what a unhappy day

sometimes, i start to think whether have a license is good..guess someone is jus very unhappy me drivin...not very happy today....

that day haven really finish bloggin bout my happiness, cos was jus plain too tired!!now still am...no idea why....holiday also tired...

that memorable day, i labelled it as

[ lucky, happy 17th March]

i was extremely happy till i want to jump up and down, couldnt suppress my happiness, cant wait to share my joy, that moment of joyous moment is undescrible...i know those who have passed their drivin must have felt this way!! i was super lucky, as i said, many ppl this time round gave me all their luck, sincerely givin me all their luck, and i used them up...thanks friends....
at least i am able to share my joy with my friends...
my dear lulu, she also must make it...she can and she will....prayin for her....
and mr geek, he wished me luck on that day, and he became seriously down on luck that day, he took the wrong LRT home!!! god...and stop at my stop which he was thinking "both stops sound similar" he must be in deep thoughts....

drivin with my dad beside me, is so pressurize..he jus cant let me drive in peace...i have already had enough of my instructor, now i am havin a stricter instructor..god.."give me a break"....

now come to think of it, that moment of happiness didnt last long, cos 2 days later, the joy,excitement and happiness is gone...and is just like "oh i can drive...no big deal" wonder why....
that faithful lucky test day. Seems like a Dream..a beautiful and wonderful dream i had....

and, i heard the lightin but hope the rain will come..
hope it wont be a false alarm again and again and again...
startin to get tired of it.....
readin too much??
no idea...

i Haven Been gOing "taNning!!"
and i wanna go this comin week...!!!
i want the warmth of the hot sun,
the darkest tan from the shine,
hope i get to go!!

holiday??
it so boring havin holiday, stoning at home, online with nothing to do,thinkin way too much..
school?
it so boring and tiring,tired,early awake,freakin projects,not enough time...
attachment??
ill-treatment? borin?? Useless??

everythin i also complain, then what will make me feel i have the best in the world..
often, i stop and think what i want and what i want to do?
but always i couldnt find an answer,
recently chattin with my fren, told bout my future plan after graduate, but all doesnt seems to be things i wanna do...

eventually, will i go for what i wished? or what i plan? or worse things happen??

lucky me...

once again, i have overcome the greatest fear and achieved somethin i suppose to have........

this time, thank god...luck is on my side!!

i wanna thank those ppl that wished me good luck and even pray for me...haha...they did a great part,they passed all their good luck to me...thanks man..thats the best thing i needed most...nothin more important than luck today...they are great..thanks alot man...they wished for me, pray for me..i can sense it..thanks..

and one of my fren msg me twice to assure that i wasnt nervous and be calm..this person's encouragements helps alot...and i could also talk to share my happiness!!

the moment i hear "passed"
the minute i saw "the TICK beside the PASSED"
the instance i feel like jumpin and screamed that "Finally i made it!!"

this time no more bukit gomback
no more manual car,
no more left,right,straight,
no more gear change...

i officailly am a certified DRIVER!!

i am very very very happy, i am glad i could call my friends to tell them about my joy..thanks...

left me to ponder..actions done left me to think alot...

but now i think i shall not write more..cos i am gettin sleepy, as i only had 3 hours of sleep last night,
bcos of today i couldnt fall asleep..but now super sleepy...cool!!

nervous me

heya..i could feel *bump *bump it in my heart... whenever i think bout it...i could feel it, when i am alone thinkin bout it..i am very very very nervous and scared..doubly scared than the previous time..and i don like it..is killin me...stabbin me contiunously in my heart..i feel the pain, i feel the unhappiness,i feel the nervousness and i DON like it..i hope for someone to calm me down, i hope for someone to assure me that i can do it...

actually this someone did appear..but this time i don find this someone's assurance and faith convincing..why?last time,jus one word from this someone, i have confident and faith in myself, but this time the feelin is so DaMm different..no time to search for an answer here...too many problems in my mind..wait till everythin has settled down, then i slowly find the answer...

settled down??

hmm..guess i am those kind of person that hopes for everythin to settle down nicely before i could comfortably settle down as well..if i know that there are still things left undone, i think i wont feel right settlin down and play, so i like things to be done when they are suppose to be..

recently, feel very worried for this dear fren of mine, don know whats wrong with her, we wanted so much for her to tell us her problems, but she kept mmmm bout it..why? we don understand...
ask her out?
she say she not free.....
talk to her?
don know what to say.....
feel so terrible....

17th march, a memorable day to be remembered!! cos so many things are gonna happen that day!! so MANY!!

words that are difficult to say

i have jus posted a lyrics Deep and Meaningless on my previous post...it is a very meaningful lyrics..and i think it tells alot of many people who are feelin troubled in some kind of relationship problems..i like this song..

i seems to be too occupied for myself and haven been spendin time with my friends..too occupied for myself...guess i worked non stop..cos holiday are jus plain borin..nothin much to do..but i think i will meet jiayi and cher up this weekend..guess we've got alot to catch up..seriously missin them...come to think bout it now, i think my life is damm pathetic..see, if i am havin holiday i do nothin but work..what a no life kid i am..damm..been thinkin alot recently though,
what have i achieved in poly?
what have i done?
but always no answers return..i feel that this 3 years in poly gona be a waste...why didnt i study harder to earn myself a place in any JC then to Uni...wahz...why i never had this kinda of dream before...where all my other dreams are unrealistic and i can say is ridiculous dreams..what the hell did i really did for the past 20 years? live my life off.. my friends are doin what they like and what they want..but what bout me?
i am jus doin a stupid course that will ends me up no where..what am i gona do for my future..i see BLANK!! god..what is my life man..
what cher say is correct, things start flowin when u are alone..
think like one hell lots recently..always have sleepless nights, i cant stand it..i don wanna have sleepless night..i have been havin hot temper recently..god..what am i really doin with my life..pathetic..doin all the unnecessary things..

if i could turn back time, i would have study hard to earn myself a place in JC, and study my ass off for As, then study my head off in Uni...maybe all this might be bullshit for me... what if i gain a Uni cert but in the end still earn myself no where in the society, then wont i be back at where i am now? bullshit ....why am i thinkin so much when i shold move on,
why i think so much?
did i overthink ?
did u guys think as much too?
or am i abnormal?
i don like myself for thinkin so much..


always wanted to be that brave,darin girl with attitude, but this expressions could never be used on me...
brave? bullshit....actin brave only...
daring? ass... don even dare to ask somethin i want to know
attitude? ya right..bad attitude u mean...
god...what am i man?
20 years of my life...it might be half of my whole life...why can i live it more meaningfully..
Damm! i always only know how to say...but never do it...
shit damm...

my friend is troubled yet she kept it to herself,
felt so terrible when i could do nothin,
wonder whether she will be fine..
we will stand by her...

i am sleepy but afraid the moment i lie on my bed i will have sleepless night again............................................

