simple obsession

here he is..HE JUN XIANG...hahha.. i am bloggin directly from photobucket..so that i can post pictures here..hurray..then next time i can post pictures whenever i like,i love...hahahha...so here he is..the simple obsession i am in now..hahhaha...

okie...got back my result today...Phew!! i could sleep well...i woke up at 7 thinkin when is 8.30 comin...then again i woke up at 8.00 thinkin "oh half an hour more..." then i woke up again at 8.16 thinkin " how come time pass so slow" in the end i decide to wake up..but when 8.30 comes..the server of school is down..i could log in..so i wait and wait until 10.00 am...til i can finally log in and see my results..Phew!! i never repeat any module..cos last night i dreamt that i forward not only one but TWO modules..damm scared..then moreover my left eyelids keep jumpin yesterday...was alittle scared and afraid...but finally...Done!! results wasnt that good..cos didnt quite expect D!! argh!! and Cher also did well..got Freakin A!! for Video..hahahhaa....and seriously now i am DAMM BORED!! nothin to do..waitin for 3plus to 4 for trainin time...now is like not even 1!! help me!! what can i do? there isnt any television programmes...and there isnt any online stuffs to do...i am goin crazy...argh...haiz..and i will be goin camp tml until sat...alittle sian..didnt wanna leave my com...and have to camp in sch...haiz...hahhahahaha....but all the people i know gona be there..there will be victor,brandon,kenny,ah hua,yenwei...so long never see them already...hahhaha....okok...damm bored..so bloggin borin stuffs...hahahah...haiz..sian...

Photobucket

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

is there such fantasy??

i really wanna know whether there is such fantasy romance in reality...cos it is getttin so fantasy and fairytale...it is almost the dream romance every girl is goin for...it is almost the dream guy every girl is yearnin for...but is it the reality that every girl have to face...is gettin more and more unbelievable...maybe is jus drama..maybe is jus a story..maybe is jus a comic...but how i wish there is real life...

every relationship has its own obstacles to overcome...has its own problem to solve...i guess..now i am getttin more and more confused by the drama...i think i am that sort of person that be what people think i should be..and i arent the person i want myself to be..i am goin against my will but goin by people's will.... people love people to be kind...so i have to be kind..people wants people to be generous..so i have to be generous...am i this kind of person..even me myself cant stand myself...gettin more and more confuse...time and time, again and again i ask myself...what kind of person am i? true from the heart? or someone fake?

i don give people good first impression..i guess if i said somethin wrong i wouldnt have notice too...and it takes me a long time to trust that person..whether he/she is trustworthy...it takes me sometime to open up and really talk to a stranger...i can be total loner if i want to...i can talk non stop if i want to...i don know..do i have double character? i always envy how she is...how good she looks...things she own..friends around her..people circlin her...whether i see this kind of girl..my confidencec drop way way down...i am jus too bad,...okie..enough...
suddenly, somethin shot my mind...

TML RESULTS OUT!! gosh..i seriously don wanna fail..i wanna go to sems 2 with CHER AND JIAYI....pray hard...
all the best...pls pls let us go together...

how crazy i am now...

hmm..i guess to me...a small thing can be a big influ to me..from last time F4...till now..although the chasin isnt that strong as last time..but it is still there...is this a sign of immature?? hahha....but this time i fall in love with the show..fall in love with the characters...touched by the show..moved by the show...hmm...am i jus simply jus too emotional? or jus simply childish? although i jus reached 19...i jus don feel that i am 19!! why? seriously doesnt feel like...i still feel like some childish secondary sch girl...gosh..hahha..

but i guess i am over emotionally attached to the show..cos i feel the pain when they feel the pain...i felt the love when she felt it...i felt the feelings they feel...although it seems so fantasy...but it is a beautiful fantasy...hahha..hmm..there is never a show that i feel what they feel...

anyway..the pic i put on the top left corner..does it seems out of place?? hahha.. i feel so...hahha

**Happy Belated Birthday to Myself**

yupz..jus passed my 19 years old birthday yesterday...yupz..since my birthday is over...i feel like saying that when as years get older...birthday seems nothin to you..maybe to me...now it seems like there isnt any need to ce\lebrate this occasion...hmm...is it really because age is catchin up..i don think so...in the first place...i really didnt feel like celebrating this occasion... feels like stayin at home...alone...hahhaha...guess i am weird one...and i also know that birthday wishes hardly anyone came true...maybe to me again...hardly one came true..is jus another ocassion to gather ppl togehter?? but like one of my friend wished me...he said...today is the anniversary of Chunpei's laughters...cos is the day i am born..with this laughter? hahahhahaha...true enough is the day that marks everyone's birth...important to remember...i was born on this significant day...to mark how noble my parents are...esp my mum..hahah..okie..thats my birthday..

but i also wanna thanks all the peopple who remembeed my birthday and those who wished me...it really means alot to me..cos it shows how many ppl really remembered my birthday...seriously..i am very happy....thats enough..
of cos i still have big thanks to cher and jiayi and dianelle...hehhe...they did make my birthday more meaningful by visitin to the zoo..cos thats my first time..hahah..okie..shutup don laugh..yupz..19 years old first trip to the zoo..heehe....hahaha..okok...but it was fun and smelly..hahahhaha...then of cos i got my sec sch friends..thanks to chaffaur yeo!! hahhahaha....he drove us around...and baolong..cos didnt expect him to turn up though cos he jus got well..and wei luo when he turn up and stayed long..hehe..and kwoo whom seems lost when he see me...hahhaa....anyway he is always like that...and of cos vinson..the one who bake my birthday cake for 2 years...thanks thanks..really thanks..thanks to them..i felt their effort...and i am happy!! and plus i am able to see david beckham on my birthday... super handsome..his hairstyle very nice!! hahha..cos we went to watch GOAL! quite a long show..but i think is nice...show how passionate a player is...how much he really wants to play soccer...how much hardship he put in..and how he wish his dream could be regconise by his dad....in the end..he make it..everythin he wished for...but seriously speaking not everyone could be this lucky to make their dream and passion come true!! hahhaha..nicee show...

lastly...seriously!! thanks everyone!! thanks you!! love u guys!! hahah..

Devil beside you...

no storytellin today...cos i jus finish watchin a story...a romantic story...a taiwanese idol drama...Devil beside you...sometimes i wonder, the story are jus too fantasy...cos in real life, will this kind of love exist?? i doubt so...that jus too exciting,too passionate,too dangerous way of love...met alot of obstacles,but went thru all of them jus with my thinking in their mind...that is "TO BE TOGETHER"....becos wantin to be together,they strive hard in everything,sometimes selfish unntil don bother bout how others feel. is there really love forever? this show is fantasically dramatic..but dramatic nice...i love it alot...seriously loving it...HE JUN XIANG is very handsome..cant deny that he acted very well... look hard on the outside, but extremly soft in the inside...he care more than any other ppl..arrogant in his own way but never irritating... suave in his style but never too proud...how come ther are jus so simply perfect man or even woman??

sometimes, u can really see what woman are lookin for...they are always on the outlook of broad shoulders that can rely on and who will always protect them...whereas for guys, this time i seriously don uunderstand guys...

my tears are really dried this time...all my tears haven given to this show...cry until nose block...cry until tears kept streaming down...but i like this kind of feeling..cos they make me cry....tears are always considered unhappy moments or things...so when i could cy them all out means i have cried all my unhappiness out....interesting huh...jus thought of this theory myself.....

goin to sleep soon..too early?? hahah..cos i slept at 6.30 in the mornin and woke up at 7.15 am to work..bcos of the show i stayed up late and watch... :) too emotionally attached!! :)

**story continued**

yupz...she cherish friendship..and wish every friendship could last as long or even forever....but she understands that somethings cannot be predict...so,have to take things with stride...
now,comes to her love life...should she describe her love life as complicated?? cos nothing ever works out...becos she isnt someone fantastic...so there isnt much to elaborate about..whenever comes to love,she loses all her confidencee she oncee had..she always tend to look down on herself...although she isnt some love expert...but soemtimes she could figure out why she could console her friends in their relationshiop problems?? and sometimes,things she said she also cant believe she really said that out...funny isnt it? fate is always not on her side when it comes to relationship...things happen jus too concidence to believe that ir coujld jus be pure concidence...
she loves music and she loves watching dramas...dramas that tells a romantic love story...dramas that tells about pursuing their dreams.. dramas that tells a meaningful story..cos to her..she always learn somethin out from the dramas...things she doesnt know...sometimes she learn from the drama..to be persistent in your own dream..to pursue soemthin u love...to believe in someone...to ahve faith...and believe what u got..she harbour alot of dreams....dreams of her future...which she dno know whether it will come true...she always dream..but could never remember what her dreams are bout...
**story to be continued**

story continued......

