jus a fast bloggin..cos very late..and i wanna sleep soon...met up with my sec sch fren today..Janice!!! hahaa...so long we never meet till today then we met up.... she say i look skinner than when i was in sec 5! but wait...i seriously think i look skinner when i was in sec 5 rather than now..now i think i fat ready...okie..is a comment...
but i feel sad when she says that i arent that radiant and jovial and cheerful anymore.. she says last time i always gave her those cheerful,bright,sunshine those happy feelings..and she said last time i used to laugh and smile alot..i did realise so as well.. last time everyday i was so lookin forward to go to sch and everyday when i reach sch , i will really just greet everyone with my smile...is not that i am so friendly..but i usually the one that look most freshen in the early mornin when everyone will look tired..i will be the one smilin when everyone is yawnin...i will be the talkative one when everyone is jus tired to even talk..but now...not only she sense the change in me..but i do sense the change in myself... iarent that happy anymore,i arent that cheerful anymore...all the troblues are written on my face..why? what happen to me? i don want to be like this..i wany my sec 5 me back!! haiz..miss myself back then..now i understand whats the meanin when everyone says that i am those happy-go -lucky girl..yar...at that pooint of time i really am..but not...i am sad-go-berserk girl...hahahha...
but i still know how to joke..
i also feels that when i am in a conversation with someone i tend to not pay much attention and jus day dream away..haiz...and now i seems more liek the quiet and introvert one towards janice..she is so much open now..cos in sec sch she supoer quiet and shy...if u don t talk to her...she wont talk...she is really very quiet..but now she changed for the better..became more confident of herself and dare to speak up..guess i am alway sthe one who change for the worse..i don wan..how then can i get back to teh me in sec 5?? i miss myself back then...
when the times i always reach sch at the main gate walkin in,waitin to greet my dear classmates and friends and teachers..smilin..not yawnin...keep flashin back...ahiz...

okok..jus miss myself back then...keep thinkin back the old stuffs...hmm..guess all my old frens comin back..hahahah..
alright have been rushin for assignment this whole week..goin to sleep now..wakin up early tml...tired tired..... :(

hey..here to blog again..it has been quite some time since i blog huh...basically lost the interest to blog, to write...cos in my life there is always nothin for me to remmeber deeply...everydays events happen consistently..nothing changes that much..of cos for sch side..i don wish for much to happen..cos i love jiayi and cher..the retarded they are..teh more fun we have..hahaha...have always been retarted recently..anyway suddenly have many assignments due..gosh..by this week./..but yesterdat went shoppin damm shiok..hahha...bought quite some tops and my fav skirt...hahhahha...shiok....

erm...for my gang side nothin changes much..less meetin..less gatherin..less crappin..less fun..everythin less...lesser and lesser...how? didnt want things to become like that...haiz..i don know what to do..

hmm...many things i dont really wanna say cos my blog is quite public..hmm..but can u imagine tellin the person that u don like him/her? i guess the feelin is relieve..hmm...i know it sounds damm cruel...WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME? could i be able to take it?? i don know...i guess i can face that person bravely and more naturally rather than decidin whether to ignore or to respones...guess i am a bad person...yar...

and recently we have the national league that we played... hmm..nowadays i hardly played the full match..only one or two quarther...thats why i told myself...i could only earn myself one or two quarthers...so i must perform well and go all the way...put in my best efforts...so for some matches..although i played one quarther only..i felt satisfied cos i played my best...hehehhe...
oh ya....on that 15th june...suppose to be our meetin...f4's meetin..ahhaha...cool huh..that day...bao came to fetch me and yen wei..heheheh..thanks..gosh...he is drivini...hahhaha...hmm...safe and smooth...hahhaha..no wonder he passed so well!!!yar...lookin forward to meet them soon..

sometimes i think i am a two-faced person? i don know how to describe why i feel this way..but sometimes i do feel it...i don know why...haiz...cos i don konw who i am??

wooo..lah lah...hahha..is so nice be back in school!!!
Cher....Jiayi!!! You guys are always the best of the best...really love u guys alot...hahhha...we have been talkin cock and jokin non-stop....and i love it that way...love how we spend our time together...but sorry cher...we wanted to be with u in music..but in the end we change our path..hahhaha...but we are still crazy!! Yippe!! sch has always been fun with u guys...make me laugh again when the whole holiday i haven been really laughin like,laugh until stomache,until cannot take it...really man!! hahha..thanks huh..Eh..but i contribute quite alot right? hahhaha...
okok..my goldfish eyes,my hilarious laughter,my stupid expression...okok somemore what?? hahahha....okie...love u all...

