..this kind of stupid thing happen!!! guess i am jus bad luck havin 2B/23 ppl as my classmates..guess they feel unlunncky as well....don like my class.seriously don like...haiz...chunpei one and a half year to go...cher and jiayi make me happy k? hehhe..





Woo...listening to Jay Chou - Yi Lu Xiang Bei..Damm nice..hahhaha..Jay chou is so charming!!! gosh...hahahah...alright..alright..shall not talk bout handsome guys anymore....hahha...

hmmm, have been damm hyper this recent days with jiayi and cher...but i guess happy times wont last..i am afraid..actually i am paranoid now...cos when i am too happy..i realise things doesnt last....i am really afraid now..i want to be happy..but i dare not be too happy cos i am afraid i will be too sad later on...like with my gang..we were havin so much fun last year..but guess happy times doesnt last....we were so separated now...although i never really make any effort in meetin them up...but i also don like the feelin of thre are so many things i don know bou them..but guess someitmes jus have to let the happy things go ya..i don know should i say i am happy with my life now..or feels somethin is missin??i don know...
i have been workin recently, after sch i go work...why?
the reason is simple...if i don work, i will be free...i will have more things to think about unnecessary stuffs which i don want it to happen...and it is impossible to meet up with yen wei almost eveyday..and goin down club now seems so meaningless...i don know why..jus feel so...guess the time that i back off is reachin soon..then everyday after sch, jiayi will go home..cher will meet her friends...then if i go home do what? watch tv..suddenly i lost interest in tv programmes...lock in myy room and keep thinkin of stupid things? NO!! i don want the above things to happen...although i can be super super tired from work, but at least it keeps my time occupired for the time being..haiz...but i am glad now that i am always happy with cher and jiayi..i really seriously hope we will stay liek this for long..seriously..*prayin hard*

and for mj...guesss, it always true that it is hard to juggle both friendship and relationshop isnt it? i mean i am not blamin anyone...is just that we did say if really ouyr gang no more, at least still have the three of us...me yenwei and mj...but guess time doesnt allow us to have the chance to meet up...everyone is busy with different things..haiz...yupz...find it kinda of sad..but there is nothin much i can do....


hmm..but suddenly is all my sec sch friends comin back? ARE U GUYS COMIN BACK?? hahha...cos recently i met up with janice...soon to meet up with sheena and ruzaini right? and lucky i am still close to luo they all...they are all myy sec sch frens left so i will treasure them!!! :) cos to me Sec sch is an important period that i have walked passed...i shed most of my tears there, i let out most of my laughters there, i walked thru my teenage life there, i grew up there, i play my first netball there, i seriously first time fall in love also there, when i first move house it was also durin sec sch,when i first started like soccer was also sec sch, when i learn how to cook also in sec sch, when i learn how to saw wood, and polish arylic also in sec sch,everythin new things i learn is in sec sch, receive any awards also in sec sch,sing on stage as a competition also in sec sch, wearin enthic clothes also in sec sch....gosh..i guess give me one night i also wont be able to name all the first things i don in sec sch....
cos sec sch period really accompany me pass thru alot...is not jus short 4 years like any other clever ppl does...but is 5 years for me..1 year extra....so our bond is strong than any other year right? i miss janice sittin beside me...i miss ruzaini's jokes..and him being a Mrs Wee's Pet....hahhaha....i miss Mr Gan....i Miss my first floor class room!!! and i miss my SEC 4 class..the least students in the class...all take history...i was sittin beside salimi that time..hahha..haiz...yupz...

how i miss my sec sch times..