**Story continued**

nevertheless..without fairytale romance....she still have to carry on with her life...cos the world wont stop for her...nomatter what life still have to carry on..of cos..she wont be so stupid to be depressed over this stuffs...
sometimes small little things can make her happy..simple things can make her laugh..jus tell her a joke...be it funnny or not funny...she will laugh..what trigger her laughter?? maybe the sincerity of someone willin to tell her a joke? or maybe the sincerity that someone wanna to make her laugh? all this could be possible..cos she understand how it feels if someone were to tell a joke and it couldnt make the person laugh...it willmake the person who is tellin the joke feel that is waste of time..
she definitely enjoyed the company of her friends...fromprimary school to secondary school to poly...she could remember alot of friends and were glad that she was always among the famous few..but all this doesnt last...in primary sch,she have a bunch of good girlfriends and some guy friends...but lost contact...in secondary sch, she initally sticked with her primary sch fren but due to some problems split...joined two friends..however didnt last...then she joined a group of innocent,funn-loving,hardowrkin girls..she nejoyed being with them and love their accompanionship..but however deep ion her heart, she feels that she and them doesnt belong to the same world..she is so far far way behind them...she doesnt feel absolute comfortable with them,she feels a distant with them, cos they move very fast..she couldnt catch up...when with them,she always afraid to say the wrong things..and she doesnt express herself,doesnt tell them about her problems and feelings..soon,she pull herself out from them after everyone left secondary school...but thru out her secondary sch life...she always have a bunch of cool,sporty girls around her..being her fren..support her...play netball together,cry together,work hard together,run together,punish together...went thru alot huuh...
then in her last phrase of her sec sch life...should she say that heavedn is playin a joke on her? hahah..funny...haiz...it seems that she got no close friends to stick with...but lucky for her buddy by her side...talkin to her and study with her...stay in class every recess...and in this last phrase she got to know some frens better..but it only lasted till the end of sec sch..and each went different path again..she is someone that doesnt take actions but sit there waitin for ppl knockin on the door...she wont contact frens ..always waitin for friends to contact her...thats why she keeps losin friends..in her memory,she remember havin alot fo friends surroundin her always..but now..when she think back,she barely think of anyone that she could ask out...no one..pathetic..but there are still 4 friends she has in seconday sch...since sec 1 same class till sec 2...but funny thing is, also no idea how come they could still be close till now...yar...fuunny..nothin could explain it...but she is happy now..for havin two dearest polymates that share almost everythin in her poly life..she always say,"without them she cant imagine what her life in poly gona be like" they always joke and joke andjoke..joke uuntil laugh till stomach pain..they share the same dreams,they support each other,they cared for each other, they uunderstand each other...they feel comfortabl ewith each other...they know each othe rin and out..hahha..cool huh...she seriously hope that this is the friendship that is goin to last forever for her..cos they are important..and there is also this gang of ppl that came by in her life, which enriched and brighten her life...went thru alot of happy moments and exciting moments...but it has all gone...guess slowly she has learned to accept it..cos partin is startin to become part of her life..
is fate who bring friends together...is destiny that allows them to be friends...she loved every of her friends...

**story to be contniued....**

oh ya..i change the layout of the blog again.i hope it isnt bad..or becomin worse..cos is like so messy...hmm..will try to improve it ....think of more ideas... :)

Play ur fav song...

woo..very happy....i made the song dropdown box...now u can jus play the song u like...although this blogskin design is by me...maybe to some it might not be up to standard..but i am improvin on it...guess i jus have alot of things to catch up...my designs arent fantastic...but is somethin i fancy...hehe....

i think i......

hmm....whats the title about..i think i.....i have alot of doubts in my mind ....
i think i.....
i think i....
i think i...
i think i...
hahha..thats many many many more...but none of it i figure out what i should do with it...too much things i have in mind...

i always grumbled bout not having alot of things in life...maybe alot of people thought i am a happy girl..wbut who really knows whether i am happy or not...i might be everyday cryin to sleep?? maybe i don talk when i am alone..maybe i ...too much maybe...someone said...dont say too many MAYBE...cos it means u regret alot of things in life...quite true..but no one can predicts future as well..who knows what will happen next...i also wanna know what will happen in my future..i don wanna be a nothin...i wanna be something..but i have to strive hard...

a story goes like this...
this chuubby little girl...have been growing day by day...goin thru nursery,primary school,secondary school,poly.... she never knows what the path ahead of her is...but she dreams everyday to be someone big..to earn alot of money...cos she realise it true sayin not all money can buy everythin,there is somethin money cannot buy...but reality showed her that money in fact can have alot of things..one whole family can get to travel every year,family can heal any healness(not all),family can to have comfy life,family need not worry much about money prolems..maybe she have the wrong thinkings...but sometimes reality was way too much cruel...although she wanted to excel in everythin in school...theres always things that she acnt do...she cant focus..she cant concentrate..she knows she either make it or failed it...she is worry of the outcome...everytines it occurs to be like that...everytime she hope to learn somethin that teach her how to live her life..what she should really strive for..and what are her goalds in life...she never knew the importancee of knowing goals in life..but now she truly understand..having goals in life are important...cos thats the things that keeps her movin towards it and strive hard to live her life...
moreover like any other girl...she also wish for fairytale romance...she knows is hard to come by...thats why she jus treat it as a child dream,..cos once again facts showed that things like that arent easy...

**story to be continued...** hahhaha...

my own blogskin!!

hmm..finally i am able to design my own blogskin and use my oen blogskin..was quite happy...this new blogskin the design is excatly that kind of design i am goin after....i sort of quite like it...but it seems like too big...alittle funny...but finally i am able to design somethin that can be seen...hahahah....okie that for all...i like my design..hehehl..

changed blogskin

was jus happy to annouce that i changed my blogskins after so long..and this one..the picture on the right..i madee one...i wanna put them there...hmm..actually upon learning web publishing help me in understanding this html codes alot...a good thing it is..and i am happy with my blog..moreover there is song now..will keep on constantly changed my song..now then i feel to blog more often cos of the new blog..hehehehe...lovin it...oh yeah...holiday sucks..so bored!!!! hehehe....

hmm..it has definitely been a long time since i blogged....maybe there is nothing much to say or no feelings to talk about..or no mood to even write things out...hahha...okie..whatever..

maybe next time i will only blogged after watching some shows..cos everytime after watching some shows,it might enlightened me in some sense..or teach me something or showed me something that i always missed out...

dreams we always have...
but hard to reach it..
some managed too
its not that they are lucky but is because they worked hard..

hmm...sometimes i wonder...is it a blessing to be loved by two persons? who will u choose then? the one who always care,feel,concern ,always there when u needed someone,stands up for u, very gentle towards u or the one u loved but always make u sad and cry?
if u were given this choices..what will be your choices then? cos i am watching this show...somethin about this...i feel sad for the guy that loved the girl so much but in the end gets nothing in return...althought i would want them to be together but as much so i also want the girl to be with the guy that she likes too...

although i know this kinda of things wont happen on me...but girls always think...so i once put myself in the actress's shoe.. if i were here...who would i choose? the one who is always there for me or the one who i loved but makes me cry? i keep asking and thinking..pondering and wondering..i don know...i am prone to gentle and caring man...i am soft-hearted...i am frickle-minded...
who knows..maybe i will choose the one who is always there for me...

anyway..that show is nice..sometimes i wonder how the scriptwrite could producec suce attractive,sad,ups and downs show? hmm...anywya..who says watchi too much shows no use..ifor me..there always meaninig to each show... :)