Deep and Meaningless

I, I don't know why I miss you so much
Yeah I, I don't know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why
Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

Chorus:If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lieYou knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless
You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had(Damn that's sad)
There are many things left to remind meOf a love that
I just can't leave behind me

more of me

livin in the world of my own,
things start pilin up,
thinkin and thinkin,

music runs through my mind,
emotions stirred up,
whats wrong with me?
whats wrong with my head?


memories keep flashin in my mind,
i wonder who is the camera man,
takin pictures non-stop,
like there is no tomorrow,
though feelings covered,
my heart still hurt,

i wonder who you are,
i wonder what u are thinkin,
i wonder whats my future,
with no control i have in hand,

never mind the looks,
never mind the feelin,
thought this was the right thing,
jus walked on non-stop,


wrote this myself, started one line and carried on with the others...bein emotional again? Come on, early in the afternoon, i being emotion? must be jokin..haha...wanted to express somethin but don know who and where to confide to...cos even i don know the answer and the correct solution..slackin again..wonderin what cher is doin? haven seen her online...poor jiayi have to do somethin...haiz..no one to accompany...starin at the com,playin the game,listenin to the songs,bein on msn, but no one bother abut me....so bored...wonderin what i can still do in this time? lost interest in tv..maybe i am tired maybe i am sleepy maybe i have too many thin on my mind..thought i could shuy it off, buyt it keep runnin and runnin like the lock is spoilt, i think i only can rest when i found the locksmith for the spoilt lock..meanwhile i have to bear with my my mind keeps thinking..alright..so unusual for me to blog in the afternoon..guess i am too bored..someone pls entertain me..i need some entertainment.. hahahahahahaha

reunion day

too busy for bloggin? yea man.. this week has been an interestin and happenin week for me..i love the way it is..though it is kinda of tirin..but time pass jus like that...i wont have time to think so much... whoo...

thur's
still in bed when alarm rang ~Hao xiang zhi dao,ni de 100fen hui gei ze yang de ren
mum's consisent callin,
familiar yellow toothbrush,
minty refreshin breathe,
black shirt and pants,
mac's susage muffin for my empty stomach,
no customer,
gossipin non stop,
say bye bye to starb...
watch the Survivor Law's last espiode,
bath and off i get out of my house,
suntec city,
rainie's pre-order album!!!!,
nydc,olio,fish&co,kenny rogers,machie,surf&turf,
mango's great deal!!,
got my fav sweater!!,
kyeo's finally arrival!!,
rice-table!!,
twistin of mini car,
takin train back to tamp :( ,
went to get jiayi's bag!!!!,
yeah..so happy..we got our fav items for 5bucks cheaper!!,
Fish&co at tampines,
cushion seat,
2seafood platter for one -- 2 stingray-black pepper -- 1 fish&chips(best in town) -- grilled sambal fish -- 4 passion fruit -- 1 lemon tea -- 1 ice water,
playin of lame games,
it was fuun!!,
playin of 1 round pool!!,
it was short!!
refillin of petrol!!,
drivin down to hougang,
blk 410 coffee shop,
chattin away,
Singapore poly's gems,
poly attachment,
vin's sleepiness,
it was very funn!!,
drivin home!!,
home sweet home..

had fun today though i was actually pretty tired...never had enough sleep..i bet the others too..it was very nice and fun to have our group reunion...so long haven had this whole group reunnion..always 1 or 2 missin persons..but this time no excuses allowed? cos today is the day dear luo turned 20!! wahz..how old man...hope he spent a great day tml..!! and he like the shirt!! yeah!! hahaha..seriously felt so phew!!
great day spent,great offer i get!! haha..

wanted to write more feelings stuff..but not in the mood..guess i will do it the next time..got lots of time cos it HOLIDAY!!

hurray!! exams over..no more readin..no more memorise..no more holdin of pen..no more sitting on the chair..no more writin on the paper..no more sengkang to dover..no more mornin squeeze..no more late night sleeps..no more rushin for times..but most sadly no more Jiayi and Cher..i don like this... i want more of them!! nevertheless, guess we will meet up as often..i hope so..meet me k? my lulu and maggie...hahah..

on friday night, jiajia liang cha at food republic,
walkin down to centerpoint to get vic's boxer and "......",
met gavin,le they all,
chattin away at nydc,
vic's happy when decidin to go zouk,
standin outside of hereen,
vic's disappoinment when zouk is cancelled,
mj,ah hua,kenny,bryan,maxim and me to alley's bar, hoegarden-lychee martini-blue mountain-,
007-Seven-Up,
NR7,
walkin to sengkang's park,
3 drunken lads,
chattin all the night...
thats was how my event went on after my last paper!! woo...hahha...

vic went shanghai...for attachment..anyway i like his hair..nicee..and suit him..though it was an ususual group of ppl on friday night, i guess i still have some fun on that night..but wasnt told any jokes..didnt feel entertained..haha..though i always feel that our group is dispersing, but they always manage to salvage that thoughts and patch it back..it might not be as close as before but we are still friends..always have fun around them..hope he take care over at shanghai..see him back in singapore one month and 2 weeks later..

saturday night,
usual hangout place,
my Unexpected Nice Shot,
Hollaback Girl,
vinson's new phone,
kyeo keep borrowin chalk,
vinson keep on teasin,
luo up and down mood,
kwoo slowness and lameness,
baolong's absent AGAIN,
Mazda-tpe,
jalan kayu,
parkin of car,
egg prata,
ice -teh,
fish and mutton curry,
chattin away,
super high,
home sweet home....

meet up my sec sch friends..hahah..one bunch of funny guys..idiotic..always BULLY me...esp vin and kyeo..they shall watchout..they are the only sec sch friends i keep in contact..sometimes,when i think,is kinda of pathetic,cos i am left with so little sec sch friends but i am definitely lucky to have them as my friends..with them..all our sec sch memories revive again..didnt know i was a fuss and irritatin girl when i was in sec 1..haha..sec sch is fun!! from 1f --> 2f --> 3f --> 4e --> 5b so cool...had lots of fun..hhah...but our group always have one missin person..he is too busy for us.. :( hahha...anyway, his news are welly spread by kyeo..hahha..sometimes,he and kyeo are very good that i didnt expect that..haha.. anyway,happy to have them as my friends..

sunday,
home stoning!!
missin jiayi and cher...
has been long since i see them..
wonder what they are doing...
too much free time for bloggin...
not a good sign...

hahha..i am too free to write so many things!! be back soon..

a new skin for a new me

i created a new skin for myself...nice? actually is one of my work for my design module..actually is okie only..anyway,is better than the previous one.. the previous one, i see ready i also wanna vomit..have been on this for like 5 hours..once i starting doin my blog i cant stop..haha..
anyway one more paper to go and thats it..HOLIDAY...woo..\but nothin worth talkin bout holiday..wil be so bored..if not i will be workin my ass out..hahah...playin? maybe alittle...hahha..too tired of computer ready..facing it everyday...haha..anyway, jus wanna post cos i got a new skin... :)

i swear i never

i swear i never did those that went wrong..ya i can swear...cannot take it down..i did everythin that i am suppose to do..keep checkin whatever shit i have to do..why must he malign me sayin i never? how can..damm it!! damm F**kin shity bloodly cannnot take it!! come on..tell me a way to let out my unhappiness and frustration..i seriously don understand what went wrong...irritatin hell...i cannot cool down bcos i seriously do all the things he said i never...i got nothin more ot say..i need to cool...someone pls tell me a good way...it is in my heart very terrible...

