伊能静 -你对我的好

你对我的好
我竟然都不知道
全都是我的朋友告诉我
我才知道你付出了多少
关于爱我实在懂得太少
如果你不说
我真的不知道
你对我的好
我想我还太小和你比起来过于浪漫无聊
你像空气给我拥抱
但我看不到所以
以为不重要
你对我的好
我怎么会失去才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会听朋友说才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会感觉不到
你对我的好
你对我的好

Kyeo..happy birthday..hahah..althuogh is overr....still can wish right? hahha...yupz yupz...really have to admit that the things isnt well-planned..sorry...but i guess everyone enjoyed the OREO CHEESECAKE!! gosh thats totally yummy..hahaha...whoever marry vin ah..everyday will get to eat good food..hahahha...okie...hope u will be happy...hahha...

hmm....recently guess is the project periods which are coming...guess gonna be busy soon...oh ya..i know what i am gonna say...erm..yupz..sorry victor..never go that day..but is kinda of weird that i am the only girl goin although maybe val might also be goin..but only a few of us...guess this is the start where the group is breakin up huh...is it always true that happy things wont stay long...i guess year 2 everyone is jus very busy ..... not much time to even meet up....maybe there are but guess sometimes we jsu need some time for ourselves to rest? i suppose so... me and meijie is an example...we arent that close anymore...or did we chose not to? i don know...guess when school starts everyone is busy with own works, and own stuffs...there hardly any time for us to meet up...and i always end sch late to even go down club and slack...she dont go down club...so there is no time for us to meet...moreover she is attached .....


i don know ...hmm...became very vulnerable this month..breakdown damm easy...guess i am jus tired of alot of things...i think thru and think back alot of things...found how stupid and foolish i am...hahhah...but i seriously can say and shout out..only with cher and jiayi will my worries and problems go awawy...they always crap and play around and joke aorund..we always ahve fun..bcos of them i feel that i don have problems...only when i am with thenm....i must always be occupied with work and things to do before my mind wonders away....guess i jus cant stop my right brain from thinkin and thinkin non-stop...hahhahah...anyway that ahve always been me...and FRANKLY I AM SUPER TIMID!!! hahaha....

heyo...hmm...have been abnormal recently..hahhaha...oh ya...hold on a moment..say something important... I SAW DAVID BECKHAM TODAY!!! gosh..he is damm superb handsome...cos he is a guest of an award presentation..then the woman who got the award is from our poly...maybe thats the reason why we were asked to go and watch...hmm...lucky in sports club..i got to go..then i saw him..he was wearin whole white track suit...his hair very nice...he very handsome..seriously handsome...very handsome...hahha...then i saw lionel lewis..the singapore mvp goalkeeper...then took photo with him..heheheh...okok..enough of soccer players...yeah...

was sayin that i have been abnormal this whole month?? yupz..i feel so....feel damm sad suddenly...but i know when i wont feel sad...is when i am with jiayi and cherene...we always in our own world..crappin..jokin...laughin..havin fun...talkin stupid stuffs...i really really cant imagine poly life with this two retardeds...then also have fun with victor they all..although things hasnt been the same since sch starts? or should i say sincec F.O camp ended?? yupz..btut there are times when we are happy and havin funn...hmmm...but i feel that i shed tears easily this few days...when watchin some sad shows...it isnt that sad until can let ppl cry..but i will jus cry..gosh...i am back to being gloomy and down...and feel that being alone is better..i don want...hahhaha...i don know..but there are jus too much feelin inside me ....but i don know how i should spell it out...someone pls tell me how to...

yeah...haiz...i don know...oh ya..celebrated OURS(me,cher and jiayi) ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY on monday!! we went to have big feast...hahha...marche... gosh...is damm nice..i was damm full..we had alot of fun..hahahha..thanks gers...love u guys...

poly is different..i only went thru all the pains and laughter and happiness with my 2 best buddies..Cher and Jiayi..we go thru all the shits together..
mention about goin thru all the shits..make me boil...

that monday we suppose to have our PTN lunch..at first we discuss eatin pizza....then suddenly on that day itself teacher told us it was MAC!! can u imagine havin MAC as OTN lunch..jiayi they all went Thai Express...gosh..is so much different...
okie then nvm,....all my classmates..ALL!!! was also like me grumblin about it...and moreover our PTN is not there...so what kind of PTN lunch is that...
everyone is unhappy with the decision..alright..maybe i was the one who over-reacted..but what i said..everyone agree..EVERYONE AGREED!!
then went for class.,happen to be my PTN lesson..then i went in with a black face ready to confront the teacher whey she isnt there with us...but the moment i went in, teacher said" chunpei,i heard u are unhappy with the decision" then i repiled" huh, i thought the whole class?" then she said"no lahz...is u only.." then u come to me and say" i know u only like HIGH-CLASS stuffs or food"

WHAT THE F**K!!! HIGH CLASS!! is not about high class not high class...eatin MAc is fine ready...but we are eatin it so pathetic...havin it at those benches for studyhin..18 ppl cramp at 1 1/2 table...like we are beggin for some food...and i am damm angry bout why is it me only...in the first place is the WHOLE CALSS not happy..but no one wants to stand up and agree... makin me like the ONLY ONE not happy..WHAT THE HELL!! teacher not there everyone showed those uunhappy pathetic poor thing face..in front of teacher all like jus joke with teacher..what hyprocrite..and i really wanna know who is the damm culprit who told teacher i was so damm uunhappy!!! damm it...nearly want to cry out ready...idiot..WHY IS IT ONLY ME?? i know it sounds kinda of rebillious..but come on..it suppose to be PTN lunch and she isnt present but she explain why...but why no one in the calss said that they are unhappy as well...why is it me only ? and when i was grumblin then everyone agree...idiot...
slowly startin to be okie and like my class abit..this kind of stupid thing happen!!! guess i am jus bad luck havin 2B/23 ppl as my classmates..guess they feel unlunncky as well....don like my class.seriously don like...haiz...chunpei one and a half year to go...cher and jiayi make me happy k? hehhe..





Woo...listening to Jay Chou - Yi Lu Xiang Bei..Damm nice..hahhaha..Jay chou is so charming!!! gosh...hahahah...alright..alright..shall not talk bout handsome guys anymore....hahha...

hmmm, have been damm hyper this recent days with jiayi and cher...but i guess happy times wont last..i am afraid..actually i am paranoid now...cos when i am too happy..i realise things doesnt last....i am really afraid now..i want to be happy..but i dare not be too happy cos i am afraid i will be too sad later on...like with my gang..we were havin so much fun last year..but guess happy times doesnt last....we were so separated now...although i never really make any effort in meetin them up...but i also don like the feelin of thre are so many things i don know bou them..but guess someitmes jus have to let the happy things go ya..i don know should i say i am happy with my life now..or feels somethin is missin??i don know...
i have been workin recently, after sch i go work...why?
the reason is simple...if i don work, i will be free...i will have more things to think about unnecessary stuffs which i don want it to happen...and it is impossible to meet up with yen wei almost eveyday..and goin down club now seems so meaningless...i don know why..jus feel so...guess the time that i back off is reachin soon..then everyday after sch, jiayi will go home..cher will meet her friends...then if i go home do what? watch tv..suddenly i lost interest in tv programmes...lock in myy room and keep thinkin of stupid things? NO!! i don want the above things to happen...although i can be super super tired from work, but at least it keeps my time occupired for the time being..haiz...but i am glad now that i am always happy with cher and jiayi..i really seriously hope we will stay liek this for long..seriously..*prayin hard*

and for mj...guesss, it always true that it is hard to juggle both friendship and relationshop isnt it? i mean i am not blamin anyone...is just that we did say if really ouyr gang no more, at least still have the three of us...me yenwei and mj...but guess time doesnt allow us to have the chance to meet up...everyone is busy with different things..haiz...yupz...find it kinda of sad..but there is nothin much i can do....