Remoto Control

Life is always unpredictable....
should i be awarded a remote control
where i could control my life..
i want my channel to filled with happiness...
i switch to a comedy channel...
when i could avoid watching sad shows..
that will in turn make my life without sadness...
when i wish to control my life...
live it the way i want...
the remote control will assist me...
he could only controlled by me...
he have no power to make me sad...
cos i will be the one controlling...
i chose the way of life...
i chose the sequence in life..
i chose the up and downs in life...
isnt it wonderful....

facing reality

a story of human........
what's the point of view of ladies?
what's the point of view of men?
why do people quarrel?
bcos they share different point of view..
ladies have their own mind of thinkings..
men have their own ego...
men and ladies are different...
men always claim that ladies are difficult to understand...
likewise for ladies, men are difficult to understand...or should i say they are worse?
men always complain ladies to be very emotional...
likewise for ladies, men are insensitive.. or should i say emotionless?
men always nagged when ladies do their splendid shopping..
likewise for ladies, they grumble when men waste their money on wine..or should i say be a drunken bum..
so, with all the misunnderstanding,complains,grumbles,naggin....when will men and ladies starts to understand, compromise each other?
or will this time come?
men this century is full of ego, ladies this time is full of confidence...what will happen when stone hits stone? clashes will be forseen...
ladies claim to be the modern century living creature to be striving hard for a living unlike ladies in the past...
men claim that ladies are taking over the world when in the past they dominate the world..
world takes a change...
but in the end, in every ladie's heart, they yearn for one thing.. is for happiness.. they yearn forr this time to come..the time when they are cared,pamper,loved... but should ladies be jus waiting for this moment....
while ladies searchin for their happiness, men strive hard to make out..
make out? men only have one dream..to be successful in life...
WAIT ...HOLD ON....
without the support from the ladies, will the men succeed??
without the love from the men, will the ladies find thier happiness?
No, all this wont happen..this is when men and ladies compromise each other..care for each other...prayed for each other..think of each other...this is when everythin come to place..this is when somethin called love take place!!!

wooo...i am still alive...amazing..hahaha..cos i didnt slept at all last night...cos i was rushin my assignment..was amazed that actually i could stayed up till so late to rush off my assignment..cos if i cannot take it i will jus doze off...but finally my assignment is handed up on time..heheh..alright...hope my design arent as bad....

everytime i will know what i wanna blog and wanna say..but when the moment i wanna write it down things became different..anyway, since when things always remain the same? things are always complicated and confusing...certain things are straightforward but not all are....nothin to do before i blog..so i went to browse throught the photos that i took...the most memorable pictures arent the hongkong pics anymore....they are the pictures i took with meijie,yenwei,nette,victor,brandon,small dan,kenny,ah hua and ben...these are the pictures that make me smile even when i see them now..there are retarded pictures, happy pictures, drunk pictures,birthday cakes pictures....from the pictures, it tells alot of things...it showed me what we have really been through and how happy and fun we were last time...i always say is so sad and depressing that it turn out like that...but maybe other think otherwise...i thought i am the most emotional person insidee this group...we forsee this but no actions were done...we haven even reach a year of friendship...arent we that weak?? hahhahhaha.....and i find out somethin about myself..i always know how to talk but no actions...talk big right...hahha..whatever...
now..whereever i go...i would try my best to find a accompanion cos i don like the feeling of being alone...i will tend to start thinkin and thinkin and thinkin non-stop...seriously, i am startin to wonder whether is it bcos i think too much of uneccessary stuffs that why i have short term memory now...i couldnt even remember what i did an hour ago or what i said a few minutes ago...i arent sure why i am back to thinkin so much again..maybe i am lost in my own world again...cos i was surrounded my fun last time...but now...loneliness...hahah...how come i make myself sound so pathetic...poor me...

anyway,recently keep bumpin into sheena and ruzaini...and they also came down to look for me...hmm..its funny how we were so close last time and the feelin now...but i do miss havin fun with them...and have been chattin with ahmad online...still as crappy as ever...talk rubbish...hahha...and i still miss myh sec sch life..with all the people i know ...the people i spent 5 years with..but now..i hardly even contact with anyone..no one in my class...hahha...sound so sad...

who ?? is to judge for me?to judge my life? judge the things i have done? judge my feelings for anyone? judge my judgement for someone? judge my sense of thinkin? who?

---Tired out----

wooo...have been tired since last friday...seriously tired...maybe i tired myself out..but ....anyway....i have started workin on friday...and sat and sun..and mon....hahhahhaa....sat and sun was a roadshow at orchard there....some safra thingy..eh...is sort of waste time cos got no participant....ahahaha..so slack..doin nothin there except keep sweatin..hahahha...then see alot of muscular guys...and is fuunnny...first time i see guys cheerin for guys...i find it funny..cos they take photos and cheer....hahhah..is finny...

hmmm..guess my moody self is comin back...no idea why..but jus feel moody....also want to be happy...guess i could only smile with jioayi and cher they all....hahahahahahaha.....yupz...only they can make me laugh..heheh....i jus wish for my own self to come back alive..i seems so dead now...i know many things are runnin in my mind...many many things...but sometimes i wish i wont think about it so much...is it bcos of guilty? or? but anyway it still sucks though....i don like it...i have no idea what i am goin to do but jus hope it goes away soon....

and recently i was deletin msgs from my phone cos too many msgs ready..then i came upon all victor's,brandon's,nette's messages...hmmm....we were so close last time..but things jus take a turn the other way round this time...the THEM i used to know arent them anymore...maybe it is...deep inside.....but it isnt on the outside...maybe me too...to them i might have also lost my old self...why....fuunny..i don kow...hahah..haiz....alot of things will come pilin up soon....but i wanna rest and take a breathe....i am tired and worn out......

memories...

wooo...back from a shag and long days...
have been wantin to write about memories that suddenly came flashin back...suddenly i thought bout my childhood memories when i was in primary school, how i always walk to sch with my mum and brother...esp when durin rainin days..i have to wear plastic with the shoes to prevent my shoes from gettin wet..then i get to wear raincoat...then slowly i go sch by meyself...then on every weekends, i will take bus 18 to bedok to my grandma place...then at my grandma place i will play alot of things with my cousin and brother...that day we were talkin about what we usually play when we were there...then i remember we always use the bed to build tents and house then use blanket to cover the entrance to act as the door..then we will eat biscuits and chit chat inside..hahaha..i miss those build house...hehehe..then when i reach sec sch...it was also walkin distance from my home...which was a good thin i realise now cos can sleep late..haha..then i always walk to sch...now i still miss my sec sch life when u get the most fun of it...i miss those celebrations days..Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, National day...cos we get to sing all the songs and the atmosphere is there...is like if u never feel the atmopsphere out there at least u have the celebrations in sch..wont let u feel that it isnt chinese new year or whatever celebrations day..i miss all those days when i will get high singin the song...then everyone will be happy and smilin and laughin...

seriously that day we went to watch the parade adn fireworks at marina...hmmm...i was alittle disappointed though...don know why...maybe i am the one keepin quiet? maybe i am the one who doesnt wish tgo talk...but i don know..all the funn and the people i used to know isnt the same...last time victor and brandon wont talk nonsense...i seriously don know..or isnt i, the one who changed? everyone is jus so different..suddenly i feel so distant from them...i know i haven been hangin out with them..but why things turned out so bad...??? or i think troo much?? hahha..btu anyway...the fireworks make it all worthwhile..gosh..it was totally awesome..beautiful...nice...and super exciting...so nice...but it jus lasted for moements and its gone...so sad huh...it let me realise that beautiful moments dont last.....i still wanna see fireworks!! hehee...

happy national day to singapore....