Luck Needed, Missin them..

jiayi and me needed luck badly..we need all the luck anyone can give..hahah

anyway, i thought i got over some things..but apparently not.. it came back again.. i expected it alittle.. thought i could treat what it comes like normal. but i think the feelin has never been gone.. so it stays on, and i couldnt forget anythin little winly thing about it.. it is still stayin strong in my mind..how comne? when i thought i am over it, it still intact in my mind. i jus need the person to trigger it, and thats it..i am shot with memories again.. memories that i tried so hard to forget and to throw away..the dreams that i always have, the expectations that i always wanted, the everythin i hope for.. i have throw them all away and far away.. but the moment the person shot it, thats it... i am filled with bloody memories again.. things juc cants stop goin in my mind.. so damm irritatin..
thought i got over it, but it has never went away..never a step did it move, it jus i try so hard to deceive myyself that i forgotten about it.. thats so sad...i hate myself for this..why cant ii jus opvercome this thing and myself? why i have to make myself miserable? why do i allow myself to feel sad? why cant i climb out of it? why cant jus someone come by?
rubbish thinking..hahah..thats funny..
anyhway whatever it is, i have to throw them aside to prepare for tml..the big day..hope me and jiayi can make it thru..lets make it thru together,..

and another thing..jus now i was browsing thru all my friendster testimonial..saw everyone's testi for me.. suddenly i miss alot of ppl..pppl like sheena of cos...and the most missed gang...the green gang..those times we had were tremendously playful,wildful,happiness..and super fuun..i love them to the max last time..but how come things take a change..we were so close and havin so much fun..it so sad to see hwat it is now..wanted so much to happen in the group..but it disappoint me most.. the navie innocent bunch....not anymore...seriously missin them much..meijie also..we were so close last time..we were.. jus like what ahppen to me and jas..its the same thing again..why is the same thing keep happeninn to me? am i such a bad fren that goes away when i feel a distant..or what am i? a bad fren that will feel tired of a friendship?? not sure though..but pretty saddening to see what it has become.. no much contact..but was happy to hearr from brandon and victor of cos.. and see mj once or twice...

although nothin big really happen but many disappointment i have.. friends and netball stands the most.. but maybe i should be happy as i am now with cher and jiayi..and we are pretty close to some of our classmates which is a good thing..how i hate myself last time for being so bad...i always say i hateed my class..hated t o make new2 frends..i am contradicitn myself...haiz..

anyway good luck to jiayi tmlk..all the best..and to me too!! hope luck is with us..

the valentine day upon...

woo..valentine day is reachin...2 more days..and who am i gona spend this special day with? hahah..with lulu and maggie..the two good friends..bought some things for them as well..what does valentine day means? it means to spend those special time with your loved ones.. And yes,both of them are my loved ones..hahah..gosh,so mushy..seriously,i know ppl must have been tired of listenin to me say this: but they are jus the best friends of my life..yeah..they rocks!! whoo...

i have stop goin after romance, cos it seems so faked and far...i have stop dreaming, cos is jus simply waste of time, i have stop hallucinating,cos nothin will come true..

times spend as days passed,
times run as water dripped,
ppl missed the chance
after which they never have the chance,

when it comes to love, everythin is amazing...amazin how ppl fall in love, amazin how the feelings comes about,amazin how much we could count love,love is jus amazin..

maybe i am far way too emotional cos i watch too much dramas.. but i love dramas cos they make me laugh,cry and touched..

hate and love, is it so difficult to differentia it? love means love,hate means hate,is it so complicated?
i guess i lost my shine, i think my courage run away,everythin is gone....
feelin too emo recently?? nope..guess there are some problems solved after i put some thoughts into it..hahaha..sounds funny..but no choice i am jus like that..
recently, i am back to bein afraid of lonely..i have no idea why, loneliness kills..i agree..there are times when i love being alone,there are time when i hate being alone..maybe when i hate being alone is i hate to think of things i don wanna thing..don feel like givin it a damm cell brain for it..
what is then real happiness? i really want to know..
but now i what i know is that i am very sleepy..feel like sleepin but scared later at night cannot sleep...hahahaha..

the worst day of my life

the worst day of my life..and as well as for jiayi..for her not only that day itself...it lasted for almost a month..feel so bad...haiz..just find it that it hasnt been a smooth start of the year for her..mine might not be that bad..i still have jiayi and cher around...we always make fun of cher and make her suffer in the end..haha..guess my words sometimes are too rude...but friends can one right..haha..excuses..

one particular day was the worst day of my life...why? supposedly to be out helpin my brother find jeans...but in the end..the series of event that happen make me lost my mood and become so bored!! startin from hearin jiayi's drivin stupid instructor...followed by her itp...followed by my unexpected guest..slowly it tires me out...once bad luck came upon u, u wont be able to shake it off... things are like that...

a new chinese year begins..i seriously hope with the start of a new chinese year, my life will totally have a new start..i am so bored leading the life i had now..maybe it would be difficult for me to change my lifestyle i used to have..but i am gettin tired of it..but i will never get tired of cher and jiayi..they are really the best gifts i had since i enter poly..i always hope to forget the past and move on..but i always couldnt do it...i hate myself for doing so..but i have no control over it.. always hearing meaningful quotes and phrase from vairous people.. i always think over what was been said and understand it.. alot of logical stuffs applies to the life we had..we live... i miss alot of things..though things have changed!! i hope in a new year everythin will change for a better...always wished for a better life..but i never got it.. always the tiring one,always the weak one,always the poor one..why am i always the bad one?

along the road i regretting doing and not doing alot of things..but i cant always stop there and never stand out of the boundaries.. i stil have to move on to experience more life and environment.. and have more fun with me.. i should abandon those things that i cant bear to part with or forget it...altough sayin is always easier than doin...i always manage to say what i wanna do out but i always never carry out my plans..i hate myself...i have no good points at all! felt so sad..
life is so disappointing..

there were once a period of time when i cant see my future..i cant see what i am in the next one year.. i cant imagine what i live for...jus to study work sleep eat and marry ? i don think this is a perfect life i am searchin for..i want to have a life i felt meaningful too.. everyone is living each day passed each day...some never even planned for their future and just carry out with their plan..seein future is important..i hope to be have a meaningful and lively life ahead of me...


cher and jiayi!! love u guys...take care and happy chinese new year..

happy chinese new year to everyone..

the last day of my life

woo...the last day of 2005 is to be TML!! wahz...i have been repeatin sayin that time passed very fast..yupz..indeed it passed very fast..another year of my life has gone..what have i got? nothin but jus two dearest friends... seriously..2005 has been quite a smooth year to be..although there are ups and downs along the path but i manage to overcome it..love my friends..but yet i still feel that i acheive nothin..simply nothing...but it seems like this year there isnt anything special or big to celebrate about..it yet another new year begins..yupz..thats it...nothing to be overjoy about..nothin to celebrate about..but in fact i will be meetin lulu and maggie..heheh..hurray..lookin forward to meeting them although we often met up..hehehe...

wishes for next year..
*hope what i wish for come true
*hope everybody is healthy
*hope cher and jiayi will be happy
*hope our friendship will be everlasting
*hope special things happen
*hope i will have a good attachment
*hope we have more laughters and fun together
*hope everythin goes smoothly for me
*hope i will pass my drivin test
*hope for everythin that's the best

yupz..i am greedy indeed cos i want everythin good happen to me...yeah...always havin alot of principle to say..but this time i make it an exceptional..nothin big nothin logical nothin expressive to share...but jus to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas!!!

hey...times passed so fast....it is yet another year i have to bid goodbye and wish the best for a new coming year...wooo....okie...let me wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year...
specially merry christmas to my Lulu and Maggie...stupid maggie dumped the both of us and went taiwan to celebrate christmas... :( jealous and envy her....but she promise to get us somethin from taiwan..right my maggie?? hahhaha...i shall forgive her on the sake of the presents right? hahahha...

so fast 2005 is ending and 2006 is reachin...seriously so fast cant believe it...it always seems like last year i just had countdown..las year countdown was a sad and not very fun one...cos things happen...hahha...but anyway...it has been a year i knew mj and victor they all..been two years since i am in love with lulu and maggie...it has been 7 years i know luo they all..wahz...interesting ah...this 2005 year...alot of ups and downs..but i am always happy with maggie and lulu..hahahha...busy with alot of thigns....some drifted apart...some never contact..but will try my best...hahah...oh ya try my best... this was the phrase kenny and ah hua always uyse when i first know them...hahha..so funny..wahz.time pass so fast...

i have stopped been so stubbornly wanting to go back to secondary school...cos i loved the company of lulu and maggie...memories are meant to be kept...i have some beautiful memories in my mind...but also have terrible memories that i wouldnt want to be remind of...but no choice cant choose to keep the memories i want...have started to be lose of words at alot of times...includin writin endin speech for 2005...
write wishes? but my wishes never come true....i also don know what i should really write to end this 2005...but i could say that this 2005, my mood and feeling never had much change...have always been me...
but my attitude change alot...i have became more evil...those ppl that i don know..i wont even look or smile at them...and sometimes mywords are alittle blunt...which last time i wouldnt do all this...hahahah..i also have no idea why i am like that now? i can jus don care about ppl around me if i don know them...don know..feel the change...as i did say alot of times..
people change...in every period of life people bound to change..jsu have to accept it...arhg...i don know what i should wirte..

jus wish everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR...

three cheers for L.A.M (lulu.alba.maggie)
yeah...hope we will have a everlasting friendship....realy hope we will...and
hope everyone be healthy and good luck!!!
take care ppl....