hmm..but suddenly is all my sec sch friends comin back? ARE U GUYS COMIN BACK?? hahha...cos recently i met up with janice...soon to meet up with sheena and ruzaini right? and lucky i am still close to luo they all...they are all myy sec sch frens left so i will treasure them!!! :) cos to me Sec sch is an important period that i have walked passed...i shed most of my tears there, i let out most of my laughters there, i walked thru my teenage life there, i grew up there, i play my first netball there, i seriously first time fall in love also there, when i first move house it was also durin sec sch,when i first started like soccer was also sec sch, when i learn how to cook also in sec sch, when i learn how to saw wood, and polish arylic also in sec sch,everythin new things i learn is in sec sch, receive any awards also in sec sch,sing on stage as a competition also in sec sch, wearin enthic clothes also in sec sch....gosh..i guess give me one night i also wont be able to name all the first things i don in sec sch....
cos sec sch period really accompany me pass thru alot...is not jus short 4 years like any other clever ppl does...but is 5 years for me..1 year extra....so our bond is strong than any other year right? i miss janice sittin beside me...i miss ruzaini's jokes..and him being a Mrs Wee's Pet....hahhaha....i miss Mr Gan....i Miss my first floor class room!!! and i miss my SEC 4 class..the least students in the class...all take history...i was sittin beside salimi that time..hahha..haiz...yupz...

how i miss my sec sch times..

jus a fast bloggin..cos very late..and i wanna sleep soon...met up with my sec sch fren today..Janice!!! hahaa...so long we never meet till today then we met up.... she say i look skinner than when i was in sec 5! but wait...i seriously think i look skinner when i was in sec 5 rather than now..now i think i fat ready...okie..is a comment...
but i feel sad when she says that i arent that radiant and jovial and cheerful anymore.. she says last time i always gave her those cheerful,bright,sunshine those happy feelings..and she said last time i used to laugh and smile alot..i did realise so as well.. last time everyday i was so lookin forward to go to sch and everyday when i reach sch , i will really just greet everyone with my smile...is not that i am so friendly..but i usually the one that look most freshen in the early mornin when everyone will look tired..i will be the one smilin when everyone is yawnin...i will be the talkative one when everyone is jus tired to even talk..but now...not only she sense the change in me..but i do sense the change in myself... iarent that happy anymore,i arent that cheerful anymore...all the troblues are written on my face..why? what happen to me? i don want to be like this..i wany my sec 5 me back!! haiz..miss myself back then..now i understand whats the meanin when everyone says that i am those happy-go -lucky girl..yar...at that pooint of time i really am..but not...i am sad-go-berserk girl...hahahha...
but i still know how to joke..
i also feels that when i am in a conversation with someone i tend to not pay much attention and jus day dream away..haiz...and now i seems more liek the quiet and introvert one towards janice..she is so much open now..cos in sec sch she supoer quiet and shy...if u don t talk to her...she wont talk...she is really very quiet..but now she changed for the better..became more confident of herself and dare to speak up..guess i am alway sthe one who change for the worse..i don wan..how then can i get back to teh me in sec 5?? i miss myself back then...
when the times i always reach sch at the main gate walkin in,waitin to greet my dear classmates and friends and teachers..smilin..not yawnin...keep flashin back...ahiz...

okok..jus miss myself back then...keep thinkin back the old stuffs...hmm..guess all my old frens comin back..hahahah..
alright have been rushin for assignment this whole week..goin to sleep now..wakin up early tml...tired tired..... :(

hey..here to blog again..it has been quite some time since i blog huh...basically lost the interest to blog, to write...cos in my life there is always nothin for me to remmeber deeply...everydays events happen consistently..nothing changes that much..of cos for sch side..i don wish for much to happen..cos i love jiayi and cher..the retarded they are..teh more fun we have..hahaha...have always been retarted recently..anyway suddenly have many assignments due..gosh..by this week./..but yesterdat went shoppin damm shiok..hahha...bought quite some tops and my fav skirt...hahhahha...shiok....

erm...for my gang side nothin changes much..less meetin..less gatherin..less crappin..less fun..everythin less...lesser and lesser...how? didnt want things to become like that...haiz..i don know what to do..

hmm...many things i dont really wanna say cos my blog is quite public..hmm..but can u imagine tellin the person that u don like him/her? i guess the feelin is relieve..hmm...i know it sounds damm cruel...WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME? could i be able to take it?? i don know...i guess i can face that person bravely and more naturally rather than decidin whether to ignore or to respones...guess i am a bad person...yar...

and recently we have the national league that we played... hmm..nowadays i hardly played the full match..only one or two quarther...thats why i told myself...i could only earn myself one or two quarthers...so i must perform well and go all the way...put in my best efforts...so for some matches..although i played one quarther only..i felt satisfied cos i played my best...hehehhe...
oh ya....on that 15th june...suppose to be our meetin...f4's meetin..ahhaha...cool huh..that day...bao came to fetch me and yen wei..heheheh..thanks..gosh...he is drivini...hahhaha...hmm...safe and smooth...hahhaha..no wonder he passed so well!!!yar...lookin forward to meet them soon..

sometimes i think i am a two-faced person? i don know how to describe why i feel this way..but sometimes i do feel it...i don know why...haiz...cos i don konw who i am??

wooo..lah lah...hahha..is so nice be back in school!!!
Cher....Jiayi!!! You guys are always the best of the best...really love u guys alot...hahhha...we have been talkin cock and jokin non-stop....and i love it that way...love how we spend our time together...but sorry cher...we wanted to be with u in music..but in the end we change our path..hahhaha...but we are still crazy!! Yippe!! sch has always been fun with u guys...make me laugh again when the whole holiday i haven been really laughin like,laugh until stomache,until cannot take it...really man!! hahha..thanks huh..Eh..but i contribute quite alot right? hahhaha...
okok..my goldfish eyes,my hilarious laughter,my stupid expression...okok somemore what?? hahahha....okie...love u all...

hmm....2nd week of sch...hmm...many things happen,things cock up, many many things...sheena always mention this phrase " tables turned,people changed" i never once doubt it or thinks that it will never happen...cos it always happen on me...ya..on me...tables turned...turned 360 degree that i cant turn it back..i am sad about it..cher is sad for me...but i cant turn the tables back..really cant...don know why tables turned...hahha...is it that we are too proud bout what we have?maybe we are too proud right? serves us right, right...haiz...don wanna things to turn out this way...but no choice...things jus turn out this way...i cant change right?
cher told me before that "dont let a coin decide my fate" cos i always have been..hahha....
but i now vic is always tryin to meet up...thats why i don wanna disappointed him ...he is a fren to treasure...hehe...right SIR? hehe...
thanks.... :)

weeeloo....back to bloggin..have been a week i haven blog right..cos now jiayi and cher havin lessons again..and i am again in the lab playin games and bloggin..hahhaha...i playin this drum game..damm cool...got this song damm nice..MY FIRST KISS...takuya sang this song in jap version before..damm cool..but it seems like my hands are so retarded..haahah...

then last friday went sun tannin with mary..at some remoted pool..heheh..so cool...we talked alot as welll...ya man..hehe..then after that went to meet vic...wahz...then alot of other ppl came along as well...but after that me,vic,bran and kenny went to eat at far east...i like that time...very good..we talk alot and crap alot..ya man..heheeh..then went back to meet them..then after that my brother join me...hahha...cool huh...is always nice hangin out with my gang...they are fun...thanks...heheh....

cher ..our video not with u..then XTD how? hahhahhaa....oh ya..went to kyeo's blog...hmm..he seems kinda of low...chill k... yeo...in life there is always this period of time when u are down and low...but it will be over soon..jus take this as an experience to be patient and bear with it....is not the whole world against u...is jus that somehow everythin happen at the same time...cool k..ehhehee....see ya soon...

*sobbin*...alone again..hahaha..havin two hours break now...then jiayi and cher is havin lesson...thats the bad things bout different class...hehehe..but jus now in lecture..i really laugh like no one business...hhaaha..i also don know..jus cant stop laughin..but now i am here alone stonnin and saddin..hahha

alright... i was chattin with meijie on the phone..hahha..hmm..talk abuot alot of things...was thinkin and thinkin...i really treasure and love them...i mean we had so so so much fun together..celebrated mj's.vic's,bran's and kenny's birthday together...so is small dan next...what will it be? no more group celebration...i think now they might have the thinkin that we are leavin the group...OF COS i don want .....but somehow things change...right? yen wei seems unbothered by it...mj got ah hua but is stil bothered by it....i am alone...missin them in my poly life, make my poly life seems missin of somethings...cos they are so crazily fun..but somethin is wrong..am i the one havin the problems? maybe....
how come whenever it comes to friendship i always fail in buildin a good one? hmm...jus hope the past come back again..like the way we were last time..had so much fun...prayin hard...

isnt to guys, they see woman as selfish creatures? hmm...ya..maybe woman are...but doesnt it reflect how important woman treat this particular friendship or relationship? i don wish to be seen as selfish creature..tryin to be generous...but sometimes not all things can be generous right? yar...i feel it this way...

Will year 2 poly life still be fun for me??
i hope it will,
cos this is what keeps me goin on....