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY TO SINGAPORE!!
my beloved country!! hehehe...

eh..forgot what i wanted to write...hmm..let me think about it..actually nothin much to wriet..
but i have been always screwing up my own life..
haven had a proper life..rushin here and there...never had time to take a breathe and rest...never had time to meet up my frens..things jus haven been goin right..but it is definitely better than last year..things are so much better for me..i mean as in mood wise..i arent that moody anymore but sometimes i stiill tend to ...come on..who doesnt?
hahha....

who could understand the life each dreams to live?
each have different dreams bout livin their life...they want luxury, want comfort, want love... but do they give out theirs? some are selfish only takin in but never give out... maybe they are afraid to be hurt..who doesnt? the remedy to cure is time...and slowly u will be enlightened by passer-bys in your life..each will leave some trademarks in your life allowin you to regret and make sure u have a better life next time.. you will tends to realise u negelected some people in your life..but thats life and human..nothin is perfect..you can have everythin goin yoiur way..nothin is perfect...u tends to negelcts frens who help u...but if u still cares for them..and you know it ...thats should be enough...but does it even come across who will bother about you? when you yourself never even bother about urself? am i those please people but with a ruthless hidden self? am i a deeply emotional person? someone who gives out unconditional love? thats what the book says....


interestin life..unpredicatable life...suddedn departure...

oh yeah...haiz..sian...sian..totally sian...my exams all gonna FLUNG!!! FLUNG!!! BIG FLUNG!!! don wanna talk bout it..shut up!! before test..tons and tons of projects...after tests still tons and tons of project..what is this!!! surrounded by projects..argh!! argh!!! sians....haiz..year 2 is year 2...different sia...haiz..but then i also don know ....feel very sian..wanted to blog..cos that day i saw ruzaini and sheena..if also not really saw..is they came to starbucks...look for me?? hahhahha....but it was nice seeing them together again..is was nice seein them..but was pretty busy didnt get a chanve to really talk..hmmm...but then there is a stranger gap in between us...hmm..things are different now...it doesnt seems that we are that close anymore..only now then i realise that we were close once...hahhahha....but it was really nice seein them...miss my sec sch lahz..haha...wahz..the holidays week was totally struggling...i was struggling with my video projects...group projects are jus different....so many different points and views and arguements we could get somtiems...but still we are good people to waork with...now i realise my circle of friends are only jiayi and cher ...and the 4 guys...thats all...don know..feels lost of friends..maybe i am too busy with my own stuffs..be it work, sch or self time..this semster seems like not enough time...i don have any day that i could sleep more than 6 hours..now i barely only had 6 or less hours of sleep...cannot take it anymore...and maybee it is true that my cousin told me that if ppl doesnt have good sleep will have bigger apetitte...i agree..suddenly i want to eat alot of things...and my mouth gets itchy fast..NO!! NO!!..don wanna this to happen..hahahaha....

test is always stressful...argh.....i thought alot...maybe .................................

wooo...haiz...feelin tired..although i am still up bloggin..suddenly doesnt have the mood to sleep..feelings emotional now..hahha...i remember when i was in sec sch if feelings emotional we always say feeling ah..so feelings.hahha..sometimes i do miss sec sch those innocent and unchallenging life and studies.. in poly so different..have to work so hard to become different...tiring isnt it..hhaha...always tryin so hard to prove that i can do it..to prove that i am interest ... to prove that i wanna do well...i am so tired...this week suppose to be my holiday week but i haven get any rest..not at all...one week isnt enough for me..i have to rush all my projects and study at the same time..i could only do that if i have 2 minds..but i only have 1..so i can only do 1 thing at 1 time..i cant do my project that study for test...haiz..and today is sort of wrap up for my filmin of short film..although it is the final wrap up but i dont have the feelings of it..not happy at all..maybe i am jus too tired to be happy...i don know..i am tired..i need a big rest..rest to relax...go somewhere where i wont be disturb and i could have freedom and i ndon know anyone there...i wanna go those place...haiz..

i am confused inside..i am weird insidee..i don know who i am inside..i know nuts insided....haiz....

i guess i need to jus scream out here!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
there isnt any place for me to scream out..if only i go to the beach which i don even have the little of time... come on..this week suppose to be holiuday week..what is the sch tryin to give us..hell lots of assignments....assignments still not enough...when sch starts we have all the test comin up..ALL!! i mean alot...gosh..wanna rush assignments...wanna study for test..even one whole week i dont sleep i don think i have the time to do all the things together...what is this school system SUCKS!! argh...never really have a good rest...i need a good back massage!!! i need 15 hours of sleeps....i need leg massage!!! hahahah...
BUT BUT...one good thin...when i am busy, it kept my mind stop thinkin..woo....thats the only way to stop my mind from thinkin..but i tired..super tired...still have alot of things to do but don know where to start....haiz...alright...hope things are gettin better....i need air...
hahaha..okok..go do my stuff...

i think the color for my previous post is worst..hahha...shall try this out..hmm...suppose to be doin one of my assignment...a written treatment..but here i am..bloggin..from doin assignment jump to singin song..jump to friendsterin...then jump to bloggin...guess this few days i do alot of bloggin..cos need some place to let out all my feelings..although this is still not good enough..but at least it will make me feel better...i need to de-stress badly...alot of assignment climbin up..all due soon!! and i mean SOON!! help!! help!! i need to fine actress for my show..who can help me to act? sought alot of help but no one is able to ...how? how? need to film thru the holidays if not we are DOOM!! how? help me please..who is willin to have a try of acting, don mind helpin me for free but will treat..contact me... actress must have a grief expressions,isolate facial expressions also carryin on her face?? very hard ...hmm..but pls help...hahha...

hmmm...i guess when work is piling, i tends to tense up easily...last week i am also dreamin..when ppl is talkin i wasnt payin much attention..also thinkin of other things...this week i am jus tired to sometimes to even speak or think...

i watch this drama series at SCV.. A Dream Of Colors...somethin about fashion designer...then this Ella came from a bad family background without parents live only with brothers..but the sis-in-law treat her very bad..always feel that she is livin off her brother...therefore she wanted so much to be out of the placvee and move out on her own..so she keep wantin to climb up to the top position..even though she have to backstab and betray her very very best fren..she can even scarifice that for the fame and money...but in the end...she is still at loss...havin the fame and money..but she loss all her frens and became lonely..everyone avoideed her cos she is vicious adn scary...no one wants to talk to her..i feel that in the end she is the one sufferin ...

whereas michelle whom have never learn fashion design...have a gifted talent in it..always stand out suddenly..she is the kind-hearted girl whom have no much expectation but jus to meet the expectation that her master stand for her...her feelings towards her master is from respect to love...hmm...and the master also gave extra care towards her..but it seems that he still ant forget his ex...he will pickerd her up from sch when it is rainin, and cheer her up no matter what.his care for her, to her she take in the other way..but to him, i guess he jus showin concern and indeed she might be someone special??.i wonder whether this master and discipline will be together which i hope for...

thats why soemtime i wonder why can guys always be so nice towards girls if they dont have feelings towards her...liek the above..being too nice towards the girls u have no feelings mean u are sendin out the wrong signals..cos i think that girls have aa very simpe thinkin...whoever treats them good , they regard them as very good guy...
hahha..okok..shallnt not talk too much..need to do work..


FAN SHU GANG!!! hey..if this few days i did showed attitude...pardon me..cos i am tired..hehe...like FAN SHU PAO says..i will be up soon...
hahhaha...YEAH!!

cher say my color very difficult to see..is it?? haha...but for her..i shall change although orange is my fav color..
hmm..things are always unpredictable huh...will never konw what will happen next...really have to learn to not to regret things u haven do... i was always told by my mum to visit my grandparents...but it always seems that i don have time to spare..although i might have, i also wont..wonder why..why i dont study TP right..so near my grandparents place..then i confirm everyday go... now then i realise that i really really really very long never been to my grandparents placee...no use regrettin now..jus have to replacec all the days i never go?

my cousin told me somethin funny today, in the hospital she said got this old uncle, dressed nicely(in his own clothes,not hopsital clothes) wanna to go out ready...but he cant cos i guess he is sick..but very stubborn wants to go out...so he dress nicely, walked to the door want to go out ready, then this uncle told him he cant go out cos he is in hospital..then the nurse ask him to go back and rest..he don wanna..then he at the door there cannot go out..so he start scoldin bad words say "if u don let me out,careful i used things to break the door" hahhah....but then later he went back to bed...the funny part i feel is he dressed nicely,dressed in his home clothes..really very funnny..then before i went off, my cousin showed me the old uncle..it seems that he jus came back from outside..he is still with his home clothes then tool off his shoes and lie on the bed..hahha..i think he is quite cute..hahah....
then got another old aunty...when her neighbour besidee her can be discharge,she saw them change and take their bag goin off...she also bring her bag alone and follow behind them...like also thinks she is discharge..very cute...heheh...

