sometimes, human just disgust me that much.....

first time i am sitting upright, writing my post, normally i will lie on my bed and finish up the post. because i am gonna do some focus work after this post. this topic over and over again. how can life be perfect? how can a person be perfect? how can just anything be perfect? there must be some imperfection to shine the perfection. nobody can be perfect in this world, neither can i. no matter how unfortunate i think i am, there are always more unfortunate people out there comparing to me. no matter how unlucky i think i am, there will always be people that have worse luck than me. no matter how unhappy i think i feel, there bound to be people that is feeling 10 times worse than me. but they are still able to make the best out of it. they turned their unhappiness into something that can make them happy. probably, i should learn to be like them. using all my unhappiness to work on something that will make me happy. then this question dawned upon me, what is the thing that can make me happy? wow! such a simple question, i seem to have problem answering it, then how can i be happy? haha... but never mind, i will still learn. i believe, 1 day i will be happy!! 

"is interesting how people sees you" -- quoted from her. yes, i thought that was rather interesting too. from the mouth of strangers', acquaintances' or even friends, to see what they think of you then ponder about it myself, if i am really who they describe. is not about very bothered by how people sees me, but is more of curiosity. how do i fare in peoples' eyes.  but never did it occur to me that, perhaps because i have grown up and perceive things in a different way. i just always want to put the blame on the incident. but probably it isn't of the incident, probably the timing is just coincident. maybe... it never dawned upon me as " i have grown up!" until a friend of mine reminded me. ah... then it really might be because i grown up and see things in a different way, and are exposed to more things that deemed to be reality and realise fairy-tales doesn't exist, then i became more depressed because reality is killing. i think maybe.........

i said before, the most scariest thing in my life, is when i realise i lost myself. i lost who i am.. i lost knowing how to be me. i lost myself in this cruel reality. in my previous post, i mentioned about chasing things, then now i asked myself, why am i chasing some things in life that i hate? could it lead to a good deed in the end? ............

*i am used to being alone*