hmm....2nd week of sch...hmm...many things happen,things cock up, many many things...sheena always mention this phrase " tables turned,people changed" i never once doubt it or thinks that it will never happen...cos it always happen on me...ya..on me...tables turned...turned 360 degree that i cant turn it back..i am sad about it..cher is sad for me...but i cant turn the tables back..really cant...don know why tables turned...hahha...is it that we are too proud bout what we have?maybe we are too proud right? serves us right, right...haiz...don wanna things to turn out this way...but no choice...things jus turn out this way...i cant change right?
cher told me before that "dont let a coin decide my fate" cos i always have been..hahha....
but i now vic is always tryin to meet up...thats why i don wanna disappointed him ...he is a fren to treasure...hehe...right SIR? hehe...
thanks.... :)

weeeloo....back to bloggin..have been a week i haven blog right..cos now jiayi and cher havin lessons again..and i am again in the lab playin games and bloggin..hahhaha...i playin this drum game..damm cool...got this song damm nice..MY FIRST KISS...takuya sang this song in jap version before..damm cool..but it seems like my hands are so retarded..haahah...

then last friday went sun tannin with mary..at some remoted pool..heheh..so cool...we talked alot as welll...ya man..hehe..then after that went to meet vic...wahz...then alot of other ppl came along as well...but after that me,vic,bran and kenny went to eat at far east...i like that time...very good..we talk alot and crap alot..ya man..heheeh..then went back to meet them..then after that my brother join me...hahha...cool huh...is always nice hangin out with my gang...they are fun...thanks...heheh....

cher ..our video not with u..then XTD how? hahhahhaa....oh ya..went to kyeo's blog...hmm..he seems kinda of low...chill k... yeo...in life there is always this period of time when u are down and low...but it will be over soon..jus take this as an experience to be patient and bear with it....is not the whole world against u...is jus that somehow everythin happen at the same time...cool k..ehhehee....see ya soon...

*sobbin*...alone again..hahaha..havin two hours break now...then jiayi and cher is havin lesson...thats the bad things bout different class...hehehe..but jus now in lecture..i really laugh like no one business...hhaaha..i also don know..jus cant stop laughin..but now i am here alone stonnin and saddin..hahha

alright... i was chattin with meijie on the phone..hahha..hmm..talk abuot alot of things...was thinkin and thinkin...i really treasure and love them...i mean we had so so so much fun together..celebrated mj's.vic's,bran's and kenny's birthday together...so is small dan next...what will it be? no more group celebration...i think now they might have the thinkin that we are leavin the group...OF COS i don want .....but somehow things change...right? yen wei seems unbothered by it...mj got ah hua but is stil bothered by it....i am alone...missin them in my poly life, make my poly life seems missin of somethings...cos they are so crazily fun..but somethin is wrong..am i the one havin the problems? maybe....
how come whenever it comes to friendship i always fail in buildin a good one? hmm...jus hope the past come back again..like the way we were last time..had so much fun...prayin hard...

isnt to guys, they see woman as selfish creatures? hmm...ya..maybe woman are...but doesnt it reflect how important woman treat this particular friendship or relationship? i don wish to be seen as selfish creature..tryin to be generous...but sometimes not all things can be generous right? yar...i feel it this way...

Will year 2 poly life still be fun for me??
i hope it will,
cos this is what keeps me goin on....

:)

it has been a long time since i have blog...too many tings..too many things happen since F.O camp...be it bad or good..but i guess somehow it is always on the bad side...i don know what to say..but jus feel utterly disappointed...but thru all this i learn somethings and picked up some things on the ways...
First--> if i have no feelings for that person,like i no longer hate that person,or have any feelings for that particular person,she might have made me boil until my anger reach its climax,but if i no longer hate her or have any feelings, i ujnderstand that she is nothing to me...what she is goin to do or has done wont bother me further...cos to me she is jus NOTHING...yar..thats what i feel...she doesnt have much power to affect me anymore..
Second--> saw how guys treat girls like toys and play arouund...guys are jus so different from girls..girls treasure every little thing..be it friends.boyfriends,family,work friends....to girls everything means alot...but to guys they seems like jus peanuts..nothing...as a girl i pity myself and fellow mates...
Third--> saw how fragile i am and how fierce i could get...but thats the past tense...
Fourth--> learn to be strong...be it in friendship or work...have to be strong.. mayhbe should learn to believe...lost some friends in order to gain better friends..those who left doesnt know how to treasure friends...
Fifth--> in the end, girls will have to depend on girls, relyin on guys is jus a bad choice!
Sixth--> LASTLY, GUYS GAVE ME A BAD IMPRESSION!! hahah..okok..except for the four guys i knew! :)