Shopping Queens....

woo..shoppin queens...it has been long since i could once shop like crazy.. Shoppin doesnt means buyin alot of things..but jus to satisfy myself... my yearning for window shoppin...my yearning for lettin myself off..my yearning for relaxation.. and i found a good companion for shopping...we both have the similar style...but sometime different taste...we are honest about each other choices..we can walk and walk non-stop...i don dare ask, she help me.. she don dare, i help her...isnt that cool? my good shoppin partner..my Fren..Jiayi...
supposedly,got another Hum Jin Pang..but she dumped us again...hahhahah...
looks like my life revolved around my two friends now... we also do things together..i mean i'm not tryin to boost how good my friends are...but sometimes i will stop and wonder, if i never met them, what would i be now? alot of IFs again..but lucky i still met them..hehe...Thank you my friends..

and on thur, there is a 2 hours on-house drinks at strabucks..the main purpose was to help salvation army to raise money...so while we givin drinks, the salvation army will be there hopin for kind souls to donate... it was fun for us parnters to have fun while doin drinks and everythin..is definitely a good experience for me to see different kind of people..there is this kind lady..she waited for very long for her drinks...she never get angry or frustrated...but instead when i finally passed her the drink, i apologised..but she say" is fine, thanks alot, and merry christmas to you" at that point i felt so appreciated...cos there are customer who will appreciate what starbucks offer to them and they wont grumble and waited patiently for the drinkd.. Three claps for them..

different people living different lifes..some go different paths..like i said before.. but why can people led so different life..jus for example, i also compare the wealthy andwell-off people with myself,and i will tend to see how pathetic i am..but why i never think of those unnfortunate..they might be 10 times worse than me....so i should also appreciate with what i have now and living happily...
so fast i have lived for 19 years of my life...ten years down the road i will thin back again..times files so fast...so scary...but i hope everyone will be healthy and i will be with jiayi and cher ....hahahha..YEAH!!

illusionarch...

woo..its been awhile since i blog..and i have once again changed my blogskin...wonder how u guys think?

too many things have happen in my life...too many changes keep goin around me..too many past hunting me...too many future that i cant keep up...

yupz..indeed, world keep turing and turnin.. it seems that i still stood there motionless.. many things always went through my mind but i shut it off soon after i feel i went too far.. cos dreaming is never a reality..i know alot of things cant changed..somethin i think that certain choicecs we made bring us to where we are,who we are.. thats why we often wonder IF only...IF...the important word..people really born with different life..often i wonder, actually i have a good life... but always when i think of people that are better than me..i felt worse..so somethin no use comparing right? is it that i am not hardworkin enough or am i jus choosin the wrong path? but sometimes if i never choose this path, i wouldnt have known cher and jiayi..cos they are the person that become important friends in my life...thats the only happy thing i have gain from this path..
but things are easier said..why are we so close now? why are we so good..cos we have been doin the same thing together...i wonder when we graduate will we stil be this close..which i seriously hope we will...cos my feelings for them are deep..hahahhahhahaa...

My Return....

hey...it has been a long time since i blog...hahha....cos since sch starts i have been having a busy week.. everyday there are many things in my mind that i wish to say and wish to voicec out..but too busy to note it down..now i have this little time to blog but i totally have no idea what i wanted to say for the past few weeks...too many things i want to say but i forget..

okie, i remember the recent thing that i want to mention.. i realise i have become to a very bad person..keep talking about people's bad point..laughin at other people...pin pointing our poeple's weakness...thinkin about all the bad things..i also have no idea why or when i start becomin like that...maybe if i say out, is different..but me myself feel it ...so terrible..hope this will be just for a short period of time...

school term have been busy..excited about gettin a car license, excited about my attachment cos it wil last for the whole sems...excited about the FYP finally hopefully the threesome (me,cher andjiayi) can work together again...excited about graduation trips...cher me and jiayi planin...savin hard...excited abuot many things...but everythin will fall out of places once all this things end...that time i will have to start thinkin when i want to go? what i wan tto do..my future..my carrer...my eveythin little thing...i am goin to be no small girl..i am goin to be mature lady...gosh..thinkin of that is terrible enough...hahhaha...but what to do..i am a person who thinks alot..hahhaa...

hope me ,cher andjiayi will have fun and be happy and work hard and pass and graduate all the way...yeah yeah yeah...hahhaha.l.

Had a bad stomach

obviously when someone is sick,she tends to feel weak..but do they also feel more emotional than usual? i don know bout others..but i feel so...i realise that whenever i am sick, i wil feel more emotional than normal..i could shed tears easily and have more emotions and feelings for one particular event or things...i don understand why...

sometimes i wonder, is it that i look down on guys over being emotional??
cos guys hardly shows their emotions out..so sometimes i would feel that they are emtionless, don bother bout alot of things...but maybe some arent like that..cos yesterday i happen to be listening to Yes 933 FM... then i came upon this programme..this guy phone and wanted to dedicate songs to his friends..then he mention his two best friends...the way he says it, is like how excatly a girlfriends would feel for their girlfriends..cos u could hardly express their feelings...then he went on to dedicate to his Sec 4 classmates...when he felt very sad for being this is their last year and they will be parted...then i suddenly felt that two years back i was in his shoes too..feeling very sad to be parted with my classmates for 5 years..and the bond is there...mostly i could hear complain from girls for being sad to be leaving sec sch..i never heard anythin from the guys..so i thought they are cool about it...but this dedicator made me realise that, guys arent emotionless they are jus better in hiding their emotions..while girls prefer to let their emotions seen....


soon enough, one more year down the road, i have to decidee my path for my future...hard decision..but, who knows what will come for me...haven throughly thought bout this question but has always been in my mind.......

life is not a show

always hear people says "Life is like a movie"... but jus think back...is life really like a movie? and can it be? i don think so...or maybe some movie reflects some lifestyle some life facts but not entirely representing that it can be like a reality...
if that is so... how i wish my life could be like this actress,could be like that actress...how i wish this prince charmin will appear, that bad handsome will appear...how could this things jus happen? is it ridiculous...or should we say it vice versa...
"Life is Not like a movie but tryin hard to be like one?"
i think this is more like it isnt it? dont we always try hard to be someone we are not...always try hard to have the lifestyle jus like the movie had...try hard to be one in the movie..i think isnt this tirin to be someone u are not??
but this is jus lifde...movie cant be reality...only those u earn for are reality...nothin in this world is free...
and people always says that women thinks alot..this one i totally agree...mostly every women i know thinks alot...of cos thats includee me...but i guess i am someone who doesnt shows that i think deep into something..only people who are close to me can see that.. cos whenever women have womens talk we talk alot and shows that we think alot..
but guys are slower in terms of thinkings...but not all guys..some...are...but i also don understand why women thinks alot..maybe bcos they are worried...they have alot of things in mind..things that are simple become complicated when it get in touch with women...how i wish i can be a simple woman..