jus a fast bloggin..cos very late..and i wanna sleep soon...met up with my sec sch fren today..Janice!!! hahaa...so long we never meet till today then we met up.... she say i look skinner than when i was in sec 5! but wait...i seriously think i look skinner when i was in sec 5 rather than now..now i think i fat ready...okie..is a comment...
but i feel sad when she says that i arent that radiant and jovial and cheerful anymore.. she says last time i always gave her those cheerful,bright,sunshine those happy feelings..and she said last time i used to laugh and smile alot..i did realise so as well.. last time everyday i was so lookin forward to go to sch and everyday when i reach sch , i will really just greet everyone with my smile...is not that i am so friendly..but i usually the one that look most freshen in the early mornin when everyone will look tired..i will be the one smilin when everyone is yawnin...i will be the talkative one when everyone is jus tired to even talk..but now...not only she sense the change in me..but i do sense the change in myself... iarent that happy anymore,i arent that cheerful anymore...all the troblues are written on my face..why? what happen to me? i don want to be like this..i wany my sec 5 me back!! haiz..miss myself back then..now i understand whats the meanin when everyone says that i am those happy-go -lucky girl..yar...at that pooint of time i really am..but not...i am sad-go-berserk girl...hahahha...
but i still know how to joke..
i also feels that when i am in a conversation with someone i tend to not pay much attention and jus day dream away..haiz...and now i seems more liek the quiet and introvert one towards janice..she is so much open now..cos in sec sch she supoer quiet and shy...if u don t talk to her...she wont talk...she is really very quiet..but now she changed for the better..became more confident of herself and dare to speak up..guess i am alway sthe one who change for the worse..i don wan..how then can i get back to teh me in sec 5?? i miss myself back then...
when the times i always reach sch at the main gate walkin in,waitin to greet my dear classmates and friends and teachers..smilin..not yawnin...keep flashin back...ahiz...

okok..jus miss myself back then...keep thinkin back the old stuffs...hmm..guess all my old frens comin back..hahahah..
alright have been rushin for assignment this whole week..goin to sleep now..wakin up early tml...tired tired..... :(

hey..here to blog again..it has been quite some time since i blog huh...basically lost the interest to blog, to write...cos in my life there is always nothin for me to remmeber deeply...everydays events happen consistently..nothing changes that much..of cos for sch side..i don wish for much to happen..cos i love jiayi and cher..the retarded they are..teh more fun we have..hahaha...have always been retarted recently..anyway suddenly have many assignments due..gosh..by this week./..but yesterdat went shoppin damm shiok..hahha...bought quite some tops and my fav skirt...hahhahha...shiok....

erm...for my gang side nothin changes much..less meetin..less gatherin..less crappin..less fun..everythin less...lesser and lesser...how? didnt want things to become like that...haiz..i don know what to do..

hmm...many things i dont really wanna say cos my blog is quite public..hmm..but can u imagine tellin the person that u don like him/her? i guess the feelin is relieve..hmm...i know it sounds damm cruel...WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME? could i be able to take it?? i don know...i guess i can face that person bravely and more naturally rather than decidin whether to ignore or to respones...guess i am a bad person...yar...

and recently we have the national league that we played... hmm..nowadays i hardly played the full match..only one or two quarther...thats why i told myself...i could only earn myself one or two quarthers...so i must perform well and go all the way...put in my best efforts...so for some matches..although i played one quarther only..i felt satisfied cos i played my best...hehehhe...
oh ya....on that 15th june...suppose to be our meetin...f4's meetin..ahhaha...cool huh..that day...bao came to fetch me and yen wei..heheheh..thanks..gosh...he is drivini...hahhaha...hmm...safe and smooth...hahhaha..no wonder he passed so well!!!yar...lookin forward to meet them soon..

sometimes i think i am a two-faced person? i don know how to describe why i feel this way..but sometimes i do feel it...i don know why...haiz...cos i don konw who i am??

wooo..lah lah...hahha..is so nice be back in school!!!
Cher....Jiayi!!! You guys are always the best of the best...really love u guys alot...hahhha...we have been talkin cock and jokin non-stop....and i love it that way...love how we spend our time together...but sorry cher...we wanted to be with u in music..but in the end we change our path..hahhaha...but we are still crazy!! Yippe!! sch has always been fun with u guys...make me laugh again when the whole holiday i haven been really laughin like,laugh until stomache,until cannot take it...really man!! hahha..thanks huh..Eh..but i contribute quite alot right? hahhaha...
okok..my goldfish eyes,my hilarious laughter,my stupid expression...okok somemore what?? hahahha....okie...love u all...

hmm....2nd week of sch...hmm...many things happen,things cock up, many many things...sheena always mention this phrase " tables turned,people changed" i never once doubt it or thinks that it will never happen...cos it always happen on me...ya..on me...tables turned...turned 360 degree that i cant turn it back..i am sad about it..cher is sad for me...but i cant turn the tables back..really cant...don know why tables turned...hahha...is it that we are too proud bout what we have?maybe we are too proud right? serves us right, right...haiz...don wanna things to turn out this way...but no choice...things jus turn out this way...i cant change right?
cher told me before that "dont let a coin decide my fate" cos i always have been..hahha....
but i now vic is always tryin to meet up...thats why i don wanna disappointed him ...he is a fren to treasure...hehe...right SIR? hehe...
thanks.... :)

weeeloo....back to bloggin..have been a week i haven blog right..cos now jiayi and cher havin lessons again..and i am again in the lab playin games and bloggin..hahhaha...i playin this drum game..damm cool...got this song damm nice..MY FIRST KISS...takuya sang this song in jap version before..damm cool..but it seems like my hands are so retarded..haahah...