thru the things i went thru in the end my conclusino for myself is sitll correct...i still ahve to depend on myself..opening up is not something good, friends always tell me off that i never tell them my problems..but sometimes i feel that tellin and not tellin doesnt make any different..so why the need of trouble lettin anoyther into a problem that is none of their business?
gosh..am i becomin more saddist?? am i goin back to the times when i have no laughters? since sec sch, my journey all long have been ups and downs...sometimes i don know what to do to myyself...
but i think i need not fear....
cos sch is startin and i will be able to see JIAYI AND CHER..miss them like hell!!!! they can really brighten my day..i hope so..so many to tell them...hahahha....lets get crazyh again...pls can we? hahahhah...see u guys tml...
a big hug okie? hahhaha :)

Camp ENDED!!!! woooo....5 days and 4 nights camp....give a clap to all the com,GLs,helpers....woo...we endured all the 5 days...in the mornin,shoutin screamimn,playin with all our might...in the night sleepin only 3 hours a day.... havin deeper dark rings...but it is enjoyable and fun..all the cheers and games and SHIM night..and farewell performance....although i might have alot of complain and stuffs but it has ended...so everythin will goes with it...jus hope taht the freshies enjoyed the camp,games..really hope so.... :) but with this camp i become an injured person..first cut on my left ankle,next injuries on my right leg..right at the middle of the leg where it is damm painful only can feel the bone..next is injure my left arm...twisted...wahz..it was damm pain..super pain..then after taht is lost my voice...haiz...but maybe this is a way a camp should be...

this camp only brought me some unnecessary problems..was watchin star wars yesterday, heard a phrase goes likes " you cant bear to lose it thats why u fear to let go" actually i think this is true...if not why we cant bear to let go and keep on clingin on somethin that will never become urs... worse the more u clingin onto, it will only irritate the other party... why not be cool and let go of things that doesnt belong to yourself...so,must be strong and learn to let go...in the end the one get hurt is you and no one else... we can dislike a person in his/her way of doin things, but we can do nothin...we cant go like askin him/her not to do this or that cos we have no rights...no matter how i hate that person we still have to accept the way he/her do their things...we got no choice .......i don know what to say but jus keep in silent firstt.....many things kept inside me.....

hey..peeps..postin again..nothin much..went to work today...workin closin...and my pre-closer was andy...hmm..he improve alot..becomin more hardworkin and all..people like him keep improvin himself yet i did nothin..even at work i felt like i have a competitor..he keeps movin up but i am still there not movin...how can this be? but i am really tired..tired of everythin..jus wish i have the money to jus dump everythin here and go oversea and relax myself...yar..i get to do that only in my dream...

yesterday was the 15th...wooo..our meetin day again..but where's vin? i really super long never see him..guess the last time i saw him was luo's birthday...the next time i gona see him will it be baolong's birthday? woo...that wil be like 3 months never see him..hahha...saw joel yesterday..he super funny..hahha...cannot stand him..heheh....

hmmm....have been watchin show non stop...jap drama..they are short series,touchin and insipring...i like their shows..esp when all teh actors are so charmin..esp takuya kimura..hahhehehhe....and for every show i felt very deeeply for soemtin..i will come to think back to the past sometimes..yar...so many things that i didnt realise huhh...
really..when a train starts movin..there isnt any turnin back for them..unlike a car..u can U-turn anytime u want..but not for trains...wooo....

seriously mood low now..jus had a terrible cry..cos i watch a drama ...very touchin..could still feel my eyes heavy and tired from cryin...hahah...i aint no crybaby jus more emotional thats all...
ANYWAY I AM BACK FROM KL!!! the weather there damm HOT sia..wearin shorts when i goin out..don care ready...but the fun was great...me and rhoda watch terminator until nearly fell asleep...and we always happen to see some censored sence in the tv..hahhahahhaha..thats the funny part..oh ya...she borrowed me her shorts..thanks man..hahha...and the two of us broke until have to eat maggi which is tasteless too...malaysia was funn..we had connector room..cool huh..heheh...but we shut the doors when necessary when sleepin..in order not to hear the guy's snore..hahhahaha...jokin...but to say the truth their room really stink sia...oh ya..and i definitely wont forget the moment that i was in the middle of everyone and they start pokin me..uuntil i really got no voice to shout or laugh or scream...ultimate sia...and i was harass by some little kids...i know they are poor thing..but they scared me off...i went up to the twin tower...malaysia is jus full of buildin and houses and more buildings...ppl there arent friendly..speakin the truth..and their shoppin mall is like never endin...i once saw that the staff od the whole buildin seems bigger than the crowd in the mall..can u believe how big it is...gosh...hahhaha....
oh ya...congrates to BAOLONG...next time i might have someone drivin me to sch huh..hahhaha..jokin...but happy for him..all of us are happy for him...haha..guess he himself also..hehhe...the next one will be kyeo..hahah...COOL!!! YEAH!!!