my appetite have been goin up..gosh..i don wanna that to happen...wonder why...haiz...alot of assignment comin up..and test after holidays..then whats the use of havin holidays??

hmm...recently i have been feelin real down..back to a phrase of my life in the past where i don wanna be back...
the phrase of when i am feel down,sad but cant really figure out the reason but deep in my heart inside i know there is somethin that majke me this way but jus cant spell it out.. but this time is alittle different..i don feel like being alone..i don like being alone..last time is feelin down and wanna be alone..
but not his time..i fear of being alone cos i will think of alot of things ...don wannna think of so many things..gettin headache now and then..always thinkin of stupid things and stuffs...
where is my confidence, i saw it runnin away...

haiz...is it that all the sad things will happen at one go... then how am i able to take it..i might be strong...but not that strong to take so many things at one go...

why we were always told not to regret things that we might not have done or we might have done..we were always warned not to do things that we will regret in life..but it always doesnt dawned upon us until the things really happen on us...
yes...it happen on me..i was shocked..i cried..you might be happily livin well this minuute..but you might never know what the next minute will happen...it will never occured to you that the next moment of your life will be so different..

i don understand why does all the sad things all happen at the same time..or does it only happen to me? why cant they spread out all the unhappy things so to let me catch my breathe and slow down my sad pace in life.. maybe others things cant be compared to today's saddness..they are jus some minor things and stuffs that upset me...but is enough to add up to become one big sad things...life is so fragile..never know what will happen next...never knew the pain of losin someone...i certainly know the importance of family ties but i always do practices it...only when somethin happen then i will regret...or am i jus too emotional..how can i be so hypocrite...gosh..startin to hate myself..

hate the stuffs that i am doin..hate my mind for thinkin..hate my attitude..hate myself for not bein nicee...

hmm..startin to doubt myself... last time jiayi gave me a very unfriendly impression..guess u am the one now...in school i only really treat cher and jiayi as my very good friends..to the other poly mates is either i will try to ignore them or i will jus don talk unnless necessary...seriously...i don kow why...is it bcos i don like them? i bet they don like me as well...

i really hate myself for the change i allowed...i remember myself as someone friendly,someone nice to approach, someone who is nice to talk to,someone who have no temper when i were in sec sch..but now...totally the oppsite... i arent friendly, certainly not someone nice to approach cos i will always show this "dont try to talk to me,i wont reply" kinda of face,someone who definitely dont seem nice to talk to now,someone whom keep showin attitude...how come? why i changed?
or should i say why i allowed the change? is it considered a drastic change in me? to me...YUPZ!! even i don like myself...i lost everythin..i lost myh confidence,i lost my judgement,i lost my power to control myself..i lost eveythin of myself..lost my pride.......

i am prayin for the worst not to happen...

* jiayi and cher...yupz...they brought alot to my poly life...they thuoght me alot..cher showed me how generous how helpful she is...jiayi showed me her own style..always havin a mind of her own..wont copy ppl..wont follow ppl..she will always do the things she finds best and right.. isnt my life good havin to know the two of them?i hope we will really stay for friends as long as we could..cos i know friends wont styay long..i was told sec sch friends are the one that can stay the longest till ur poly life.. true enough i have 4 sec sch fren...but is different..cos they are all guys..somehow bcos of somethin i never really have time to contact my sec sch girlfriends-Lydia they all... somehow stop goin out with sheena...somehow me and janicec not that close anymore... yupz..who says frends will stay forever? i say NO! cos i always experiencee this kinda of thigns..i am tired of it... maybe i understand somehow is hard to stay...for some reasons..why the use of me braggin here...when i am always the one who walk away...first lydia they all..second sheena..whats the use? why? the reason i walked awaay..cos i alway sfeel uncomfortable around them..fearin i said the wrong stuffs..frearin i do the wrong things..fearin i am not good enough to be their frens... cos i know frens..good frens wont bother what u say cos they know u arel like that..they won tbother u did the wrong thing cos u are alwyas like that..they willmake u feel as comfortable as possible cos u guys are best of frens..isnt that?
oh ya..frens that i didnt thought to be cloest fren happen to be me, the one who walked away...those that i regard them as best of frens always walked away from me...needless to be mention who they are..
i believe one sayin " you will always show all your feelings out,regardless your worries, saddness,happiness or even show temper towards them is bcos you trust them and you are extremely close to them" cos i always do it...


am i bull shittin here? i don know..maybe i isnt in a right mind either..

伊能静 -你对我的好

你对我的好
我竟然都不知道
全都是我的朋友告诉我
我才知道你付出了多少
关于爱我实在懂得太少
如果你不说
我真的不知道
你对我的好
我想我还太小和你比起来过于浪漫无聊
你像空气给我拥抱
但我看不到所以
以为不重要
你对我的好
我怎么会失去才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会听朋友说才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会感觉不到
你对我的好
你对我的好

Kyeo..happy birthday..hahah..althuogh is overr....still can wish right? hahha...yupz yupz...really have to admit that the things isnt well-planned..sorry...but i guess everyone enjoyed the OREO CHEESECAKE!! gosh thats totally yummy..hahaha...whoever marry vin ah..everyday will get to eat good food..hahahha...okie...hope u will be happy...hahha...

hmm....recently guess is the project periods which are coming...guess gonna be busy soon...oh ya..i know what i am gonna say...erm..yupz..sorry victor..never go that day..but is kinda of weird that i am the only girl goin although maybe val might also be goin..but only a few of us...guess this is the start where the group is breakin up huh...is it always true that happy things wont stay long...i guess year 2 everyone is jus very busy ..... not much time to even meet up....maybe there are but guess sometimes we jsu need some time for ourselves to rest? i suppose so... me and meijie is an example...we arent that close anymore...or did we chose not to? i don know...guess when school starts everyone is busy with own works, and own stuffs...there hardly any time for us to meet up...and i always end sch late to even go down club and slack...she dont go down club...so there is no time for us to meet...moreover she is attached .....


i don know ...hmm...became very vulnerable this month..breakdown damm easy...guess i am jus tired of alot of things...i think thru and think back alot of things...found how stupid and foolish i am...hahhah...but i seriously can say and shout out..only with cher and jiayi will my worries and problems go awawy...they always crap and play around and joke aorund..we always ahve fun..bcos of them i feel that i don have problems...only when i am with thenm....i must always be occupied with work and things to do before my mind wonders away....guess i jus cant stop my right brain from thinkin and thinkin non-stop...hahhahah...anyway that ahve always been me...and FRANKLY I AM SUPER TIMID!!! hahaha....

heyo...hmm...have been abnormal recently..hahhaha...oh ya...hold on a moment..say something important... I SAW DAVID BECKHAM TODAY!!! gosh..he is damm superb handsome...cos he is a guest of an award presentation..then the woman who got the award is from our poly...maybe thats the reason why we were asked to go and watch...hmm...lucky in sports club..i got to go..then i saw him..he was wearin whole white track suit...his hair very nice...he very handsome..seriously handsome...very handsome...hahha...then i saw lionel lewis..the singapore mvp goalkeeper...then took photo with him..heheheh...okok..enough of soccer players...yeah...

was sayin that i have been abnormal this whole month?? yupz..i feel so....feel damm sad suddenly...but i know when i wont feel sad...is when i am with jiayi and cherene...we always in our own world..crappin..jokin...laughin..havin fun...talkin stupid stuffs...i really really cant imagine poly life with this two retardeds...then also have fun with victor they all..although things hasnt been the same since sch starts? or should i say sincec F.O camp ended?? yupz..btut there are times when we are happy and havin funn...hmmm...but i feel that i shed tears easily this few days...when watchin some sad shows...it isnt that sad until can let ppl cry..but i will jus cry..gosh...i am back to being gloomy and down...and feel that being alone is better..i don want...hahhaha...i don know..but there are jus too much feelin inside me ....but i don know how i should spell it out...someone pls tell me how to...