:)

it has been a long time since i have blog...too many tings..too many things happen since F.O camp...be it bad or good..but i guess somehow it is always on the bad side...i don know what to say..but jus feel utterly disappointed...but thru all this i learn somethings and picked up some things on the ways...
First--> if i have no feelings for that person,like i no longer hate that person,or have any feelings for that particular person,she might have made me boil until my anger reach its climax,but if i no longer hate her or have any feelings, i ujnderstand that she is nothing to me...what she is goin to do or has done wont bother me further...cos to me she is jus NOTHING...yar..thats what i feel...she doesnt have much power to affect me anymore..
Second--> saw how guys treat girls like toys and play arouund...guys are jus so different from girls..girls treasure every little thing..be it friends.boyfriends,family,work friends....to girls everything means alot...but to guys they seems like jus peanuts..nothing...as a girl i pity myself and fellow mates...
Third--> saw how fragile i am and how fierce i could get...but thats the past tense...
Fourth--> learn to be strong...be it in friendship or work...have to be strong.. mayhbe should learn to believe...lost some friends in order to gain better friends..those who left doesnt know how to treasure friends...
Fifth--> in the end, girls will have to depend on girls, relyin on guys is jus a bad choice!
Sixth--> LASTLY, GUYS GAVE ME A BAD IMPRESSION!! hahah..okok..except for the four guys i knew! :)

thru the things i went thru in the end my conclusino for myself is sitll correct...i still ahve to depend on myself..opening up is not something good, friends always tell me off that i never tell them my problems..but sometimes i feel that tellin and not tellin doesnt make any different..so why the need of trouble lettin anoyther into a problem that is none of their business?
gosh..am i becomin more saddist?? am i goin back to the times when i have no laughters? since sec sch, my journey all long have been ups and downs...sometimes i don know what to do to myyself...
but i think i need not fear....
cos sch is startin and i will be able to see JIAYI AND CHER..miss them like hell!!!! they can really brighten my day..i hope so..so many to tell them...hahahha....lets get crazyh again...pls can we? hahahhah...see u guys tml...
a big hug okie? hahhaha :)

Camp ENDED!!!! woooo....5 days and 4 nights camp....give a clap to all the com,GLs,helpers....woo...we endured all the 5 days...in the mornin,shoutin screamimn,playin with all our might...in the night sleepin only 3 hours a day.... havin deeper dark rings...but it is enjoyable and fun..all the cheers and games and SHIM night..and farewell performance....although i might have alot of complain and stuffs but it has ended...so everythin will goes with it...jus hope taht the freshies enjoyed the camp,games..really hope so.... :) but with this camp i become an injured person..first cut on my left ankle,next injuries on my right leg..right at the middle of the leg where it is damm painful only can feel the bone..next is injure my left arm...twisted...wahz..it was damm pain..super pain..then after taht is lost my voice...haiz...but maybe this is a way a camp should be...

this camp only brought me some unnecessary problems..was watchin star wars yesterday, heard a phrase goes likes " you cant bear to lose it thats why u fear to let go" actually i think this is true...if not why we cant bear to let go and keep on clingin on somethin that will never become urs... worse the more u clingin onto, it will only irritate the other party... why not be cool and let go of things that doesnt belong to yourself...so,must be strong and learn to let go...in the end the one get hurt is you and no one else... we can dislike a person in his/her way of doin things, but we can do nothin...we cant go like askin him/her not to do this or that cos we have no rights...no matter how i hate that person we still have to accept the way he/her do their things...we got no choice .......i don know what to say but jus keep in silent firstt.....many things kept inside me.....

hey..peeps..postin again..nothin much..went to work today...workin closin...and my pre-closer was andy...hmm..he improve alot..becomin more hardworkin and all..people like him keep improvin himself yet i did nothin..even at work i felt like i have a competitor..he keeps movin up but i am still there not movin...how can this be? but i am really tired..tired of everythin..jus wish i have the money to jus dump everythin here and go oversea and relax myself...yar..i get to do that only in my dream...

yesterday was the 15th...wooo..our meetin day again..but where's vin? i really super long never see him..guess the last time i saw him was luo's birthday...the next time i gona see him will it be baolong's birthday? woo...that wil be like 3 months never see him..hahha...saw joel yesterday..he super funny..hahha...cannot stand him..heheh....

hmmm....have been watchin show non stop...jap drama..they are short series,touchin and insipring...i like their shows..esp when all teh actors are so charmin..esp takuya kimura..hahhehehhe....and for every show i felt very deeeply for soemtin..i will come to think back to the past sometimes..yar...so many things that i didnt realise huhh...
really..when a train starts movin..there isnt any turnin back for them..unlike a car..u can U-turn anytime u want..but not for trains...wooo....

seriously mood low now..jus had a terrible cry..cos i watch a drama ...very touchin..could still feel my eyes heavy and tired from cryin...hahah...i aint no crybaby jus more emotional thats all...
ANYWAY I AM BACK FROM KL!!! the weather there damm HOT sia..wearin shorts when i goin out..don care ready...but the fun was great...me and rhoda watch terminator until nearly fell asleep...and we always happen to see some censored sence in the tv..hahhahahhaha..thats the funny part..oh ya...she borrowed me her shorts..thanks man..hahha...and the two of us broke until have to eat maggi which is tasteless too...malaysia was funn..we had connector room..cool huh..heheh...but we shut the doors when necessary when sleepin..in order not to hear the guy's snore..hahhahaha...jokin...but to say the truth their room really stink sia...oh ya..and i definitely wont forget the moment that i was in the middle of everyone and they start pokin me..uuntil i really got no voice to shout or laugh or scream...ultimate sia...and i was harass by some little kids...i know they are poor thing..but they scared me off...i went up to the twin tower...malaysia is jus full of buildin and houses and more buildings...ppl there arent friendly..speakin the truth..and their shoppin mall is like never endin...i once saw that the staff od the whole buildin seems bigger than the crowd in the mall..can u believe how big it is...gosh...hahhaha....
oh ya...congrates to BAOLONG...next time i might have someone drivin me to sch huh..hahhaha..jokin...but happy for him..all of us are happy for him...haha..guess he himself also..hehhe...the next one will be kyeo..hahah...COOL!!! YEAH!!!

and jus now somethin goes thru my mind...came back again..gosh...okie ....i am bad...haiz..nothin to say...eyes are heavy from the cryin shall stop here...hehe...

finally here to blog..cos wanted to blog few days ago..but jus didnt... first wanna say I AM LEAVIN FOR KL TML!!but for jus 3 days 2 nights...hahha..but is good enuogh..goin with my gang... yar...but till now still haven pack my bag..hahha..don know what to bring..haha..but i bet kl weather will also be very hot..so not brinin much jeans..not like that time went hongkong..hehe..thats was indeed funn..wasnt lookin forward for hongkong..this time rouund..wasnt also lookin much forward for kl...okie nothin to say botu this...

anyway i will miss my jap drama show..will watch it tonight again before i go sleep..or shopuld i not sleep and sleep in the bus tml..hahhahah...actually quite long never take bus to malaysia le...maybe4 years ago..very long never go back malaysia...hahha...i will miss singapore lahz..hahhah...miss my bed and friends..and seriously this holiday long sia..super long never meet up with jiayi and cher..cher cher jiayi jiayi..miss u guys alot...no one make me laught and laugh..how? hahha..but nvm..we will be in the same class again right..i hope so..hehe...

oh ya...jus read kyeo's blog..hahha..chill k..hahha...some taxi driver are like that one..hahha...and the work "ZAI" right...u guys power lahz..still got energy to go play pool..hahhaha....
okie..will get soemthin for u guys from kl okie..take care..bye :)

gosh...erm..how should i put it in words? to me i think it can be considered a bad dream or scary i should say? haha..i remember this dream very clearly...erm..should i not spell out the name..i really don know..the moment i woke up, sad is what i feel..cos to me it seems like a bad dream....