and jus now somethin goes thru my mind...came back again..gosh...okie ....i am bad...haiz..nothin to say...eyes are heavy from the cryin shall stop here...hehe...

finally here to blog..cos wanted to blog few days ago..but jus didnt... first wanna say I AM LEAVIN FOR KL TML!!but for jus 3 days 2 nights...hahha..but is good enuogh..goin with my gang... yar...but till now still haven pack my bag..hahha..don know what to bring..haha..but i bet kl weather will also be very hot..so not brinin much jeans..not like that time went hongkong..hehe..thats was indeed funn..wasnt lookin forward for hongkong..this time rouund..wasnt also lookin much forward for kl...okie nothin to say botu this...

anyway i will miss my jap drama show..will watch it tonight again before i go sleep..or shopuld i not sleep and sleep in the bus tml..hahhahah...actually quite long never take bus to malaysia le...maybe4 years ago..very long never go back malaysia...hahha...i will miss singapore lahz..hahhah...miss my bed and friends..and seriously this holiday long sia..super long never meet up with jiayi and cher..cher cher jiayi jiayi..miss u guys alot...no one make me laught and laugh..how? hahha..but nvm..we will be in the same class again right..i hope so..hehe...

oh ya...jus read kyeo's blog..hahha..chill k..hahha...some taxi driver are like that one..hahha...and the work "ZAI" right...u guys power lahz..still got energy to go play pool..hahhaha....
okie..will get soemthin for u guys from kl okie..take care..bye :)

gosh...erm..how should i put it in words? to me i think it can be considered a bad dream or scary i should say? haha..i remember this dream very clearly...erm..should i not spell out the name..i really don know..the moment i woke up, sad is what i feel..cos to me it seems like a bad dream....

okok..it goes like me and him(were jus frends in the dream) went to this company to somehow search or do something..then we met our old fren who is his ex...but the funnyy part is, we arent shocked..then after that,i asked her how she is doin and stuffs...then change scene, she and him quarrelled infront of me.. is sort of the girl wanted to patch back,but then he remain silent and motionless... i remember this sentence she said"how come u can like her(which is me)?" he still remain silent...then i think we went off...back to a some sort chalet house? cos somehow all our friends are there....then he sat beside me and told me"hey..can i tell u something..honestly i didnt like u before" then upon hearin it i answered him" then is it bcos i am a close fren of hers thats why .." then he nodded his head.. then this part..i remain silent for a while then threw somethin at him..and broke down in tears..and went off..but i saw myself cryin for quite sometime...
actually the moment i woke up, i was alittle shocked..cos how come i dream of this kind of dream like out of a sudden..maybe it doesnt mean anythin...but still why? it curious me...the moment i woke up, alot of thoughts are in my mind..yar..scared that, that was the truth.. hahha..one word..scary...nothin more can describe that...hahha..yar...really..shocked me..suddenly this dream..
woo...finally said it out here...has been inside from mornin till now..who can i tell ?? hahha..no one.. :)


and i realise maybe i still don know what love is..or should i say how i should love that person..although there are times when i wish i have a acompanion, but to say the truth when it really comes, i guess i wont know how to love,care or do things i should do...and how long my love can continue..it has been erm...around five months plus...and i think i have no feelings anymore...cos jus a normal jap drama can divert my attention..cool huh..i am amaze of myself...maybe this is for the time being..but i don know..if it can distract me now...i think i am an easily distracted person be it in studies,work or relationship..so sometimes come to think of it..MAYBE it is good stayin single..wont scared to be distracted and wont commit that much..YA..the word is COMMIT.hahha...maybe i cant commit into it for too long? hahhaha...being feel down recently anyway..and whole body not feelin well...back ache,muscle ache..arm ache..headache the worse..panadol also cannot cure... hahhaha...