then last friday went sun tannin with mary..at some remoted pool..heheh..so cool...we talked alot as welll...ya man..hehe..then after that went to meet vic...wahz...then alot of other ppl came along as well...but after that me,vic,bran and kenny went to eat at far east...i like that time...very good..we talk alot and crap alot..ya man..heheeh..then went back to meet them..then after that my brother join me...hahha...cool huh...is always nice hangin out with my gang...they are fun...thanks...heheh....

cher ..our video not with u..then XTD how? hahhahhaa....oh ya..went to kyeo's blog...hmm..he seems kinda of low...chill k... yeo...in life there is always this period of time when u are down and low...but it will be over soon..jus take this as an experience to be patient and bear with it....is not the whole world against u...is jus that somehow everythin happen at the same time...cool k..ehhehee....see ya soon...

*sobbin*...alone again..hahaha..havin two hours break now...then jiayi and cher is havin lesson...thats the bad things bout different class...hehehe..but jus now in lecture..i really laugh like no one business...hhaaha..i also don know..jus cant stop laughin..but now i am here alone stonnin and saddin..hahha

alright... i was chattin with meijie on the phone..hahha..hmm..talk abuot alot of things...was thinkin and thinkin...i really treasure and love them...i mean we had so so so much fun together..celebrated mj's.vic's,bran's and kenny's birthday together...so is small dan next...what will it be? no more group celebration...i think now they might have the thinkin that we are leavin the group...OF COS i don want .....but somehow things change...right? yen wei seems unbothered by it...mj got ah hua but is stil bothered by it....i am alone...missin them in my poly life, make my poly life seems missin of somethings...cos they are so crazily fun..but somethin is wrong..am i the one havin the problems? maybe....
how come whenever it comes to friendship i always fail in buildin a good one? hmm...jus hope the past come back again..like the way we were last time..had so much fun...prayin hard...

isnt to guys, they see woman as selfish creatures? hmm...ya..maybe woman are...but doesnt it reflect how important woman treat this particular friendship or relationship? i don wish to be seen as selfish creature..tryin to be generous...but sometimes not all things can be generous right? yar...i feel it this way...

Will year 2 poly life still be fun for me??
i hope it will,
cos this is what keeps me goin on....

:)

it has been a long time since i have blog...too many tings..too many things happen since F.O camp...be it bad or good..but i guess somehow it is always on the bad side...i don know what to say..but jus feel utterly disappointed...but thru all this i learn somethings and picked up some things on the ways...
First--> if i have no feelings for that person,like i no longer hate that person,or have any feelings for that particular person,she might have made me boil until my anger reach its climax,but if i no longer hate her or have any feelings, i ujnderstand that she is nothing to me...what she is goin to do or has done wont bother me further...cos to me she is jus NOTHING...yar..thats what i feel...she doesnt have much power to affect me anymore..
Second--> saw how guys treat girls like toys and play arouund...guys are jus so different from girls..girls treasure every little thing..be it friends.boyfriends,family,work friends....to girls everything means alot...but to guys they seems like jus peanuts..nothing...as a girl i pity myself and fellow mates...
Third--> saw how fragile i am and how fierce i could get...but thats the past tense...
Fourth--> learn to be strong...be it in friendship or work...have to be strong.. mayhbe should learn to believe...lost some friends in order to gain better friends..those who left doesnt know how to treasure friends...
Fifth--> in the end, girls will have to depend on girls, relyin on guys is jus a bad choice!
Sixth--> LASTLY, GUYS GAVE ME A BAD IMPRESSION!! hahah..okok..except for the four guys i knew! :)

thru the things i went thru in the end my conclusino for myself is sitll correct...i still ahve to depend on myself..opening up is not something good, friends always tell me off that i never tell them my problems..but sometimes i feel that tellin and not tellin doesnt make any different..so why the need of trouble lettin anoyther into a problem that is none of their business?
gosh..am i becomin more saddist?? am i goin back to the times when i have no laughters? since sec sch, my journey all long have been ups and downs...sometimes i don know what to do to myyself...
but i think i need not fear....
cos sch is startin and i will be able to see JIAYI AND CHER..miss them like hell!!!! they can really brighten my day..i hope so..so many to tell them...hahahha....lets get crazyh again...pls can we? hahahhah...see u guys tml...
a big hug okie? hahhaha :)