okok..it goes like me and him(were jus frends in the dream) went to this company to somehow search or do something..then we met our old fren who is his ex...but the funnyy part is, we arent shocked..then after that,i asked her how she is doin and stuffs...then change scene, she and him quarrelled infront of me.. is sort of the girl wanted to patch back,but then he remain silent and motionless... i remember this sentence she said"how come u can like her(which is me)?" he still remain silent...then i think we went off...back to a some sort chalet house? cos somehow all our friends are there....then he sat beside me and told me"hey..can i tell u something..honestly i didnt like u before" then upon hearin it i answered him" then is it bcos i am a close fren of hers thats why .." then he nodded his head.. then this part..i remain silent for a while then threw somethin at him..and broke down in tears..and went off..but i saw myself cryin for quite sometime...
actually the moment i woke up, i was alittle shocked..cos how come i dream of this kind of dream like out of a sudden..maybe it doesnt mean anythin...but still why? it curious me...the moment i woke up, alot of thoughts are in my mind..yar..scared that, that was the truth.. hahha..one word..scary...nothin more can describe that...hahha..yar...really..shocked me..suddenly this dream..
woo...finally said it out here...has been inside from mornin till now..who can i tell ?? hahha..no one.. :)


and i realise maybe i still don know what love is..or should i say how i should love that person..although there are times when i wish i have a acompanion, but to say the truth when it really comes, i guess i wont know how to love,care or do things i should do...and how long my love can continue..it has been erm...around five months plus...and i think i have no feelings anymore...cos jus a normal jap drama can divert my attention..cool huh..i am amaze of myself...maybe this is for the time being..but i don know..if it can distract me now...i think i am an easily distracted person be it in studies,work or relationship..so sometimes come to think of it..MAYBE it is good stayin single..wont scared to be distracted and wont commit that much..YA..the word is COMMIT.hahha...maybe i cant commit into it for too long? hahhaha...being feel down recently anyway..and whole body not feelin well...back ache,muscle ache..arm ache..headache the worse..panadol also cannot cure... hahhaha...

guess it has been soemtimes since i post...it isnt that there is nothin to blog..but kinda of busy..hahah..busy watchin TV DRAMA...gosh i am back into Takuya Kimura..he is damm handsome...superb..very..awesoem..he is super charmin..i mean i don only like him bcos he is handsome..but because he is the only actor that any role he is also able to act....make the role seems so alive..like really put himself in the role and as if he went thru those things...he actin skills superb..i admire him..i love him..hahhaha...how can there be such a perfect man in this world..so handsome..actin skills superb..singin also nice...wahz...the wife is damm lucky..the daughter also..ahhahhai feel that jap drama is very insirpring...every show i watch taught me somethin..and i want to be that character in the show...yar..hahah...now i am havin terrible headache..haiz...and sore throat soon... :(

woo..feelin red..feelin tired..my legs weigh like a 1000 pounds...hahhhahha..
hmm...wanted to post that day but somethin wrong with blogger..nvm..i shall post today and slowly recap what i wanna write..first is....i finally met up with bao and yeo and luo...Oi,peeps i not M.I.A....finished exams..then got alot of things..got camp and work..i never intend to M.I.A hor...wahz..from the moment i met them, they tease me until i say BYE! hahhaha....esp Bao...he never help me..cos he shold know the feelin of kanna teased..but he worse, he took his chancec to revenge...and say me more..hahhah...but nvm...nvm...next year your turn le...i shall say him back..hahha...is always enjoyable to meet them up...with yeo and bao can make me laugh..hahha...and i swear i never wanna tell jokes to YEO...he never laugh AT ALL..not AT ALL!!! :( hahhahhaha...but anyway,really nice meetin them...i think this week they are the one who are busy ....cant meet.wonderin whether on fri we will be meetin...hahha... yupz... met luo too...woahz...he ...haiz..alopt of things...and he ask me to work a one day job..midnight...from 8.30 to 8.30 in the mornin..hahha...wahz..it has been long since i work midnight job..haha..i went with mj..luo is very nice...hardworkin...the ppl then cannot make it ah..hahha...the job damm tough damm tirin...cannnot take it..wonder how luo can take it for more than 10 days..i 1 days already cannot..but luo....what can i say? but to PEI FU him..can bear until so long.. :) good one...jia you then...i really hope the 5 of us will stay in contact no matter what..they are the only friends i left in sec sch and i treasure them...:) eh eh..*yeo if u are readin this, no need to be touched ah...* hahhahahhahahahhhaha..... but i wont tell u jokes!!! :p..... alright...ohya man...13th of may super important day for the 5 of us....whether i got ppl to send me to sch everyday depends on that day..hahhahha..no lahz..kiddin...jokin...but have confident in him!!! :)yeah...

we were chattin again after our trainin yesterday..i realise somethin that i know how to talk ppl round..but i always doesnt use it on myself...but theres a phrase which goes, "said is easier than done" i experienced it i done it...i am someone that jus know how to speak and speak..nothin more...sometimes what i said amazed me..cos never know this stuffs will come out of my mouth..hahah.. i said," what most important and you are happy the way u are now, the tiems u spent, the person u are with, why care and think about future when things wont necessary happen the way u think it will, in stead of wastin time thinkin what future will turn out to be, why not usin it to think how to make everyday a happier one and treasure all your tiem..isnt it true?" no one can actually predicts what will happen in future no one will know what will happen to herself...so why bother thinkin so much and create unneccesary trouble?? when will i ever have the courage to confess, each time i failed to do so cos somehow they happen to be always around me...sometimes i admire girls who are darin but not stubborn...
and why is it always also hard for guys to face their feelings??

woo..realised i never blog as often as i used to last time..i remember i used to blog everyday...but now..i wonder why i didnt...
ppl changes as time goes by..now i understand..been feelin down..sometimes i really wonder how will things turn out to be if things never happen the way...i really didnt realise alot of things in the past...only until now then i realise...realise how important those things were..how much feelings it showed..how much time and effort paid...but to me, it was nothin in the past...sometimes TIME is a very crucial Key...time control everything..control what happen at this moment..control everythin..so i let time pass me by...i let time control me...isnt it suppose to be me the one controllin the time..and tellin it "Hey,i should be doin this now...and this later!!" but i arent that smart enough to do jus that...

read a post posted by kenny in friendster, it says about how certain things stands in ur heart...how important certain things should be..and which should be placeed first and secondary....i think is logical..the story goes like this..
"this professor brought an empty jar, put golf balls inside and ask his students whether the jar is full, the students all repiled YES! then the professor started puttin small pebbles inside...the pebbles all slide in between the spaces of the golf ball, then again the professor asked the students whether the jar is full, the student then again replied YES, then the professor pour sand into the jar..and the sand filled up the empty small spaces and air, then again the professor asked the students whether the jar is empty, then again the students replied YES.... this time the professor pour in two cuups of coffee, and coffee filled up the whole jar.. So the professor asked the students whether the jar is full.. tehn again the student repiled YES!!
the morale of this story is, the GOLF BALL refers to the most important things in our life...ur family friends,love ones, god and things that should be placed FIRST in your heart, the pebbles are secondary, like job,work,money,luxury, and other things,sand are those that stand little in your heart and have very little contribution to your life... so what is cofffee? coffee means that at least in our hectic and busy life we could sit down and enjoy a cup or two nice coffee...isnt that what life supposed to be... true enough..i should learn to placed my piorities correctly..and must treasure what i have now...
life is always filled with ups and downs...i never know what the next moment will happen next..never willknow what will happen to me..never know how long more i could live..never know what my future is..never will know alot alot alot of things...i always ahve to fall down before i could stand up bravely..but when is the time that i could juc stand up bravely without havin to fall down? this i will ahve to find the answer...
and i hate regret..but i always do things that i regret in the end... and now i am slowly thinkin that why should i care so much about how ppl think about me...the most important thing is how i see myself...if i see myself as someone who is good and nicec and kind..then i have nothin wrong...nothin to doubt about...and the secondary important thing is how my loved one see me as? if they think bad about me..then are they still my loved ones? nope i don think so...

haiz..talk to much bout life agtain..arent i naggin? and ya..havent been meetin up with the 4 guys sincee i start flyin..partly i have been up with my stuffs..wonder what they are up to as well?? heheh :)

wahz..damm pissed..wrote a damm long post last monday or sunday but in the end...CANNOT FIND SERVER...what the hell..now i also forget what i wrote ready...
but anyway wanna annouce somethin..
GOING KL for holiday..with my gang..YEAH!!!
yupz...have been thinkin alot...have been wonderin alot...was watchin this chinese drama..and started thinkin..why girls can give their hearts out willingly not hopin for any return...jus hope that the guy will take more notice of her...will pay more attention to her..is jus a small favor to ask from yet guys arent able to do so....isnt that saddening... how can girls give so much yet guys jus treated them invisible...yar...to u she might be ur best budds beset frens...but to her..is different..i feel sad for that girl... i understand how tired she can get...how sad everytime she gets when she keeps on helpin him yet he keeps on hurtin her...how sad when she pays 100% attention on him but he only gave 1% attention of his's to her....is sad how badly he orders her around and how sad she being ordered around... all this are jus what girls usually will do when they fall deeply with someone...

