coming to an end to another month, how times flies. starting from 2009, i started questioning myself. the question why am i doing this? why am i here? why am i not a happy person? why did it makes me feel so stupid? why why and endless why!! today i said :"why is my determination not strong to just do what i like, instead to end up yet in another shitty job?" probably this is fate. probably i have to go a harder way in doing many things in life.
i never felt lucky before, because i didn't dare to.
i never felt happy before, because my sadness overcome my happiness.
i never felt fortunate before, because all misfortunate happens to me.
i never felt satisfied before, because i am doing all the craps.
i never felt life was meaningful, because i didn't meet anyone.
i only felt lucky, fortunate and meaningful after i had myself a wise dictionary. things will be different if i hadn't choose this path, things will not be so tough if i choose an easier way out. i am just challenging myself to see how far i can go but to realize i am still a libra. A libra that yearns for peaceful and harmony life, that hates betrayal, back-stabbing and arguments. maybe i am just not cut out to do something big which i always think i am capable of. maybe i set too high expectations on myself. maybe i am just suitable for farmer's life. sounds very disheartening isn't it? i am not that weak, but the people around me make me nauseous, disgusted and irritated. i just have a very simple wish, is to work harmonious, how come it seems so tough in every organization. ya, maybe being a teacher will be the easiest way out for me.
there are just too many unpleasant incidents in my life that makes me sick!
and i shall end with this statement after the horrid incident that my fren encountered : " Men are horrible & heartless creatures " --- defensive barrier against them.... what is love?* not edible food??!!* hahaha...