Camp ENDED!!!! woooo....5 days and 4 nights camp....give a clap to all the com,GLs,helpers....woo...we endured all the 5 days...in the mornin,shoutin screamimn,playin with all our might...in the night sleepin only 3 hours a day.... havin deeper dark rings...but it is enjoyable and fun..all the cheers and games and SHIM night..and farewell performance....although i might have alot of complain and stuffs but it has ended...so everythin will goes with it...jus hope taht the freshies enjoyed the camp,games..really hope so.... :) but with this camp i become an injured person..first cut on my left ankle,next injuries on my right leg..right at the middle of the leg where it is damm painful only can feel the bone..next is injure my left arm...twisted...wahz..it was damm pain..super pain..then after taht is lost my voice...haiz...but maybe this is a way a camp should be...

this camp only brought me some unnecessary problems..was watchin star wars yesterday, heard a phrase goes likes " you cant bear to lose it thats why u fear to let go" actually i think this is true...if not why we cant bear to let go and keep on clingin on somethin that will never become urs... worse the more u clingin onto, it will only irritate the other party... why not be cool and let go of things that doesnt belong to yourself...so,must be strong and learn to let go...in the end the one get hurt is you and no one else... we can dislike a person in his/her way of doin things, but we can do nothin...we cant go like askin him/her not to do this or that cos we have no rights...no matter how i hate that person we still have to accept the way he/her do their things...we got no choice .......i don know what to say but jus keep in silent firstt.....many things kept inside me.....

hey..peeps..postin again..nothin much..went to work today...workin closin...and my pre-closer was andy...hmm..he improve alot..becomin more hardworkin and all..people like him keep improvin himself yet i did nothin..even at work i felt like i have a competitor..he keeps movin up but i am still there not movin...how can this be? but i am really tired..tired of everythin..jus wish i have the money to jus dump everythin here and go oversea and relax myself...yar..i get to do that only in my dream...

yesterday was the 15th...wooo..our meetin day again..but where's vin? i really super long never see him..guess the last time i saw him was luo's birthday...the next time i gona see him will it be baolong's birthday? woo...that wil be like 3 months never see him..hahha...saw joel yesterday..he super funny..hahha...cannot stand him..heheh....

hmmm....have been watchin show non stop...jap drama..they are short series,touchin and insipring...i like their shows..esp when all teh actors are so charmin..esp takuya kimura..hahhehehhe....and for every show i felt very deeeply for soemtin..i will come to think back to the past sometimes..yar...so many things that i didnt realise huhh...
really..when a train starts movin..there isnt any turnin back for them..unlike a car..u can U-turn anytime u want..but not for trains...wooo....

seriously mood low now..jus had a terrible cry..cos i watch a drama ...very touchin..could still feel my eyes heavy and tired from cryin...hahah...i aint no crybaby jus more emotional thats all...
ANYWAY I AM BACK FROM KL!!! the weather there damm HOT sia..wearin shorts when i goin out..don care ready...but the fun was great...me and rhoda watch terminator until nearly fell asleep...and we always happen to see some censored sence in the tv..hahhahahhaha..thats the funny part..oh ya...she borrowed me her shorts..thanks man..hahha...and the two of us broke until have to eat maggi which is tasteless too...malaysia was funn..we had connector room..cool huh..heheh...but we shut the doors when necessary when sleepin..in order not to hear the guy's snore..hahhahaha...jokin...but to say the truth their room really stink sia...oh ya..and i definitely wont forget the moment that i was in the middle of everyone and they start pokin me..uuntil i really got no voice to shout or laugh or scream...ultimate sia...and i was harass by some little kids...i know they are poor thing..but they scared me off...i went up to the twin tower...malaysia is jus full of buildin and houses and more buildings...ppl there arent friendly..speakin the truth..and their shoppin mall is like never endin...i once saw that the staff od the whole buildin seems bigger than the crowd in the mall..can u believe how big it is...gosh...hahhaha....
oh ya...congrates to BAOLONG...next time i might have someone drivin me to sch huh..hahhaha..jokin...but happy for him..all of us are happy for him...haha..guess he himself also..hehhe...the next one will be kyeo..hahah...COOL!!! YEAH!!!