alot of ppl say my blog is always filled with saddness...ya..true..it is always filled with saddness...cos there isnt anythin happy to boost about..nothin happy that i can feel everyday...nothin..absolutely nothin..i mean i am always happy around my friends..but it different u know...different kind of happy...and is true when my friends told me that i always tend ot ppl and never allow ppl to tned to me....yar..i find is kinda of true..cos to me..it seems useless to go around tellin ppl my feelings and stuffs..yet they can do nothin about it...they can jus listen...no advices given...no wise advises...but sometimes one or two wise advises came to me...i appreciate...yupz.. mj always ask me...am i okie? everyday..i bet eveyday i seems not okie..,yupz..i don know..down with some stupid things i guess...hahhah...
but i will allow that person to tend to me if she/he is my very very close fren...then i will not be afraid that i am botherin her or him..hahhahha... am i weird?
hmm...anyway this few days have been in the enrolment thingy..and saw my course ppl..sorry to say..but mostly CANNOT MAKE IT one..aiyo..hahhahah..ahhaha...but this year batch all seems kinda of mature..esp the girls...hahha....wonder why....

applause for myself and cher and jiayi!!! yeah..we finished with our exams!! hurray..wahz..time passed definitely damm fast..really fast..1 year of poly life i went thru..with u guys..definitely somethin i wil regret if i miss out...u guys really turn my poly life upsidee down...hahhaa....yeah..and i seriously hope that we can all get thru to 2 year..i don wanna repeat..pls..pls...lets pray for each other okie...but sad..then no one to make me happy everyday...no sch means no fuun..no u guys means no craziness...how? i will miss u guys lehz..cher go shanghai...we stay in singapore...haiz...hahaha...but this sun we will meet wont we? hehee..huhrray....okie..i will stop bein so mushy..haha

hmm...what to say? i don know...but this few days..i have been ups and downs...funny huhh...i can be alone when i wanna be..and think bout damm hell lots of stuffs..but there are also times i need frens by my side to distract me...yar...things are always so sweet in television..is always present to us so sweet on tv...but in real life..does it really happen?? NO! it doesnt...i don believe so...and why can guys be so cool always acting...quiet..don talk..

okok..sorry...no mood to blog....... continue next time..

woo..is late at night...and i am not asleep yet...hmm..many things on my mind...although i have exams comin up..don mention about it..cos it seems to me like not exams..is so differnt from sec sch..sorry i have been non stop mentioning sec sch...cos i jus cant get it off my mind..to much memories...somehow my work reminds me of sec sch..cos that particular weekday i was workin..then i saw some sec sch girls..hmm..it reminds me of my past...my sec sch times..how i missed it..really missed it..the fun..the netball periods...the time when we maje teacher cry..the times when we talk back at teacher...the time when we really treasure that teacher..the time that we were all punished together..and those real hard netball trainin times..non of it is out of my mind..i miss my netball juniors...and i could jus forget bout huiqi bday..sorry..hahhha...i miss my only mei..hahaa..those navie times we have together..weer glad that all of them proceed on to a good yet tough path..which i believe all of them can make it..okie..enough of my past times..

many things on my mind..some are slowin fadin..some are buildin up strong...there are alot of things i wanna say..but can only be kept in my heart..only i and my diary knows..hahha...and that day i saw ruzaini..hmm...he is the same as usual..but botak..NOT NICE lahz..ruzaini...hahhah...he say my face still as rounnd*bleah* Hey..u guys better treasure this reunited relationship...cos i feels that u guys went thru alot..going around and around searchin for the right one..but in the end still ended up together ...so isnt it fate that u guys should be jus the right one for each other? why stil waste time searchin? jus treasure each other..and cherish what u have..and ruzaini..is time to grow up! always playin a fool..and jokin aroujnd...i mean this is somethin good..always..can make ppl laugh..but also must learn how to be serious...hahha..set ur heart right and don regret this another chance...heheheh...
and people have been askin me what i sound so sad and down?? hmm..do i? hahaa..alright i am..i donknow...jus feels that everythin is jus not right..sometime bad is gona happen...i don know..why i feel so sad and down? i really dont know..is started when ..........but i bet it is gona end soon....yar..alright..next time i try my best to write alot of happy stuffs inside okie?
heheh...i will really try my best...alrigth here comes the happy stuffs..
Television Programme makes me happy..i am distracted for the time beign..haha..
i watch smallville that friday..wooo..power..damm nice..clark super handsome...he seems to have sliim down..but this season lana not as pretty as last three season...don know..but she is still pretty and hot..and this season got this new girl lois...pretty not bad lahz...hehhehe..and chloe is still alive...true enough..she should be dead..cos i cant believe she is dead in the last season..cool..i think this season smallville is nice..waited for so long ..and here is comes..ehhe..but a weird timeslot..and i gona miss alot of shows...like monday...the jap show cant watch cos got exams..tue cant watch again..cos workin..wed the dolphin bay cannot watch go out..thur i don tink can watch..then fri worse...cant watch smallville as well..got camp..ARGH...wahz..immediately after holiday damm pack..damm busy..hahha..but cool..keep me occupy.hahha...then somemore i hope trainin resume as soon as possible..hehee... :)
haiz..okie..i shall stop here huh..but i am bored...damm bored...this few days ...super bored..haiz.. :(

no matter how beautiful a sunset can be,
it stills only signifies the end of a day..
no matter how hard u pray,
moon will never fail to appear..
darkness fall upon u and me...
no one seems to understand us...

hmm...was actually readin thru all my previous post...from before chinese new year...all the way till the last post i wrote...hmm...have been thru many kinds of different feeling..have been feelin down...hmm..guess i am very fake arent i.. i guess i wast really happy oncec.. i mean everytime i laugh..everytime i smile..everytime i try to be happy..all those are fake...are act by me...alright i mean i am happy whenver i am with cher and jiayi...cos we are real crazy..i am happy when i went for the cyclin...i am happy those times...i mean okie...i should phrase it thise way...i am happy when i really am...but the thing that i lack of is happiness...isnt it? i guess i lack of this happiness feeling... all my post are all so saddin and saddin and even worse... never i had a good happy happy good thingy...once i am very very down...but guess i were never very very high...hahha...but there are things that i feel happy about deep in my heart...guess there are already some answer in mym heart...jus that my mind wont want to listen to my heart....i couldnt help it then..hahha...i am stubborn at times...stubborn not to let go....yupz....but things changed isnt it...i shouold learn to let go..if not how am i suppose to continue livin my life?

hmm....had a talk with mariam after our closin which surprisin was damm early...we finished everythin by 11.15....and we sat down waitin for the cab uncle..and thanks to her...we finished damm fast..thanks...we had a talk ....talk about work,sch and of cos relationship....hmm...she asked me"chunpei whats ur ideal age for marriage?" then i repiled"for me i think is 25 which i don think is possible to realise it" that time i was thinkin ya..my ideal age for marriage is 25...cos by the time my child is ten years old i might only be 30 plus 40....still young isnt it...but right after today..i change my thinkin..sorry...i swear i change my point of view damm fast..after watchin the New Japanese Drama "GOOD LUCK" by Takuya Kimura my fav jap actor..he damm handsome charmin...perfect..just the perfect man..i love his hair..hehe...oh ya...after watchin this show..i change my point of view...cos in the show...he is a pilot...hmm...guess everyone have their own dreamin of becomin what they want to be when they grow up..till now i have yet to find mine..but in the show i saw how persistent he could get...and stubborn he is...i mean why he want to be a pilot...of cos he likes flyin...but most importantly, he wants to get all the passengers in the plane arrived to their destination safety...thats what he always have in mind..he has his dreams and is nearin to accomplished his dreams..then what about mine? and in the show...there is this plane technician..a lady...woo..cool...why she wants to become a plane technician? cos both her parents are killed in the plane..thats why she wants to make sure that the plane is safety for take off....yeah...they have their goals in life..they know the direction they are headin...then know what they are doin...they know the reason for their life...they saw how important to work hard and make their dream come true...ya..so now..i am in search for my dreams...

so i was like thinkin bout what i told mariam..." my ideal age of marriage is 25" if i really want to get marry at 25..why am i still studyin now? might as well i quit school and work and inserach for my husband instead right..stupid me...i should have a goal in my life...a goal for me to work towards...always wanted to do somethin meaninful and good...wanted to have a good goal in life...thats excatly what i shold be searchin for...like i bet my frens around me have their goals in life..what they wanna be...i know one of my fren is really workin towards his goal...can see...can feel..yar..why didnt i learn from him?
so sometimes watchin tv means no harm or like what the elders would say WASTE TIME..it isnt..sometimes it makes us realise some important things in life...isnt it?