guess it has been soemtimes since i post...it isnt that there is nothin to blog..but kinda of busy..hahah..busy watchin TV DRAMA...gosh i am back into Takuya Kimura..he is damm handsome...superb..very..awesoem..he is super charmin..i mean i don only like him bcos he is handsome..but because he is the only actor that any role he is also able to act....make the role seems so alive..like really put himself in the role and as if he went thru those things...he actin skills superb..i admire him..i love him..hahhaha...how can there be such a perfect man in this world..so handsome..actin skills superb..singin also nice...wahz...the wife is damm lucky..the daughter also..ahhahhai feel that jap drama is very insirpring...every show i watch taught me somethin..and i want to be that character in the show...yar..hahah...now i am havin terrible headache..haiz...and sore throat soon... :(

woo..feelin red..feelin tired..my legs weigh like a 1000 pounds...hahhhahha..
hmm...wanted to post that day but somethin wrong with blogger..nvm..i shall post today and slowly recap what i wanna write..first is....i finally met up with bao and yeo and luo...Oi,peeps i not M.I.A....finished exams..then got alot of things..got camp and work..i never intend to M.I.A hor...wahz..from the moment i met them, they tease me until i say BYE! hahhaha....esp Bao...he never help me..cos he shold know the feelin of kanna teased..but he worse, he took his chancec to revenge...and say me more..hahhah...but nvm...nvm...next year your turn le...i shall say him back..hahha...is always enjoyable to meet them up...with yeo and bao can make me laugh..hahha...and i swear i never wanna tell jokes to YEO...he never laugh AT ALL..not AT ALL!!! :( hahhahhaha...but anyway,really nice meetin them...i think this week they are the one who are busy ....cant meet.wonderin whether on fri we will be meetin...hahha... yupz... met luo too...woahz...he ...haiz..alopt of things...and he ask me to work a one day job..midnight...from 8.30 to 8.30 in the mornin..hahha...wahz..it has been long since i work midnight job..haha..i went with mj..luo is very nice...hardworkin...the ppl then cannot make it ah..hahha...the job damm tough damm tirin...cannnot take it..wonder how luo can take it for more than 10 days..i 1 days already cannot..but luo....what can i say? but to PEI FU him..can bear until so long.. :) good one...jia you then...i really hope the 5 of us will stay in contact no matter what..they are the only friends i left in sec sch and i treasure them...:) eh eh..*yeo if u are readin this, no need to be touched ah...* hahhahahhahahahhhaha..... but i wont tell u jokes!!! :p..... alright...ohya man...13th of may super important day for the 5 of us....whether i got ppl to send me to sch everyday depends on that day..hahhahha..no lahz..kiddin...jokin...but have confident in him!!! :)yeah...

we were chattin again after our trainin yesterday..i realise somethin that i know how to talk ppl round..but i always doesnt use it on myself...but theres a phrase which goes, "said is easier than done" i experienced it i done it...i am someone that jus know how to speak and speak..nothin more...sometimes what i said amazed me..cos never know this stuffs will come out of my mouth..hahah.. i said," what most important and you are happy the way u are now, the tiems u spent, the person u are with, why care and think about future when things wont necessary happen the way u think it will, in stead of wastin time thinkin what future will turn out to be, why not usin it to think how to make everyday a happier one and treasure all your tiem..isnt it true?" no one can actually predicts what will happen in future no one will know what will happen to herself...so why bother thinkin so much and create unneccesary trouble?? when will i ever have the courage to confess, each time i failed to do so cos somehow they happen to be always around me...sometimes i admire girls who are darin but not stubborn...
and why is it always also hard for guys to face their feelings??

woo..realised i never blog as often as i used to last time..i remember i used to blog everyday...but now..i wonder why i didnt...
ppl changes as time goes by..now i understand..been feelin down..sometimes i really wonder how will things turn out to be if things never happen the way...i really didnt realise alot of things in the past...only until now then i realise...realise how important those things were..how much feelings it showed..how much time and effort paid...but to me, it was nothin in the past...sometimes TIME is a very crucial Key...time control everything..control what happen at this moment..control everythin..so i let time pass me by...i let time control me...isnt it suppose to be me the one controllin the time..and tellin it "Hey,i should be doin this now...and this later!!" but i arent that smart enough to do jus that...

read a post posted by kenny in friendster, it says about how certain things stands in ur heart...how important certain things should be..and which should be placeed first and secondary....i think is logical..the story goes like this..
"this professor brought an empty jar, put golf balls inside and ask his students whether the jar is full, the students all repiled YES! then the professor started puttin small pebbles inside...the pebbles all slide in between the spaces of the golf ball, then again the professor asked the students whether the jar is full, the student then again replied YES, then the professor pour sand into the jar..and the sand filled up the empty small spaces and air, then again the professor asked the students whether the jar is empty, then again the students replied YES.... this time the professor pour in two cuups of coffee, and coffee filled up the whole jar.. So the professor asked the students whether the jar is full.. tehn again the student repiled YES!!
the morale of this story is, the GOLF BALL refers to the most important things in our life...ur family friends,love ones, god and things that should be placed FIRST in your heart, the pebbles are secondary, like job,work,money,luxury, and other things,sand are those that stand little in your heart and have very little contribution to your life... so what is cofffee? coffee means that at least in our hectic and busy life we could sit down and enjoy a cup or two nice coffee...isnt that what life supposed to be... true enough..i should learn to placed my piorities correctly..and must treasure what i have now...
life is always filled with ups and downs...i never know what the next moment will happen next..never willknow what will happen to me..never know how long more i could live..never know what my future is..never will know alot alot alot of things...i always ahve to fall down before i could stand up bravely..but when is the time that i could juc stand up bravely without havin to fall down? this i will ahve to find the answer...
and i hate regret..but i always do things that i regret in the end... and now i am slowly thinkin that why should i care so much about how ppl think about me...the most important thing is how i see myself...if i see myself as someone who is good and nicec and kind..then i have nothin wrong...nothin to doubt about...and the secondary important thing is how my loved one see me as? if they think bad about me..then are they still my loved ones? nope i don think so...