yeah...haiz...i don know...oh ya..celebrated OURS(me,cher and jiayi) ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY on monday!! we went to have big feast...hahha...marche... gosh...is damm nice..i was damm full..we had alot of fun..hahahha..thanks gers...love u guys...

poly is different..i only went thru all the pains and laughter and happiness with my 2 best buddies..Cher and Jiayi..we go thru all the shits together..
mention about goin thru all the shits..make me boil...

that monday we suppose to have our PTN lunch..at first we discuss eatin pizza....then suddenly on that day itself teacher told us it was MAC!! can u imagine havin MAC as OTN lunch..jiayi they all went Thai Express...gosh..is so much different...
okie then nvm,....all my classmates..ALL!!! was also like me grumblin about it...and moreover our PTN is not there...so what kind of PTN lunch is that...
everyone is unhappy with the decision..alright..maybe i was the one who over-reacted..but what i said..everyone agree..EVERYONE AGREED!!
then went for class.,happen to be my PTN lesson..then i went in with a black face ready to confront the teacher whey she isnt there with us...but the moment i went in, teacher said" chunpei,i heard u are unhappy with the decision" then i repiled" huh, i thought the whole class?" then she said"no lahz...is u only.." then u come to me and say" i know u only like HIGH-CLASS stuffs or food"

WHAT THE F**K!!! HIGH CLASS!! is not about high class not high class...eatin MAc is fine ready...but we are eatin it so pathetic...havin it at those benches for studyhin..18 ppl cramp at 1 1/2 table...like we are beggin for some food...and i am damm angry bout why is it me only...in the first place is the WHOLE CALSS not happy..but no one wants to stand up and agree... makin me like the ONLY ONE not happy..WHAT THE HELL!! teacher not there everyone showed those uunhappy pathetic poor thing face..in front of teacher all like jus joke with teacher..what hyprocrite..and i really wanna know who is the damm culprit who told teacher i was so damm uunhappy!!! damm it...nearly want to cry out ready...idiot..WHY IS IT ONLY ME?? i know it sounds kinda of rebillious..but come on..it suppose to be PTN lunch and she isnt present but she explain why...but why no one in the calss said that they are unhappy as well...why is it me only ? and when i was grumblin then everyone agree...idiot...
slowly startin to be okie and like my class abit..this kind of stupid thing happen!!! guess i am jus bad luck havin 2B/23 ppl as my classmates..guess they feel unlunncky as well....don like my class.seriously don like...haiz...chunpei one and a half year to go...cher and jiayi make me happy k? hehhe..





Woo...listening to Jay Chou - Yi Lu Xiang Bei..Damm nice..hahhaha..Jay chou is so charming!!! gosh...hahahah...alright..alright..shall not talk bout handsome guys anymore....hahha...

hmmm, have been damm hyper this recent days with jiayi and cher...but i guess happy times wont last..i am afraid..actually i am paranoid now...cos when i am too happy..i realise things doesnt last....i am really afraid now..i want to be happy..but i dare not be too happy cos i am afraid i will be too sad later on...like with my gang..we were havin so much fun last year..but guess happy times doesnt last....we were so separated now...although i never really make any effort in meetin them up...but i also don like the feelin of thre are so many things i don know bou them..but guess someitmes jus have to let the happy things go ya..i don know should i say i am happy with my life now..or feels somethin is missin??i don know...
i have been workin recently, after sch i go work...why?
the reason is simple...if i don work, i will be free...i will have more things to think about unnecessary stuffs which i don want it to happen...and it is impossible to meet up with yen wei almost eveyday..and goin down club now seems so meaningless...i don know why..jus feel so...guess the time that i back off is reachin soon..then everyday after sch, jiayi will go home..cher will meet her friends...then if i go home do what? watch tv..suddenly i lost interest in tv programmes...lock in myy room and keep thinkin of stupid things? NO!! i don want the above things to happen...although i can be super super tired from work, but at least it keeps my time occupired for the time being..haiz...but i am glad now that i am always happy with cher and jiayi..i really seriously hope we will stay liek this for long..seriously..*prayin hard*

and for mj...guesss, it always true that it is hard to juggle both friendship and relationshop isnt it? i mean i am not blamin anyone...is just that we did say if really ouyr gang no more, at least still have the three of us...me yenwei and mj...but guess time doesnt allow us to have the chance to meet up...everyone is busy with different things..haiz...yupz...find it kinda of sad..but there is nothin much i can do....


hmm..but suddenly is all my sec sch friends comin back? ARE U GUYS COMIN BACK?? hahha...cos recently i met up with janice...soon to meet up with sheena and ruzaini right? and lucky i am still close to luo they all...they are all myy sec sch frens left so i will treasure them!!! :) cos to me Sec sch is an important period that i have walked passed...i shed most of my tears there, i let out most of my laughters there, i walked thru my teenage life there, i grew up there, i play my first netball there, i seriously first time fall in love also there, when i first move house it was also durin sec sch,when i first started like soccer was also sec sch, when i learn how to cook also in sec sch, when i learn how to saw wood, and polish arylic also in sec sch,everythin new things i learn is in sec sch, receive any awards also in sec sch,sing on stage as a competition also in sec sch, wearin enthic clothes also in sec sch....gosh..i guess give me one night i also wont be able to name all the first things i don in sec sch....
cos sec sch period really accompany me pass thru alot...is not jus short 4 years like any other clever ppl does...but is 5 years for me..1 year extra....so our bond is strong than any other year right? i miss janice sittin beside me...i miss ruzaini's jokes..and him being a Mrs Wee's Pet....hahhaha....i miss Mr Gan....i Miss my first floor class room!!! and i miss my SEC 4 class..the least students in the class...all take history...i was sittin beside salimi that time..hahha..haiz...yupz...

how i miss my sec sch times..

jus a fast bloggin..cos very late..and i wanna sleep soon...met up with my sec sch fren today..Janice!!! hahaa...so long we never meet till today then we met up.... she say i look skinner than when i was in sec 5! but wait...i seriously think i look skinner when i was in sec 5 rather than now..now i think i fat ready...okie..is a comment...
but i feel sad when she says that i arent that radiant and jovial and cheerful anymore.. she says last time i always gave her those cheerful,bright,sunshine those happy feelings..and she said last time i used to laugh and smile alot..i did realise so as well.. last time everyday i was so lookin forward to go to sch and everyday when i reach sch , i will really just greet everyone with my smile...is not that i am so friendly..but i usually the one that look most freshen in the early mornin when everyone will look tired..i will be the one smilin when everyone is yawnin...i will be the talkative one when everyone is jus tired to even talk..but now...not only she sense the change in me..but i do sense the change in myself... iarent that happy anymore,i arent that cheerful anymore...all the troblues are written on my face..why? what happen to me? i don want to be like this..i wany my sec 5 me back!! haiz..miss myself back then..now i understand whats the meanin when everyone says that i am those happy-go -lucky girl..yar...at that pooint of time i really am..but not...i am sad-go-berserk girl...hahahha...
but i still know how to joke..
i also feels that when i am in a conversation with someone i tend to not pay much attention and jus day dream away..haiz...and now i seems more liek the quiet and introvert one towards janice..she is so much open now..cos in sec sch she supoer quiet and shy...if u don t talk to her...she wont talk...she is really very quiet..but now she changed for the better..became more confident of herself and dare to speak up..guess i am alway sthe one who change for the worse..i don wan..how then can i get back to teh me in sec 5?? i miss myself back then...
when the times i always reach sch at the main gate walkin in,waitin to greet my dear classmates and friends and teachers..smilin..not yawnin...keep flashin back...ahiz...

okok..jus miss myself back then...keep thinkin back the old stuffs...hmm..guess all my old frens comin back..hahahah..
alright have been rushin for assignment this whole week..goin to sleep now..wakin up early tml...tired tired..... :(

hey..here to blog again..it has been quite some time since i blog huh...basically lost the interest to blog, to write...cos in my life there is always nothin for me to remmeber deeply...everydays events happen consistently..nothing changes that much..of cos for sch side..i don wish for much to happen..cos i love jiayi and cher..the retarded they are..teh more fun we have..hahaha...have always been retarted recently..anyway suddenly have many assignments due..gosh..by this week./..but yesterdat went shoppin damm shiok..hahha...bought quite some tops and my fav skirt...hahhahha...shiok....