i have been wastin time thinkin of stuffs that will never happen...why didnt i think bout what i should do and my goal in life?? hahahha...

hmm...did i grow up overnight? hahaha..nahz..jus kiddin...hahha...

lost of memory will change a person,
then allow me to lose memory,
cos i need a change,
a new start in life,
a new goal in life,
then will my life filled with meaninful reason to live on.....

what a weekend...what a day..what a freakin F**king day i had today...argh..argh..sometimes i wonder...why i have to work..it isnt really that poor until i have to work..and my money from work doesnt use to pay sch fees...okie..yar....i am payin for my own expenses...although i still get allowance..but come on..it isnt enough for me to survive..sometimes i jus don understand my parents...haiz..but nvm...suddenly find work alittle boring without mary,sarah and hetty..at least this three i always joke aorund with them...and talk more to them...is always difficult ot work with sally...cos she doesnt work durin the weekends..and i doesnt work durin the weekdays..but i will be seein her this thur..hurray...finally..hahha..haiz...work is super stress and super tired and sujper everythin jus now...super damm alot of ppl..don know why today s many ppl when tml still got sch and work...the moment i step into my outlet...i startin workin workin non stop..and i mean real non stop until i finished..there isnt any time for me to slacck around and day dream..ppl keep comin non stop..haiz..then it seems that i do this, he also say...i do that he also say...why cant u jus make the workin environemtn a more relaxed and happy..and i will be more relaxed and not so stress up in makin any wrong orders..is like to me..helpin must see whether it is the right thin the right position and the right timin....i don know...haiz...workin today makes me feel like quittin..okie..i know i arent strong enough...but tired lahz...come on..i still have to study for my exams!!haiz..i don know..sometime i wonder how come i always so unlucky..always have bad manager..always..levis one the management sucks..coffee bean outlet manager sucks as well....current one...haiz...he don really sucks..but very stern as everythin..always pick on me..i guess i am easily bullied...damm..have to be fiercee next time ah..hahha...haiz...tired..hungry...lazy..tml gona study....

alright..forget what i wanna say ready.. ooooo..i remember raedy...gosh..today i saw the handsome young lions soccer player...gosh gosh..he damm freakin handsome...okie..he is a malay..forget his name reayd..but then he super handsome..tells u..really super handsome..hahahah..aiyo...he seems like the guy in my sch ivp team...hahha...but this national player more handsome ah...hahhahha...super duper handsome..hahahha...cool..okok...later i gona dream of him..haha..no lahz..kiddin...but he handsome lahz..hahah..okie...last time..
he is very very very handsome..next time i will look out when he play...heheh

alright...jus hope everythin is goin to have a happy endin..hehe.. let everyone be happy..
tml no study session with cher and jiayi...no GDTW also..sad..i wanna see YE YOU LI,DUAN YU JIAO and WEI YING QI..*warnin to cher..u better not watch it without us okie!!" hahhahhahaahhaha...miss them...not gonna see them till wed...hahha...study hard okie...!!! :)

and to all my frends havin exams tml good luck!!! :)

oh yeah..finally i am able to laugh and joke and crap..hahahhaha...yippe..yippe....is not that exams are over..exams still have yet to come..but i am happy...cos i finally can heave a BIG BIG sign of relieve..my last assignment for GDIT is done...and done for all...yeah..JAZZIER...lets get JAZZIER...and i am happy is also bcos i love the ad that i drew out..i like it...couldnt imagine i could actually use adobe illustrator to draw that out..amazin and surprising to me...i wonder how i could do it..heehheeh....i love that only piece of artwork i did...cos for my packaing it sucks though...haiz...sorry..but i tried my best..u guys want it to be simple...okie..fine..thats the simplest i can give..maybe my ideas and u guys doesnt match...yar....wasnt very happy in the first place..but everythin is over ya..so now i can wholeheartedly study for my exams..yeah..exams here i come..cher say first time see ppl so happy to study for my exams..ya.to me i am happy...cos if haven finish...it seems like there is still somethin not yet done...then while studyin will ponder bout it...yar...so now is finished!!! hurray..hahahha..
and wahz..i think ahmad approach me at the right time yesterday..i was high in spirits..ahhha..cos i am happy that it is done soon...then he is funny yesterday....i bet ruzaini and sheena must have told him something....then he must have think back alot..hahha..."Oi...is all the past...don bother so much,we will always be frens...cos afterall u guys played a part in my sec sch life...i should say a big endin part huh...hehehhe..yar..."yar..so sort of happy that everythin is solved..yar..ehhehe...
but come to think of it..yar..i am so like him...he walked away from me...and me...i walked away from sheena..i have always said i hate the way he did things and the way he could jus walked away.... yet i did it myself...
gosh..sheena...tables really turned...now is my turn..i always say how i hate the fate that he gave advise yet he broke it himself yet i followed his footsteps...wahz..amazin...i am doin it to sheena like what he did to me...
so i could understand how sheena felt...but i might not be so that important ah..but losin a fren is hurtful enough...then again..i could also understand how ahmad felt...walkin away..reasons for walkin away..somehow i wonder if his reasons is the same as mine? if this is so...haiz..hahahhah.....
oh...gosh..i am talkin about the past again..no no..shouldnt..i should look forward..hehehhe....right?
hmm..yar...i should live a carefree and relax life...why i bother so much? but we are humans..if there is nothin to worry,think or bother about..then we are nothin compare to robots...ppl with heart of metal..right? hmm....maybe i should learn to heck care also...why i so kpo? hahhah...
yeah..so i am happy now..and i want to study hard for my exams...yeah...cher and jiayi..mon...GDTW!!!! "WO TING NI!" hhahhahha...hahhah....

oh ya..and i love this song..YOU AND ME by LIFEHOUSE!!!!hhehhehe...nice nice..super nice... *smilin* smilin*

hmm...today..damm sad..damm..cos wasnt in the mood...monday blues huh..maybe woke up from the wrong side of the bed...nvm...then went school..hmm.school was bored..guess everyone is gettin stress we havin less fun and laughters...i don like....then slack at club today...wanted to go home one..but meetin mj..hmm..then saw kenny...keep arguin with him...always believe what he say but always kanna cheated by him...am i really so gullible or plain stupid? haiz...nvm..oh yeah..thanks Sir(victor)....thanks for his present..my color shirt..hahhaha...nicec stuffs he got huh..hahhaha..okie...happy to see him back..hahha...then nvm...went home..on the way..jasmine..Once my best best fren in sec sch msg me...then she msg somethin like that" to be really honest,i dun feel close to any of u actually,has been like this right from the start" wahz....my i felt damm sad...she mention don feel close to any of us ACTUALLY...then what bout me? the shit and stuffs we went thru..oh so we arent close in the first place...all the time i spent listenin to all her shits..all her stuffs...wahz...i admit..we arent close anymroe now...but in the past we were close...we WERE...but guess she got memory loss...she forget about it...nvm..so i reply her"right from the start? not at all? then she mention after netball we arent close...NO!! is right after netball then we got closer...is after she left school then we got close...is after that so manyy many things happen..and she says"is okie..guess this is life" okie...maybe this is life for me and her..but i don want this kind of life..i don want to be jus close for the period of time then after no more schoolin we became strangers...but i got reasons when we arent close...think back those things she somehow did...she never know...cos i never tell...i was truly hurt by what she said.."don feel close to any of us" wahz..wahz...FINE!!! then what about all the past things...wahz..really damm...what has happen to me for this past 2 weeks..nothin is goin smoothly..ahiz...feel down..depressed...i used to laugh and laugh about...but this week...ppl kept askin me why i so sad? i don know..many things in my mind...haiz..
i think my feelings so damm accurate...everythin i feels or somehow guess...turns up always correct...really damm accurate...haiz..why sometime i cant be innocent and know nothin...
know nothin is better than knowin many things...but cant help it..i feel it...hahhah....i hope i will then..........haiz..
oh ya...bao seems like really wanna perm his hair...huh..don want lahz.z.then i know anyother matthew..hahahha....but now matthew's hair no more curly...hahhha....