haiz..talk to much bout life agtain..arent i naggin? and ya..havent been meetin up with the 4 guys sincee i start flyin..partly i have been up with my stuffs..wonder what they are up to as well?? heheh :)

wahz..damm pissed..wrote a damm long post last monday or sunday but in the end...CANNOT FIND SERVER...what the hell..now i also forget what i wrote ready...
but anyway wanna annouce somethin..
GOING KL for holiday..with my gang..YEAH!!!
yupz...have been thinkin alot...have been wonderin alot...was watchin this chinese drama..and started thinkin..why girls can give their hearts out willingly not hopin for any return...jus hope that the guy will take more notice of her...will pay more attention to her..is jus a small favor to ask from yet guys arent able to do so....isnt that saddening... how can girls give so much yet guys jus treated them invisible...yar...to u she might be ur best budds beset frens...but to her..is different..i feel sad for that girl... i understand how tired she can get...how sad everytime she gets when she keeps on helpin him yet he keeps on hurtin her...how sad when she pays 100% attention on him but he only gave 1% attention of his's to her....is sad how badly he orders her around and how sad she being ordered around... all this are jus what girls usually will do when they fall deeply with someone...

alot of ppl say my blog is always filled with saddness...ya..true..it is always filled with saddness...cos there isnt anythin happy to boost about..nothin happy that i can feel everyday...nothin..absolutely nothin..i mean i am always happy around my friends..but it different u know...different kind of happy...and is true when my friends told me that i always tend ot ppl and never allow ppl to tned to me....yar..i find is kinda of true..cos to me..it seems useless to go around tellin ppl my feelings and stuffs..yet they can do nothin about it...they can jus listen...no advices given...no wise advises...but sometimes one or two wise advises came to me...i appreciate...yupz.. mj always ask me...am i okie? everyday..i bet eveyday i seems not okie..,yupz..i don know..down with some stupid things i guess...hahhah...
but i will allow that person to tend to me if she/he is my very very close fren...then i will not be afraid that i am botherin her or him..hahhahha... am i weird?
hmm...anyway this few days have been in the enrolment thingy..and saw my course ppl..sorry to say..but mostly CANNOT MAKE IT one..aiyo..hahhahah..ahhaha...but this year batch all seems kinda of mature..esp the girls...hahha....wonder why....

applause for myself and cher and jiayi!!! yeah..we finished with our exams!! hurray..wahz..time passed definitely damm fast..really fast..1 year of poly life i went thru..with u guys..definitely somethin i wil regret if i miss out...u guys really turn my poly life upsidee down...hahhaa....yeah..and i seriously hope that we can all get thru to 2 year..i don wanna repeat..pls..pls...lets pray for each other okie...but sad..then no one to make me happy everyday...no sch means no fuun..no u guys means no craziness...how? i will miss u guys lehz..cher go shanghai...we stay in singapore...haiz...hahaha...but this sun we will meet wont we? hehee..huhrray....okie..i will stop bein so mushy..haha

hmm...what to say? i don know...but this few days..i have been ups and downs...funny huhh...i can be alone when i wanna be..and think bout damm hell lots of stuffs..but there are also times i need frens by my side to distract me...yar...things are always so sweet in television..is always present to us so sweet on tv...but in real life..does it really happen?? NO! it doesnt...i don believe so...and why can guys be so cool always acting...quiet..don talk..

okok..sorry...no mood to blog....... continue next time..