and jus now somethin goes thru my mind...came back again..gosh...okie ....i am bad...haiz..nothin to say...eyes are heavy from the cryin shall stop here...hehe...

finally here to blog..cos wanted to blog few days ago..but jus didnt... first wanna say I AM LEAVIN FOR KL TML!!but for jus 3 days 2 nights...hahha..but is good enuogh..goin with my gang... yar...but till now still haven pack my bag..hahha..don know what to bring..haha..but i bet kl weather will also be very hot..so not brinin much jeans..not like that time went hongkong..hehe..thats was indeed funn..wasnt lookin forward for hongkong..this time rouund..wasnt also lookin much forward for kl...okie nothin to say botu this...

anyway i will miss my jap drama show..will watch it tonight again before i go sleep..or shopuld i not sleep and sleep in the bus tml..hahhahah...actually quite long never take bus to malaysia le...maybe4 years ago..very long never go back malaysia...hahha...i will miss singapore lahz..hahhah...miss my bed and friends..and seriously this holiday long sia..super long never meet up with jiayi and cher..cher cher jiayi jiayi..miss u guys alot...no one make me laught and laugh..how? hahha..but nvm..we will be in the same class again right..i hope so..hehe...

oh ya...jus read kyeo's blog..hahha..chill k..hahha...some taxi driver are like that one..hahha...and the work "ZAI" right...u guys power lahz..still got energy to go play pool..hahhaha....
okie..will get soemthin for u guys from kl okie..take care..bye :)

gosh...erm..how should i put it in words? to me i think it can be considered a bad dream or scary i should say? haha..i remember this dream very clearly...erm..should i not spell out the name..i really don know..the moment i woke up, sad is what i feel..cos to me it seems like a bad dream....

okok..it goes like me and him(were jus frends in the dream) went to this company to somehow search or do something..then we met our old fren who is his ex...but the funnyy part is, we arent shocked..then after that,i asked her how she is doin and stuffs...then change scene, she and him quarrelled infront of me.. is sort of the girl wanted to patch back,but then he remain silent and motionless... i remember this sentence she said"how come u can like her(which is me)?" he still remain silent...then i think we went off...back to a some sort chalet house? cos somehow all our friends are there....then he sat beside me and told me"hey..can i tell u something..honestly i didnt like u before" then upon hearin it i answered him" then is it bcos i am a close fren of hers thats why .." then he nodded his head.. then this part..i remain silent for a while then threw somethin at him..and broke down in tears..and went off..but i saw myself cryin for quite sometime...
actually the moment i woke up, i was alittle shocked..cos how come i dream of this kind of dream like out of a sudden..maybe it doesnt mean anythin...but still why? it curious me...the moment i woke up, alot of thoughts are in my mind..yar..scared that, that was the truth.. hahha..one word..scary...nothin more can describe that...hahha..yar...really..shocked me..suddenly this dream..
woo...finally said it out here...has been inside from mornin till now..who can i tell ?? hahha..no one.. :)


and i realise maybe i still don know what love is..or should i say how i should love that person..although there are times when i wish i have a acompanion, but to say the truth when it really comes, i guess i wont know how to love,care or do things i should do...and how long my love can continue..it has been erm...around five months plus...and i think i have no feelings anymore...cos jus a normal jap drama can divert my attention..cool huh..i am amaze of myself...maybe this is for the time being..but i don know..if it can distract me now...i think i am an easily distracted person be it in studies,work or relationship..so sometimes come to think of it..MAYBE it is good stayin single..wont scared to be distracted and wont commit that much..YA..the word is COMMIT.hahha...maybe i cant commit into it for too long? hahhaha...being feel down recently anyway..and whole body not feelin well...back ache,muscle ache..arm ache..headache the worse..panadol also cannot cure... hahhaha...

guess it has been soemtimes since i post...it isnt that there is nothin to blog..but kinda of busy..hahah..busy watchin TV DRAMA...gosh i am back into Takuya Kimura..he is damm handsome...superb..very..awesoem..he is super charmin..i mean i don only like him bcos he is handsome..but because he is the only actor that any role he is also able to act....make the role seems so alive..like really put himself in the role and as if he went thru those things...he actin skills superb..i admire him..i love him..hahhaha...how can there be such a perfect man in this world..so handsome..actin skills superb..singin also nice...wahz...the wife is damm lucky..the daughter also..ahhahhai feel that jap drama is very insirpring...every show i watch taught me somethin..and i want to be that character in the show...yar..hahah...now i am havin terrible headache..haiz...and sore throat soon... :(