and recently i thought i grown up...and stop goin after idols..hmmmm.....BUT no..hahhaha...recently after watchin the Ou Xiang Ju ..- Er Mo Zai Shen Bian...i am deeply fallin in love with He Jun Xiang And Yanh Cheng Ling...wooo...i think they are both very good artise..and very good actors...with very good heart and character..and they are both very young...hahhaha....seriously...hahha..

drunkard burnt me...

woo....i am burnt....terribly burnt...face very painful...hahha...cos i went to play netball carnival at TP...then it was on the mornin..and my face got burnt..very terrible...i am so dark now..
hahah....

anyway, maybe...only MAYBE..i could understand why some ppl smoke...cos when u are drunk u tend to do things that u wont do when u are sober...i don know for other ppl...but i feel that when i got alittle drunk i feel like doin alot of thigns i never tried before..even screamin..sceamin or shoiutin in the bus..but i am still sober enough...really tends to go high and crazy...don understand why...but on the other hand..u also feel like cryin your heart out..hmm...i don understand why...but i seriously feel like callin someone jus speak my mind off..say whatever is on mymind.. but in the end i didnt...stop myself from doin that...hahah..but i don think being drunk will make someone forget everythin however, will hurt them more....hahha....but should i change..cos it wasnt drunk...it was jus high....hahha..yupz..HIGH is the word!!!hahah..alright..tml got sch..SIAN....hahah..

I dont deserve it....

i dont deserve it??... why the title?? cos recently i met up with my long lost girlfriends...my secondary school friends...we were very close during the sec 4 period...the times are fabulous...i haven been meeting them due to alot of reasons...yupz..then i met them on sun...to have a meal and catch up on those we missed out..definitely i am the one who missed out alot alot...they have moved so far ahead and i am still stuck in this small little corner of mine own...hui went overseas,xing in nus,dia in sim,chu goin aust,cheryl doin well...everyone seems so far far away...i wished to be like them...study oversea or even continue studyin after i had my diploma...but for my case it didnt seems to be the case...i don know what will happen a year later...but time passed very fast..but of cos i am happy to see them again...each of them very happy with their own life now...but it seems i am the only one nothin interesting.. they ask me to update them..but there is seriously nothin in my life worth to be updated and there is absolutely nothin that i could updfate them about...so i speak lesser than usual..i also emphasie the feelin of comfortable when u are around either your friends or your loved ones...although it isnt totally uncomfortable, there seems to be alittle akwardness there...and what they made me feel bad is when i decided to go home when is late..they said" for u, we can forked out money for your cab fare later" i am thinkin....I AM NOT WORTH THAT..cos i M.I.A myself for very long..feelin bad inside...haiz..hahahhah funny ah..hmm..i guess things are gettin interesting..and school is startin soon...quite excited to go back to go and have fun with cher and jiayi..missd out the fun i had with them...and goin school is definitely very interesting...Yeah!!

Camp Disaster

break camp on sat around 1plus.... wooo....doin nothin in the camp...as i was jus a secretary...but was appointed the GL afterwards...thought that only acompany them till flag paintin...but other GL make me feel bad..cos they accompany them thru out..but i didnt...hahhaha...through out the camp, i keep finding place that i can sleep and jus sleep...in SPSSU club,Sports club...jus find place top sleep...very tired..cos is an overnight thingy..the campers played thru out the night..we have to be with them also....i seriously hope the campers had fun..cos i think the water freshido very fun....know more friends from the camp but not that close...know some freshies from the camp..quite interesting..they are so hyper...hahha...it isnt easy runnin a camp..alright..Camp stops here..

simple obsession

here he is..HE JUN XIANG...hahha.. i am bloggin directly from photobucket..so that i can post pictures here..hurray..then next time i can post pictures whenever i like,i love...hahahha...so here he is..the simple obsession i am in now..hahhaha...

okie...got back my result today...Phew!! i could sleep well...i woke up at 7 thinkin when is 8.30 comin...then again i woke up at 8.00 thinkin "oh half an hour more..." then i woke up again at 8.16 thinkin " how come time pass so slow" in the end i decide to wake up..but when 8.30 comes..the server of school is down..i could log in..so i wait and wait until 10.00 am...til i can finally log in and see my results..Phew!! i never repeat any module..cos last night i dreamt that i forward not only one but TWO modules..damm scared..then moreover my left eyelids keep jumpin yesterday...was alittle scared and afraid...but finally...Done!! results wasnt that good..cos didnt quite expect D!! argh!! and Cher also did well..got Freakin A!! for Video..hahahhaa....and seriously now i am DAMM BORED!! nothin to do..waitin for 3plus to 4 for trainin time...now is like not even 1!! help me!! what can i do? there isnt any television programmes...and there isnt any online stuffs to do...i am goin crazy...argh...haiz..and i will be goin camp tml until sat...alittle sian..didnt wanna leave my com...and have to camp in sch...haiz...hahhahahaha....but all the people i know gona be there..there will be victor,brandon,kenny,ah hua,yenwei...so long never see them already...hahhaha....okok...damm bored..so bloggin borin stuffs...hahahah...haiz..sian...

Photobucket

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

is there such fantasy??

i really wanna know whether there is such fantasy romance in reality...cos it is getttin so fantasy and fairytale...it is almost the dream romance every girl is goin for...it is almost the dream guy every girl is yearnin for...but is it the reality that every girl have to face...is gettin more and more unbelievable...maybe is jus drama..maybe is jus a story..maybe is jus a comic...but how i wish there is real life...

every relationship has its own obstacles to overcome...has its own problem to solve...i guess..now i am getttin more and more confused by the drama...i think i am that sort of person that be what people think i should be..and i arent the person i want myself to be..i am goin against my will but goin by people's will.... people love people to be kind...so i have to be kind..people wants people to be generous..so i have to be generous...am i this kind of person..even me myself cant stand myself...gettin more and more confuse...time and time, again and again i ask myself...what kind of person am i? true from the heart? or someone fake?

i don give people good first impression..i guess if i said somethin wrong i wouldnt have notice too...and it takes me a long time to trust that person..whether he/she is trustworthy...it takes me sometime to open up and really talk to a stranger...i can be total loner if i want to...i can talk non stop if i want to...i don know..do i have double character? i always envy how she is...how good she looks...things she own..friends around her..people circlin her...whether i see this kind of girl..my confidencec drop way way down...i am jus too bad,...okie..enough...
suddenly, somethin shot my mind...