i am really angry now..damm angry...don ask me why..i wont say..but i am really angry..shit...idiot..damm it..haiz...argh...why am i so gullible...i hate ppl who never keep to their promises..i hate ppl who failed to do what they said..i hate them..jus simply hate...argh..nothin more to say but damm not happy and angry...why am i so easily bullied??forget it..guess this is somethin i should have done and do and think and whatever earlier...fine..forget...don wanna think..the more i think the more angry i get...haiz..disappointed...one moment thot will be closer...the other moment the ideas were crashed...what is this man? fine...fine...

jus now watch a korean drama...named Lovers In Paris..wooo....why everytime, the actress in the show is so fortunate to have being loved by two handsome guys...really handsome charmin smart lookin..hahha...and whenever the girl is in danger or is sad, either one will pop out and help and lay a hand..and lend a shoulder....jus simply do anythin to make her happy...how nice it is? hhaha...
i guess i also should go find ppl to make me happy..i am so tired ready...guess heart is freezin back again...shall stay as ice until the time us right..tired ready....too tired to think bout anythin..hardly had time to really take a good good rest...nothin beats more than this...i hate it...i hate now..i hate everythin...haiz...i am tired..nothin more to say....haiz..want a good holiday alone...relaxin alone...doin everythin alone jus by the beach..should i jus give this a plan?? sounds like a good idea....yeap...i should...hehehe...okie..great...

liftin my heart up,
without failin to break it apart,
each time it hurts knowin the truth,
each time it pains more than previous,
knowin the truth again and again,
i should have seen the clearer and bigger picture,
let my heart be free again...

haiz..thought will have a great holiday...it wasnt that great either...didnt have a good sleep and long sleep...haiz..then met mj and ah hua to watch movie..to our surprise and horror super alot of ppl queuin for the movie tickets...in the end we ended with no shows to watch and went to eat instead..haiz..then after taht take a bus ride down to airport..then i went to meet kyeo and vin..haiz..luo ah..thought gonna visit jas today..but never...then bao went out with mum...hahha...oh gosh...i might see another matthew if bao gona perm his hair...i told him if he is gona perm his hair....i don wanna see him in sch or no birthday celebration for him...although is still some way to come..aiyo...i wonder whether he will really perm his hair...hope he wont...hahhah...don lahz...then ask yeo whats wrong with him...don wanna tell me..then everythin don wanna tell me...sadded...haiz...last sems i keep teasin bao MIA...now this sems is my turn..i MIA this time...hahahha..okie..sorry...catch up with u guys durin my holidays..YAYA..i know got two ppl FLY ready..FLY hor..happily FLYIN...ARGH!!! hahha....okie lahz..
i made a fool out of myself....by tossin coins in front of crowd..hahhaah...paisehz sia..today went to tampines..but the feelin is weird..suddenly it seems so strange and unnfriendly..haha...east..really very long never step into tampines .....hmm..feelin different...hahha...last time thats was my territory...now...strange place...haiz..

then today we went airport cos mj pick up his dad..accompany her there...then hmm memories of hongkong came back..we went to that check in point where we met early in the mornin on NOV 9th...wow...really...i want to go back to that period..i forever one alhz..haiz..

don know...today i arent happy...cos i am tired,felt shag..cheated and jus unhappy....haiz...stupid me...
and somehow today to everyone that i msg..thanks to them..ALL NEVER REPLY MY MSG!!!!!!! haiz..fine....shut my phone up....bye...

yeah..my color again...hmm..my new blogskin nice?? i felt that is pretty not bad huh..hehe.. okie...hmm...hmm...what to say? what to blog...happy things come and go jus like that..like a click...sad isnt it? why cant jus happy things stay as long as it could...stay as long as i want it to be? why? i don understand..we sacrifice so much jus for that bit of happiness..and it jus last for that moment...then is that sacrifice worth? have to think bout it..... sometimes when u thought those ppl who will help u on the way....but i was wrong to think that way....in the end, it doesnt seems to be...my wishful thinkin..... hmm...didnt know my poly life wil be full of ups and downs..downs and ups...thought i will jus lead a lpw profile,borin poly life...but soemtimes is good to be involve...thats what sch are also for...but being too involve isnt that good either...haiz...

there are so many things in my head,my mind...every seconds free, i will tend to think bout somethin...but never get an answer for it...haiz..yupz..

hmm...felt sorry for jasmine..somethin bad happen to her...she were once my very very very best fren..and i was sad that somethin big happen..but i guess she was strong enough to handle it...but i stil feel sad for her...she is always actin strong on the outside..but insidee..i can feel she is super fragile...haiz..jus hope everythin will goes smoothly for her down the road.....

tml holiday!! hurray!!! hahha...

wahz...once again very long never blog..cos not in the mood as well..but why i blog today? Cos wanna say a big HI to kenny and ah hua.... hahah..okok..chat in my tagboard....make me laugh since ah hua say i look so depressed... heehehe...then i will be retarded today k..keep laughin while i blog k...hahahha....hahahha...okie..no lahz..anyway, haven been bloggin too..guess lose the interest and mood to do so? no idea...see...jus now i got alot of things in my mind but cant remember now...wait ah...okie..lets say bout today...i watch the Mr fighting...hmm, dont understand why when fall in love with each other but DONT want to be together....i don know and don understand whats stopping them from droppin of each of their ego,pride to just walk a step forward...weird...cos i realise and finds that it aint easy to find u like and at the same time like u too...i find taiwan drama also have a way of grabbin attention...good story,filmin and actors and actress..while singapore drama are more of homey and family-like..like the recent last episode --you are the one-- i think meili gets her mr charmin in the end..cos she has a heart of gold.. if i were to chose which i wanna be...i will wanna be meiman...cos got a successful carrer and a caring husband...thats just too perfect....okie...enough of television...
lets talk bout Meijie's birthday then....thought it will be a whole group's gathering...but someone never turn up...hahahha....the sushi was horrible as in the food was alright..is jus that i ate alot...take and eat ...take and eat..hahhaha...but was nice...then we make mj eat sushi with quite alot of wasabi..she nearly cried...poor her...hehe..so next victim watch out!!! then after that at night, i bought a cake back and we celebrated it at the esplande and talk alot of crappy things...my face was damm red ....i could feel the heat..hahahha....i think wei is also alittle high that day..hahhaha....then after that me and mj still hang out for awhile...walk down orchard...guess we talk alot..alot...wait for the NR6 superb long...long...then super tired...thats was Meijie's birthday....hope she enjoy...
anyway, i don know whats wrong with me this few days...really think alot..always thinking of the negative side...thinkin of somethin bad...thinkin of this and that...always worry myself for nothin...guess mj is right..i cant go around pleasing everyone..then who wil be the one who please me? not tryin to say i am very good or whatsoever..guess i shouldnt interfere so much......jus live my life....life that i am happy with...
and today monday's blues...me and cher was alittle moody...but jiayi wasnt..anyway,is good to see her not moody..i rather see her lame crap then moody..hehehehehhe....love them to bits man..cos our MORG assignment is quite cool..We are on TV..superstars arent we? hahahha....they always make me happy..we always crap damm alot...therefore i really wished i dont forward my module..pls pls pls...i don want to forward...even i want to work hard now also no use..cos this test i confirm flung...and don have theory test for this..pls ...i wanna be with them the whole three years..is always tiring to get to know new friends..over and over again..so pls let me be with them..pls pls...
okie i am down again...down down down again......

--kenny,hua....my entries long anot? hahhahhahahahaha.....oh ya..today's poker game was damm fun!! we played somethin out of nothin..hahaahaha....great... :) and saw nette today...................is it me or her? am i too sensitive or what? felt somethin missin.........................
okok...shall stop here....back to my OC indiviual presentation this wed....argh..argh..talkin about soccer..any tips...tell me...hahahha....

