sometimes i feel myself behaving like a wavy graph.....

i know that i have changed much since. i know that, there is a period of time where i love my change. i know that my change is definitely for the good. but now, i am starting to doubt myself. once i was just anybody out on the road, then i found myself, being myself, was happy about myself.  now i think i am stranding out in the world, losing myself, can't get hold of myself. now, i think i am lost. when a person gets lost, they have a choice. either left or right, front of back? but i don't see any directions in front of me now. i am lost in a desert where no directions seems to be the way out. i felt so helpless, depressed and tired. walking all the while in this never ending desert, when will i find my way out?

depressed? i believe i am. i feel like putting a halt to whatever is happening to my life. i don't enjoy working anymore, i don't enjoy hanging out with friends anymore, i don't enjoy anything in life. my brain is not working, not thinking, not operating, not functioning. where is it that out of 10 things i did, 10 things seems all wrong. 

give me my dreams, give me guidance that it is workable. lead me there, and i will show you how serious and focus i can be and will be. why am i walking away from being a true libran? probably i should really take a break, probably this will be the best for me....

it is hard to find someone that really really really understand you or really really really know how you feel and what you are thinking. probably 1 in a billion. friends are good, they could be a good tool to enlighten me about something that i never thought about myself, but never 1 really know how i really feel. probably the problem lies in me? never truthful about my feelings ... never really allow anyone to understand my thoughts... never allow anyone to step in-depth..... probably is just me.............

things will be simpler if i am simple.....

sometimes i wish to get out from singapore badly....

perhaps i am born to be independent, born to be alone, born not to have feelings attached. if there is really a chance to get out from singapore, i will be the first definitely. i know everywhere got its pros and cons, i know no place might be better here. but i don seem to have strong feelings attached here.  or perhaps, you want me to rank anything, probably family will be my last. was this feeling some kind of side effect that is happening to be now? 

bottomline is i really want to get out and get away. away to someone perhaps to grow up myself...

is going to be a short one, because i need a place to vent.

i know i am wasting my time and getting away from my passion and dreams. but there is so much that i want to do but nothing that i can do. i cannot guarantee that i will do well in fashion but i know i will bring it on any challenges that comes with it because that's my passion, that's my interest. i know in working environment, everywhere gonna be the same, same type of people that can't wait to see you fall, same type of people that thinks that you are a bloody nerd, same type of people that think you know nuts... i know everywhere gonna be the same. same kind of working process and channels of marketing but different target audience and market. All this i know it. But i just can't seem to bring interest into what i am doing now. i thought i want to learn the rope of marketing. But once you step into marketing place, there is not much you will know, but is more of you finding it out. 1 year passed, i dare not say i know what marketing truly is about but at least the main basic is that marketing is to listen to what consumers want. this is my interpretation. 

my social circle is so small and tough to expand but i know i have to try to expand. only then i see some opportunities coming in. i touched my heart and asked myself where do i want to be? i replied :" i want to be in fashion!" going to be a tough road but perhaps a happier road? 

nobody understand how delighted i am when i see nice beautiful dresses, clothes, skirts, shorts, shoes, bags and be it the genders and of cos not forgetting babies' wear. i get all excited and hype to look at them, how beautiful they are. nicely designed, the details, the silhouette, the shape, the colors, the whole look of it. 

so what am i suppose to do now?

i have been wondering to ask everyone a question: " what do you want to be?" , "how far are you away from reaching to where you want to be?" and why do you want to be...?" . it could be interesting to find out. 

*how i wish there will be a Luke Brandon that appear before me: :yepps: :)