TML RESULTS OUT!! gosh..i seriously don wanna fail..i wanna go to sems 2 with CHER AND JIAYI....pray hard...
all the best...pls pls let us go together...

how crazy i am now...

hmm..i guess to me...a small thing can be a big influ to me..from last time F4...till now..although the chasin isnt that strong as last time..but it is still there...is this a sign of immature?? hahha....but this time i fall in love with the show..fall in love with the characters...touched by the show..moved by the show...hmm...am i jus simply jus too emotional? or jus simply childish? although i jus reached 19...i jus don feel that i am 19!! why? seriously doesnt feel like...i still feel like some childish secondary sch girl...gosh..hahha..

but i guess i am over emotionally attached to the show..cos i feel the pain when they feel the pain...i felt the love when she felt it...i felt the feelings they feel...although it seems so fantasy...but it is a beautiful fantasy...hahha..hmm..there is never a show that i feel what they feel...

anyway..the pic i put on the top left corner..does it seems out of place?? hahha.. i feel so...hahha

**Happy Belated Birthday to Myself**

yupz..jus passed my 19 years old birthday yesterday...yupz..since my birthday is over...i feel like saying that when as years get older...birthday seems nothin to you..maybe to me...now it seems like there isnt any need to ce\lebrate this occasion...hmm...is it really because age is catchin up..i don think so...in the first place...i really didnt feel like celebrating this occasion... feels like stayin at home...alone...hahhaha...guess i am weird one...and i also know that birthday wishes hardly anyone came true...maybe to me again...hardly one came true..is jus another ocassion to gather ppl togehter?? but like one of my friend wished me...he said...today is the anniversary of Chunpei's laughters...cos is the day i am born..with this laughter? hahahhahaha...true enough is the day that marks everyone's birth...important to remember...i was born on this significant day...to mark how noble my parents are...esp my mum..hahah..okie..thats my birthday..

but i also wanna thanks all the peopple who remembeed my birthday and those who wished me...it really means alot to me..cos it shows how many ppl really remembered my birthday...seriously..i am very happy....thats enough..
of cos i still have big thanks to cher and jiayi and dianelle...hehhe...they did make my birthday more meaningful by visitin to the zoo..cos thats my first time..hahah..okie..shutup don laugh..yupz..19 years old first trip to the zoo..heehe....hahaha..okok...but it was fun and smelly..hahahhaha...then of cos i got my sec sch friends..thanks to chaffaur yeo!! hahhahaha....he drove us around...and baolong..cos didnt expect him to turn up though cos he jus got well..and wei luo when he turn up and stayed long..hehe..and kwoo whom seems lost when he see me...hahhaa....anyway he is always like that...and of cos vinson..the one who bake my birthday cake for 2 years...thanks thanks..really thanks..thanks to them..i felt their effort...and i am happy!! and plus i am able to see david beckham on my birthday... super handsome..his hairstyle very nice!! hahha..cos we went to watch GOAL! quite a long show..but i think is nice...show how passionate a player is...how much he really wants to play soccer...how much hardship he put in..and how he wish his dream could be regconise by his dad....in the end..he make it..everythin he wished for...but seriously speaking not everyone could be this lucky to make their dream and passion come true!! hahhaha..nicee show...

lastly...seriously!! thanks everyone!! thanks you!! love u guys!! hahah..

Devil beside you...

no storytellin today...cos i jus finish watchin a story...a romantic story...a taiwanese idol drama...Devil beside you...sometimes i wonder, the story are jus too fantasy...cos in real life, will this kind of love exist?? i doubt so...that jus too exciting,too passionate,too dangerous way of love...met alot of obstacles,but went thru all of them jus with my thinking in their mind...that is "TO BE TOGETHER"....becos wantin to be together,they strive hard in everything,sometimes selfish unntil don bother bout how others feel. is there really love forever? this show is fantasically dramatic..but dramatic nice...i love it alot...seriously loving it...HE JUN XIANG is very handsome..cant deny that he acted very well... look hard on the outside, but extremly soft in the inside...he care more than any other ppl..arrogant in his own way but never irritating... suave in his style but never too proud...how come ther are jus so simply perfect man or even woman??

sometimes, u can really see what woman are lookin for...they are always on the outlook of broad shoulders that can rely on and who will always protect them...whereas for guys, this time i seriously don uunderstand guys...

my tears are really dried this time...all my tears haven given to this show...cry until nose block...cry until tears kept streaming down...but i like this kind of feeling..cos they make me cry....tears are always considered unhappy moments or things...so when i could cy them all out means i have cried all my unhappiness out....interesting huh...jus thought of this theory myself.....

goin to sleep soon..too early?? hahah..cos i slept at 6.30 in the mornin and woke up at 7.15 am to work..bcos of the show i stayed up late and watch... :) too emotionally attached!! :)

**story continued**

yupz...she cherish friendship..and wish every friendship could last as long or even forever....but she understands that somethings cannot be predict...so,have to take things with stride...
now,comes to her love life...should she describe her love life as complicated?? cos nothing ever works out...becos she isnt someone fantastic...so there isnt much to elaborate about..whenever comes to love,she loses all her confidencee she oncee had..she always tend to look down on herself...although she isnt some love expert...but soemtimes she could figure out why she could console her friends in their relationshiop problems?? and sometimes,things she said she also cant believe she really said that out...funny isnt it? fate is always not on her side when it comes to relationship...things happen jus too concidence to believe that ir coujld jus be pure concidence...
she loves music and she loves watching dramas...dramas that tells a romantic love story...dramas that tells about pursuing their dreams.. dramas that tells a meaningful story..cos to her..she always learn somethin out from the dramas...things she doesnt know...sometimes she learn from the drama..to be persistent in your own dream..to pursue soemthin u love...to believe in someone...to ahve faith...and believe what u got..she harbour alot of dreams....dreams of her future...which she dno know whether it will come true...she always dream..but could never remember what her dreams are bout...
**story to be continued**

story continued......

**Story continued**

nevertheless..without fairytale romance....she still have to carry on with her life...cos the world wont stop for her...nomatter what life still have to carry on..of cos..she wont be so stupid to be depressed over this stuffs...
sometimes small little things can make her happy..simple things can make her laugh..jus tell her a joke...be it funnny or not funny...she will laugh..what trigger her laughter?? maybe the sincerity of someone willin to tell her a joke? or maybe the sincerity that someone wanna to make her laugh? all this could be possible..cos she understand how it feels if someone were to tell a joke and it couldnt make the person laugh...it willmake the person who is tellin the joke feel that is waste of time..
she definitely enjoyed the company of her friends...fromprimary school to secondary school to poly...she could remember alot of friends and were glad that she was always among the famous few..but all this doesnt last...in primary sch,she have a bunch of good girlfriends and some guy friends...but lost contact...in secondary sch, she initally sticked with her primary sch fren but due to some problems split...joined two friends..however didnt last...then she joined a group of innocent,funn-loving,hardowrkin girls..she nejoyed being with them and love their accompanionship..but however deep ion her heart, she feels that she and them doesnt belong to the same world..she is so far far way behind them...she doesnt feel absolute comfortable with them,she feels a distant with them, cos they move very fast..she couldnt catch up...when with them,she always afraid to say the wrong things..and she doesnt express herself,doesnt tell them about her problems and feelings..soon,she pull herself out from them after everyone left secondary school...but thru out her secondary sch life...she always have a bunch of cool,sporty girls around her..being her fren..support her...play netball together,cry together,work hard together,run together,punish together...went thru alot huuh...
then in her last phrase of her sec sch life...should she say that heavedn is playin a joke on her? hahah..funny...haiz...it seems that she got no close friends to stick with...but lucky for her buddy by her side...talkin to her and study with her...stay in class every recess...and in this last phrase she got to know some frens better..but it only lasted till the end of sec sch..and each went different path again..she is someone that doesnt take actions but sit there waitin for ppl knockin on the door...she wont contact frens ..always waitin for friends to contact her...thats why she keeps losin friends..in her memory,she remember havin alot fo friends surroundin her always..but now..when she think back,she barely think of anyone that she could ask out...no one..pathetic..but there are still 4 friends she has in seconday sch...since sec 1 same class till sec 2...but funny thing is, also no idea how come they could still be close till now...yar...fuunny..nothin could explain it...but she is happy now..for havin two dearest polymates that share almost everythin in her poly life..she always say,"without them she cant imagine what her life in poly gona be like" they always joke and joke andjoke..joke uuntil laugh till stomach pain..they share the same dreams,they support each other,they cared for each other, they uunderstand each other...they feel comfortabl ewith each other...they know each othe rin and out..hahha..cool huh...she seriously hope that this is the friendship that is goin to last forever for her..cos they are important..and there is also this gang of ppl that came by in her life, which enriched and brighten her life...went thru alot of happy moments and exciting moments...but it has all gone...guess slowly she has learned to accept it..cos partin is startin to become part of her life..
is fate who bring friends together...is destiny that allows them to be friends...she loved every of her friends...