Memories is a bridge leading to the jail of loneliness,
i could even hear that loneliness is laughin at me,
nevermind the surrounding,
nevermind all the people,
cos after the rain,
i could see a rainbow above the sky.
no more sunsad...
no more hanging moon...
happy things will fall upon you and me...

hmm...it has been some time since i blog...actually wanted to blog long time ago..but jus don have the mood..even now..i don even have..but guess wanna write down some feelings..hmm..since last friday..alot of things happen...really alot...i can hardly breathe..but that saturday has been deeply captured in my mind..and remembered in my heart...never will i forget that day..how long since i am really happy...hmm....have a social event thingy at east coast...then me and mj cycle to the bedok jetty there...we talk and talk..then suddenly the green gang came to the bedok jetty...was really purely concidence...woahz...hahha...cool..then we cycle off together...not back to the chalet..but we cycle further down...we cycle all the way to changi aiport there..damm cool...i was cyclin behind mj,ah hua,kenny and victor...then they cycle in a row..wow...really that picture is captured in my mind...is very nicec...although is only the back view..with the sunsetting as the background...wahz..really beautiful...thats is when i really feel happy..cos somehow nothin bothers me..jus cycle and keep on smilin talkin joke and crappin...i bet our story can film into a nice touchin teen movie..hehe...i cant really describe that feeling...is like with the gang is always so fun adn carefree...i really love that times...is somehow like we are back in hongkong..wahz...damm cool...then we went to see the airport take down..then we were there to guess which plane will come next...i bet on quantas..hahahha..cool..kenny is the bookie...tell u..i can never find anyone as crap as him..can talk to himself on the phone...he is really one crapper..but funny..really funny..i were laughin till my stomachache..ahhha..cool...they really always have way to make me laugh..esp kenny...is really nicee cyclin with them...after this happy period came the sad one..really sad...mj first time see my shed tears..cos i am tired ready..really tired...haiz...but i hope things are fine and good..really ..for both sides..and i am bothered and sad by somethin said ......really..didnt meant to be one...haiz...then moreover manu match was a bored...not excitin and nevertheless was i in the mood to watch...nvm..then after that...we went night cyclin again...heheh...cool huh..this tiem wei finally join us..yeah...yupz..then we had kenny to led the way...wonder soemtiem why he ride so fast...hahha..then i feel the scary part is when we were at geylang..wow!! indeed a night out for me...saw many ah pehs..and uncles there..gosh..didnt know it was so crowded and many ppl there at that late hour...was alittle scared...really...luckily i was with the gang..then after that we went to eat YU TIAO,DUO JIANG...nice nice..really nice...then we ride off again..to esplande..heheh..cool..so quiet there...thought back alot of things..the first time i went esplande ....... the first time i spent into esplande library....the first time i shot my first movie at esplande..the first time i went there to watch fireworks on national day at esplande..the first time i drink there at esplande..the firstt time i wander aorund esplande...woo..alot of things..really ....the most deep impression was the first time i went esplande library..the library damm cool..haha..then we rested awhile...saw how shag my brother was...bet he hasnt been sleepin well for the week...saw how sad mj is...haiz...saw how emotional everyone is...includin me...then we went back...we went to ah hua house for a 2 hour nap but in the end landed ah hua gettin a scoldin..heheh...i slept on the sofa..hten when i woke up...ah hua's dog was beside me...i was shocked...then it came crawling up on me...i have no choice but to use the pillow to slide the dog down the sofa...he isnt scary like other dog..cos it doesnt bark...it cute..hahha..then early in the mornin me and mj went back first...wahz..the first timr i feel that it is freakin cold in the mornin..really cold until i cant cycle..was like freezin...first itmr..then after that we went to sentosa..me,mj and wei and of cos with two of my retarded...hehe..yeah..that saturday cyclin will be deeply remembered..for me .i will really treasure the memories..it is also the first night cyclin i had..haha...yupz..


yesterday's memories became
today's burden....
tml's wish is still far for reach...
never knew the power of today...
cos every minutes can change a thing...
sometime,jus have to stop and think...
things wont turn out so bad ......

hey..what am i doin here at this hour? should be in school at this time..hahha..but i never go sch...oh gosh....guess how lazy i can get....haiz....but nvm..am here to blog about somethin....
haiz....i don know whats gotten into me this few days..seems like i arent myself...i guess tired isnt the reason anymore....guess my mind is back into thinkin and more thinkin....mj really trigger back some past memories...didnt realise it until she mention it...and didnt realise how bad am i...gosh..even i cant forgive myself....how else am i suppose to be forgiven....guess liking wont last...and tired of a No ending,ending....whats the use of likin anyway? when there wont be any ending...only waste time lookin out for that person....only wasting time to make him happy...only wasting efforts to impress him....hmm..i think in the end is jus purely a waste of time..but if in the end get to together..then congrates...but theres a chinese song that goes like this... "I am tired of the NO ENDING,ending...in the end we are back at the same point again" yupz..isnt it quite true...am i too persistent to keep on hangin onto a No ENDING thingy...yupz..i think feelin is slowly fadin....and i wish it fade away soon....but i know right now i still care....at the very least i still care....
i know i got alot of things to write last night..but it was jus too late to write last night cos i reach home at 1....we at kallang playin a friendly and had some physical trainin..then in the end i never take a train home...i took a bus home..my second time takin bus no. 80....i remember my first time takin bus no.80 was took startin from sengkang all the way to the endin point harbour front...then take back again...thats was my first time sittin on a bus ride from one end to the other....hahha...that was a funny experience though...took it with one of my fren...but yesterday, the ride home was quiet and could see the outside cos it was pitch dark....alot of things ring a bell in my head now...guess i still love the sec sch periods...i no need to put up a face infront of ppl i don know in sch...cos in sec sch,almost everyone know each other..so everywhere i go...i jus put up a smile and say HI..but in this sch...i gave a look, and walked away....Wahz..how unfriendly am i..... that shouldnt be..hahah..hmm..anyway,suddenly things came crashin back....have yet to take a breath..guess tml i will catch my breath while spendin some time alone....guess i am thinkin too much again...stupid me...

never knew the truth hurts,
never knew the reason is useless,
never know how stupid i can be,
ruinin somethin i couldnt,
but no use thinkin again,
cos i couldnt turn back time.
happy the way it is now,
happy that we are happy now.
smilin everytime,
hidin the sorrow in me....

hahha..arent i talented to write this stuffs..hahhahahahhahaha....no lahz..jujs jokin...ojkok...enjoy my short poems...things around me gave me inspirations for all the poems i wrote .....:)

wooo..never blog for so long..yupz..busy is once thing...but nothin to blog is also another thing...is sort of boring to blog what i did today...like i say..who the hell wants to know..if only the day,somethin special happen? or i have some strong feelings or somethin in my heart i really feel like screaming out!!! now i do....
been talkin to mj and wei yesterday about some stuffs....we talk bout our past...our hongkong trip...everything...talkin back again brings me back to some stuffs..suddenly i feel like goin back to sec 5 ...not for my friends this time...for somethin i regret doing...YAR...now i regret....regret for not being consistent...cos i might never know the outcome...and now i will never....now i deeply felt the phrase which goes like"u will only regret when u really lost it" yar...i am regretting now....but isnt it abit to late or very late for me to realise..hahhah..what a joker am i..never knew how much things we went thru and time spent...now i realise how much i missed...now i realise the interruption of some stupid asshole ruin everythin....but why it took me so long to realise what i have really lost? sincee yesterday talk...the memories keep flowing in my head..remindin me how much and what we went thru...i am not thinkin of what...but the memories flew back again...actually,never once did this memories came flowin back...after so long..this is the first time...funnny how...i think is bcos mj asked me that question...it caught me thinkin...today i am thinkin ...yesterady i was thinkin it to sleep....and saw how foolish am i...but it has gone...became a past which cant be changed..and maybe there is really always a reason behind somethin that had happen....i shall knwo it someday or i will never know...
see what i meant by gettin tired of always fallin in love which there wont be any outcome, cos the feelin inside started to fade.....cos time fades everythin....i believe so...only how long u take...long,short,fast,slow....up to u....for me..i guess it takes a long time...although feelings haven faded totally...but it is fadin slowly...maybe i realise soemthin that makes my feeling fades....always never had a good endin when i like someone...so it gettin tired again..once my heart was made of ice..but now is slowly icin up again...maybe is good icin up again...cos is always tirin to love someone...and always hurrt to know the truth...is always sad to know that i am not good enough....see..suddenly feelin so much...hmm...guess feelin this kinda of things are really unexplainable...searchin deep and never will find an answer....curious to find but always end up disappointed...whats got into me feelin so emotinoal once again....
mj read my blog and say she read alot of sad stuffs..yar..truthfully speakin, it hard to find me writin somethin happy really happy about myself...cos all things happen aornd me arent what i thought it could be at least mostly arent .....but was hapy seein how happy my retarted ones are(jiayi and cher) they area always the one that really make me happy....and jus hope that green gang and netabll gang be happier again...and i haven been meetin up with F4 for so so so long..guess is time to meet up soon..i hope i will stand up again....

things never occur to me,
never did i knew ur existence,
it took me 2 years to see the truth,
took me 2 seconds to realise the past,
took me 2 days to refresh the memories,
took me 2 minutes to remember u....
that hold on to me....
but things are happy as the way it is...
cos this is the best endin it could ever get....