woo..is late at night...and i am not asleep yet...hmm..many things on my mind...although i have exams comin up..don mention about it..cos it seems to me like not exams..is so differnt from sec sch..sorry i have been non stop mentioning sec sch...cos i jus cant get it off my mind..to much memories...somehow my work reminds me of sec sch..cos that particular weekday i was workin..then i saw some sec sch girls..hmm..it reminds me of my past...my sec sch times..how i missed it..really missed it..the fun..the netball periods...the time when we maje teacher cry..the times when we talk back at teacher...the time when we really treasure that teacher..the time that we were all punished together..and those real hard netball trainin times..non of it is out of my mind..i miss my netball juniors...and i could jus forget bout huiqi bday..sorry..hahhha...i miss my only mei..hahaa..those navie times we have together..weer glad that all of them proceed on to a good yet tough path..which i believe all of them can make it..okie..enough of my past times..

many things on my mind..some are slowin fadin..some are buildin up strong...there are alot of things i wanna say..but can only be kept in my heart..only i and my diary knows..hahha...and that day i saw ruzaini..hmm...he is the same as usual..but botak..NOT NICE lahz..ruzaini...hahhah...he say my face still as rounnd*bleah* Hey..u guys better treasure this reunited relationship...cos i feels that u guys went thru alot..going around and around searchin for the right one..but in the end still ended up together ...so isnt it fate that u guys should be jus the right one for each other? why stil waste time searchin? jus treasure each other..and cherish what u have..and ruzaini..is time to grow up! always playin a fool..and jokin aroujnd...i mean this is somethin good..always..can make ppl laugh..but also must learn how to be serious...hahha..set ur heart right and don regret this another chance...heheheh...
and people have been askin me what i sound so sad and down?? hmm..do i? hahaa..alright i am..i donknow...jus feels that everythin is jus not right..sometime bad is gona happen...i don know..why i feel so sad and down? i really dont know..is started when ..........but i bet it is gona end soon....yar..alright..next time i try my best to write alot of happy stuffs inside okie?
heheh...i will really try my best...alrigth here comes the happy stuffs..
Television Programme makes me happy..i am distracted for the time beign..haha..
i watch smallville that friday..wooo..power..damm nice..clark super handsome...he seems to have sliim down..but this season lana not as pretty as last three season...don know..but she is still pretty and hot..and this season got this new girl lois...pretty not bad lahz...hehhehe..and chloe is still alive...true enough..she should be dead..cos i cant believe she is dead in the last season..cool..i think this season smallville is nice..waited for so long ..and here is comes..ehhe..but a weird timeslot..and i gona miss alot of shows...like monday...the jap show cant watch cos got exams..tue cant watch again..cos workin..wed the dolphin bay cannot watch go out..thur i don tink can watch..then fri worse...cant watch smallville as well..got camp..ARGH...wahz..immediately after holiday damm pack..damm busy..hahha..but cool..keep me occupy.hahha...then somemore i hope trainin resume as soon as possible..hehee... :)
haiz..okie..i shall stop here huh..but i am bored...damm bored...this few days ...super bored..haiz.. :(

no matter how beautiful a sunset can be,
it stills only signifies the end of a day..
no matter how hard u pray,
moon will never fail to appear..
darkness fall upon u and me...
no one seems to understand us...

hmm...was actually readin thru all my previous post...from before chinese new year...all the way till the last post i wrote...hmm...have been thru many kinds of different feeling..have been feelin down...hmm..guess i am very fake arent i.. i guess i wast really happy oncec.. i mean everytime i laugh..everytime i smile..everytime i try to be happy..all those are fake...are act by me...alright i mean i am happy whenver i am with cher and jiayi...cos we are real crazy..i am happy when i went for the cyclin...i am happy those times...i mean okie...i should phrase it thise way...i am happy when i really am...but the thing that i lack of is happiness...isnt it? i guess i lack of this happiness feeling... all my post are all so saddin and saddin and even worse... never i had a good happy happy good thingy...once i am very very down...but guess i were never very very high...hahha...but there are things that i feel happy about deep in my heart...guess there are already some answer in mym heart...jus that my mind wont want to listen to my heart....i couldnt help it then..hahha...i am stubborn at times...stubborn not to let go....yupz....but things changed isnt it...i shouold learn to let go..if not how am i suppose to continue livin my life?