**story to be contniued....**

oh ya..i change the layout of the blog again.i hope it isnt bad..or becomin worse..cos is like so messy...hmm..will try to improve it ....think of more ideas... :)

Play ur fav song...

woo..very happy....i made the song dropdown box...now u can jus play the song u like...although this blogskin design is by me...maybe to some it might not be up to standard..but i am improvin on it...guess i jus have alot of things to catch up...my designs arent fantastic...but is somethin i fancy...hehe....

i think i......

hmm....whats the title about..i think i.....i have alot of doubts in my mind ....
i think i.....
i think i....
i think i...
i think i...
hahha..thats many many many more...but none of it i figure out what i should do with it...too much things i have in mind...

i always grumbled bout not having alot of things in life...maybe alot of people thought i am a happy girl..wbut who really knows whether i am happy or not...i might be everyday cryin to sleep?? maybe i don talk when i am alone..maybe i ...too much maybe...someone said...dont say too many MAYBE...cos it means u regret alot of things in life...quite true..but no one can predicts future as well..who knows what will happen next...i also wanna know what will happen in my future..i don wanna be a nothin...i wanna be something..but i have to strive hard...

a story goes like this...
this chuubby little girl...have been growing day by day...goin thru nursery,primary school,secondary school,poly.... she never knows what the path ahead of her is...but she dreams everyday to be someone big..to earn alot of money...cos she realise it true sayin not all money can buy everythin,there is somethin money cannot buy...but reality showed her that money in fact can have alot of things..one whole family can get to travel every year,family can heal any healness(not all),family can to have comfy life,family need not worry much about money prolems..maybe she have the wrong thinkings...but sometimes reality was way too much cruel...although she wanted to excel in everythin in school...theres always things that she acnt do...she cant focus..she cant concentrate..she knows she either make it or failed it...she is worry of the outcome...everytines it occurs to be like that...everytime she hope to learn somethin that teach her how to live her life..what she should really strive for..and what are her goalds in life...she never knew the importancee of knowing goals in life..but now she truly understand..having goals in life are important...cos thats the things that keeps her movin towards it and strive hard to live her life...
moreover like any other girl...she also wish for fairytale romance...she knows is hard to come by...thats why she jus treat it as a child dream,..cos once again facts showed that things like that arent easy...

**story to be continued...** hahhaha...

my own blogskin!!

hmm..finally i am able to design my own blogskin and use my oen blogskin..was quite happy...this new blogskin the design is excatly that kind of design i am goin after....i sort of quite like it...but it seems like too big...alittle funny...but finally i am able to design somethin that can be seen...hahahah....okie that for all...i like my design..hehehl..

changed blogskin

was jus happy to annouce that i changed my blogskins after so long..and this one..the picture on the right..i madee one...i wanna put them there...hmm..actually upon learning web publishing help me in understanding this html codes alot...a good thing it is..and i am happy with my blog..moreover there is song now..will keep on constantly changed my song..now then i feel to blog more often cos of the new blog..hehehehe...lovin it...oh yeah...holiday sucks..so bored!!!! hehehe....

hmm..it has definitely been a long time since i blogged....maybe there is nothing much to say or no feelings to talk about..or no mood to even write things out...hahha...okie..whatever..

maybe next time i will only blogged after watching some shows..cos everytime after watching some shows,it might enlightened me in some sense..or teach me something or showed me something that i always missed out...

dreams we always have...
but hard to reach it..
some managed too
its not that they are lucky but is because they worked hard..

hmm...sometimes i wonder...is it a blessing to be loved by two persons? who will u choose then? the one who always care,feel,concern ,always there when u needed someone,stands up for u, very gentle towards u or the one u loved but always make u sad and cry?
if u were given this choices..what will be your choices then? cos i am watching this show...somethin about this...i feel sad for the guy that loved the girl so much but in the end gets nothing in return...althought i would want them to be together but as much so i also want the girl to be with the guy that she likes too...

although i know this kinda of things wont happen on me...but girls always think...so i once put myself in the actress's shoe.. if i were here...who would i choose? the one who is always there for me or the one who i loved but makes me cry? i keep asking and thinking..pondering and wondering..i don know...i am prone to gentle and caring man...i am soft-hearted...i am frickle-minded...
who knows..maybe i will choose the one who is always there for me...

anyway..that show is nice..sometimes i wonder how the scriptwrite could producec suce attractive,sad,ups and downs show? hmm...anywya..who says watchi too much shows no use..ifor me..there always meaninig to each show... :)

Remoto Control

Life is always unpredictable....
should i be awarded a remote control
where i could control my life..
i want my channel to filled with happiness...
i switch to a comedy channel...
when i could avoid watching sad shows..
that will in turn make my life without sadness...
when i wish to control my life...
live it the way i want...
the remote control will assist me...
he could only controlled by me...
he have no power to make me sad...
cos i will be the one controlling...
i chose the way of life...
i chose the sequence in life..
i chose the up and downs in life...
isnt it wonderful....

facing reality

a story of human........
what's the point of view of ladies?
what's the point of view of men?
why do people quarrel?
bcos they share different point of view..
ladies have their own mind of thinkings..
men have their own ego...
men and ladies are different...
men always claim that ladies are difficult to understand...
likewise for ladies, men are difficult to understand...or should i say they are worse?
men always complain ladies to be very emotional...
likewise for ladies, men are insensitive.. or should i say emotionless?
men always nagged when ladies do their splendid shopping..
likewise for ladies, they grumble when men waste their money on wine..or should i say be a drunken bum..
so, with all the misunnderstanding,complains,grumbles,naggin....when will men and ladies starts to understand, compromise each other?
or will this time come?
men this century is full of ego, ladies this time is full of confidence...what will happen when stone hits stone? clashes will be forseen...
ladies claim to be the modern century living creature to be striving hard for a living unlike ladies in the past...
men claim that ladies are taking over the world when in the past they dominate the world..
world takes a change...
but in the end, in every ladie's heart, they yearn for one thing.. is for happiness.. they yearn forr this time to come..the time when they are cared,pamper,loved... but should ladies be jus waiting for this moment....
while ladies searchin for their happiness, men strive hard to make out..
make out? men only have one dream..to be successful in life...
WAIT ...HOLD ON....
without the support from the ladies, will the men succeed??
without the love from the men, will the ladies find thier happiness?
No, all this wont happen..this is when men and ladies compromise each other..care for each other...prayed for each other..think of each other...this is when everythin come to place..this is when somethin called love take place!!!

wooo...i am still alive...amazing..hahaha..cos i didnt slept at all last night...cos i was rushin my assignment..was amazed that actually i could stayed up till so late to rush off my assignment..cos if i cannot take it i will jus doze off...but finally my assignment is handed up on time..heheh..alright...hope my design arent as bad....