erm...for my gang side nothin changes much..less meetin..less gatherin..less crappin..less fun..everythin less...lesser and lesser...how? didnt want things to become like that...haiz..i don know what to do..

hmm...many things i dont really wanna say cos my blog is quite public..hmm..but can u imagine tellin the person that u don like him/her? i guess the feelin is relieve..hmm...i know it sounds damm cruel...WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME? could i be able to take it?? i don know...i guess i can face that person bravely and more naturally rather than decidin whether to ignore or to respones...guess i am a bad person...yar...

and recently we have the national league that we played... hmm..nowadays i hardly played the full match..only one or two quarther...thats why i told myself...i could only earn myself one or two quarthers...so i must perform well and go all the way...put in my best efforts...so for some matches..although i played one quarther only..i felt satisfied cos i played my best...hehehhe...
oh ya....on that 15th june...suppose to be our meetin...f4's meetin..ahhaha...cool huh..that day...bao came to fetch me and yen wei..heheheh..thanks..gosh...he is drivini...hahhaha...hmm...safe and smooth...hahhaha..no wonder he passed so well!!!yar...lookin forward to meet them soon..

sometimes i think i am a two-faced person? i don know how to describe why i feel this way..but sometimes i do feel it...i don know why...haiz...cos i don konw who i am??

wooo..lah lah...hahha..is so nice be back in school!!!
Cher....Jiayi!!! You guys are always the best of the best...really love u guys alot...hahhha...we have been talkin cock and jokin non-stop....and i love it that way...love how we spend our time together...but sorry cher...we wanted to be with u in music..but in the end we change our path..hahhaha...but we are still crazy!! Yippe!! sch has always been fun with u guys...make me laugh again when the whole holiday i haven been really laughin like,laugh until stomache,until cannot take it...really man!! hahha..thanks huh..Eh..but i contribute quite alot right? hahhaha...
okok..my goldfish eyes,my hilarious laughter,my stupid expression...okok somemore what?? hahahha....okie...love u all...

hmm....2nd week of sch...hmm...many things happen,things cock up, many many things...sheena always mention this phrase " tables turned,people changed" i never once doubt it or thinks that it will never happen...cos it always happen on me...ya..on me...tables turned...turned 360 degree that i cant turn it back..i am sad about it..cher is sad for me...but i cant turn the tables back..really cant...don know why tables turned...hahha...is it that we are too proud bout what we have?maybe we are too proud right? serves us right, right...haiz...don wanna things to turn out this way...but no choice...things jus turn out this way...i cant change right?
cher told me before that "dont let a coin decide my fate" cos i always have been..hahha....
but i now vic is always tryin to meet up...thats why i don wanna disappointed him ...he is a fren to treasure...hehe...right SIR? hehe...
thanks.... :)

weeeloo....back to bloggin..have been a week i haven blog right..cos now jiayi and cher havin lessons again..and i am again in the lab playin games and bloggin..hahhaha...i playin this drum game..damm cool...got this song damm nice..MY FIRST KISS...takuya sang this song in jap version before..damm cool..but it seems like my hands are so retarded..haahah...

then last friday went sun tannin with mary..at some remoted pool..heheh..so cool...we talked alot as welll...ya man..hehe..then after that went to meet vic...wahz...then alot of other ppl came along as well...but after that me,vic,bran and kenny went to eat at far east...i like that time...very good..we talk alot and crap alot..ya man..heheeh..then went back to meet them..then after that my brother join me...hahha...cool huh...is always nice hangin out with my gang...they are fun...thanks...heheh....

cher ..our video not with u..then XTD how? hahhahhaa....oh ya..went to kyeo's blog...hmm..he seems kinda of low...chill k... yeo...in life there is always this period of time when u are down and low...but it will be over soon..jus take this as an experience to be patient and bear with it....is not the whole world against u...is jus that somehow everythin happen at the same time...cool k..ehhehee....see ya soon...

*sobbin*...alone again..hahaha..havin two hours break now...then jiayi and cher is havin lesson...thats the bad things bout different class...hehehe..but jus now in lecture..i really laugh like no one business...hhaaha..i also don know..jus cant stop laughin..but now i am here alone stonnin and saddin..hahha

alright... i was chattin with meijie on the phone..hahha..hmm..talk abuot alot of things...was thinkin and thinkin...i really treasure and love them...i mean we had so so so much fun together..celebrated mj's.vic's,bran's and kenny's birthday together...so is small dan next...what will it be? no more group celebration...i think now they might have the thinkin that we are leavin the group...OF COS i don want .....but somehow things change...right? yen wei seems unbothered by it...mj got ah hua but is stil bothered by it....i am alone...missin them in my poly life, make my poly life seems missin of somethings...cos they are so crazily fun..but somethin is wrong..am i the one havin the problems? maybe....
how come whenever it comes to friendship i always fail in buildin a good one? hmm...jus hope the past come back again..like the way we were last time..had so much fun...prayin hard...

isnt to guys, they see woman as selfish creatures? hmm...ya..maybe woman are...but doesnt it reflect how important woman treat this particular friendship or relationship? i don wish to be seen as selfish creature..tryin to be generous...but sometimes not all things can be generous right? yar...i feel it this way...

Will year 2 poly life still be fun for me??
i hope it will,
cos this is what keeps me goin on....

:)

it has been a long time since i have blog...too many tings..too many things happen since F.O camp...be it bad or good..but i guess somehow it is always on the bad side...i don know what to say..but jus feel utterly disappointed...but thru all this i learn somethings and picked up some things on the ways...
First--> if i have no feelings for that person,like i no longer hate that person,or have any feelings for that particular person,she might have made me boil until my anger reach its climax,but if i no longer hate her or have any feelings, i ujnderstand that she is nothing to me...what she is goin to do or has done wont bother me further...cos to me she is jus NOTHING...yar..thats what i feel...she doesnt have much power to affect me anymore..
Second--> saw how guys treat girls like toys and play arouund...guys are jus so different from girls..girls treasure every little thing..be it friends.boyfriends,family,work friends....to girls everything means alot...but to guys they seems like jus peanuts..nothing...as a girl i pity myself and fellow mates...
Third--> saw how fragile i am and how fierce i could get...but thats the past tense...
Fourth--> learn to be strong...be it in friendship or work...have to be strong.. mayhbe should learn to believe...lost some friends in order to gain better friends..those who left doesnt know how to treasure friends...
Fifth--> in the end, girls will have to depend on girls, relyin on guys is jus a bad choice!
Sixth--> LASTLY, GUYS GAVE ME A BAD IMPRESSION!! hahah..okok..except for the four guys i knew! :)

thru the things i went thru in the end my conclusino for myself is sitll correct...i still ahve to depend on myself..opening up is not something good, friends always tell me off that i never tell them my problems..but sometimes i feel that tellin and not tellin doesnt make any different..so why the need of trouble lettin anoyther into a problem that is none of their business?
gosh..am i becomin more saddist?? am i goin back to the times when i have no laughters? since sec sch, my journey all long have been ups and downs...sometimes i don know what to do to myyself...
but i think i need not fear....
cos sch is startin and i will be able to see JIAYI AND CHER..miss them like hell!!!! they can really brighten my day..i hope so..so many to tell them...hahahha....lets get crazyh again...pls can we? hahahhah...see u guys tml...
a big hug okie? hahhaha :)

Camp ENDED!!!! woooo....5 days and 4 nights camp....give a clap to all the com,GLs,helpers....woo...we endured all the 5 days...in the mornin,shoutin screamimn,playin with all our might...in the night sleepin only 3 hours a day.... havin deeper dark rings...but it is enjoyable and fun..all the cheers and games and SHIM night..and farewell performance....although i might have alot of complain and stuffs but it has ended...so everythin will goes with it...jus hope taht the freshies enjoyed the camp,games..really hope so.... :) but with this camp i become an injured person..first cut on my left ankle,next injuries on my right leg..right at the middle of the leg where it is damm painful only can feel the bone..next is injure my left arm...twisted...wahz..it was damm pain..super pain..then after taht is lost my voice...haiz...but maybe this is a way a camp should be...