hmm....had a talk with mariam after our closin which surprisin was damm early...we finished everythin by 11.15....and we sat down waitin for the cab uncle..and thanks to her...we finished damm fast..thanks...we had a talk ....talk about work,sch and of cos relationship....hmm...she asked me"chunpei whats ur ideal age for marriage?" then i repiled"for me i think is 25 which i don think is possible to realise it" that time i was thinkin ya..my ideal age for marriage is 25...cos by the time my child is ten years old i might only be 30 plus 40....still young isnt it...but right after today..i change my thinkin..sorry...i swear i change my point of view damm fast..after watchin the New Japanese Drama "GOOD LUCK" by Takuya Kimura my fav jap actor..he damm handsome charmin...perfect..just the perfect man..i love his hair..hehe...oh ya...after watchin this show..i change my point of view...cos in the show...he is a pilot...hmm...guess everyone have their own dreamin of becomin what they want to be when they grow up..till now i have yet to find mine..but in the show i saw how persistent he could get...and stubborn he is...i mean why he want to be a pilot...of cos he likes flyin...but most importantly, he wants to get all the passengers in the plane arrived to their destination safety...thats what he always have in mind..he has his dreams and is nearin to accomplished his dreams..then what about mine? and in the show...there is this plane technician..a lady...woo..cool...why she wants to become a plane technician? cos both her parents are killed in the plane..thats why she wants to make sure that the plane is safety for take off....yeah...they have their goals in life..they know the direction they are headin...then know what they are doin...they know the reason for their life...they saw how important to work hard and make their dream come true...ya..so now..i am in search for my dreams...

so i was like thinkin bout what i told mariam..." my ideal age of marriage is 25" if i really want to get marry at 25..why am i still studyin now? might as well i quit school and work and inserach for my husband instead right..stupid me...i should have a goal in my life...a goal for me to work towards...always wanted to do somethin meaninful and good...wanted to have a good goal in life...thats excatly what i shold be searchin for...like i bet my frens around me have their goals in life..what they wanna be...i know one of my fren is really workin towards his goal...can see...can feel..yar..why didnt i learn from him?
so sometimes watchin tv means no harm or like what the elders would say WASTE TIME..it isnt..sometimes it makes us realise some important things in life...isnt it?

i have been wastin time thinkin of stuffs that will never happen...why didnt i think bout what i should do and my goal in life?? hahahha...

hmm...did i grow up overnight? hahaha..nahz..jus kiddin...hahha...

lost of memory will change a person,
then allow me to lose memory,
cos i need a change,
a new start in life,
a new goal in life,
then will my life filled with meaninful reason to live on.....

what a weekend...what a day..what a freakin F**king day i had today...argh..argh..sometimes i wonder...why i have to work..it isnt really that poor until i have to work..and my money from work doesnt use to pay sch fees...okie..yar....i am payin for my own expenses...although i still get allowance..but come on..it isnt enough for me to survive..sometimes i jus don understand my parents...haiz..but nvm...suddenly find work alittle boring without mary,sarah and hetty..at least this three i always joke aorund with them...and talk more to them...is always difficult ot work with sally...cos she doesnt work durin the weekends..and i doesnt work durin the weekdays..but i will be seein her this thur..hurray...finally..hahha..haiz...work is super stress and super tired and sujper everythin jus now...super damm alot of ppl..don know why today s many ppl when tml still got sch and work...the moment i step into my outlet...i startin workin workin non stop..and i mean real non stop until i finished..there isnt any time for me to slacck around and day dream..ppl keep comin non stop..haiz..then it seems that i do this, he also say...i do that he also say...why cant u jus make the workin environemtn a more relaxed and happy..and i will be more relaxed and not so stress up in makin any wrong orders..is like to me..helpin must see whether it is the right thin the right position and the right timin....i don know...haiz...workin today makes me feel like quittin..okie..i know i arent strong enough...but tired lahz...come on..i still have to study for my exams!!haiz..i don know..sometime i wonder how come i always so unlucky..always have bad manager..always..levis one the management sucks..coffee bean outlet manager sucks as well....current one...haiz...he don really sucks..but very stern as everythin..always pick on me..i guess i am easily bullied...damm..have to be fiercee next time ah..hahha...haiz...tired..hungry...lazy..tml gona study....

alright..forget what i wanna say ready.. ooooo..i remember raedy...gosh..today i saw the handsome young lions soccer player...gosh gosh..he damm freakin handsome...okie..he is a malay..forget his name reayd..but then he super handsome..tells u..really super handsome..hahahah..aiyo...he seems like the guy in my sch ivp team...hahha...but this national player more handsome ah...hahhahha...super duper handsome..hahahha...cool..okok...later i gona dream of him..haha..no lahz..kiddin...but he handsome lahz..hahah..okie...last time..
he is very very very handsome..next time i will look out when he play...heheh

alright...jus hope everythin is goin to have a happy endin..hehe.. let everyone be happy..
tml no study session with cher and jiayi...no GDTW also..sad..i wanna see YE YOU LI,DUAN YU JIAO and WEI YING QI..*warnin to cher..u better not watch it without us okie!!" hahhahhahaahhaha...miss them...not gonna see them till wed...hahha...study hard okie...!!! :)

and to all my frends havin exams tml good luck!!! :)