everytime i will know what i wanna blog and wanna say..but when the moment i wanna write it down things became different..anyway, since when things always remain the same? things are always complicated and confusing...certain things are straightforward but not all are....nothin to do before i blog..so i went to browse throught the photos that i took...the most memorable pictures arent the hongkong pics anymore....they are the pictures i took with meijie,yenwei,nette,victor,brandon,small dan,kenny,ah hua and ben...these are the pictures that make me smile even when i see them now..there are retarded pictures, happy pictures, drunk pictures,birthday cakes pictures....from the pictures, it tells alot of things...it showed me what we have really been through and how happy and fun we were last time...i always say is so sad and depressing that it turn out like that...but maybe other think otherwise...i thought i am the most emotional person insidee this group...we forsee this but no actions were done...we haven even reach a year of friendship...arent we that weak?? hahhahhaha.....and i find out somethin about myself..i always know how to talk but no actions...talk big right...hahha..whatever...
now..whereever i go...i would try my best to find a accompanion cos i don like the feeling of being alone...i will tend to start thinkin and thinkin and thinkin non-stop...seriously, i am startin to wonder whether is it bcos i think too much of uneccessary stuffs that why i have short term memory now...i couldnt even remember what i did an hour ago or what i said a few minutes ago...i arent sure why i am back to thinkin so much again..maybe i am lost in my own world again...cos i was surrounded my fun last time...but now...loneliness...hahah...how come i make myself sound so pathetic...poor me...

anyway,recently keep bumpin into sheena and ruzaini...and they also came down to look for me...hmm..its funny how we were so close last time and the feelin now...but i do miss havin fun with them...and have been chattin with ahmad online...still as crappy as ever...talk rubbish...hahha...and i still miss myh sec sch life..with all the people i know ...the people i spent 5 years with..but now..i hardly even contact with anyone..no one in my class...hahha...sound so sad...

who ?? is to judge for me?to judge my life? judge the things i have done? judge my feelings for anyone? judge my judgement for someone? judge my sense of thinkin? who?

---Tired out----

wooo...have been tired since last friday...seriously tired...maybe i tired myself out..but ....anyway....i have started workin on friday...and sat and sun..and mon....hahhahhaa....sat and sun was a roadshow at orchard there....some safra thingy..eh...is sort of waste time cos got no participant....ahahaha..so slack..doin nothin there except keep sweatin..hahahha...then see alot of muscular guys...and is fuunnny...first time i see guys cheerin for guys...i find it funny..cos they take photos and cheer....hahhah..is finny...

hmmm..guess my moody self is comin back...no idea why..but jus feel moody....also want to be happy...guess i could only smile with jioayi and cher they all....hahahahahahaha.....yupz...only they can make me laugh..heheh....i jus wish for my own self to come back alive..i seems so dead now...i know many things are runnin in my mind...many many things...but sometimes i wish i wont think about it so much...is it bcos of guilty? or? but anyway it still sucks though....i don like it...i have no idea what i am goin to do but jus hope it goes away soon....

and recently i was deletin msgs from my phone cos too many msgs ready..then i came upon all victor's,brandon's,nette's messages...hmmm....we were so close last time..but things jus take a turn the other way round this time...the THEM i used to know arent them anymore...maybe it is...deep inside.....but it isnt on the outside...maybe me too...to them i might have also lost my old self...why....fuunny..i don kow...hahah..haiz....alot of things will come pilin up soon....but i wanna rest and take a breathe....i am tired and worn out......

memories...

wooo...back from a shag and long days...
have been wantin to write about memories that suddenly came flashin back...suddenly i thought bout my childhood memories when i was in primary school, how i always walk to sch with my mum and brother...esp when durin rainin days..i have to wear plastic with the shoes to prevent my shoes from gettin wet..then i get to wear raincoat...then slowly i go sch by meyself...then on every weekends, i will take bus 18 to bedok to my grandma place...then at my grandma place i will play alot of things with my cousin and brother...that day we were talkin about what we usually play when we were there...then i remember we always use the bed to build tents and house then use blanket to cover the entrance to act as the door..then we will eat biscuits and chit chat inside..hahaha..i miss those build house...hehehe..then when i reach sec sch...it was also walkin distance from my home...which was a good thin i realise now cos can sleep late..haha..then i always walk to sch...now i still miss my sec sch life when u get the most fun of it...i miss those celebrations days..Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, National day...cos we get to sing all the songs and the atmosphere is there...is like if u never feel the atmopsphere out there at least u have the celebrations in sch..wont let u feel that it isnt chinese new year or whatever celebrations day..i miss all those days when i will get high singin the song...then everyone will be happy and smilin and laughin...

seriously that day we went to watch the parade adn fireworks at marina...hmmm...i was alittle disappointed though...don know why...maybe i am the one keepin quiet? maybe i am the one who doesnt wish tgo talk...but i don know..all the funn and the people i used to know isnt the same...last time victor and brandon wont talk nonsense...i seriously don know..or isnt i, the one who changed? everyone is jus so different..suddenly i feel so distant from them...i know i haven been hangin out with them..but why things turned out so bad...??? or i think troo much?? hahha..btu anyway...the fireworks make it all worthwhile..gosh..it was totally awesome..beautiful...nice...and super exciting...so nice...but it jus lasted for moements and its gone...so sad huh...it let me realise that beautiful moments dont last.....i still wanna see fireworks!! hehee...

happy national day to singapore....

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY TO SINGAPORE!!
my beloved country!! hehehe...

eh..forgot what i wanted to write...hmm..let me think about it..actually nothin much to wriet..
but i have been always screwing up my own life..
haven had a proper life..rushin here and there...never had time to take a breathe and rest...never had time to meet up my frens..things jus haven been goin right..but it is definitely better than last year..things are so much better for me..i mean as in mood wise..i arent that moody anymore but sometimes i stiill tend to ...come on..who doesnt?
hahha....

who could understand the life each dreams to live?
each have different dreams bout livin their life...they want luxury, want comfort, want love... but do they give out theirs? some are selfish only takin in but never give out... maybe they are afraid to be hurt..who doesnt? the remedy to cure is time...and slowly u will be enlightened by passer-bys in your life..each will leave some trademarks in your life allowin you to regret and make sure u have a better life next time.. you will tends to realise u negelected some people in your life..but thats life and human..nothin is perfect..you can have everythin goin yoiur way..nothin is perfect...u tends to negelcts frens who help u...but if u still cares for them..and you know it ...thats should be enough...but does it even come across who will bother about you? when you yourself never even bother about urself? am i those please people but with a ruthless hidden self? am i a deeply emotional person? someone who gives out unconditional love? thats what the book says....


interestin life..unpredicatable life...suddedn departure...

oh yeah...haiz..sian...sian..totally sian...my exams all gonna FLUNG!!! FLUNG!!! BIG FLUNG!!! don wanna talk bout it..shut up!! before test..tons and tons of projects...after tests still tons and tons of project..what is this!!! surrounded by projects..argh!! argh!!! sians....haiz..year 2 is year 2...different sia...haiz..but then i also don know ....feel very sian..wanted to blog..cos that day i saw ruzaini and sheena..if also not really saw..is they came to starbucks...look for me?? hahhahha....but it was nice seeing them together again..is was nice seein them..but was pretty busy didnt get a chanve to really talk..hmmm...but then there is a stranger gap in between us...hmm..things are different now...it doesnt seems that we are that close anymore..only now then i realise that we were close once...hahhahha....but it was really nice seein them...miss my sec sch lahz..haha...wahz..the holidays week was totally struggling...i was struggling with my video projects...group projects are jus different....so many different points and views and arguements we could get somtiems...but still we are good people to waork with...now i realise my circle of friends are only jiayi and cher ...and the 4 guys...thats all...don know..feels lost of friends..maybe i am too busy with my own stuffs..be it work, sch or self time..this semster seems like not enough time...i don have any day that i could sleep more than 6 hours..now i barely only had 6 or less hours of sleep...cannot take it anymore...and maybee it is true that my cousin told me that if ppl doesnt have good sleep will have bigger apetitte...i agree..suddenly i want to eat alot of things...and my mouth gets itchy fast..NO!! NO!!..don wanna this to happen..hahahaha....

test is always stressful...argh.....i thought alot...maybe .................................