this camp only brought me some unnecessary problems..was watchin star wars yesterday, heard a phrase goes likes " you cant bear to lose it thats why u fear to let go" actually i think this is true...if not why we cant bear to let go and keep on clingin on somethin that will never become urs... worse the more u clingin onto, it will only irritate the other party... why not be cool and let go of things that doesnt belong to yourself...so,must be strong and learn to let go...in the end the one get hurt is you and no one else... we can dislike a person in his/her way of doin things, but we can do nothin...we cant go like askin him/her not to do this or that cos we have no rights...no matter how i hate that person we still have to accept the way he/her do their things...we got no choice .......i don know what to say but jus keep in silent firstt.....many things kept inside me.....

hey..peeps..postin again..nothin much..went to work today...workin closin...and my pre-closer was andy...hmm..he improve alot..becomin more hardworkin and all..people like him keep improvin himself yet i did nothin..even at work i felt like i have a competitor..he keeps movin up but i am still there not movin...how can this be? but i am really tired..tired of everythin..jus wish i have the money to jus dump everythin here and go oversea and relax myself...yar..i get to do that only in my dream...

yesterday was the 15th...wooo..our meetin day again..but where's vin? i really super long never see him..guess the last time i saw him was luo's birthday...the next time i gona see him will it be baolong's birthday? woo...that wil be like 3 months never see him..hahha...saw joel yesterday..he super funny..hahha...cannot stand him..heheh....

hmmm....have been watchin show non stop...jap drama..they are short series,touchin and insipring...i like their shows..esp when all teh actors are so charmin..esp takuya kimura..hahhehehhe....and for every show i felt very deeeply for soemtin..i will come to think back to the past sometimes..yar...so many things that i didnt realise huhh...
really..when a train starts movin..there isnt any turnin back for them..unlike a car..u can U-turn anytime u want..but not for trains...wooo....

seriously mood low now..jus had a terrible cry..cos i watch a drama ...very touchin..could still feel my eyes heavy and tired from cryin...hahah...i aint no crybaby jus more emotional thats all...
ANYWAY I AM BACK FROM KL!!! the weather there damm HOT sia..wearin shorts when i goin out..don care ready...but the fun was great...me and rhoda watch terminator until nearly fell asleep...and we always happen to see some censored sence in the tv..hahhahahhaha..thats the funny part..oh ya...she borrowed me her shorts..thanks man..hahha...and the two of us broke until have to eat maggi which is tasteless too...malaysia was funn..we had connector room..cool huh..heheh...but we shut the doors when necessary when sleepin..in order not to hear the guy's snore..hahhahaha...jokin...but to say the truth their room really stink sia...oh ya..and i definitely wont forget the moment that i was in the middle of everyone and they start pokin me..uuntil i really got no voice to shout or laugh or scream...ultimate sia...and i was harass by some little kids...i know they are poor thing..but they scared me off...i went up to the twin tower...malaysia is jus full of buildin and houses and more buildings...ppl there arent friendly..speakin the truth..and their shoppin mall is like never endin...i once saw that the staff od the whole buildin seems bigger than the crowd in the mall..can u believe how big it is...gosh...hahhaha....
oh ya...congrates to BAOLONG...next time i might have someone drivin me to sch huh..hahhaha..jokin...but happy for him..all of us are happy for him...haha..guess he himself also..hehhe...the next one will be kyeo..hahah...COOL!!! YEAH!!!

and jus now somethin goes thru my mind...came back again..gosh...okie ....i am bad...haiz..nothin to say...eyes are heavy from the cryin shall stop here...hehe...

finally here to blog..cos wanted to blog few days ago..but jus didnt... first wanna say I AM LEAVIN FOR KL TML!!but for jus 3 days 2 nights...hahha..but is good enuogh..goin with my gang... yar...but till now still haven pack my bag..hahha..don know what to bring..haha..but i bet kl weather will also be very hot..so not brinin much jeans..not like that time went hongkong..hehe..thats was indeed funn..wasnt lookin forward for hongkong..this time rouund..wasnt also lookin much forward for kl...okie nothin to say botu this...

anyway i will miss my jap drama show..will watch it tonight again before i go sleep..or shopuld i not sleep and sleep in the bus tml..hahhahah...actually quite long never take bus to malaysia le...maybe4 years ago..very long never go back malaysia...hahha...i will miss singapore lahz..hahhah...miss my bed and friends..and seriously this holiday long sia..super long never meet up with jiayi and cher..cher cher jiayi jiayi..miss u guys alot...no one make me laught and laugh..how? hahha..but nvm..we will be in the same class again right..i hope so..hehe...

oh ya...jus read kyeo's blog..hahha..chill k..hahha...some taxi driver are like that one..hahha...and the work "ZAI" right...u guys power lahz..still got energy to go play pool..hahhaha....
okie..will get soemthin for u guys from kl okie..take care..bye :)

gosh...erm..how should i put it in words? to me i think it can be considered a bad dream or scary i should say? haha..i remember this dream very clearly...erm..should i not spell out the name..i really don know..the moment i woke up, sad is what i feel..cos to me it seems like a bad dream....

okok..it goes like me and him(were jus frends in the dream) went to this company to somehow search or do something..then we met our old fren who is his ex...but the funnyy part is, we arent shocked..then after that,i asked her how she is doin and stuffs...then change scene, she and him quarrelled infront of me.. is sort of the girl wanted to patch back,but then he remain silent and motionless... i remember this sentence she said"how come u can like her(which is me)?" he still remain silent...then i think we went off...back to a some sort chalet house? cos somehow all our friends are there....then he sat beside me and told me"hey..can i tell u something..honestly i didnt like u before" then upon hearin it i answered him" then is it bcos i am a close fren of hers thats why .." then he nodded his head.. then this part..i remain silent for a while then threw somethin at him..and broke down in tears..and went off..but i saw myself cryin for quite sometime...
actually the moment i woke up, i was alittle shocked..cos how come i dream of this kind of dream like out of a sudden..maybe it doesnt mean anythin...but still why? it curious me...the moment i woke up, alot of thoughts are in my mind..yar..scared that, that was the truth.. hahha..one word..scary...nothin more can describe that...hahha..yar...really..shocked me..suddenly this dream..
woo...finally said it out here...has been inside from mornin till now..who can i tell ?? hahha..no one.. :)


and i realise maybe i still don know what love is..or should i say how i should love that person..although there are times when i wish i have a acompanion, but to say the truth when it really comes, i guess i wont know how to love,care or do things i should do...and how long my love can continue..it has been erm...around five months plus...and i think i have no feelings anymore...cos jus a normal jap drama can divert my attention..cool huh..i am amaze of myself...maybe this is for the time being..but i don know..if it can distract me now...i think i am an easily distracted person be it in studies,work or relationship..so sometimes come to think of it..MAYBE it is good stayin single..wont scared to be distracted and wont commit that much..YA..the word is COMMIT.hahha...maybe i cant commit into it for too long? hahhaha...being feel down recently anyway..and whole body not feelin well...back ache,muscle ache..arm ache..headache the worse..panadol also cannot cure... hahhaha...

guess it has been soemtimes since i post...it isnt that there is nothin to blog..but kinda of busy..hahah..busy watchin TV DRAMA...gosh i am back into Takuya Kimura..he is damm handsome...superb..very..awesoem..he is super charmin..i mean i don only like him bcos he is handsome..but because he is the only actor that any role he is also able to act....make the role seems so alive..like really put himself in the role and as if he went thru those things...he actin skills superb..i admire him..i love him..hahhaha...how can there be such a perfect man in this world..so handsome..actin skills superb..singin also nice...wahz...the wife is damm lucky..the daughter also..ahhahhai feel that jap drama is very insirpring...every show i watch taught me somethin..and i want to be that character in the show...yar..hahah...now i am havin terrible headache..haiz...and sore throat soon... :(